Promising today, p.13
Promising Today, page 13
The idea of her so connected to another man brought a sour burn to Jude’s stomach.
“I lost myself in our dynamic. I thought my needs and boundaries didn’t matter. And he assured me that by not having them, by letting him dictate what I ate, what I wore, who I hung out with . . . how my body was used and who used it.” Nova curled in on herself, crossing her arms over her chest. “That made me a good submissive even if I didn’t want that myself because he knew what was best for me and I just needed to trust him.”
Jude’s hand clenched in anger. That was not what a Dominant believed. Brooks was a predator. Submissives were the ones who drew the boundary lines and a Dominant made sure to color inside them. A good Dom had their submissive’s best interests at heart.
“That’s not how it’s supposed to work.” Jude’s voice scraped from his throat.
A small, sad smile curved up the corner of Nova’s mouth as she looked at him. “I know that now. And the fact that you do too proves you’re a good guy.”
He looked away, unable to hold her trusting gaze while she continued.
“What I regret most is that I didn’t say something sooner, that I didn’t stand up for myself. I’d let him strip me of all my self-worth. I was nothing but a slave to his whims. A toy he could control. And no one in my life knew. I was utterly alone.” Her jaw tensed. “Then he died while he was deployed.”
“He was in the military?” The comments her family made suddenly made sense.
She nodded. “And the day of his funeral, I met a woman I didn’t know. The man I was going to marry had a whole other life while he was away on his ‘trainings.’”
He gritted his teeth.
“She had his collar on, just like the one I was wearing.” Her voice came out a whisper.
A collar in the BDSM community was a big deal. Many believed it more a commitment than even marriage. His chest squeezed. The betrayal Nova must have felt.
“Luckily, my brother had some tools in his truck. Ricky didn’t ask me any questions—just helped me get it off. I threw it in his grave.” She laughed but there was no humor in it. “That’s not even the kicker. I’d just found out I was pregnant the week before the funeral.”
Her words were like a sucker punch to his gut. The immense situation she’d been put in was heart-wrenching.
“I was trying to figure out how I was going to raise a whole-ass child while I was just trying to pick up the pieces of who I was. Who I’d lost. He’d taken over so much of my life I didn’t even know how to exist without him.” Tears shone in her eyes.
Jude squeezed her hand. “You don’t need to tell me this.”
She nodded. “I do. I need to finish it. I’ve never told anyone this. And you showed a piece of yourself to me last night. I know that makes you feel unbalanced. Maybe knowing this part of me will help you not feel so alone.”
And just like that, she’d stolen the very air in his lungs. Everything he thought he knew about Nova, all his intel that made him question her motives was gone. This woman was genuine. She’d been through hell, been victimized, and yet she was strong enough to take back everything that had been stolen. She was a warrior—a survivor. Just like Sal.
Jude wrapped his arms around her, pulling her onto his lap and cupping her face as he stared into her teary eyes. Even now she was fighting, trying not to let those tears fall. He wished he was worth it—and he could be. He’d be a better man for her. And he’d start, right now. He might not have done right by Sal but he could for Nova.
“I’m listening,” he encouraged her.
“I couldn’t be a mother. Not when my life was falling apart. Not when I would look at the child and see the man who’d cut me so deeply. And I know what it’s like growing up with your father’s shadow.” Something dark rose in her watery gaze. A glimpse of old bone-deep pain erupted and her face contorted before she shook her head and closed her eyes. A few beats passed before she opened them again, only a shadow of her hurt still lingering. “I couldn’t do that. I’m not as strong as my mother—biological or adoptive.”
She’d never mentioned her biological mother. And there hadn’t been much in her file on her either besides the fact that Cynthia Addo was deceased. He should press for more, find out the information that could help him—but this was about Nova. She needed him to listen. If he took advantage of her now, was he really any better than her ex?
“Do you regret your choice?” he asked, carefully.
She blinked, a lightness coming to her eyes. “No. I don’t . . . I’ve never wanted to have children of my own. That isn’t my path in life. And I know what it’s like to grow up in the system. I mean, I saw a short stint of it, but that was . . .” She swallowed, staring off into space like memories were playing through her mind. She winced. “Bad enough. I would never have put a child there. Some might think me selfish, but it was my decision and it was the best choice for me. I don’t regret it.”
“I’m proud of you.”
“Why?”
“Because despite that predator doing everything he could to break you down, you rose from the ashes. You took back control of your life. You’re so much stronger than you realize.”
She sniffed, twin tears finally breaking through. “I was betrayed by the man who’d promised me forever. By the man I gave everything to. And I still feel broken. Like I can’t connect with anyone like that again . . . but you . . . you wake up a part of me I’d thought long since buried. You remind me of all the good that comes from letting go and being in that dynamic. It wasn’t all bad—not in the beginning. You make me want to try again, and that scares the shit out of me.”
“Me too. Me fucking too.” He wiped her tears away, leaning his forehead to hers. “Thank you for telling me this. For this gift of knowing you.”
“We all have things we’re ashamed of in our past, Jude. But we can choose differently every day. It’s not too late for you to walk another path too.”
