It’s the most amazing feeling of my life. A long moan escapes my lips, followed by me crying out while he slams home into me. I feel breathless, I can almost taste his desire as it comes off of him.

  The punishing pace he sets proves he’s not here to play. He meant it when he said we were fucking. This isn’t the lovemaking I know from him. This is something more raw and downright nasty. I like it and I don’t feel ashamed that I like it, surprising myself and bringing tears to my eyes.

  “Don’t.” He slaps my ass. “Don’t you dare overthink this. You have a right to be fucked by your man and like it.”

  I have no words. It makes me wonder how he doesn’t get that what he said the other night is a problem. I push that thought aside with the others to just enjoy this feeling. It takes no time to get lost.

  “Fuck,” he hisses. “You’re going to tell me what I’m doing wrong and I’m going to deal with it.”

  His words aren’t a command, but more of a demanding plea. I don’t respond. Instead, I begin to give as good as I’m getting. I root my hands into the cushion and push my ass back as best I can.

  His grip tightens on my waist. “You’re mine. You promised. I won’t lose you,” he says huskily. “Fuck, yeah, keep coming on me.”

  I do just that. One orgasm turning into another, then another. It happens so fast I lose my stride and my legs start to buckle. He doesn’t stop pounding, not until his warm seed spills inside me.

  He collapses against the couch, keeping his weight off of me. His strong arms go around me, guiding me down into his lap as he twists to sit. His warm lips meet my temple.

  “Give me a minute, I’ll carry us in the room. Then we talk.”

  Chapter 37

  Heavy Heart

  Sal

  The bed dips as he crawls his big body onto the bed. He’d gone to the bathroom after carrying me into the room and placing me under the covers. I shift in bed to face him.

  He searches my face with his eyes as I look up at him. Gutter runs his fingertips across my temple, his brows furrowing. He releases a heavy breath.

  “My past is a hard thing for me to deal with. I’ve spent so much time running from it. I didn’t mean to scare you with my shit,” he huffs.

  I wrinkle my own brows. “You didn’t scare me with your shit.” I shake my head. “Listen, I totally understand you not wanting to deal with your past. Although, I do think you should see what’s going on with your cousin. That’s who keeps calling you, right? You should see what he wants.”

  “No,” he cuts me off before I can finish.

  “Pierson, I—”

  “I don’t want to talk about him,” he commands.

  I whip my head back and pause. Suddenly, it all clicks into place. The vacant look in his eyes, the closed off expression on his face.

  Gutter doesn’t get what I’m upset about because he blacks out every time we talk about Terry. He’s totally unaware of my reactions or his own words. I pause to look at this another way.

  Clearly, we have a problem. A problem he’s so unaware of because he guards himself from the topic. I sigh and rub my forehead. This seems to bring him back to the present.

  “Sal—” This time I cut him off, holding up my hand.

  “You don’t have to explain. I get it. You’re not ready to deal with him, but honey, at some point you have to. Otherwise, those demons win. You haven’t been yourself since you started receiving those calls.

  “It took a minute, but I figured out it’s him. I confirmed it when your phone rang the other night while you were in the bathroom. You have to handle it sometime,” I say cautiously.

  His jaw tightens, but this time I watch my words penetrate their mark. His silence offers a lot of information as his emotions play in his eyes. He grunts and nods.

  He closes his eyes. “I told you I’d fix the problem.” He opens his eyes, cups my face, and places a kiss on my forehead. “So, I’m doing this for you.”

  I beam up at him. I want nothing more than to see him free of the prison he has allowed himself to be trapped in. Either way, it’s time for him to find his own peace.

  “I love you,” I whisper in his ear, my heart still heavy with the topic I should address.

  Gutter

  I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling like most nights. Salalia has fallen asleep across my chest after we made love twice more. I crave her so much. These last few days have been torture. However, I know it's torture of my own doing.

