My kind of perfect, p.29
My Kind of Perfect, page 29
On Friday, after all their stuff had been moved into the inn, we hosted Emily’s bachelorette party in the lobby. It was very much like Drunk Puzzle Night, except with a dozen extra gals and a puzzle shaped like a penis. And then we played Pin the Penis on the Cover Model, Draw a Penis While Blindfolded, and Penis Ring Toss. No one should ever let Marnie be in charge of games.
On Saturday, while I was mildly hungover from too many Penis Coladas, the Taggert clan arrived, and seeing Tag was every bit as weird and awkward as I’d imagined. Even weirder than walking into the lake naked, and I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because we had so much history together and yet everyone was pretending that we didn’t. No one mentioned our past association, including Tag and me.
Ryan’s brothers, Jack and Bryce, and Bryce’s wife, Trish, were all cordial but not overly familiar, as if those months I’d spent in Sacramento had never happened. Maybe that was for the best. Because what was there to say? My relationship with Tag was recent enough that reminiscing would hurt, but long enough ago for everyone to be fairly certain that no sparks were about to be reignited.
And they weren’t. No sparks at all. In fact, Tag looked . . . older to me. So much older that I pulled up some pictures on my phone from our trip to Portugal last spring just to see if my eyes were playing tricks on me, and realized he actually looked pretty much the same. It was just a change in my perspective. Apparently, my love goggles had foggy lenses. He was still handsome, for an old guy . . . but no sparks.
The days progressed. We all did wedding-y things, and family things, and touristy things. The inevitable roar of rumors about me doing a nude scene and kissing movie star Jayden Pierce spun around the island like a dervish. Gigi gave me a high five; my father gave me a stern look. That was about it. I didn’t bother to confirm or deny anything but simply said I’d signed a nondisclosure agreement that prevented me from talking about the movie, which satisfied no one except for me. Because I didn’t want to talk about it. I wasn’t embarrassed or ashamed, but I wasn’t interested in adding fuel to that particular fire, either.
Rumors about Matt having left the island spun around, too, but few people asked me about that directly. I’m sure there was speculation and conjecture and suspicion. Undoubtedly there were assumptions and suppositions and a vast amount of guesswork. No wonder Matt had left. He didn’t like people prying into his personal affairs, and yet his departure only added ammunition to the rapid-fire gossiping.
On Wednesday, I did one more stint as an extra, but Jayden wasn’t there. He sent me a text on Thursday, though, asking if I could meet for lunch at the Imperial Hotel. With Matt gone, I had no reason to say no. Who cared if people talked? Plus, I was pretty sure the movie gang would be leaving soon, and I did want a chance to tell him goodbye. We’d had fun, and it wasn’t his fault my new boyfriend couldn’t handle a little emotional noise.
“We did our final shots yesterday, so we’re officially done with filming,” Jayden confirmed as he snarfed down a club sandwich and then asked if I was going to finish my baked potato soup. I shook my head and pushed my bowl in his direction.
“Is Griffin happy with how things went?” I asked.
“He’s as happy as Griffin ever is. He’s not more cranky than usual, and I might even go so far as to say he’s infinitesimally less cranky, so let’s say . . . yes, I think he’s happy.”
“And how is Skylar’s ass?”
“Her ass is splotchy and she’s remorseful.”
“Remorseful?”
He paused with a soup spoon halfway to his mouth. “I assume you know by now that everybody on this island heard about our lake scene, right?”
“Oh yes. I’m well aware. Everyone at church was super nice to me about it.”
“Really?”
Leave it to Jayden to miss the obvious sarcasm. “No, they were not. Delores Crenshaw has started a petition to have me publicly shunned. But this, too, shall pass. As my grandmother said, ‘You can bet your bottom dollar they couldn’t get a dollar for their bottoms.’ She says the ones crowing the loudest are just jealous.”
Jayden chuckled. “Well, they should be. You have a great ass.”
“Thanks. Hope it looks that way on film.”
“It does. Griff showed me the dailies. You have nothing to worry about.”
