Decimation, p.13
Decimation, page 13
With Fen, it wasn’t quite as easy, but it was close. He had hundreds of years of additional experience, but he’d also adapted to what we knew.
Nico, who should’ve been the unknown, slid into the open spot perfectly.
This was who I was when I wasn’t broken from grief or hatred. This was the warrior I could be. I knew my own strengths and what my allies were capable of, and I liked this version of me. I liked that Nico brought it out in me, and I wanted to be this Magnus more and more.
An unwelcome thought slid in. Or was it okay to wonder if I could be like this with Bragi, too?
I know Johnny wouldn’t have appreciated it—he never did. Vidar only wanted me like this when I was doing his dirty work. The rest of the time, he relied on the shattered Magnus he’d tried to keep crushed for years.
I was tired of being that wilted, watered down version of me. I was sick of being lost in sadness.
It was time to fight.
We took a break to hydrate and cool down. It was true that instant healing meant none of us really suffered from such a basic workout, but the icy sweet liquid still felt good sliding down my throat as I chugged one of the drinks from the cooler we brought with us.
While we discussed if we wanted to kick things up a notch, I glanced at my phone.
There was one missed call, and a single text, both from the same person.
Bragi: I’m around. Call me when you’re ready to talk.
Like that, everything else faded to the back of my mind, replaced with a fog of uncertainty.
No, that wasn’t right. I was certain, I just didn’t like it. I wanted to answer immediately. See him now.
“Whatcha doin’?” Dahlia draped her arms over my shoulders from behind, startling me. “Oh.”
I felt the shift in her mood the instant she saw my screen.
She backed up. “I think we should call it a day. We did good, got good things done.”
“All right.” Fen was curious, but he knew the two of us well enough that he understood he’d get answers later.
“Is something wrong?” Nico asked.
I shook my head. “No. Not in the way you think.”
“We’ll catch you guys on the other side of the door,” Dahlia said.
Fen hefted the cooler over his shoulder like it was a roll of paper towels, and followed her to the exit.
When I couldn’t feel them anymore, I knew we’d been left alone in a field in the middle of nowhere. I showed Nico my phone. It was easier than figuring out what to say.
“Ah.” Nico’s grunt wasn’t as friendly as Dahlia’s had been, and there was definitely more jealousy.
Are you going to drop everything because some sexy, angsty god messaged you? Are you that desperate for approval? For the wrong kind of attention?
I doubted Nico was thinking any of that. Those words were all from my own brain.
Though I was almost certain part of Nico wanted to go with me, to see Bragi. This would be a lot easier if Nico would admit that to himself as well as me, but my pushing the issue would make him break rather than bend.
“Bragi can help me,” I said.
“I know. There’s more to it than that.” He was right.
I dragged in a deep breath.
Nico pressed his lips to my forehead; that was rapidly becoming a favorite sensation. “Go,” he said. “I told you I’d be here when you got back, and I will.”
Nico followed Fen and Dahlia out, and I called Bragi back.
“Hello.” His voice had always sent pleasant shivers through me.
That didn’t mean I’d forgiven him, but I was willing to admit the draw was still there. Last time I saw him, feeling the way he wanted me, that he still loved Nico, didn’t do anything to dissuade me from being attracted to him. “Hey. I got your messages.”
“And I got yours.”
“Can I come over?” I felt like a silly little girl. Playing games. Sending wyd texts. I wasn’t doing any of those things.
“I’m here.”
Was I better off staying where I was? Listening to his voice, but existing in a realm where I couldn’t feel anyone? “I’m going to ask you another favor.”
“I’m going to give you whatever you want,” Bragi said. “See you in a few minutes?”
I couldn’t go over there sweaty from a day of working out. I should, and pretend I didn’t care, but I couldn’t. “An hour.”
We disconnected, and I headed back to the apartments like the others had. I forced myself to not hurry through the shower, but to also not make a big deal out of shaving and scrubbing everything.
Why was I putting so much thought into this?
No makeup. My hair could go in a ponytail, and it was fine for me to wear my comfiest oversized sweatshirt, and leggings. I wasn’t trying to impress anyone.
Then I was standing in front of Bragi’s hotel room, knocking.
FIFTEEN
MAGNUS
Bragi’s smile when he answered was genuine, and the desire that spilled into me was raw, filthy, and desperate. He didn’t care how I looked. The only thing keeping him from pinning me to the closest wall, ripping off my leggings, and making me come over and over, was that he wanted me to beg for it.
He needed to know I wanted the same.
I mentally cleared my throat, and returned his smile.
“Come on in.” He stepped aside, and closed the door behind me.
I didn’t hesitate to move further into the room this time. I was done being terrified of who I was and what I could become. “Thank you for calling me back.” When I sent that message to him last night, I was ready to break.
Not anymore.
“As if there was any question I would.” Bragi didn’t try to hold back his emotion the way Nico was. I could say maybe Bragi wasn’t used to it, but he knew what he was doing. “You wanted a favor?”
We could get that out of the way first. “I’d like to meet Vindres. I’m told you can introduce me.”