  I need to deal with my cousin and make the right decisions to move on. I won’t allow my past to rob me of another thing. It really has been long enough. My phone buzzes on the nightstand, drawing my attention.

  I close my eyes. I know it’s him. My first reaction is to ignore it, but I think of the woman snoring softly on my chest and I can’t.

  I reach for the phone and sure enough, it’s Terry. I grunt and slip from under Sal, doing my damnedest not to wake her. Throwing my legs over the side of the bed, I then lift to my feet.

  Quickly, I answer the call before it can go to voicemail. “Hello,” I say low as I head for the living room.

  There’s no answer at first, but I hear breathing. My anger rises. I go to pull the phone from my ear and stab the end button, but a voice calls out.

  “Pier, don’t hang up,” Terry’s voice greets me.

  I sigh and place the phone back to my ear. Those damn demons start their clawing, pushing at the hinges of Pandora’s box. For Salalia and the relationship I want to keep, I push it all back.

  “I… I was just surprised you answered. I’ve been trying for going on a month now,” he says. “I miss you. I know I fucked up, but I really miss you.”

  I close my eyes. I can’t blame him for what was done to us. But what he did to me, the shit I had to go through because of him, he blew a hole in the little security I created for myself, for us.

  We were finally able to take care of ourselves without selling some part of us. That bullshit he pulled snatched that all from me, from us. The anger, resentment, and torment consume me. I have to let it out.

  “We promised to take care of each other. You turned your back on me… for what, Ter? Some sadistic lunatic who was beating your ass.

  “I could’ve died fighting for you, but you didn’t even give a fuck. You showed up at that hospital, high out of your fucking mind. Calling my mother the whore that ruined everything.

  “She was like a mother to you. She was your family, too. She died in a fucking car accident, she didn’t leave us or dad on purpose,” I choke the words out because they cut as deep as they did the day he spewed them.

  “I… my God, Pier, I don’t even remember saying those things. I was so fucked up.” He’s sobbing on the other end.

  “Do you remember sending me pics of you trying to kill yourself?” I snarl.

  “Yeah, that I do remember. I was so angry. The money didn’t make up for what happened to us. It couldn’t fix the shit I did to lose you in my life. I thought you would see how fucked up I was and come back,” he whispers into the line.

  “I couldn’t, Ter. You want to know why?”

  “I… you gave up on me,” he says weakly.

  “No, I couldn’t be there for you, because while you were texting me, I was lying in my own filth, trying to drink myself to death,” I seethe.

  Silence, I’m greeted by nothing but silence. I want to crush my phone in my bare hand. His words from that night so long ago in that hospital ring so loudly in my ears.

  “You’re a whore just like me, Pier. So what, you work for that fancy club and that overpriced escort service. If they want service, you’re down on your fucking knees just like me,” he threw at me.

  “I suck cock, but your mouth is no stranger to giving head. If you look at me like I’m shit, you're shit too,” he taunted.

  I hadn’t looked at him like he was shit because of what we had to do. I looked at him like he was shit because of the bile that seeped from his lips. His words cut deep, they hit me like an arrow to the heart.

  I already loathed myself. He didn’t have to make it worse. Sure, by that time, I was no longer dancing, but I did work the escort service from time to time. Whenever Terry fucked things up and I needed a little more cash, which was becoming more often.

  His words stuck to me like cheap cologne. I couldn’t get them off. The night I tried to kill myself, it was as if he were screaming them at me all over again, but louder.

  “I didn’t know,” he finally says.

  “Yeah, you wouldn’t.”

  “I’ve changed, Pier. I got some help. I’m doing better,” he whispers.

  “I know. At least, that’s what it looks like.”

  “What, what do you mean?”

  “I run a security firm. I have my boys look in on you from time to time.”

  There’s another pause. I just wait. I want to be done with this conversation. When Terry says nothing for a few beats, I open my mouth to find out what he wants.

  “They mustn’t have checked on me lately,” he says, and for the first time, I pick up on something out of place.

