Flutter updated edition, p.2
Flutter: Updated Edition, page 2
Peter never really wanted to hurt me, but he didn’t know what to do about anything. When I asked him to end my life, he refused, so I bit my lip hard enough to draw blood, and I knew that he wouldn’t be able to reject biting me then. I had forced him into it, and Jack rushed in to stop him from finishing the job.
“But he did, Alice! All he ever did was push you away and hurt you! What about that is so endearing to you?”
“He didn’t ask for any of this, Jack! He didn’t ask to feel the way he did about me, and he just wanted it to stop! And now he’s alone and suicidal somewhere because of me! I can’t just let him die!”
My intensity only hurt and bewildered Jack more. He leaned back, resting against a row of shelves filled with his Converse. His face had gone lax, and I knew he had resigned himself to me going, but that didn’t mean he felt okay about it.
“Jack, listen to me.” I took his hand, and his sad, blue eyes met mine. “Ezra’s not going to let anything bad happen to me. And I love you, okay?”
“I don’t want you to go, Alice,” Jack said simply. “Please, don’t go.”
Seeing him like that, so desperate for me to stay, broke my heart. I never wanted to hurt him. If Ezra shot me down, I wouldn’t have fought to go, but he agreed, so he thought that I could help. Causing Jack a few moments of misery in our long eternity together seemed worth it to save his brother’s life. Even if it hurt for now.
“I’m sorry, Jack.”
Downstairs, Ezra called my name and said we had to get going. I pursed my lips, watching Jack. Part of me expected him to yell and demand that I stay, but that was never his style. He lowered his eyes and rubbed his thumb along the back of my hand, making my skin tremble.
“I’ll drive you,” Jack whispered and straightened up.
“What?” Milo asked incredulously. “You’re letting her go?”
Jack still held my hand, so he helped me to my feet. He leaned over and picked up my bag so he could carry it downstairs.
“What am I supposed to do?” Jack gave Milo a helpless shrug as we walked past him.
“I told you! Forbid her from going!” Milo grew nervous and fidgety, traits that were increasingly uncommon with his new-found vampire confidence.
“Yeah, you try forbidding her,” Jack muttered.
He held my hand as we went downstairs where Mae and Ezra waited with his luggage. On the dining table, a small duffel bag was full of special containers.
We survived mostly on blood donations, thanks to a set of clinics that vampires ran. People donated blood thinking it was for transfusions in humans, but really, they were sustaining almost the entire species of vampires.
When traveling with blood, we used special equipment. Airport security would find it suspect if Ezra boarded the plane with bags of blood. He used metal cans that looked like shaving cream, lined to make it impossible for dogs to sniff out. We could each only take one can with us, but it just had to be enough to last me the flight. We’d get more when we landed.
Ezra stood next to Mae, sifting through the papers to make sure they were all in order. As soon as I had turned, he got all the documentation set up so I could live my life with them without any suspicion. That meant things like a driver’s license, birth certificate, and passport.
That had been a source of contention since I had insisted on keeping my last name Bonham instead of changing it to Townsend, like the rest of them. Nobody had actually cared except for Jack, but he didn’t understand why I wouldn’t want his last name, especially since that was Milo’s last name too.
Someday, I’m sure it would change, but for now, I wanted to hang onto every part of myself that I could, even if it was just my name.
On the plus side, Ezra changed my age to eighteen, so it’d be easier for me to do things if I wasn’t a minor. They did the same thing with Milo, even though he was only sixteen, but he looked closer to nineteen.
All of Ezra’s information said that he was twenty-nine, even though he had actually been twenty-six when he turned, but it was that way with all of them. Jack was really twenty-four, but his license said he was twenty-seven, and Mae’s said that she was thirty-one, even though she was three years younger than that when she turned.
They’d lived this life, this name in this house, for years already. They wouldn’t be able to pull off their ages for much longer, though, which meant that they were going to have to move very soon. As it was, Jack didn’t really pass for twenty-seven, and he would never make it as thirty.
