Say smiled awkwardly at the screen and Karen gave up, reached an arm into the live camera feed, and pulled the rope herself. A shower of pink goop fell all over Say’s head, but at least his segment was over. The ‘live’ studio audience clapped wildly.

  After sixteen grueling more minutes the morning news was finally over and I was more worried than before. How could there be a new weatherman? Don had the job for life.

  I raced to the window and got ready to leap on my quest to find Don before the News at Noon, but I was stopped by Window Security. I didn’t even know we had Window Security.

  “Where do you think you’re going?” Karen’s voice barely could be heard over the sound of her aggressive clipboard ticking.

  “In case you didn’t notice, Don is missing. I need to go look for him.” I said, while struggling in the tight grip of Window Security.

  “No. You don’t. You have to go report this Breaking News that just came in.” Karen said smugly, her hand holding the Emergency Report letter.

  “Get someone else to shill for your elitist nut store buddies. This is more important.”

  “Hmmm…” Karen smiled, and then turned around. “In that case don’t find out what happened to Don. See if I care.” She held up the envelope over her shoulder.

  “That Breaking News is about Don?” I said in shock.

  “Sure is. But if you’d rather go swoop around the city looking for him instead you are more than welcome to.”

  She wore an ‘As smug as someone who aced the finals of that correspondence course for smugness that Chet was taking earlier when I didn’t like him’ expression on her face. I wanted to swoop out of there, just to show her, but this was about Don. Don was more important than wiping the smug off someone’s face. I grabbed the envelope from her and returned to the newsroom.

  I was surprised to see make-up working on Torrance. Apparently, he was officially a news anchor at the station now, even with his amazingly terrible first segment. He didn’t look like his stomach had settled yet.

  The on-air light blinked on and it was time for action. I spoke.

  “Hello Maxima City, we are sorry to interrupt your previously scheduled broadcast of The Best of Cooking With Mesmo: Two Glorious Decades and Still More to Come, with this shocking breaking news report. The Neutral News Network’s very own weatherman Don Wethermin, has given up the Neutral life as a reporter and fallen back into his previous life of one of Maxima’s City’s greatest Malevolents of all time.”

  “What? That isn’t possible.” I heard Calamity shout out.

  “This can’t be true.” I replied without thinking.

  I was lost, so Karen defaulted the text colour to Chet so that he could continue the report.

  “It sounds crazy Sue, but it is true. Really? It is? We have exclusive live footage of Don Wethermin, also known by his Mal alias of The Weatherman from just mere moments ago as he blew up the Maxima City Museum of Scientific Achievements to steal his previously ‘donated’ weather controlling machine, The Global Dominator Mark I.”

  “He did what?” Calamity shouted.

  We watched the footage on our screens. It was unmistakable. Don was there, at the museum wearing clothes that didn’t even come close to fitting him. He lifted up the deadly ray gun that he often used to warm my morning tea and fired. The wall of the building exploded in a mess of rocks and sand. He grabbed his old weather dominating machine, loaded it into a 1971 pink Cadillac, and sped off before anyone could stop him.

  “Hey,” Torrance shouted, “That’s my car!”

  The screen came back to me, I said my lines in shock.

  “You may remember that the Neutral News Network’s former employee, Don Wethermin, was the notorious Mal, The Weatherman. The Weatherman was one of the city’s greatest threats and one of the original six founding members of The Coalition of Evil until he gave up his vice grip on the city in exchange for the position of Maxima City’s official weatherman. If you have any information as to the location of this dangerous criminal, please contact the number on the bottom of your screen. Remember, he is armed and considered very dangerous.”

  “He is?” Chet asked in amazement. “Don?”

  “I guess?” I replied.

  The on-air light blinked off and the employees of the station who had not come packaged with Karen went into a buzz of theories, panic, and questions. No one could believe what they had seen, and I couldn’t blame them, I didn’t believe it either. Just a few hours ago Don and I were trying to get up to the roof, and now he had returned to his life of crime? That didn’t make sense.

  I had to get out of here and do some field investigation, but I couldn’t. Karen was staring at me and I was deep in her talons. I couldn’t do anything until after tonight’s evening news.

