Gutter

  Fuck, fuck, fuck.

  That was not the way I expected this to go. I don’t even know what just happened. I wanted to open up and tell Salalia what’s been going on with me. I didn’t think she would take Terry’s side.

  I puff out my lips in exasperation. I don’t know how to do this relationship shit. I feel like it’s over before it has gotten started. Nothing I do seems to be right, and we have too much shit going on.

  Prez handled some of the shit headed our way, but there’s more just lurking. I haven’t felt this out of control of my surroundings and life in so long. Fuck, I have no idea how Sal is going to handle living with me.

  “So, you thought love was easy.” I turn my head to find Cage watching me closely.

  “No, but I sure as fuck didn’t think it would be this hard.”

  He throws his head back and laughs. When his laughter dies down, he hands over one of the beers in his hands. I take it and welcome a long pull. It’s been a long fucking day.

  “I hear my little girl is moving in with you,” he states more than asks.

  I nod. “Yeah, that’s the plan if I stop fucking it up.”

  He chuckles and pats me on the back. I turn to look him in the eyes. Cage is a big and tall man like me.

  “Sal is the easiest to please out of my girls. She has a need to understand everything around her so she can fix it. She’ll take anything she can apart to piece it back together,” he says the words as if they have so much more meaning, so I stop to think them over.

  “Does that mean she feels the need to fix me?”

  “Eventually, she’ll pick at all that shit you’re hiding away. Then she’ll figure out how to set you right,” Cage says, then furrows his brows. The way he stares into my eyes makes me feel like he can see through me.

  “You sure you can handle that? I see those demons swimming. She’s going to strip you bare. It’s what those women do. It’s how her mama made a real man out of me.”

  “I’m not worried about me. I’m worried about dumping all that shit on her,” I say gruffly.

  “Now see, that would be your problem, son,” he grunts and shakes his head. “I know something happened to my baby girl while I was gone, but she’s still a survivor. Sal does what she needs to survive. Even when she’s motionless, she’s in motion.”

  “Yeah, I get that.” I sigh heavily.

  “I say we get over there and get some of that barbeque before the rest of ‘em polish it all off.” He nods at the lines forming by the grills.

  “All right.” I bob my head and take another pull of my beer.

  “Oh, and son,” Cage calls. I look at him again. “I’m not King. I won’t be asking Sal shit. I’m telling you. Before the night is over, you’re going to tell me what the fuck happened to her.”

  “Figured that was coming,” I snort, humorlessly.

  “Damn right.”

  Chapter 34

  My Baby Girl

  King

  I saw my father when he stormed out of the club like a bat out of hell. I’d gone to follow him until Mix stopped me, told me to let it go. I almost didn’t until I saw Rose staring after Dad with worry on her face.

  “Do you know what happened?” Rose says from the seat beside me in my truck.

  “Not sure,” I reply, but it’s a lie. Mix told me Dad had a conversation with Gutter.

  “He looked so angry. Do you think he went to the house?”

  I can’t help the smile that comes to my face. Rose is worried about Dad. That’s a good thing.

  I’m hopeful for my dad. He loves this woman. I take my eyes off the road to glance at her.

  “He just might be. I’ll stay around until he shows up if not,” I say.

  “You don’t have to but thank you.”

  “It’s not a problem. We used to hang out a lot. You would bake and cook and shit. You also kept me from being a knucklehead.”

  “What about the girls? Did they spend that time with us?”

  “Not Sal so much as Eva. Sal was away at school most of the time.”

  I catch her nod as I look away from the road. The confusion in her expression makes my chest tight. She’s trying so hard to remember. It’s written all over her face.

  “Why would I send my child away? That doesn’t feel like me.”

  “Oh, you were against it. Dad had the hardest time showing you it was the best thing for Sal. I think you guys took more trips to visit Sal at school than anything.

  “In the end, you agreed it was right for her. She’s so damn smart and the schools around here weren’t doing much to keep her interested,” I explain.

  “That would make sense, but Eva seems to be very smart, too. Why not send them both? They would’ve protected each other.”

  I shake my head. “Eva is different. Sal was fine…” I trail off as it hits me how much of a lie that is. She wasn’t fine, at least not in college. That’s when things changed.

  “Eva is always in her own bubble. Sal has this thing. She’s recording everything around her even when she and everyone else think she’s not. It’s a hell of a survival skill.

  “I think Dad saw that as a protection mechanism. Something to help Sal adapt and handle herself,” I share.

  “She’s not adapting now,” Rose says matter-of-factly. “I don’t remember her well, but I sense something is wrong or… off, maybe.”

  “A mother always knows.” I give her a sad smile.

  “All of you guys are close to Cage? I mean, he seems like a good father. He has been good to my girls?” I hear the real question in her voice and the defensiveness of a mother.

  “Rose, when my daddy was chasing you, I wasn’t that much younger than you. I thought he was crazy. I was even angry for a bit.

  “I got over it and we became real friends. Now, when it comes to my daddy and your girls. He has always been the father they needed and would put a motherfucker to ground for thinking of hurting one of them.

