The neighbor is nixed, p.1
The Neighbor is Nixed, page 1
The Neighbor is Nixed
A Humorous Paranormal Cozy Mystery
Carly Winter
Edited by
Divas at Work Editing
Cover by
CoveredbyMelinda.com
Westward Publishing / Carly Fall, LLC
Copyright © 2021 by Carly Winter
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents in this book are either the product of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover by: CoveredbyMelinda.com
Contents
The Neighbor is Nixed
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Epilogue
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About the Author
The Neighbor is Nixed
Love thy neighbor… or kill them?
When the house across the street sells and Sylvia moves in, Bernie’s quiet neighborhood is turned upside down.
Demanding, rude and determined to have things her way, Sylvia threatens to have Bernie’s bed and breakfast shut down while also making life difficult for the other neighbors.
Just as the residents come together to fight the offending newcomer, she’s found murdered. The suspect list is long, but since Bernie has the most to lose, the Sheriff has her in his sights.
Can Bernie and her ghostly grandmother, Ruby, solve the killing before she’s arrested for a crime she didn’t commit?
Chapter 1
As I drove my SUV down the street toward my home, I kept my eye on my new neighbor’s house and whispered a curse when I noted her car in the driveway. Sylvia had moved in a couple of months ago and for various reasons, I’d been avoiding her ever since. Mainly, she simply wasn’t a nice person. Secondly, she’d threatened to have my bed and breakfast shut down. When I didn’t see her in her front yard, I accelerated the car and rounded my home into the back lot. I almost expected her to be waiting for me there as she had once this past month, but thankfully, all I discovered was dirt and the desert that stretched behind my house.
With a sigh, I parked and entered my home, my arms loaded with groceries. My ghostly grandmother, Ruby, waited for me in the kitchen with her hands clasped in front of her and wearing a scowl along with her purple muumuu.
“You’re late,” she grumbled. “You said you’d only be gone an hour.”
“I know. I think they’re short-staffed at the store. Checkout took forever.”
“Okay, I forgive you then. When can we go riding?”
I smiled to bite back my irritation. For Christmas, I’d bought a new ATV to replace Ruby’s, which I’d had to sell to make ends meet when I first moved to Sedona and didn’t know she still resided on this plane. The new one was red with the name Bolt painted across the side. Her old one had been named Flash, but Bolt conveyed speed, and also the lightning bolt that had struck me, scrambling my brains so I could finally see Ruby.
Like I had nothing better to do than to take my grandmother out on our ATV. Forget bills, keeping the lights on, and annoying things like eating. Ruby just wanted to ride and pestered me frequently, to the point where I was regretting my purchase.
“Maybe later today,” I said. “I have guests coming tomorrow and need to make sure the rooms are in order.”
“You did that after the last ones left.”
“That was two weeks ago,” I replied, shoving the bottle of wine and gallon of almond milk into the refrigerator. “You know I like to double-check everything before new arrivals.”
The break from guests had been nice, but I also looked forward to the boost in my bank account after the next batch came. All three rooms would be filled with visitors for a local wedding, a total of six adults and one toddler staying with me. Speaking of which… where had I placed the blow-up bed? I’d promised it to the kids’ parents so all three didn’t have to sleep together.
“Okay, fine,” Ruby said with a long sigh. “I’ll sit here and watch you while I die a slow death of boredom.”
“I hate to remind you, but you’re already dead,” I replied. “Too bad you’re such a lame ghost. If you could move inanimate objects, you could help me.”
“I’d rather be lame than wield a vacuum.”
“And I’d rather not listen to you complain about how boring your life is,” I said. “I’m doing the best I can to make a living. Sorry, but keeping you entertained is not a high priority for me right now.”
Ruby grumbled something about spending too much money while alive, then disappeared, leaving me to my tasks.
I finished putting away the groceries and set off to get the house cleaned. After oiling the banister, mopping the kitchen floor, and studying each guest room with a critical eye, I checked the supplies of toilet paper and towels in each room. My last guests had decided they appreciated my towels so much, they’d stolen three of them. So now, instead of leaving extras, I only stacked the amount equal to the number of people staying in the room. If they wanted extras, they’d have to ask. As with everything in life, it was always one jerk who ruined everything for everyone.
Just as I shut the door to the last bedroom, Ruby yelled Boo! from behind me, causing me to yelp and drop my carrier of cleaning supplies. She snorted and giggled as if it was the funniest thing she’d ever seen.
“I’ve asked you not to do that,” I said, bending over and picking up my canisters and cloths. “Many times.”
“And I’ve asked you to take me on an ATV ride,” Ruby replied, crossing her arms over her chest. “Many times.”