  Chapter 11

  There were police, Bennies, and the Army everywhere. They were crawling all over the main floor, looking through Don’s apartment, the hallway, and Chet’s apartment, which had been taken over as a base of operations for the GOOD GUYs and was now off limits. So much for this being the ‘Neutral Zone’ where no one interfered.

  I now had Chet signed up to sleep on my couch, and Calamity already sleeping beside it. I’d call that significantly interfering with my life.

  I couldn’t search Don’s place, but there were still many places to search. Starting with…

  I scowled at my arch-nemesis. This was it. Our dramatic final battle. But this time, I had come prepared.

  I pressed the elevator call button, but didn’t use a wrench, or a pen, or a pencil, oh no. That was exactly what it was expecting me to do. I knew it had plans to still get me even if I used such an extension. It was too crafty an adversary to fall for that cheap trick. I grinned at it. It stared back.

  “A Shocker Talent can’t defeat another Shocker Talent unless I use my own greatest weakness against you. Eat vulcanized rubber, fiend!”

  With one swift motion, I lifted up my leg and executed a spinning back-kick on the button, pressing it in with the toe of my sneaker. Pow! The elevator dinged. I had done it. I had called the elevator and not been shocked. I had finally won.

  “Not so high and mighty now are you?!” I cackled evilly at my defeated opponent. Yes, I had been a Bennie before becoming a news anchor, but that didn’t mean that I hadn’t practiced an evil laugh in the mirror, just in case.

  The elevator doors opened and I was finally their queen.

  “Hmmm…”, I tapped my lips with my finger. “What do we have here?”

  The panel to the elevator was missing a screw that it was not missing earlier this morning. I wiggled the panel a little and it lifted up in my hands. Don. Don had been in here. He had jury rigged the elevator to go up to the roof and the sixth floor and—

  Ding!

  The elevator had been called to the first floor and started to move down. That floor was filled with people on the hunt for Don, I was trapped in here and I panicked. How could I possibly escape? I only had a few seconds and—

  Oh right. I can fly. I flew through the never-actually-had-anything-covering-it-in-the first-place part of the escape hatch and lightly settled on the top of the car. The door dinged open. Bennies.

  “Hey, look at that access panel. It is all tricked out with Electronics Talent junk.” Awesome Man noted.

  “How did we miss that the first time?” The Hotness replied.

  The Hotness and Awesome Man? They were named members of the Liberty Gang. What were those two doing here working on some nameless henchman level of quest? This had to be higher up than I had suspected. It wasn’t like they were going to be demoted to henchperson without the entire city finding out.

  Also, I had just shown them how Don had made it to the roof, and they presumably were trying to figure that part out but hadn’t. Good job on that one Sue. Awesome Man levels of awesome work.

  I flew up the shaft silently but I couldn’t get the roof door to open, not without the elevator itself. However, I didn’t need an elevator to get onto the roof, which was the ace I had hidden up my sleeve to thwart my elevator nemesis. I could fly.

  I couldn’t fly. The entire outside was swarming with witnesses and my flying suit was the regulation neutral 75% or more fluorescent yellow. I had been thwarted myself, but I didn’t go back and tell the elevator. I didn’t need that hanging over me as well.

  I paced around the building looking for anything that could help. I had a brief moment of joy when I noticed that the window that I had always kept closed to avoid my place looking like a prison actually was one of the windows in the building that lead to the fire escape, and therefore the roof, but it didn’t take long for me to remember that floor 3-5’s portion of the fire escape had been destroyed when that whatever-faction-he-was-in-now Wrecking Ball character fell into it two weeks ago and earned himself a warning from the Neutral Force.

  I wasn’t sure what else I could do. Well, I could get the mail. I was right near there anyway, so that was something. Approaching the front door was strange, I don’t think I had ever once used this entrance. I was always coming in through the parkade. I didn’t even know that there was a buzzer board you could use to buzz people in. It made sense that there was one, people ordered pizza and had guests after all, I had ordered pizza once, maybe.