Bragi’s shock, feeling it as I saw it spread across his face, made this empathy thing worth it, if only for a brief moment. He slid from surprised to concerned to ready to tell me no, no matter the cost. “Absolutely not.”
“What happened to giving me anything?”
Bragi was about to be vindictive, to prove a point. He would push me, and I knew it before he turned a snake-like smile on me. He wanted me to know it was coming.
“Don’t play this game with me, little girl.” Bragi stalked toward me.
“What game?”
“Don’t taunt me with what I feel for you like it’s your ace in the hole.” Bragi stopped when his toes met mine. Like this, it was clear he was taller than me. Broader in the shoulders. Could be really fucking imposing when he wanted to be. “I will take off the gloves, and you don’t want that.”
“Don’t I?” What was I doing?
Not backing down. I was tired of cowering.
“The last time you were here, you couldn’t push just me out of your head.” He raised a hand and reached to cup my cheek, but never made contact. Instead, his palm hovered near enough to my face for me to feel the heat from his skin. “It doesn’t matter how strong you are. You’re losing your mind after a week of this. If you walk into Vindres’s, it will break you. If that’s what you want—if you’re looking to be destroyed—I’m happy to do that for you, without you ever going near him.”
The emotions that rushed over me were a thousand times more potent than anything I’d experienced when I kissed Nico. Bragi wasn’t just feeling, he was doing it with a level of intent that was terrifying. There was lust and longing and hunger and violence.
What he radiated was so intense, he might as well be dragging his touch over my bare skin. It was almost as if he was forcing himself inside me.
He wanted me to think he wasn’t holding anything back.
But he was. Hidden behind all the electrifying and uncontrolled passion, was the thing he didn’t want me to see. Unlike Vidar or Johnny, Bragi didn’t see me as a trophy. He didn’t want me in pieces. He would let the world burn to have me, but he wouldn’t take me if it meant I shattered.
“You won’t break me,” I said.
“I already did once.” Regret.
I shook my head. “If you had, I’d still be serving Vidar.”
“I’m not introducing you to Vindres.”
Even if it meant I hated Bragi again, he was serious.
“I’m not asking because this is some sort of game for me,” I said. “I didn’t learn who he was and think oh, that sounds like a deliciously torturous time. Who can help me live that?”
Bragi wasn’t amused, but he kept his mouth shut.
“Vidar stole a data center. There are rumors, information from Min and Aya, that makes us think Vindres may be able to tell us more.”
“How do you think this works? I introduce you, and you ask him what’s up with Vidar, yo?”
I twisted my mouth and gave him a look of disbelief. “You insult me. I think what happens is that you and I use everything you taught me about interrogation, we have a lovely conversation with him, and at the end of it, we walk out and he has no idea.”
Bragi wanted to argue, but knew I was capable. “None of that changes the fact that you’re not in any condition to walk into his club. And I don’t mean your pregnancy. I can sit here and watch you practice, but that’s the only thing that’s going to help you. Practicing.”
“I’ll have had the babies before I figure things out at the rate I’m going. There has to be more to getting this right.” Some of my frustration slipped out without my permission.
“Have you had dinner yet?”
I stared at him, and opened my senses up for a hint of what he was doing. Nothing. There was no deception in his question .”What?”
“Have you eaten yet? Would you like to have dinner with me? We’ll order room service and sit and chat. Like going out, but we’ll stay in.” He was asking me on a date.
I didn’t understand. It was a ridiculous tangent. “Why?”
“Why do most people eat together? Because we’re hungry and feel the company is better than eating alone.”
I couldn’t feel any deception in his request. The lust he’d forced at me earlier lingered, but it was always there in some form. Since I was both hungry and not leaving until I got the answer I wanted, there was only one response to give him. “Dinner sounds nice.”
“Sit.” Bragi directed me to the couch. He grabbed a thin, leather-bound booklet from the table near the phone, and opened it as he handed it to me. “What would you like?”
There were no prices. I’d spent enough of my early adult life in hotels to know that even low-end room service was expensive, and if this was the kind of place where cost was of no concern, this food had to be outrageously priced.
Sure, it was easy enough to say I didn’t care how much any immortal spent on me, but this relationship was complicated.
“I’m not trying to buy you,” Bragi said. “It’s dinner. You don’t owe me anything.”
I might not believe him if I couldn’t feel his sincerity. Fuck, life had jaded me. I picked a burger that was probably more than a week’s worth of groceries, and a soda to go with it. Bragi called room service to place our order, then settled on the couch next to me.
There was enough space between us that the position felt casual and natural. Did I want him closer?
What were we supposed to talk about? We’d rehashed all the disagreements again and again. I kind of—okay I really wanted to just have a conversation.
“I won’t apologize for doing what I thought was best to keep you safe, when you came to me after the fight with Vidar,” Bragi said.
Not a great lead-in, and I clamped my mouth shut to keep from falling into the same old argument.
“But what happened to you, to all of you at TOM…” Bragi paused.
He was sorry for that. So much regret. He blamed himself in almost as many types of guilt as I kept stashed away.
“It happened to you too.” I felt it. I was living that same decline into all I feel is pain, and if I keep caring, it will kill me. But my decline was more rapid.
