Necromancist, p.29
Necromancist, page 29
“These are my employees,” he said without letting go of her hand. “Come here.” He all but dragged her to the first chair where a curly blonde sat. “They’re running my new charity project.”
Alice looked at the screen. “Why the sudden interest in charity work?”
“Tea? Coffee?” he said, ignoring her question.
“No, thanks.”
“Soft drink, then.” Without waiting for a reply, he took her shoulders, steered her to his bedroom, and closed the door.
She turned to face him. “There are no soft drinks in here.”
“Those are the requests from the dead. I’m trying to settle them so their voices will stop tormenting me. Only, as long as that portal is open, all I seem to do is run in place.”
“Oh, Ivan.” She cupped his face, concern overriding any pride that would’ve prevented her from reaching out to him. “Do you know how crazy that sounds?” If anyone ever found out, he’d be locked up in an asylum.
“We’re making headway, but not enough.”
“What can I do to help?”
An amused smile lit up his face. “You can do your job.”
“Not so long ago, you only chastised me for saying I was doing my job.”
He took her hands, interlacing their fingers. “I want you to go to the theater and practice. You’re on in three days.”
A flutter of panic ran through her stomach. “Don’t remind me.”
“You’ll be wonderful. I want you to be amazing.”
“Why?”
“Because you can. Because you need to let go of your insecurities, and you can only do it if you claim back yourself and be who you truly are.”
The insight of what he was trying to achieve hit her like a sledgehammer. “That’s your plan? You think if I’m no longer insecure, I won’t want to be loved, get married, and have children?”
“I was hoping, yeah.”
She pulled free. “We can’t carry on like this. We’re both in denial. You’re refusing to see what I want, and I’m refusing to acknowledge what you can’t give.”
“Don’t.” He took her hands and arranged her arms around his waist. “Let’s not talk about this until after the show.”
One of them had to give, and she already knew it wasn’t going to be Ivan. She closed her eyes. “You’re right. Talking isn’t getting us anywhere. We should focus on the show and helping Cain to find Godfrey.”
He kissed her forehead. “I’ll call you later.”
Alice left the building in a trance. She had the strange notion of living on borrowed time. It had to be the knowledge that, however powerful the chemistry between her and Ivan, come the end of the concert, he was leaving alone. She would say yes to Henry and build a new future, healing one day at a time. A man like Ivan didn’t come twice. That was why she couldn’t move on, couldn’t get into another relationship, and couldn’t stop feeling lonely. She’d better get used to it, because nine years had taught her the pain wasn’t going away. But nine years had also taught her she was stronger than she thought. She could survive.
She only realized she’d walked straight past the SUV when Joss honked the horn.
The office would bring welcome relief from Alice’s love dilemma. She was looking forward to burying herself in work, but when she entered the marketing offices, Mandy waited for her with a newspaper clipping.
She pushed the article under Alice’s nose. “Ivan is screwing around.”
Alice regarded it absent-mindedly. It was a photo of Ivan’s groupies leaving his building.
Too exhausted to set Mandy right, not that she could think up an excuse, Alice dropped down in her chair. Another bouquet of twelve roses stood on her desk. Again, there was no card.
Mandy propped her hands on her hips. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
“What Ivan does is none of our business.”
The desk phone rang. Thankful for the diversion, Alice picked up the receiver, which left Mandy with no choice but to give her privacy.
“Hey,” Henry said. “You didn’t say you were going out of town. I called your office and Johnny said you needed a break from technology and telephone calls, so I didn’t interrupt your breakaway.”
Bless Johnny’s soul. “It was very last-minute.”
“If you didn’t work, check emails, or surf the net, you must’ve had plenty of time to think.”
“Actually, I avoided thinking.”
“No answer for me, yet?”
“I need more time.”
“How long?”
“Until after the concert.”
“I have my kids this weekend. I was thinking of inviting you to meet them, but I don’t want to introduce you until you’ve made up your mind.”
“I understand. Shouldn’t I meet them before you make up your mind? They may hate me.”
“They’re teenagers, out of the house so to speak. Their opinion isn’t going to change my decision.”
“I think you’re right. It’s wiser for us to wait before I meet your family.”
“I had fertility tests done. My sperm count is high enough to give you a child, if you wish, provided we don’t wait too long.”
The clinical way he relayed the news shocked her, not that she could hold it against him. He was discussing a business proposal, not making a love declaration.
“Good.” She cleared her throat. “Thanks for going to the trouble.”
“I’d like for you to have blood tests done. It’s not like I don’t trust you to be clean, but if you slept with Ivan…”
Her cheeks heated with embarrassment and annoyance. “Anything else?”