  I looked at the board and had a bit of a heart skip. They hadn’t removed anyone from here that had been evicted yet. I pressed in the little plastic letters on their names while I remembered them.

  The very first name on here was someone that was gone.

  #601. Aaron Aaronson. Ah, Aaron. He was a surly so-and-so but I liked him. The graphics department hadn’t been the same without him and the Karen replacement had made some pretty terrible corner graphics.

  #602. Carl Bingson. Oh, Cameraman #1 Carl. I held back a tear. Poor sweet Carl.

  The next name was also someone that had been fired. #603. Duke Bleartstaff, the person that filled the vending machines. I was expecting at least a few between the names I went by to have not been fired.

  I went down the list curious now.

  #604 - Barton Bonesworth. Fired.

  #605 - Ginger Bunson. Fired.

  #606 - Wezzle Bwezzler. Fired.

  #607 – Carol Carnival. Fired.

  #608 - Mia Clovers. Fired.

  I continued down the list until…

  #622 – Sandy Forsythe Edwards. Fired.

  #501 – Sandy Forsythia Edwards. Not fired.

  What? Alphabetical? They had fired people strictly based on the alphabet. Everyone before the second Sandy was fired. No, wait. This was even better. Everyone on the 6th floor was fired. We had been assigned into these rooms based on alphabetical order and nothing more? I had no idea, but it did explain why we got moved around twice a year.

  “Oh snap!” I said out loud.

  I heard a soft whirring noise and stopped dead in my deduction. Most wouldn’t have even heard it, but I, with my years of experience recognized that sound instantly. It was a camera, a zooming in camera. A cute glance at my watch confirmed it. It was a camera, the building security camera, and it had zoomed in on me. I was being watched.

  I pointed to my name on the list. “I can’t believe it! My name IS spelled wrong on this thing. That pizza boy was right. Suzanna? With a Zed? I am going to file a formal complaint about this.” I tossed my hair to show how indignant I was over the whole debacle, which was a little because my name was legitimately spelled wrong on that list.

  I barged into the apartment building and got my mail, all while the camera in the lobby followed my every move. The shoelace on my sneaker was discovered to be undone in the hallway and was retied, all while the camera in the hallway watched. I fumbled with my keys near the door and the camera stopped to watch.

  The door to my apartment closed behind me. I was in a panic, breathing heavy, and had a light sweat. Chet and Calamity looked up from Chet’s cup stacking tricks, which indeed counted as a real sport according to his Talent. I rushed to the chair that clashed terribly with the couch, and sat down.

  “I need to talk to you both right now!” I gasped out.

  Calamity, Chet, and my floor lamp all leaned in excitedly to get a better listen. All of the colour drained from my face. All sorts of memories and forgotten thoughts rushed into my mind at once. So many things now made sense.

  That ugly six on the wall clock with the strange big bottom? Hidden camera.

  That ceramic frog by the sink that should have been used for keeping scrubbing pads but instead had mesh over its mouth? Hidden microphone.

  That nightlight that was permanently stuck in the socket? Hidden motion detector.

  My entire place was bugged. Everyone’s entire place was bugged.

  “You okay?” Chet asked me as he straightened the tie that he had gotten from Norton that had the NNN logo emblazed on an engraved pin that—

  Dammit! That was a bug. My tenth anniversary golden microphone earrings were probably real microphones.

  “Uh, Sue?” Calamity asked while still in her Calamity’s Corner outfit that definitely had a microphone in it. Anything that the company had ever provided us could no longer be trusted.

  “Sorry,” I said, “Lost in thought because my idea is so great! Uh… Since we are all sleeping here anyway, we should totally make it worthwhile and have ourselves a real slumber party!”

  “Oh yeah!” Calamity cheered. “A real honest to goodness girl’s night? I’ve never done one of those before. I. AM. SO. ONBOARD.”

  “But, I'm a guy?” Chet questioned.

  That was true, Chet had a good point but I needed him onboard so that I could test the theories that were going through my mind.

  “Chetters, I know that! Girl’s night has nothing to do with gender. We can still make popcorn and watch movies, and sing into our hair brushes while we listen to the radio!” I said with some glee.