  He sounds scared, nervous. Something tells me it has nothing to do with this conversation. I never did look at the latest report on his life.

  I stuck it in the bottom of my desk drawer after Diggs handed it over. I close my eyes because I know I’m about to butt in. I promised I wouldn’t, but I’m going to break that promise right now.

  “Yeah, they’ve been busy the last few weeks,” I half lie. Ter, what the fuck is going on?”

  “I’m in trouble, Pier. It’s not drugs or any of that bullshit I used to get into. Well, it’s one of the things I used to get into. I’ve always been bad at picking partners,” he snorts humorlessly.

  “Fuck, no, Ter. I’m not putting my life on the line for some bullshit again, just for you to walk right back into it,” I growl. “I have my woman to think about.”

  “You found someone,” the joy in his voice sounds genuine.

  “Yeah.”

  “Good, good,” Terry says. “But Pier, it’s not like that. I want out and I want out for good. He’s trying to take my business from me. I built everything I have.

  “That money from Dad and the house. It’s all in an offshore account. I don’t touch it. I’m sure he would kill me to get his hands on that if he knew. Pier, you’re all I have. I don’t know what else to do,” his voice trembles.

  I close my eyes, vibrating with anger. I only calm when she wraps her arms around me. Salalia places a kiss on the back of my neck and then my back.

  “Pier, are you there? Please, he left town for a few weeks. That’s why I’ve been trying to reach you. He has me watched. You’re the only person I know who can get my ass out of here. Please,” he pleads.

  I’m thrown back in time, again. This time to one of the nights Ter was balled up, pleading with me to figure out how we could get help. He had begged me then, before things had gone too far.

  I was too young to do anything at the time. Now, I have the resources and the muscle. For once, I know I could save him if I tried.

  “You bring this shit to my door, to my woman, we’re done, Ter. I save you, it doesn’t blowback on my woman’s doorstep. Otherwise, I’ll be the one you need saving from,” I snarl.

  “I’m happy for you,” he says. “I don’t want to take that from you. I just need your help.”

  “Who’s this fucker?”

  Terry takes a minute to respond. “Sergio Rossi, I met him in Milan, when I did my first showing.”

  “Christ,” I hiss. Terry really does know how to pick them. “Do you just sniff shit out?”

  “I had no idea,” Terry sobs. “He was so nice to me in the beginning. I thought my love life was turning around like everything else.”

  “How long?” I grunt. “How long do we have before he returns?”

  I need time to get a team together. I’ve been stretching my men thin, looking for Spencer and Hoover. I’ll need a little time.

  “Three days. I only have three more days,” he replies.

  “I’ll be in touch,” I grumble and end the call.

  Chapter 38

  Box Opened

  Gutter

  The room was so dark. I could hear the moans and groans of both women and men. I moved forward and in the corner, two guys sucked each other off.

  “You’re worthless. You couldn’t even stay beautiful like my other pet,” she hisses at me.

  My skin crawled. I hated the sound of her voice. It grated my nerves. I spun around, looking for Terry. When I found him, he was across the room being held down.

  “No,” I yelled and took off to help him.

  The more I ran, the farther across the room he was. I pushed my legs harder, but I couldn’t get there. Suddenly, I could see him, but no one was holding him down.

  He was in a bathtub full of blood. She’s there beside him, stroking his hair. “My pretty one. Come fellas, you can all have a taste,” Melody purred.

  “No, get away from him. I’ll kill you all,” I bellowed.

  Someone grabbed me by the shoulders, restraining me. I go into survival mode. This wasn’t going to happen again.

  Sal

  I blink my eyes open, groggy and disoriented at first. Whimpers fill the room, and the bed is rocking. I turn my head to see Gutter tossing and turning in his sleep. He’s soaked, sweat is dripping from his face and covers his chest.

  He was so agitated after the call I found him on. It had taken him a while to fall asleep. I followed shortly after. He’d looked so peaceful then. Now, he looks like he is literally being tormented.