“When was the last time you ate?” Ezra asked me but didn’t look up from my passport. It was brand new, and he inspected it for any mistakes.
“Um, yesterday,” I said.
There was a constant thirst with me, but it wasn’t the same as being thirsty when I was human. My mouth wasn’t parched, and my stomach didn’t feel empty like I was hungry, either. It was just a need inside me, coming from everywhere and nowhere all at once.
The closest feeling I could recall is when I ran too fast in gym, and my muscles would start to ache from the oxygen depletion. It would be this slow, swelling cramp that permeated through me.
So far, I managed to have reasonable control over my bloodlust. Both Milo and I had a stronger grasp of that than most vampires, something that bewildered Ezra and Mae. Our relationship to vampires constantly surprised them, and Ezra thought there was something deeper going on than merely my bond with Peter and Jack.
“Hmm.” Ezra eyed me over. “I don’t want you to get tired just yet. We’ll have to wait until you’re on the flight. Do you think you can handle being around people that much on an empty stomach?”
“I think so,” I said, but I wasn’t as certain as I tried to sound.
Since I was so newly turned, blood had a very strong effect on me. Eating felt amazing, but after, I’d be very drowsy and out of it. Usually, I’d just pass out and sleep it off for a while. Eventually, drinking blood should give me more energy instead of knocking me out, but that would not be for some time.
On top of that, I had very little experience being around people. I found myself attracted to Jack’s blood, and his pulse was significantly weaker than humans. Their blood smelled stronger, pounded harder, and would be far more enticing. I had shown a lot of self-control so far, but in all honesty, I’d had very little temptation.
“Good.” Ezra nodded once, then looked at Mae. “Is everything packed then?”
“Yes.” She bit her lip when she met his gaze, and she didn’t want him to go any more than Jack wanted me to.
“Well, then.” He smiled wanly at me. “Are you ready?”
I nodded again. He put all the papers in the front pocket of his suitcase and grabbed his bags. Up until that point, I think Milo expected Ezra to tell me that I had to stay behind, but when he saw that we were really serious, he balked loudly.
“You can’t really be going!” Milo flared with agitation, and Mae put her hand on his back, rubbing it to soothe him. “You’re going to get her killed!”
“Milo, that’s enough,” Mae said.
“But… but…” Milo stammered and turned to her for help.
“Milo.” Ezra cut him off decisively, and Milo’s face crumpled. “Just say goodbye to your sister before we go.”
He cried when he hugged me, which didn’t make things easier. Mae kissed Ezra with tears in her eyes, and once again asked him if there was anything that could get him to stay but he didn’t reply. Sniffling, she hugged me and made me promise to be safe, to always run at the first sign of trouble, and to call her constantly, whether anything was wrong or not.
When we left, she had her arm wrapped around Milo, and they stood in the entryway, looking terribly forlorn. Jack hadn’t said anything, and he continued his silence on the car ride to the airport. Ezra seemed lost in his own thoughts, trying to figure something out.
The Minneapolis airport was a bustle of human activity. The cold October air felt good on my skin as we walked from the parking lot to the airport, but everything was already filled with the warm, tantalizing scent of blood.
My heart sped up a little, and Jack took my hand, squeezing it to reassure me. Once inside, the feeling only got worse, and I tried to think of sad things, like dead bunnies or that one episode of Futurama, to keep my appetite under wraps.
Ezra went to the desk to pick up our tickets while Jack stood with me, waiting in the crowd. He was unusually still, but that was for my benefit. I felt everything he felt, so he tried to be calm and soothing so I wouldn’t get agitated or hungry.
“I’m going to have to go soon,” I said, looking up at him sadly.
“I know.”
The people around us paused to stare. Before, when I had been out with Jack in public, it drove me crazy the way everyone fawned all over him. Now, I had the same enchanting vampire power, and it was incredibly odd having a private moment in front of an audience.