“Really? So I look okay?”
“Phenomenal.”
I laughed then because there surely wouldn’t be many times in my life when a movie star paid me a compliment. In fact, this might be the very last time, so I decided to take it as a win. Sure, it was superficial, but in the moment, I was okay with that.
“I’m glad to hear it. And don’t forget you guys all promised to read my friend’s screenplay.”
Jayden dipped a french fry into the ketchup on his plate. “Already did. It’s good. I’ll make Griffin read it on the plane. Who knows? Maybe we’ll be back here someday.” He crooked an eyebrow at me suggestively.
“On behalf of Deputy Leo, I hope so.”
“Just on behalf of Deputy Leo? What about you? Do you want me to come back?” His grin was charming as ever. “Maybe things won’t work out with that new guy.”
If anyone else had said that, it might have sounded crass, but I knew him well enough to understand the teasing behind it. That was just Jayden being Jayden. He probably had a line of girls waiting for him back in California.
Nonetheless I said, “I’ll keep you posted.”
He dunked another fry. “Good, because just for the record, if Rashida hadn’t threatened me with bodily injury, I totally would’ve hit on you.”
“You would have?”
“Of course. And the offer still stands, just so you know.”
“So, in other words, I’m on your list?”
“Exactly.”
Chapter 33
Ryan and Emily’s rehearsal dinner was Friday evening at Tate’s Tavern on the Bluff. The sun was low and golden in the sky, and the cocktails had been flowing since early afternoon. Everyone was feeling happy and mellow and loving, and I wanted to sink into the warmth and enjoy myself. This was a wonderful and special occasion. But I missed Matt. His absence was like a fog all around me.
While I’d been annoyed after he’d first left, I’d tried to appreciate his need for space. Now, after ten days of hearing nothing at all, I was, quite frankly, getting worried. Was it possible we’d seen the last of Yoga Matt? My heart bounced between fracturing at the thought of that and steadily thumping with the certainty that he’d come back. Eventually. Then I’d get annoyed again, and so the cycle continued.
I did a pretty commendable job at playing happy around other people. Only Brooke seemed to sense my distress. She wasn’t usually that intuitive about people’s feelings, but since she’d all but raised me, maybe she had a special sort of substitute-mother’s intuition.
“He’ll be back,” she said to me that evening as we sat on a bench under a shady tree on Tate’s patio.
“He’ll come back to the island, probably. I think. I’m just not sure he’ll be coming back to me,” I said with a sigh.
“He’ll come back to you,” she said decisively. “I’ve seen the way he looks at you. He’s in love.”
I shook my head. “He may love me, but he doesn’t trust me, and you can’t really have one without the other.” I wanted to tell her all about his brother and his ex-fiancée and his mother, but I didn’t. That wasn’t my story to share. But if I did, Brooke might realize that once Matt left someone, he really left them. It was the thought that made my heart go cold every time it crossed my mind. Had I broken something that couldn’t be fixed?
“It’s true you can’t have love without trust,” Brooke said with a nod, “but sometimes trust can take a bit of a beating and still bounce back.”
“What makes you think so?”
“Well . . . Leo wasn’t exactly honest with me when we first met, and look at us now. Solid as a couple of rocks.”
I chuckled at her analogy. “Rocks, huh? That sounds super romantic.”
She cuffed me gently on the shoulder. “It is if you like rocks, and we both like rocks, so shut up.”
Leo joined us a few minutes later.
“How’s it going?” he asked pleasantly.
“Good,” I answered. “Looks like those crazy kids are going to make it down the aisle tomorrow.”
“Yep, looks like they are.”
“Feeling inspired?” I teased as he sat down next to my sister. Brooke blushed and pinched me discreetly at my indiscreet question, but Leo chuckled.
“Maybe. This is where we had our first date, right, Brooke?” he asked, causing her blush to deepen.
“Yes, it is.” They exchanged a glance so loving that I couldn’t suppress a forlorn sigh.