  I reach for him and shake his shoulder. “Pierson, babe—”

  I’m pinned flat on my back, he straddles my body with his big one with his hands around my throat. I can’t breathe as he chokes me, crushing my windpipe. His eyes are unfocused, and a snarl is on his face.

  “Gutter,” I spatter, trying to get through to him. Tears leak out the corners of my eyes. “Gutter.”

  I see the moment his eyes clear. Panic replaces rage. He releases my neck and shoves his hands into his hair. He pulls at his damp strands.

  I sit up, rubbing my neck. He jumps up from the bed and backs away from me. He shakes his head as if to clear it. Pulling his hands from his hair, he looks down at them as if they belong to another.

  “Fuck, fuck,” he roars. “I’m so sorry. I knew this shit would happen. I’m so sorry, baby.”

  “I’m fine,” I say in a raspy voice.

  His eyes widen. He starts to move closer to the bed, but stops. He closes his eyes and beats a hand across his chest as if doing so to punish himself. When he does it twice more, I jump from the bed to run to him.

  I grab his hand in mine, needing both hands to match his strength. “Please, Pierson. Stop it, I’m fine.” My voice still comes out raw.

  A sob rips from his chest and he buries his face in my hair. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” he sobs.

  He wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me in tightly to him. His entire body shakes against me as he breaks down. I try to wrap my arms around him, but he slides down to his knees, burying his face in my belly.

  “I’m so sorry,” he says again, sounding like a wounded animal.

  It breaks my heart to see my big, strong man falling apart at my feet. It’s like I’m getting a glimpse of the frightened boy he once was. The anguish in his voice tears at my soul.

  “You had a bad dream. You didn’t mean it,” I say softly, hoping to soothe his ache.

  “I could’ve hurt you. I could’ve killed you,” he groans.

  “I’d say we’re even,” I try to joke.

  He looks up at me, tears swimming in his beautiful eyes. My humor is lost in the moment. He grabs the backs of my thighs, squeezing tightly.

  “You mean everything to me. I can’t ever put you at risk like that again,” he says in all seriousness.

  “What?” I snort. “So, we’re sleeping in separate beds for the rest of our lives?”

  He turns his head away from me. I gasp. He’s seriously considering this. I drop to my own knees and cup his face. He won’t turn to me at first. I duck my head to search for his eyes.

  “Pierson,” I say gently.

  He turns and locks gazes with me. “You and I are so fucked up. We’re going to have times like this. Maybe we can go see someone together, but what we’re not going to do, is let this come between us. We have enough shit going on as it is,” I say with determination.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He kisses my forehead. “I won’t make it back to sleep tonight. Go to bed. I’m going for a ride.”

  I get ready to protest, but he silences me with a kiss on the lips. When he breaks the kiss, he pecks my forehead. Lifting to his feet, he reaches out his hand to help me up.

  I stand and stare at him for a few moments. When I don’t move toward the bed, he leads me to it. I reluctantly climb in, watching in silence as he gets dressed and heads out.

  Boy, we’re a fucked-up pair. Even my thoughts sigh at that truth.

  Gutter

  I feel like less than a man. My job is to keep Salalia safe and I’m now the one I need to keep her safe from. I can’t get her face out of my head. The fear, the panic, the pleading in her eyes for me to let go.

  I would never put my hands on a woman. To wake up and comprehend that I had my hands around Sal’s neck tore a hole through me. Even riding my bike isn’t able to keep my demons at bay tonight. They’re nipping on my heels.

  I stomp my way into my office and stop in surprise to find Diggs in the waiting area. There’s a gallon of Jack sitting on the coffee table before him. He looks up through his lashes and I can see the damaged soul staring back at me.

  “I told them I wanted to be left alone,” he says through a clenched jaw.

  “Don’t know what you’re talking about. Got my own shit I’m standing in,” I grunt back.

 

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