Jack touched my face, his hand warming my cheek, and I leaned into it. Leaving, even for a short time, would be so painful, but it was the only thing I could do. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t do everything to help Peter.
Gently, he pressed his lips against mine, and his luscious heartbeat through my skin. He kept it soft and very PG, because I didn’t want to get out of control in a crowded airport. Still, nothing was sweeter than his kisses, and I couldn’t help but want more.
“The plane is going to board soon,” Ezra interrupted us, not unkindly. “We need to get through baggage claims and security.”
Reluctantly, I pulled myself from Jack. His eyes locked on mine, and my heart screamed. It finally dawned on me what I was about to do. Separating myself from Jack to sleep was uncomfortable. Being miles and miles away for I don’t even know how long… that sounded unbearable.
“I’ll take good care of her,” Ezra promised when Jack seemed unwilling to let me go.
Ezra took my hand in his, partially to help coax me away from Jack and partially so he could keep tabs on me. This was not the most ideal place for a new vampire’s first big outing, and everyone knew that.
Jack let go of my hand, and as Ezra carefully guided me through the crowds past the first set of metal detectors, my eyes never left Jack’s. He stood in the middle of the airport, staring after me, like some tragic music video, and I wondered what exactly I had gotten myself into when I became a vampire.
Chapter Three
My transformation from human to vampire had been so incredibly brutal that the English language wasn’t fit to describe it.
My body died and ate itself. My organs shifted around, feeling as if my intestines had been replaced with living, moving snakes that squirmed inside of me. I spent hours upon hours vomiting. I was in a constant state of fevered delirium. My body ached on a cellular level. Even touching my hair would cause excruciating pain.
It wasn’t until I finally drank blood for the first time, cold from a bag, that everything began to take a turn for the better. The pain subsided and was replaced by pleasure.
All my senses were heightened, and I couldn’t believe how glorious everything really was. There were more colors, tastes, and textures in the spectrum than I ever imagined.
I felt Jack when he entered the room, and not like before. My heart always knew exactly how far he was from me. The way plants strained for the sun, I strained for him.
I had changed. My skin was smoother, my hair silkier, my eyes brighter. I had a new elegance to how I looked, and I had shot up from 5’2” to a whopping 5’5” tall.
The change wasn’t as drastic as it had been with Milo, more like I had simply gone through a makeover, but I definitely looked better.
Once I was fully conscious, fed, and the pain had gone away, I wanted to fill in the missing gap. The last thing I remembered before surrendering into the transformation was that I had just drank Jack’s blood, and he was about to battle Peter.
But there we were, in Jack’s room, with him by my side, and we both seemed alright.
“What happened?” I had asked, forcing myself to sit up.
“When?” Jack played dumb. He sat at the end of his bed, watching me.
“How are we both alive?” I asked, and he laughed, completely distracting me.
His laughter, which had always had power over me, rippled through me. It was almost too miraculous to really comprehend the actual sound.
Jack smirked at me. “You look totally in awe right now.”
“I am but… don’t change the subject.” I blinked to focus myself. “How are we alive? Is Peter…”
Jack’s lips tightened into a thin line at the mention of him. Though, probably it wasn’t the sound of his name quite as much as my underlying concern for Peter.
“No. He’s alive.” He let his words hang in the air, and I waited for him to elaborate, but he didn’t.
“How? How are we all alive?” I asked.
“I broke the bond.” The glimmer returned to his eyes and an easy smile spread across his face, enchanting me. “When you drank my blood, whatever tie you had with Peter was severed.”
That should’ve been obvious. When I thought of Peter, I didn’t have that physical ache for him or that fluttery feeling in my heart I once had. While I had concern for his well-being, the only things I felt physically were a dull bloodlust and a pull towards Jack.
“So we’re… bonded now?” I spoke cautiously, afraid it was too good to be true.
After all this time trying to figure a way around it, around Peter, it almost seemed impossible to believe that while I was sleeping, it had happened.
