Flutter updated edition, p.23
Flutter: Updated Edition, page 23
Gently, he pushed me back onto the bed, so I was lying down, and he was on top of me. I wrapped my legs around him, pulling him closer to me. His mouth trailed to my neck, and suddenly, I wanted it — I wanted him to bite me, taste me, drink me.
“Bite me,” I breathed, burying my fingers in his hair.
“What?” Jack stopped kissing me so he could look me in the eyes. “Seriously?”
I smiled up at him. “Yeah.”
“When was the last time you ate?”
“Recently enough,” I assured him.
I could feel his hunger, hot and eager, flowing over me. His heart pounded heavily, and his eyes faded translucent, the way they did when he really wanted me. The more passionate he got, the lighter the color of his eyes.
When his lips pressed against my veins, I moaned involuntarily, and I arched my back, pushing closer to him.
“Alice!” Mae screamed and threw open the bedroom door.
“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me!” Jack yelled incredulously and sat up, and I agreed. He turned to glare at her. “There’s nothing wrong with what we’re doing!”
“I’m not here about you,” Mae said. She looked stricken, so I sat up and pushed Jack back out of the way. “Jane is missing! I think something’s happened to her!”
Chapter Thirty
In the panic over a possible Jane-napping, I didn’t think to put on pants and Jack didn’t put on a shirt, so we both got dirty looks from Milo. He’d rushed out of his room when he heard Mae screaming. I returned his dirty look since Bobby was shirtless, too.
We were all crowded inside Peter’s room, investigating Jane’s disappearance. Mae had tired of her pursuit of the alarm manual, so she had gone upstairs to bunk with Jane again, but when she’d come in the room, Jane was gone. That was all her evidence.
“Did somebody ransack the room or something?” Bobby asked, taking in the disheveled state of Peter’s room. Somehow, half of my wardrobe had migrated over here and had been strewn around everywhere.
“No, Jane’s bedroom usually looks like this,” I said. I hadn’t been over to her house lately, but this was her natural state of being.
“Not to sound like a dick,” Jack said, “but you just dragged us out of bed to show us Jane’s messy room? That’s not really an emergency, Mae.”
“She’s not here!” Mae gestured to the clutter around her. “That’s the emergency.”
“Again, not to be a dick, but that’s not really an emergency,” Jack said.
“Something could’ve happened to her!” Mae insisted. “She wouldn’t just leave like this!”
“She might,” Milo said. “She was complaining downstairs about how boring we are.”
“But she didn’t tell me where she was going.” Mae looked at us all with disbelief. Jane had really gotten to her, and she wasn’t willing to let her go so easily.
“You know what? I’m sure she has her phone on her,” I said. “I’ll call her, and we can figure this out right away.”
“Good idea.” Mae was slightly relieved at that.
Milo yawned. “Well, I’m going back to bed. I’m sure she’ll turn up.”
I hurried across the hall to my room, and Jack trailed behind me. Mae stayed behind in the hallway to argue with Milo about how innocent Jane was while I got my phone out of the pocket of my recently discarded jeans.
“You don’t really believe something happened to Jane?” Jack asked quietly.
“I don’t really know, and I’ll feel better making sure.” I scrolled through my phone for her number, then hit call.
The phone rang in my ear, and I faced the hall as Milo and Bobby slunk back to their room. Mae waited just outside the bedroom door, watching me expectantly.
“Yeah, what?” Jane sounded bored.
“Jane?” I asked. “Where are you?”
“Out. Your place was a drag,” Jane replied flatly.
“Really? You’re calling us a ‘drag?’” I asked.
Mae peered at me with concern, but Jack rolled his eyes and walked to the other side of the room.
Jane sighed. “Look, I know you guys have been really good to me, and I appreciate all your hospitality. But… the thing is, I need a bite.”
“We have food here, Jane. You didn’t need to—”
“No, not a bite to eat,” Jane cut me off. “I need to be bitten.”
“But…” I shook my head. “We just got you out of there. That life is bad for you, and you know it.”