He wanted to believe it. She gave him that courage—that warm hope that bubbled inside him.
I should tell her. Ask her what I need to know. Nova would understand.
Would she though? She’d just told him how betrayed she’d been by a man who’d promised her commitment of the highest order, both in life and their dynamic. If she found out why he’d come here and what his original plans were—she’d shut down. She’d push him away, and then he’d fail her.
“Such an optimist, Freckles.”
She chuckled and swatted his chest playfully. He embraced her, and breathed in her scent from the crook of her neck.
“Whatever you say, Daddy.” She giggled.
The use of the honorific tugged at something inside his chest. It was time his plans changed. Jude needed to find a way to tell her the truth. To show her he wasn’t like Brooks. If it was just him on the line, he’d tell her now. But this was much bigger than both of them. And Jude had a mission to accomplish. There wasn’t much room for feelings or getting soft. Not when everything hung in the balance—not when it was life or death.
20
NOVA
Nova dusted her hands off on her shorts, leaving dirt streaks behind. She stood, stretching her stiff back. Weeding was hard work, especially with the hot sun beating down on her. She wiped her sweaty forehead with her arm.
Musical tones from her phone sounded. She pulled her cell out. Unknown caller.
She clicked the answer button.
“Hello?”
A hum of background noise greeted her, but no one spoke.
“Hello?”
Still no answer. Nova’s skin pricked as her gaze wandered to the woods on her side. She ended the call and put her phone back in her pocket. Probably a wrong number.
“Here. Drink this.” The deep voice came out of nowhere.
She jumped, clutching her racing heart. “Jesus! Do you have to sneak up on me like that?”
She whirled around, her mouth instantly dry. Jude stood, bare chested. His smooth brown skin was shiny with sweat, highlighting each dip and ridge of his toned stomach. A trail of dark, curly hair led from his navel down the center of the deep V of his abdomen, disappearing into cargo shorts hanging low on his hips.
“Nova?”
“Hmm?” She bit her lip hard.
“Drink.” He forced the water bottle into her hand.
“Why are you so worried about my hydration?”
“Because you don’t do it nearly enough.”
“I drink plenty.”
“Water, Freckles, not soda or hot chocolate or sweet tea. You need plain old water.”
“Yes, Daddy.” She smiled as she took it, unscrewed the cap, and downed a few gulps. The ice-cold water a complete contrast to the heat of her body, yet it did nothing to quell the fire of desire he stirred up in her.
“Good girl.” He gave a satisfied smirk.
She grinned as she flung her water bottle forward, still holding on. Icy water flew out of the top, splashing over his chiseled chest.
Jude flinched and then glared at her. “What was that for?”
She shrugged. “You looked hot.”
He wiped his face with his forearm, a sly smile curving the corner of his mouth. She had yet to see a full-on smile. That was a challenge she wanted to win. This guy needed to loosen up.
I know just what to do.
“How much more work do you have?”
“Just finished up with your dad. Thought I’d come see if you needed any help?”
“I have a delivery to make. Why don’t we go shower really quick and then head out?”
“Okay.”
She nodded and headed for the house.
“Hey, Freckles?”
She stomped her foot and spun around. Admittedly, the nickname didn’t really bother her, but it was a matter of principal. “Yes, Daddy?”
The heat in his gaze was enough to put the August sun to shame. “Don’t think I’m letting that little display of water fun slide. You’ll pay for it later.”
She tried, she really did. But it was too fun to push his buttons. And it wasn’t like he’d made a move to do a single damn thing about her taunts to date.
“Promises, promises. More big talk and no follow-through.” She winked and sauntered into the house, his gaze burning a hole through her the entire walk back.
She swallowed as she closed her bedroom door, her skin flushed and tight, but it wasn’t from the summer day. No, Jude woke the submissive brat inside her, and that was the most dangerous thing of all. She was never more vulnerable than when that secret part of her emerged. She’d locked that piece of herself away for so long, but maybe it was time she was let out to play.
An hour later, Nova walked into the Shattered Cove retirement community’s recreation room. Everyone in there was old enough to be her grandparent or even great-grandparent. The women outnumbered the men two to one, and that made for some interesting love triangles. This was one of Nova’s favorite places to visit. She didn’t have any grandparents, but here, she’d been taken in and treated like family by every single person, especially the four women she’d lovingly dubbed “the Golden Girls.” She’d even won over Roger, the meanest grump here.
Nova led Jude into the center of the space. Off to one side, a few couches surrounded a blaring TV with Mary in front of it. The place smelled of fresh flowers and Old Spice—an interesting mix, but it worked. A few comfortable seats were spread around the room, as well as a card table and other spaces for games.
“Clara, hold your pearls, our favorite girl has brought us some new man candy,” Loretta said, adjusting her pink curls on her head. She pivoted in her chair at the card table, moving away from her best friend, and gave Nova an open-armed welcome.
Nova hugged her.
“I think I might need some extra insulin for this one.” Clara looked wide-eyed at Jude as he surveyed the room.
“Oooh, who’s the new guy?” Betty skirted over, playing with her long beaded necklace over her magic shroom T-shirt.