  “And we are going to stay up so late!” Calamity squealed.

  Chet looked at me with an expression that said “Were you visited by three ghosts during the night who convinced you to change your miserly ways at a shot of redemption?” but he tentatively smiled after I gave a forced smile.

  Calamity was simply excited. She was all for this.

  “You two look through my movies. They are under the television. I'm going to go make us some popcorn!”

  I fled into the kitchen to open the cupboards. It was exactly as I had feared, but I had already known that. I didn't have popcorn in my house. Why did I say I had popcorn and not snacks? I had snacks, right? I looked deeper into my food supply. No, I had no party foods in here at all. I wasn't set up to have a party.

  “You only have three movies in here, Sue.” Chet called out from the living room.

  That was more movies than I thought I owned honestly.

  “They are VHS tapes. Do you actually still have a VHS player?” Chet asked.

  “I sure hope so!” I called from the kitchen as I assembled what could maybe be described as snacks.

  “None of these tapes have labels.” Calamity questioned.

  “That's half the fun!” I guessed.

  The knots in my stomach got knots of their own. Those tapes have been left here by the last resident; anything or nothing could be on those. I had no idea.

  “Who is ready for some snacks?” I came into the living room with a platter of ‘delicious’ ‘snacks’.

  Chet gave them a look.

  “Rice cakes? Slices of eggplant? A serving bowl full of… what is that… All Bran? And three cups of tea?”

  “Yep!”

  “Are those white cheddar rice cakes?” Calamity asked.

  “Double yep!”

  I probably could have gone with just the rice cakes considering those are made out of popcorn. Still, when you're panicked, things just kind of happen how they happen.

  “So, we picked the orange tape.” Chet said.

  “Good choice.” I hoped it was, I really hoped it was.

  “How do you work your VCR?” Chet asked, fiddling with the knobs.

  “No idea!” I smiled back.

  After a few minutes and some cable adjustments the VCR started to work. The orange video was a recording of Captain Adjectives VS. The Omega Woman 4: in 3D! This was the non 3D version that had been edited for television and had commercial breaks. Not the best thing but cheesy and from the 80s and kind of terrible so it was perfect!

  We watched a good half-hour of the cheesy movie while eating our cheesy rice cakes, which I will admit, was more fun than I had expected it to be. During the next commercial break I went to go get some ‘cute clothes’ for us to ‘try on’ in my bedroom. That caught me some weird looks from Chet but I couldn’t back down now.

  I scoured through my closet picking up things at ‘random’. The converted for neutral service Current Events costume was where I started. I knew full well that it had been bugged because it was my on-air outfit. I had made this costume forever ago and it kind of brought me back but I did know exactly how it was put together so I would know if anything had been tampered with. It did not take long to find it, there was a little button like knob near the neckline. That 100% was the mic but this other thing beside it struck a chord with me. A familiar little thing that I remembered from some sort of report we did on them, what were these again? Right. A MoSS-TD, or a M-Otion-Sensing Something-or-other Tracker Dealie, or whatever it stood for.

  I lovingly put my suit away, but was shocked. My suit not only had a mic in it, but a tracking device? This place was locked up tighter than The Leopold Bendazzi Asylum for the Criminally Insane. I knew that being in the Neutral Zone meant giving up a little privacy but this was insane. Possibly criminally insane.

  I rifled through the rest of my clothing, and every single piece had at least a tracking device along with some other suspicious doodads. My sweaters, pants-suits, Neutral Zone fluorescent yellow attire, socks, scarves, and even my bras and other unmentionables were bugged. My purse, my wallet, my keychain, even my lipstick was rigged.

  Wait. Can people bug lipstick? I know they can bug a lipstick container, but can they bug the lipstick part of the lipstick? Could the makeup on my face be bugged? Was that even a thing that was possible? I had no idea, but suddenly I envisioned thousands of electronic bugs all over my face. I needed to rush to the en suite to wash every speck of studio makeup off. I stared at the mirror, face dripping wet. What was I going to do? This whole plan was hopeless. No. Calm down Sue. You can do this! I was going to listen to myself and hope I was right!

 

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