Leo tore his eyes away from my sister and looked back at me. “Hey, by the way, I wanted to thank you for asking your movie friends to read my screenplay. I don’t imagine anything will come from it, but it’s worth a shot, right?”
I nodded. “Absolutely. Jayden already read it and said he really enjoyed it.”
“He did?” Now it was Leo’s turn to blush, and I noticed that his scar from walking into the lamppost was fading nicely.
I nodded again. “He said he’d have Griffin read it on the plane. Who knows? This could be your big break. Stranger things have happened.”
“Let’s hope. There’s something else I wanted to mention to you, too,” Leo said, still looking at me.
“Yes?”
“Matt’s back.”
“Oh.” I gulped and didn’t know what else to say. I’d given up sending the morning heart emojis a few days ago and had settled into a kind of resigned holding pattern. If he wanted to ignore me, I wasn’t going to beg. But if he was back . . .
My longing turned back to annoyance. He was back, and still he hadn’t bothered to contact me?
“He got home this afternoon,” Leo continued. “But he didn’t want to bug you because he figured you were in the middle of wedding stuff.”
“How thoughtful.” My tone was beach-sand dry, and Brooke gave me an arched-brow I told you so.
Leo chuckled. “Right. Anyway, I got the impression that if you were to be available anytime later this evening, he’s probably available, too. I know he wants to see you.”
“Oh,” I said again.
“He had a pretty interesting visit with his grandmother, so . . . yeah. There’s that.”
“Could you be more cryptic? Because I’m not quite agitated enough by the fact that he’s back and still hasn’t called me.” I crossed my arms and glared at the messenger.
But Leo laughed and stood, pulling Brooke up with him. “I’m a little beyond the passing notes in study hall phase. I think you two need to talk to each other. But I will say”—he lowered his voice conspiratorially—“after spending a week with your old boyfriend, Tag, Matt’s a way better guy. Tag’s kind of an asshole.”
Brooke snorted in agreement, and I smiled then, because I’d been noticing the same thing. Not sure how I’d missed it before, but I knew Leo was right. Tag was pretentious.
Matt was a far better guy.
Even if he had left me high and dry and unread for ten freaking days.
“Come on,” Brooke said, gesturing to me. “We should all get back.”
She was right, of course. We were in the middle of Ryan and Emily’s rehearsal dinner extravaganza, but now my mind was thoroughly and entirely on Matt.
I checked my phone when we got back inside the restaurant and realized he’d left me a message after all.
HI. I’M HOME. I KNOW YOU’RE BUSY WITH FAMILY BUT VERY MUCH WANT TO SEE YOU. ANY CHANCE YOU’VE GOT A FEW MINUTES FREE TONIGHT?
I waited half an hour before responding—because he’d kept me waiting for over a week, and texting strategy demanded it. I did have some pride, after all, but as soon as I told Emily he was back in town, she shooed me away to go find him.
“Go,” she said. “Go make nice. I can’t have two of your old boyfriends moping around at my wedding.”
So I walked onto the patio and sent him a message . . .
I’M AT TATES.
He responded immediately.
I KNOW. ME TOO. BEEN WAITING FOR YOU TO RESPOND.
I looked around and spotted him sitting on a bench identical to the one I’d been on earlier, but it was near the end of the long cobblestone driveway leading to the restaurant.
There was no avoiding him now, and all the feelings I’d been keeping inside started to swirl. The longing, the frustration, the uncertainty. He was wrong to have left me for so long without so much as a word. It wasn’t fair. Noise or no noise, he owed me more than that. And then there was the worry and the agitation and the ache of missing him. My heart and my head were at war, and it was quite possible that only Matt could declare which was the victor.
I walked down the path in my flowy flowered dress knowing I looked good and wanting him to notice. I wanted him to remember what he’d been missing. I wanted him to set aside all those concerns of his and take a leap of faith with me. After he’d apologized profusely, of course.
He stood up and watched as I approached, a tentative smile on his face, but I didn’t lean in to hug him. I crossed my arms instead. I was a rock. But not a romantic rock like Brooke and Leo. I was an impervious rock that wasn’t about to fling myself into his arms just because he’d finally bothered to come back. Even though he looked so very good with his tan skin and his hair tousled by the breeze.