“Ruby, I—”
“Never mind. I know you’re busy. I’m not here to fight. Although, I do have to admit I love scaring you.”
Standing, I picked up my carrier and glared at my ghost. “If you aren’t here to argue, what do you want?”
“I forgot to tell you LaLa came by. I think she left something in the door.”
LaLa, otherwise known as Yolanda to everyone but Ruby, was one of my neighbors. We’d only recently become friendly.
Huh. Wonder what she wanted? “I’ll go down and check.”
Hopefully it wasn’t an invitation to a block party or something similarly horrid. I liked my neighbors, but I also liked staying home more. The older I became, the more social situations seemed to stress me out.
After hustling down the stairs and putting away my cleaning supplies, I opened the front door. A note had been shoved in between the door and jamb.
* * *
Hi Bernie –
We’re having a neighborhood meeting about Sylvia. I’m not sure what we we’re going to do, but she’s now threatened bodily harm to Wilder with a shovel. We’re discussing getting the cops involved and maybe hiring a lawyer. This afternoon at four, my house.
Yolanda
* * *
I shook my head. Staying out of that one.
“What does it say?” Ruby asked.
After I read it out loud, her eyes widened. “We’re going, right?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t want to get involved,” I said. “It’s one thing for Sylvia to complain about a tree, but quite another for her to threaten someone with a shovel. I’m sure Wilder can take care of himself. I don’t want her coming at me with a makeshift weapon.”
“You have to go,” Ruby said. “It’ll be the most exciting thing that’s happened around here since Christmas.”
“No. I’m doing fine dealing with Sylvia in my own way.”
“You mean by avoiding her?”
“Exactly.”
Ruby rolled her eyes. “You can’t go through the rest of your life looking out your window before you leave your house so you can dodge your neighbor.”
The thought had occurred to me as well, and I’d be willing to give it a shot if it meant eluding confrontation. “Maybe she’ll move soon.” I held up Yolanda’s note. “She’s angered the rest of the neighborhood to the point they’re discussing legal action. They’ll chase her out.”
“You hope. You can’t know that for sure.”
“Yes, I hope they do.”
“I’m not sure what legal grounds they have to do that, but I’d love to go the meeting and find out,” Ruby said, smiling sweetly and batting her eyelashes.
“Oh, give me a break,” I said with a snort. “You couldn’t care less about anything having to do with legal issues. You want to go for a front row seat to the drama that may ensue.”
She shrugged. “That’s always fun as well. But we watch a lot of cop shows. Maybe we could come up with some ideas for the crew ready to take on Slimy Sylvia.”
“I’m keeping my nose out of it,” I replied. “That’s the end of the conversation.”
As I turned and headed back into the kitchen, a knock sounded on the front door. Ruby glanced out the window and whooped with excitement. “It’s Sheriff Bruce Walker looking sexier than Brad Pitt on a good day!”
Sexy would never be a word I could use to describe the seventy-year-old man with a full head of gray hair, but Ruby had dated him for a bit, so he obviously made her toes curl. I’d gathered enough details to know the relationship hadn’t ended well. With Ruby’s general disrespect for laws and rules, and her determination to live life on her own terms—which had included pot smoking, streaking, and many arrests—it wasn’t a surprise a relationship with a sheriff had fizzled.
What did he want? I briefly considered hiding behind the island in the kitchen until he meandered off. Instead, I decided to act like an adult and open the door.
“Bernadette,” he said gruffly, tipping his cowboy hat.
“Gosh, I loved it when he talked like Clint Eastwood,” Ruby sighed. “He used to do this thing with his handcuffs where—”
“What can I do for you, Sheriff?” I asked, having zero interest in the rest of Ruby’s story.
“May I come in?”
I stepped aside. “Of course.”
As I shut the door, he glanced around the entryway and living room. “How are things going, Bernie?”
“Everything’s fine,” I said, my brow creasing in worry. It wasn’t every day the police showed up at my front door. Well, Adam, my boyfriend, came by often, of course. But never the sheriff. Except when I’d found a dead guy upstairs.
“We received a complaint of multiple cars parked out in front of your home last night and too much noise. I’m here to look into it.”
Wait. What?
“I… I… have no idea what you’re talking about.”
He narrowed his gaze on me. “You sure about that? You sound a little guilty.”
“Well, I’m definitely not guilty of anything,” I replied. “Maybe what you hear is confusion.”
“What happened here last night?”
“Nothing!”
“Did you have a big party?” the sheriff asked, placing his hands on his hips. “Like your crazy grandmother used to have?”
“Aww… poor Bruce is upset that I quit inviting him to mine,” Ruby said, grinning. “If he hadn’t been such a stick-in-the-mud, I’d have welcomed him with open arms. Instead, he blathered on about noise variances, illegal drugs, and indecent exposure.”