  “I may know where a few bodies are. Trust, there were a few who wanted to test the theory, and Daddy made good on his word every time. Eva and Sal think Cage hangs the moon, because for them he would. They are always safe with him,” I say.

  She blows out a breath. “I feel safer with him at the house than not. I hope he’s there.”

  The smile returns to my lips. Yeah, there’s hope for my pops. I think the old Rose is somewhere in there.

  It’s not possible to forget a love like theirs. She’ll come around. We all need to give it time.

  I pull up into the massive driveway and Cage’s bike comes into view. Lights are on throughout the house. One of the garage doors is open.

  “You want me to come in with you?”

  She stares out the windshield. “Um, no. You go home to that pretty girl of yours.”

  “You need me, call. I’m always here for you and Dad. No matter what the problem is.”

  “Thank you, King. I hope we can be friends again.”

  “We are that and more. You never tried to replace my mama or disrespect her memory. I have a deep respect for you because of that.”

  “When we respect what was before us. It makes us care for what we have,” she says the words so easily, I would swear she remembers saying them to me a million times.

  However, the way she turns so nonchalantly to get out of my truck, I know she’s only saying them as a reflex. Again, I’m hopeful. It will all come back.

  Cage

  * * *

  I crouch in front of the bike I’m trying to work on in the garage of my home, shredded to pieces. I’ve walked every inch of this home, remembering when I kept my girls safe. When I had no doubts about every detail of their lives.

  I played this all wrong. In hindsight, I see everything I could’ve done differently. My baby girl was raped.

  “Son of a bitch. Why?” I growl brokenly as I tug at my hair.

  I knew it from the look in her eyes. However, hearing Gutter rundown what happened, I feel like I failed my baby girl. I failed Rose.

  I haven’t felt like this since I thought I would lose Rose to that accident, but this is a different kind of hurt. I promised Rose I would protect her and our girls.

  I never should have hid away. Six years was too long. King had so much on his shoulders. Sending Salalia to school was my idea. I kept an eye on her studies and boarding every school year.

  I would have done the same when she went off to College. I’ve always been so protective of my girls. Sal is tough, but she’s always been so innocent and trusting, too.

  “Cage?” Rose’s soft voice breaks through my thoughts.

  I pull my shit together and stand to my full height. She takes a step back out of the garage door. I release a long breath.

  I wish she would stop flinching away from me. I would never hurt her. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

  “Are… are you all right?” she asks cautiously.

  I nod my head and swipe at the moisture in the corners of my eyes. “I’ll be fine.”

  Rage fills me as I think of all the ways I plan to make those motherfuckers suffer. Especially the one who put his hands on Sal. When I notice Rose shrinking back, I reel it in.

  I look around. “We have a bunch of photo albums in here. The ones I was telling you about. Would you like to sit with me to look through them?” I pause and redirect. “Or I can get them out and you can have a look at them.”

  She makes her way farther into the garage. “No, no. We can look together. I probably would be lost looking at them by myself.”

  I nod and wave her over. “Come on over, we’ll take a few books inside.” I lift my chin toward the house.

  She comes over as I move to the cabinets holding the albums and pull a few out. I hand her two and take out another four to carry in myself.

  Rose settles on the couch once we get into the living room area. I sit beside her and place my stack of albums on the coffee table. Cautiously, I reach for the one on top of the two in her lap and flip it open. Rose looks up at me for a long moment.

  I hold my breath, hoping she remembers something about me. After a few beats, she shakes her head and looks down at the photos. She reaches to run a finger over one photo.

  It’s of the girls. My heart breaks as I look at Sal’s bright open smile. She looks so innocent and happy.

  She moves her hand to a picture of all the girls dressed in Lost Souls softball uniforms. Eva, Sal, Misty, Erica and Sugar are all filthy, with smiles on their faces. I remember that game. People are always underestimating those girls.

  They are fierce in their own right, but together they are an unexpected force. They made me proud that day. Rose releases a breath, pulling me from my musing.

  “I wish I could remember them like this. They played softball?”

  “Sure did. We coached them. You swing a mean bat yourself.” I wink at her. “If you check the front closet in the foyer, you’ll find your slugger.”

  “I’ll have to check that out.” She gives a soft smile and looks back at the photos. I watch as she chews on her lip, waiting for her to ask the question I see swimming in her eyes. “I… um. You’re not their father, are you?”

  “No, not biologically, but in every other way, I’ve been their daddy for years.”

  She nods and looks up at me. “Do you know what happened to their father?”

  “Yes. I’ll tell you, but can we hold off on that? It’s been a long night.”

  She reaches to cup the smooth side of my face. I hold stock-still. I don’t want to send her running for the hills.

  Rose searches my face with her pretty brown ones. It takes the strength of God, his angels and all the disciplines to keep my ass from taking her lips. I miss my wife so fucking much.

  “Whatever’s hurting you, it has to get better,” she says. “You seem like such a strong man.”

  I grasp her hand and turn my face slowly. That startled look comes to her eyes and I think better of kissing her palm. I smile and turn my attention back to the photos as I release her hand.