His sigh was heavy. I wasn’t the only one wanting to skip this rehash.
“I woke up your laptop, at the cabin.” The way Bragi changed the subject was so abrupt it nearly gave me whiplash. “I didn’t mean to—I bumped the table it was on. Were you introducing Nico to Star Wars?”
That memory was better. Softer and warmer. “It’s important that he have an appreciation for the classics.” My choice of words would make Bragi cringe.
Knowing that didn’t make me any less entertained when it happened.
“You do know how to hurt me. A knife to the heart would be less painful.” He was being melodramatic.
I was tired of analyzing everything he said. Could we just talk? “You called me Little Girl. You didn’t think that would hurt?”
“I thought it would piss you off. Or turn you on. I forget which.”
“Liar.” I was playful.
Holy shit, was I being playful with Bragi?
We’d done this. Before either of us left TOM. In those rare moments when we were allowed to be ourselves. I’d shoved that bit of my past aside in favor of hating him, but it was one of the reasons I ever trusted him.
He leaned forward, resting his hands on the cushion between us. “It’s true. I already know the secret to turning you on. Wear crappy, unwieldy robes, and carry a magic glowing sword.” He meant a Jedi outfit.
I wrinkled my nose. “Wrong.” I tilted in and placed my mouth near his ear. “You need to put on a fur suit and growl.”
Bragi pulled away, and made a sound that probably should have been, but was nothing like, a Wookie roar.
I adored that he was trying.
A knock interrupted, and he went to let the room service waiter in. The man wheeled a cart into the room, set a series of covered trays on the table where Bragi told him to, and wished us a nice evening.
Watching Bragi arrange everything once the man was gone, including pouring my drink into a pretty cup filled with ice, was a sweet combination of bizarre and painfully normal.
As in, this was what normal people did, and I would never be that.
I used to wish I could be, but even with everything going on, I wouldn’t want a regular, boring life in place of this one.
Bragi settled into his seat again. “Dig in.”
I did. The burger looked incredible, and it didn’t disappoint. The hand cut fries were yummy, too. “If this were a real date, how would you woo me?” I asked after a few bites.
“This is a real date.”
“Really?” News to me, but had I ever actually been on a date date?
“Aren’t you wooed?” He was still playful, but sincere at the same time. “Or do you want flowers? Candy perhaps? I’d bring you your enemy’s head on a platter, but I think you’d rather do the honors there.”
I would. “Flowers die. I can buy myself candy.”
“What would you like? Anything.”
“You say that so often—anything—and I don’t believe you understand the scope of the word.”
Bragi gave me a look of disbelief. He made a show of wiping his mouth and fingers on his cloth napkin, then knelt at my feet and grasped one of my hands in his.
A shock of emotion raced through me, but not as potent as similar feelings had been. I was focused on my own heart—what I was enjoying about the moment—and I kept that at the front of my mind.
“If you asked me for a star from the farthest galaxy, I would find a way to bring it to you.” His voice was firm and clear and seductive.
I loved the sentiment, but the practicality of his offer… “Where would I put a star? It’s not going to fit in my coat closet. Besides, if you start that big, there’s nowhere else to go.”
One corner of his mouth tugged up, and amusement trickled from him. “If you asked me for the most delicious cherry, from the rarest tree, in the deepest heart of Japan, I’d bring it to you.”
“But then I either eat that, or it goes to waste, and once I’ve had the best, all others will disappoint.” I wasn’t trying to be difficult. I was having fun, and he was too.
He stood and pulled me to my feet. “If you tell me that the only thing you want is to live a long life, surrounded by family and friends and discovery, and to never lose your appreciation for the small things, I’ll do everything in my power to give you that. I’ll crush kingdoms of gods. I’ll banish anyone who threatens you to another realm. I’ll bribe the kid mixing paint at the hardware store to make sure the dusty rose you want for an accent wall doesn’t have too much dust in it. Anything.”
That was actually pretty swoon-worthy. But I only wanted one other thing from Bragi. “Swear to me you’ll never lie to me again.”
He hesitated. He was weighing the decision.
If he’d answered quickly, I wouldn’t have believed him.
He looked me in the eye. “I swear it.” He meant it.
As Bragi let go of my hands, I gripped his fingers tight. What was I doing? Why?
His sigh was quiet. If I couldn’t feel him, I’d think it was resignation, but it was appreciation.
“There is one other thing I can show you, about control,” he said.
The swell of desire that came with his words was a hint at what it was, and I didn’t want to know that. I didn’t want to be drawn into the temptation. “I thought you said there was nothing else.”
“This isn’t a new thing. It’s the same thing you already know, but it takes the practice to the next level.”
I could guess, and I’d be right, but I wanted to hear him say it. “Tell me.”
“We should finish our food first.”
“I’m not interested. I’ll eat later.” I needed to hear him say it.
Bragi gripped my hand again. “Follow me.” He led me to the bedroom.
My heart hammered against my ribs. Over sex. I didn’t get this kind of worked-up about fucking.
Would I be able to handle the emotional onslaught?
Bragi stood me in the middle of the room, rather than guiding me to the bed.