“Jonathan is bad for me, and I got a little carried away on Halloween.” Jane made it sound like she had a drink too many at an office party. She had almost died because a vampire was eating her throat. “But I still love the way it feels, and I’ve just been craving it.”
“Jane!” I said in disbelief. “You will die if you keep it up. You have to know that.”
“I don’t think I will, but so be it.” There was noise behind her, and Jane sounded in a hurry when she spoke again. “I gotta go. Thanks for everything, though, Bonham. I’m sure I’ll see you around.”
“No, Jane, wait,” I said, but she’d already hung up.
“What’s going on? Where is she?” Mae asked.
“I don’t know.” I shook my head and tried calling her again, but it went right to voicemail. “Dammit. She shut off her phone.”
“What did she say? Why did she leave?” Mae asked.
“She, um…” I considered lying to Mae, but what was the point? “She went out to get bitten. I guess she’s going back to being a verkurva.”
“No!” Mae’s eyes widened with horror. “She can’t! She’ll die!”
“I know. I told her that.”
“Mae, she’s an addict, and she’s sick,” Jack said. Even though he was upset with both Mae and Jane, he still treated Mae’s concerns gently. “You can’t keep her here for a couple days and expect to cure her.”
“No. She was doing so well.” Mae shook her head fiercely. “I refuse to believe she willingly went back out there. I’ve got to find her.”
“Mae, the sun is about to come up.” I gestured to the windows. No light ever spilled in around the curtains, but I could feel when the sun rose and set. It was a weird vampire tick. “She’s probably crashing somewhere for a while. She won’t even be able to find a vampire until night fall.”
“You don’t know that!” Mae insisted. “I’m going out after her.” With that, she walked out.
“Mae!” I went to stop her as she left the room, but Jack put his hand on my arm.
“Let her go,” Jack said. “She’s not going to listen to reason any more than Jane will.”
I ran my hands through my hair and stared out the door. Across the hall, Mae had left Peter’s bedroom door open, and I could see into the empty disaster that had been Jane’s space.
“Do you think we should go after Jane?”
“Do you know where she went? I mean, V closes at dawn.”
“No,” I admitted. “It feels wrong just letting her go, though.”
“You can’t save her if she doesn’t want to be saved.
I knew he was right, but I just hated the way it felt. We had gone through a lot of trouble to get her here, and Bobby had risked his life. I had hoped Jane had really seen the dangers of that lifestyle, but she just needed a place to land until she was able to get back out there again.
Jack put his hand on my back, and I leaned into him, resting my head on his shoulder. “I probably say this way too much, but it’s going to be okay, Alice. Honest.”
“I know.” I wasn’t sure if I really believed it, but I had to hope it was true. Jack kissed the top of my head and pulled away from me. “Hey, where are you going?”
“Taking a rain check on tonight.” He went over to the closet and changed into his pajamas. When he walked out, he was still pulling his shirt on over his head. “The mood is kind of destroyed.”
“I can reset the mood.” I offered with a smile, but it felt plastic even to me. I wanted to want him, but my heart wasn’t really in it just then. He walked over to me, and I put my hand on his chest, amending my sentiments. “It could be a really good distraction.”
“Probably,” Jack agreed, smiling. “But I’d like to be more than just a distraction.” He kissed my forehead before heading out of the room. “I’ll be in the den if you need me.”
I stayed awake long after Jack left. I should’ve convinced him to stay with me, even if we didn’t do anything. In a house overflowing with people, I felt strangely lonely. After everything I had tried to do for Jane, it had inevitably been a failure.
Even if I saved her today, what about tomorrow? Or the day after? Eventually she would die, and all my efforts would amount to decomposing in the dirt. Everything suddenly felt really pointless, but I tried to shake it off and get some sleep.
Jack once again started the day with an apartment hunt, which I once again declined. It had taken forever for me to fall asleep, and I wasn’t up to it. I wasn’t even sure that I wanted to move out, but by now, I knew that I didn’t have a choice.
Peter had made it perfectly clear that cohabitating with him would be impossible, and considering Jack had actually been alive for forty years, it was about time that he started living on his own.