“Will you sit with me for a minute?” he asked, gesturing to the bench.
“I guess,” I said, plopping down and staring straight ahead.
I heard his soft chuckle, and for a man who should be full of remorse, he was not off to a good start.
“I screwed up big-time,” he said at last, and I stole a glance in his direction. He was sitting sideways on the bench, fully turned toward me.
“Ya think?” I asked.
“Yes. Very much yes.” His pause made me glance at him again, and his open expression made my heart tumble involuntarily in my chest.
“Lilly, I missed you like crazy. The whole damn time. I tried not to, but it was just no use. When I finally told my grandmother everything that was on my mind, do you know what she said?”
I shrugged with feigned indifference. “I’m sure I have no idea.”
Matt chuckled again. “She said you were totally right and that I was a chickenshit.”
I plucked at the fabric of my dress. “She sounds very wise.”
“She is, and so I’m back, but there’s a couple things I need to explain and I hope you’ll understand.”
I deigned to look over at him.
“Lilly,” he said on a sigh, “I’ve spent the past year and a half trying to process old, destructive feelings while not letting myself be controlled by them, but I realize now all I really did was shut down and avoid feeling anything at all. But when you walked into the Cahill house that day, I couldn’t not feel it. I couldn’t ignore my attraction to you, and the more we talked, the more time we spent together, well, everything about you woke me up. It cracked me open, and suddenly everything was spilling out, and you’re right. It scared me. A lot.”
I uncrossed my arms and looked his way and saw all the earnestness he had to offer. He was getting better at apologizing. So far.
“Being around you made me want things again,” he continued. “Looking at you, I could see all the stuff I craved but thought I wasn’t worthy of. The house and the family and the dogs and the cats. A garden with our initials in it. Then I saw you willing to commit to caring about me and standing by me. That was the scariest thing ever. You were calling my bluff.”
He reached out and trailed a finger softly down my arm until it rested on my hand. “But there was also Tag floating over you like a shadow, and then there was Jayden tapping on your shoulder and constantly pulling you away, and I guess that was just too much for me. Wanting you and wanting all you had to offer was just too much. Because . . . what if I lost you?” He took hold of my hand then, and I let him grasp it as he stared into my eyes and said softly, “What if someone smarter, or richer, or better than me comes along and I lose you?”
Tears welled in my eyes, and the hurt I’d felt at his absence slipped away like a morning mist. He was back, and he was back for me.
“You won’t lose me, Matt, because when I look at you, I see all of those same things. The house and the kids and the pets and the gardens. Those are the things I want, and you’re the man I want to share them with.”
“Still? Even now? After I ran off like a jackass?” His smile was sheepish but hopeful as he squeezed my hand more tightly.
“Still. And always. But promise me you won’t do that again. This was the longest ten days of my life, and from now on, if there’s a problem or an issue or if there’s something that scares us, we need to talk to each other about it and work through it together. Like a partnership. There’s no relationship if we’re not honest about how we feel, Matt. And there’s no relationship if we don’t trust each other. So . . . are you ready, willing, and able to trust me?”
He nodded solemnly. “I am. I do trust you. I was carrying around a lot of old hurts, but I think I’ve finally faced all that. I’m looking forward now. I guess the question is, are you ready, willing, and able to trust me back?”
Boy, was I. I squeezed his hand in return and answered emphatically, “Yes.”
“Good. I like the sound of that. Do you know what else I like?”
“Me?”
“God, yes. So damn much.” He moved closer to me on the bench. “Did you know that it’s possible to think about someone twenty-four hours a day? Because that’s how much I thought about you. The more I tried to shut out the world, the more thoughts of you consumed me. It was aggravating.”
I smiled because I knew it was a compliment.
“Well, you did a pretty good job of keeping that a secret,” I said. “You didn’t call me one single time.” Yes, I’d forgiven him, but that still stung.