  While we look through our past, I vow to right everything that has happened in the gap in between all of those good memories and the painful ones I wasn’t around to prevent.

  Chapter 35

  Our Place

  Gutter

  “It’s not much,” I mutter.

  I thought I was nervous the first time I took Sal to my room at the clubhouse. I’m ready to shit a brick as I open the front door to my apartment. Don’t get me wrong. It’s a nice place.

  It’s clean, and the layout is nice. However, it’s still the box I signed the lease for. Other than some professional enhancements no one knows about. I can’t help feeling this place is going to reveal my secrets.

  Sal tugs at her T-shirt and twirls her fingers in it as we stand in the foyer. I shove my keys into my pocket and reach for her waist with the other hand. She stiffens a little and my heart sinks.

  She hasn’t said much to me since our fight yesterday. Fight, I think that’s what happened. I hadn’t noticed how bad it was until the end of the night.

  Sal slept damn near on the edge of the bed, away from me. Normally, she falls asleep across my chest. I played our fight over and over in my head while I sat awake.

  Definitely a fight and I’m totally in the doghouse. I keep fucking up. Hopefully, being here in the apartment—without a ton of people around—we can figure some things out.

  I follow as she moves forward into the place and stops in the open kitchen and living area.

  “Wow,” Sal says as she looks around. “Pierson. I… wow. You weren’t lying.”

  “We can get whatever you want. You know, make the place feel like home for you. The couch and TV can go too, if you want to replace them.”

  She turns and looks up at me with a weak smile. “We’ll build around them. Sometimes all you need is a little change.”

  Her words hit their mark. I’m going to have to change to make this work. I know this, doesn’t make it any easier.

  I take a breath and try to push forward. “We need some place to eat. I should probably get some pots and things for the kitchen.” I place my hands on her hips.

  She ducks her head away and the sting of her words runs deeper. “I’ll make a list and we can head to the stores. It’s way better than the clubhouse. It will be good to finally get out of there.”

  It runs across my mind to sit her down and talk about what could happen with us living here together. It’s right on the tip of my tongue, but she spins out of my hold and starts to move through the apartment, popping her head into rooms and closets.

  “For tonight, we need bedding and towels and things. Hey, no radio?”

  I frown. “No.”

  She takes a pause in the doorway of the third bedroom. Spinning to face me, she gives me a quizzical look. At first, I think she’s going to drop it like she’s been doing everything else. Something I’ve been grateful for, but she presses forward with her thoughts this time.

  “What’s that about? Why’d you say it like that?”

  I blow out a breath. I don’t want to add to the tension, so I give her an answer. Staring down at my feet, I begin to speak.

  “My stepmother used us as show pieces. We were the entertainment. Terry and I can both sing and play instruments.

  “Listening to music in the truck with you, singing for you. Those are things I’m doing solely for you. I’m not big on listening to music for pleasure. It jogs memories sometimes. Especially if I’m listening to some random station or something,” I say.

  “Oh, I didn’t know. Music calms me. I’ll make do with headphones from now on.”

  “You don’t have to. We’ll get a system for the place.”

  Sal closes the gap between us. “You don’t have to do that. I’ll be fine.”

  “It’s our place. If music calms you, we’ll have a system. You can have this room, by the way. It can be your office,” I say, pointing to the room at her back.

  “Add office furniture to the list.”

  I hold her gaze. “I’ll replace it all, you just say the word, but if you want anything from your place in New York, I’ll arrange that too,” I offer.

  Watching her place be invaded couldn’t have been easy. I’ve been thinking about this for the last two weeks. I don’t want her to have any triggers here. This is a safe space.

  “Mix already sent someone for the things I need. I’ll need to get some clothes to replace my wardrobe, but my tech stuff is already on the way. Thanks for being so thoughtful.”

  I place my forehead to hers. The surge of energy between us starts to fill the space, but she turns away, breaking the connection. I throw my head back and stare up at the ceiling.

  “Gutter,” she whispers.

  I turn to look at her sad face. “Yeah, baby girl?”

  “I don’t think—”

  Her phone chimes, cutting her off. She pulls the phone from her pocket with a grimace on her lips. However, her lips turn up and she looks at me with bright eyes when she looks up from the device.

  “Sugar’s showing signs of responsiveness,” she says as she types back quickly. Her shoulders slump. “Eva says they’re not letting anyone in her room for now. Thor is running tests.”

  “We can go shopping and head over after we get everything back here. That should give them some time to sort things out and then you can check in on her if you like, if they’ll allow.”

  “Yes, please.” She throws herself into my arms and hugs me around the neck.

  I’m a Lost Soul, of course I’m going to take advantage of this moment. This is the most she’s said to me all day. I take her lips and force back all my doubts and demons.

  She whimpers into my mouth and reaches to link her fingers into my hair. I groan and push her back against the nearest wall, lifting her onto my waist. I’m so fucking hard.

  Sal starts to grind against me, causing my need to shoot through the roof. I palm her ass and claw at her tight jeans as I grind back into her. When I break the kiss, she whimpers and bites her lip as she gives me a lust-filled look. As soon as I go to tug her lip loose, my phone rings.

 

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