“No, I didn’t,” I said, fisting my hands at my sides. “I was home alone.” With my dead grandmother. But he didn’t need to hear that part.
“Not according to your neighbor.” He pulled out a small, spiral-bound notebook from his back pocket and flipped through the pages. “She said there had to be at least thirty people at your house and just as many cars.” He slapped it closed and stared at me.
“It was just me, Sheriff. I don’t know which neighbor would make up such lies, but I’m sorry she’s wasted your time.”
Actually, I knew exactly who had it out for me: Sylvia.
Next, he retrieved his phone from the inside pocket of his jacket and scrolled through it. “She also sent this in.”
Sounds of people screaming and laughing played, all obviously having a great time.
“It sounds like a rager,” Ruby sighed. “Dang it. I could only wish you’d have a party that big.”
My jaw dropped as I listened. Sylvia had promised me she’d have my bed and breakfast shut down, but I’d never imagined she’d sink to such depths with blatant lies.
“How many guests do you have staying here right now?” he asked.
“None! It’s just me! All of my rooms are empty!”
“And how many were here last night? Because from the sound of this recording, it was far over the capacity allowed by the city.”
Grinding my jaw, I stared at the man and tried not to lose my temper.
“Better watch it or you’re going to break a tooth,” Ruby muttered.
“There was no one here but me last night,” I said quietly. “Sylvia is lying to you because she wants my bed and breakfast closed. She made that very clear to me when she moved in.”
“Why in the world would she want that?”
“You’d have to ask her,” I muttered. “She lives across the street in the blue house.”
The sheriff sighed and rubbed his eyes with his forefinger and thumb. “Here’s the deal, Bernie. It’s always best to solve your neighborhood disputes without police involvement. Maybe you two should sit down and discuss everything.”
I shook my head. “No, thanks.”
“Well, if there are any future complaints about parties over here, we’ll have to do a more thorough check and discuss yanking your licenses for overcrowding. You know the city is very particular about those things.”
“I’m going to kill her,” I muttered, ready to punch someone.
“Excuse me?”
I glanced up at the sheriff and grinned. “You’re right. I do need to sit down with her and work out our grievances. I’ll do my best to smooth this over.”
Walker smiled and nodded. “Good girl. As you know, the sheriff’s office has far more important things to do than deal with petty neighborhood disputes.”
Condescending, sexist jerk. “Of course.”
“Have a great afternoon, Bernie,” he said, smiling and tipping his cowboy hat to me once again.
“Bye, bye, Bruce-y!” Ruby called while he sauntered down my walkway to his cruiser. Once he pulled away, I glanced at Sylvia’s house and noted the front window blinds moving. “Hope you enjoyed the show,” I muttered, then gave the house the one-fingered salute.
“So, what’s next on the agenda?” Ruby asked. “This day isn’t nearly as boring as I’d feared it would be!”
“We’re going to Yolanda’s neighborhood meeting,” I grumbled. “We need to get rid of Sylvia.”
Chapter 2
I arrived at Yolanda's a few minutes before four. Even though I'd lived kitty corner from her for three years, I hadn't spoken to her until the Christmas that just passed where Ruby had convinced me to make soap baskets for my neighbors as a present and to introduce myself.
In her fifties and fitter than I could ever hope to be, Yolanda beamed as she answered the door. She wore her black curly hair close to her scalp, her dark skin gleaming in what was left of the winter sunlight.
“Bernie! I'm so glad you could be here,” she said, stepping aside. “Come on in. You're the first one to arrive.”
Was that a bad or good thing? I hated being late, but I also understood others disliked when people arrived early. Had I hit the sweet spot on arrival etiquette or was my timing off?
“Would you like some tea?” Yolanda asked with a smile, not upset in the least. As she led me from the entryway to the living room, I sighed with relief—I hadn’t offended her with my early arrival. An interesting décor of blue and gold greeted me, as well as at least two dozen plants perched on tables, the windowsill, and hanging from the ceiling. As I sat on the ocean-colored couch, Ruby yelled, “No! Don't drink the tea! She used to serve it to me claiming it was good for me! It tastes like moldy woodchips!”
Duly noted. “No, thank you,” I replied. “But a glass of water would be great.”
Ruby settled in next to me as Yolanda headed for the kitchen. “Every time I came over here, she'd give me some of that tea. I'd always dump it in the plants when she wasn't looking. Nasty stuff.”
“I don't know... it seems to be working wonders for her,” I whispered. She didn't look a day older than thirty.
“Here you go,” Yolanda said. After handing me my glass of water, she sank into the cushion on the opposite end of the couch and grinned.