“I called dibs!” Loretta elbowed Betty.
Nova laughed. “This is my friend Jude. Jude, this is Betty, Loretta, Clara, and Mary is over there by the TV. But she’s hard of hearing, so you’ll need to shout for her to hear you. These are my Golden Girls.”
Jude gave them a nod of greeting.
“Oh, he’s the strong, silent kind. Just my type.” Betty winked.
“You don’t have a type except breathing and willing to put up with your wrinkly ass,” Loretta teased.
Betty shook her head and looped her arm through Jude’s. “Don’t mind her, handsome. She’s just jealous I stole her date on Friday.”
Jude looked to Nova as if to ask what the fuck is going on?
She giggled. “Betty and Loretta are both dating the same man—Alfred.”
Jude’s eyes widened.
“I think we’ve stunned him speechless. You think us old gals can’t handle a beefcake like you? I might be retired, stud, but I most definitely am open for business.” Betty smiled up at him with humor in her gaze.
“I appreciate the offer. But I kinda already have a girl of my own.” Jude slipped his other arm around Nova.
Nova gulped as butterflies erupted in her belly. It’s just pretend.
“Awww. Our Nova finally got herself a real man! She’s all grown up.” Loretta beamed.
“Who got a man?” Mary stood up from the TV and joined them.
“Nova did,” Betty answered.
“No one did? Then he’s up for grabs and I call dibs.” Mary joined them, using her cane to steady her walk.
“Nova! He’s Nova’s man!” Loretta shouted.
Mary shook her head. “Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Unfair to get my hopes up. You know I have a bad heart.”
Nova giggled. “This is Jude!”
“He’s a Jew? What’s wrong with that? I’m a quarter Jewish myself. My grandson had me do one of those DNA tests,” Mary added.
Nova’s smile widened as she looked up to Jude. A part of her hoped he’d find the group as entertaining as she did. And maybe another part had brought him here to test him. Brooks never would have been comfortable with this.
“Who’s shouting about a man? Do I have new competition?” Alfred asked, walking in from the back patio, the scent of cherry cigars following him as usual.
“Hey, Alfred.” Nova gave him a hug.
“Hey, how’s my favorite girl?”
“I thought I was your favorite girl?” Loretta teased.
“What is she talking about, Alfred?” Betty asked, less pleased.
Alfred blushed, his papery, pale skin taking on a reddish hue. “Ladies, you know I don’t have favorites.”
“Why do you call them the Golden Girls?” Jude asked.
“Because one day she brought her yummy cookies and we all ate them and watched reruns of the show on the TV. We were giggling and having a grand ol’ time when she lovingly pointed out that I resembled the intelligent and witty Dorothy character,” Loretta explained.
“Naturally, I was the stylish and suave Blanche.” Clara ran her hand through her short brown afro with a wink.
“And since I am the most exciting and already named Betty like the talented actress who played Rose, it made sense.” Betty beamed while clapping her hands.
Nova leaned closer to Jude. “And Mary is Sophia because—”
“Because I’m the oldest and wisest.” Mary winked, her red-painted nails shimmering as they tapped on the cane.
“Well, well, what do we have here?” Roger asked, walking inside, his Vietnam veteran hat covering his bald head.
“Roger!” Nova ran up to him, giving him a tight squeeze like she hadn’t just seen him the week before for her last delivery.
He patted her back, giving her a smile before he looked at Jude, his expression growing hard once more. “Who do we have here?”
“This is Jude.”
“Her boyfriend,” Clara supplied as Betty and Loretta scolded Alfred off to the side.
“Boyfriend, huh?” Roger scrutinized Jude from his boots all the way up to the black baseball cap on his head.
“Jude’s a former SEAL,” Nova supplied.
“Navy, huh?”
“Yes, sir,” Jude answered.
Roger turned to Nova. “He treat you good?”
Nova swallowed and glanced at Jude. “Very.”
“Good. She needs someone who will make sure she stays out of trouble.” Roger locked eyes with Jude.
“That she does.” Jude gently squeezed the back of Nova’s neck.
“You man enough for the task, sailor?”
Jude looked at Nova as if debating something before he returned his focus to Roger. “Yes, sir.”
Roger nodded and extended his hand for Jude to shake. Jude took it.
Nova’s mouth dropped open. Roger wasn’t one to welcome anyone new in. He still hated more than half the residents of their private retirement community. It had taken Nova a lot to win him over and get his grumpy ass to even come to the rec room. How on earth had Jude won him over with a few silent looks and a handshake?
“Close your mouth, Freckles. You’re likely to catch flies.” Jude tapped her chin.
She snapped her jaw closed.
“Oh my, ladies, did you hear that? He called her Freckles. Isn’t that the most adorable thing you’ve ever heard?” Clara waved her hands excitedly.
Nova hadn’t thought the group would be so interested in her love life. She hadn’t planned to include them in her lie. But Jude had let the cat out of the bag and now she had to run with it.
“I brought you all a fresh batch of cookies.” Nova held up the basket of individually wrapped baked goods.