I hadn’t been awake for that long when Jack returned. I decided to take a shower, but I noticed the state of our bathroom. Mae was still gone, determined to rescue Jane, and I thought as a nice treat for her return, I’d get all our towels down and actually clean the bathroom.
I pulled my hair back in a messy bun and grabbed the Comet and got to work. I was scrubbing dried toothpaste and shaving cream off the sink when I heard Jack bounding up the stairs.
“Alice!” Jack shouted. “I’ve got great news!”
I came out of the bathroom, and I know I looked hot. I had on yellow rubber gloves to keep my hands from getting all mucky, and I held the Comet-soaked sponge. My pajamas had water and soap splattered on them, and my hair was falling out of the bun.
“What are you doing?” Jack gave me a perplexed look, but his delight was unmistakable.
“Cleaning, but never mind.” I tossed the sponge back in the bathroom, since I doubted I needed it to converse with Jack. “What’s your great news?”
“I got us a place!” Jack beamed, and it looked like it was a struggle for him to keep from jumping up and down.
“Already?” I asked, and somehow managed to keep the unease out of my voice.
“Yeah! I know you haven’t seen it, but it’s perfect! It’s absolutely perfect! You’ll love it!” He’d already fallen in love with the place. “I had to put money down because it’s so hard to find a place that matched all our needs, and it would get scooped up crazy fast. But I set up a time for you to see it tomorrow, and if you don’t like it, the deal’s off. I won’t make you move anywhere you don’t want to, but this place was just so perfect.”
“No, I’m sure it’s great. If you love it, I know I will too.” That was completely true, so I didn’t understand why I didn’t feel that way. His happiness was taking me over, but a bit of doubt still gnawed at me.
“They allow Matilda, and it’s really hard to find a place that allows big dogs, and there’s a dog park real close by. It’s three bedrooms, one for us, one for Milo, and one for… I don’t know. Cause why not?” Jack shrugged. “And it has this fantastic balcony!”
“Do we even use the balcony now?” I asked. All three of the upstairs bedrooms had balconies, but I’m pretty sure that I had never been on one, and the only person I’d ever seen use them was Peter. After we kissed. “I’m sure we’ll use it more since we don’t have a yard.”
“I know we’ll be giving up some space and some creature comforts, but I think it’ll be great.” Jack had calmed down some, and he looked at me sincerely. “We’ll be able to have a life of our own, you know?”
“Yeah, totally.” I nodded.
“I stopped and got some boxes on my way back, so we can start packing some stuff up.” He edged away to the door. “I’ll be right back.”
“Okay. I think that I’m gonna take a quick shower and get all the cleaning gunk off of me,” I said. Jack barely heard me because he was already darting down the stairs.
Once he was gone and took his emotions with him, my anxiety had a chance to kick in. I tore off the stupid rubber gloves and went into the closet to get a change of clothes. I needed a moment to catch my breath. It all felt so sudden, and I couldn’t explain what terrified me so much about it.
We were just moving out, not that far away, and Milo and Ezra and everyone would still be a part of our lives. Jack made decent money working with Ezra, although I was too embarrassed to ask the exact dollar amount, but I’m sure he could afford to take care of us. There was nothing to fear really.
Except being alone with Jack.
As much as I wanted to be with him, it scared the hell out of me. What if I lost control and bit him? I’ve never even fed on a living person before. And if something were to go wrong, we were on our own. Milo wouldn’t know how to handle anything, and Ezra couldn’t get there in time.
On top of all these vampire hang ups about possibly murdering him, I still had the normal teenage girl insecurities. I had never had sex with anyone before.
As I leafed through my drawer of undergarments, it finally dawned on me. Without a doubt, I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Jack, and I definitely wanted to be alone with him. It would happen someday. So why not now?
Ezra was downstairs in the den, and Milo was next door. If something happened, I could easily get help. And really, I was ready. I was sick of interruptions and waiting and complications. I loved Jack, and I was going to lose my virginity tonight.