“What do you think?” Jack smiled crookedly at me. Breathing him in, feeling the way my body felt magnetized to his, I knew we were bonded.
My first big clue was when Jack had opened his veins in the den, and I had been unable to resist the scent of his blood. It tasted wonderful, and my mouth watered at the thought of it. But no vampires’ blood should be that appealing to humans. People aren’t meant to have bloodlust, but I had — for Jack.
“So then what happened?” I continued, ignoring the delirious happiness taking over me. My heart sped up and my thirst intensified, but I wanted my curiosity satisfied before I dealt with my other pressing needs.
“I don’t know.” Jack furrowed his brow, but more out of displeasure over the subject. “I was in the den with you, and Peter went crazy in the other room. I was afraid he would hurt you, so I ran out to find out what happened. He was destroying the house, and Ezra could barely contain him. But he didn’t seem to care about me when I came out.”
“If he didn’t want to hurt you, why was he so angry?”
“He felt it break.” He lowered his eyes from mine. “The bond. If you hadn’t been out, you would’ve felt it. And if you hadn’t bonded with me, you’d still be feeling it. Apparently, it’s… incredibly painful.”
“Why?” I asked.
“I don’t know.” He shifted and hesitated before continuing. “Physically, I guess it’s similar to turning, on a much smaller scale. But… something happens emotionally too. And Peter was so riled up from everything else that had been going on.”
Jack didn’t like talking about the fact that Peter had actually cared for me. He didn’t want to believe it because of how Peter treated me and how much Jack loved me. If he admitted that maybe Peter did care, then what Jack had been doing with me suddenly became a betrayal, and Jack did not see it that way.
“So where is he now?” I asked.
“Nobody knows. He’s just gone, for good this time.” Jack shrugged, as if it was of no consequence to him.
“Good,” I lied and hoped he didn’t notice. Then I swatted his arm, probably harder than I meant to from the surprised grimace on his face.
“Thanks?”
“That’s for being so reckless!” I yelled at him. “You were going to kill yourself! If the bond hadn’t been snapped or whatever, you would’ve been murdered!”
“I didn’t have a choice,” Jack said, and he suppressed a laugh at my mini-outburst. “There was a good chance that I would die no matter what I did. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a lover, not a fighter.”
“That’s not an excuse,” I said, but a smile started to curl up on my lips.
“I needed to know you were safe. That was the only thing that mattered to me,” he said earnestly and placed his hand on mine.
Heat instantly spread through me, making my heart flutter. I lunged forward, kissing him and pressing my body against his. He gave into it for a moment, but hunger threatened to completely take control of me. Just when I was about to let it, he pushed me back from him, and that’s when I got the big sex talk.
After a few days of getting my bloodlust under control, Ezra thought it would be good if I went about cleaning up what was left of my human life. That meant doing fun things, like going with Jack to my mom’s house so we could have this incredibly intense fight when I said that I was moving in with Jack, again. She tried to convince me to stay, then cried a lot, called me names and told me she loved me.
When it was all said and done, she stormed off into the night. I packed up my things, and since I felt incredible guilt, I “borrowed” money from Jack to leave her. Maybe she wouldn’t have to work so hard, and at least that would be something.
Milo called her after I left, as he had been infrequently doing since he moved out. He got to make up all sorts of fancy stories about a boarding school in New York, and that seemed to cheer her up a bit.
I formally dropped out of high school, which I enjoyed. Milo insisted that we both take our high school equivalency later so we could go to college if we wanted, and I agreed to it, but I didn’t really have any intention of doing it. As far as I was concerned, I could spend the rest of my life as a trophy wife, and that was fine by me.
There was the issue with my “best friend” Jane, but I didn’t know how to resolve that. When I went to the high school, she saw me and instantly figured out what had happened. I still looked like me, but I was hotter than I had been before.
It was during the day, so I was incredibly tired. We exchanged a few heated words, and she ended the conversation with the flippant, “I hope you have a good death, Bonham.”