Chapter Thirty-one
I purposely held my clothes close to me when I came out of the closet so Jack wouldn’t see, but he probably wouldn’t have noticed if I were waving them on a flag in front of me. He put some mix CD in the stereo that he claimed had lots of “upbeat jams” that got him in the mood to pack.
Normally, I would’ve argued with him about why he had to have a mix CD to get him in the mood to do something as specific and rare as packing, but I was on a mission. When I went into the bathroom, I left him grooving to Robert Palmer while tossing some of his graphic novels into a cardboard box.
After the shower I slipped on my sexy lingerie. Last month, Mae had given me a credit card and let me loose on the internet, and I ordered this little number. Dark blue and sheer, it had a baby doll top with matching thong panties. My stomach twisted with excitement and nerves, and I opened the bathroom door.
The wall was open, revealing the secret closet where Jack had his thousands of DVD’s. He filled up a box with his movies, and he was too busy singing and dancing along to the music to notice me. I did a sexy lean up against the doorframe, and I didn’t really want to move and ruin it, so I had to wait for him to finally look my way.
“I’m probably gonna have to buy like a massive entertainment center for all these movies,” Jack said, staring up at his DVD’s. It overwhelmed him for a minute, so he sighed and turned to face me. I have no idea what he was planning to say, but his jaw fell open and his eyes widened. “Holy hell.”
“Is that a good holy hell?” I blushed deeply.
“Yeah.” He seemed to recover a bit and smiled at me. “What’s all this for?”
“You know.” I stepped closer to him, but “Tainted Love” playing in the background threw off the mood. “Can you change the song?”
“Oh, yeah.” He clumsily grabbed the remote off the bed, almost dropping it, and skipped to the next track — Panic! at the Disco’s “Lying is the Most Fun.” “Better?”
I nodded. “Much.”
The butterflies in my stomach made it hard for his emotions to overpower me, but his desire radiated off him, like heat. Finally, he closed the distance between us. He caressed my cheek, and in a husky voice, he said, “You are so amazing. What are you doing with me?”
“I love you,” I whispered.
He smiled, serene and grateful. “I love you so much, Alice.”
As soon as his mouth found mine, my own lust and longing overwhelmed me. Kissing him, the delicious taste of his lips, his tongue parting my mouth… I wanted him desperately.
I pulled him to me, and we stumbled back towards the bed. I fell back on it, and he tugged off his shirt. I only had a moment to admire him breathtakingly shirtless before he joined me in the bed, and he was kissing me again.
His mouth trailed down my neck, and I trembled in anticipation. It wasn’t until I felt his lips pressed against my veins that I realized how badly I wanted him to bite me. He was so hungry for it — for me — so I tilted my head back, exposing more of my throat.
The sharp pain of his teeth was over before I felt it, and hot ecstasy spread away from my neck. I felt his heart thudding in my own chest, above my heart, that double beat that made it feel like he was inside me.
In some kind of twisted pleasure, I could taste him on my tongue — the tangy, honey flavor of his blood — and my own bloodlust for him surged. Wanting him that badly while he had me, it was agony and bliss all rolled in one. I could feel the edges of myself waning, blackening. My body threatened to lose control, black out and give into the thirst.
What kept me from giving in was how much he loved me. It flowed through my veins. I was everything to him, and he was pure joy. I had never felt closer or more in love with him.
A tiny jolt ripped into me, and I gasped painfully. My body suddenly felt cold and alone, as result of the separation when he stopped biting me. Before I could even tell how empty I felt, his mouth was on mine. I could taste my blood on his lips, and that did strange things to me. I pressed him even tighter against me, desperate for the burning heat of his skin.
I felt his hand, strong and sure on my hip, and his fingers looped in my panties, sliding them down. I sat up so I could peel off the negligee, and his arms were around me, pushing his bare skin against mine. His intensity was overwhelming, but it only made me want him more.
I lay back on the bed, then I felt him, sliding inside of me, and my breath caught in my throat. I dug my fingers in his back and pushed him against me. He kissed my mouth, my neck, my shoulders, everything he could reach, and I moaned against him.