“Don’t be like that. You’ve always been a practical girl.”
She closed her eyes and counted to ten.
“Alice?”
“You’re right. I’ll take care of it.”
“Can I see you tonight?”
“We have the dress rehearsal, and I’ve got the photo shoot scheduled.”
“Good luck, then. Call me if you decide sooner.”
She cut the call and wiped a hand over her face. When she looked up, Johnny leaned in her door.
His lips quirked. “Henry?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, the man is serious. I mean, a sperm count and blood tests?”
“Did you listen in on my call?” she cried out.
“I thought it was for me.”
“You’re evil.”
He checked his watch. “You’re late for choir practice. Your maestro called and asked me to tell you if you don’t have your butt over there in the next ten minutes, he’s cancelling.”
She groaned. “To think I did this to myself.”
“Beautiful flowers,” he said as she slipped past him.
Nearing the rehearsal room, her step slowed. Ivan leaned on the wall, a red rose clutched in his hand. He watched her with burning intensity until she stopped in front of him.
“Ivan…” Her voice faltered. “What are you doing?”
He held the rose to her. A painful memory of him leaning on a school wall with a rose in his hand and the word forever slipping effortlessly from his tongue tightened her chest.
She took the flower and inhaled the sweet scent. “The roses are from you?”
His hair flopped over his forehead as he tilted his face to look down at her. “You drive me to actually being romantic, Miss Jones. Shocking, really.”
Her heart wanted to soar, but she held back. She didn’t want to misinterpret the meaning of his words. “Why would you suddenly become romantic?”
He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans. “A rose for every lash I left on your pretty white skin.”
She stared at the flower in her hand. “You haven’t…” She bit her lip, unable to finish the sentence.
His tone was teasing, but heat filled his eyes. “Spanked you today?”
She cleared her throat. “You didn’t have to. The flowers, I mean. You know I liked it.”
The corner of his mouth lifted. “I never doubted it.”
“Then why the sudden act of romance?”
“Last night, I came to a decision. When I saw that bruise on your cheek, there was a moment I thought I should just give up, walk away, and let you live your life. The problem is I want to own you in the most physical way. I need you like I’ve never needed anyone. I’m afraid I can’t make it without you, Alice, and I’ve decided not to give up. I’m going to fight for you. I’ll do whatever it takes to make you mine. Whatever you want, you just have to say.”
His words were hauntingly beautiful and sad at the same time. They moved her like nothing before and frightened her more than ever. Ivan wanted her body. He was willing to do anything to have it. But she wanted his love, and that, he couldn’t give.
“Ivan, I…” She stared at the rose, twisting the stem between her fingers. “I can’t do this yoyo thing with you, anymore. If you don’t love me, if you can’t love me, you have to set me free.”
He exhaled audibly. There was a small pause before he gripped her chin and forced her to face him.
“Is this,” he motioned between them, “not enough?”
“I want it to be. Honestly, I do, but I want to be more than great sex.”
Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against hers. “You’re my light, Alice. You’re a rainbow in the darkness.” He pulled away to meet her gaze, again. “Without you, I’m lost. Without you, there’s no peace. If I had a heart, I promise to God it would’ve been yours. You know what I am. I’m a man who spends half his living time in death. There are times my soul is so dark, the only thing that keeps me sane is your face.” Tracing her jaw with his thumb, he continued. “The memory of this face is not enough anymore, not now that I’ve had every inch of you, again. Sex is all I’ve got, but if you give me a chance, I’ll try harder to be the man you want me to be.”
She freed herself gently. “I don’t want you to change. I’ve always loved you for who you are. I still do.”
“Goddammit, Alice.” He lifted his face to the ceiling. From the way his nostrils flared, he was fighting to contain his emotions. Finally, when he looked back at her, an inner battle raged in his eyes. “I can’t tell you the same, and I won’t lie to you.” He clenched his jaw. “I don’t know if I’m capable of loving.”
She could only stare at him as his words twisted like a knife in her heart. Why did it still hurt so much? It wasn’t as if he hadn’t told her before.
“Face it, Alice. You need my crazy as much as I need your normal.”
Conflicted, she wanted him to leave her in peace and not leave her at all. If he stayed, she’d constantly be reminded that she wasn’t enough, at least not enough for him to love. If he left, it would feel like dying. No matter how she looked at it, it hurt.
“I just want to be whole, again,” she whispered. “I’m so tired of feeling broken.”
He cupped her face. “Then let me fix you the only way I know.”
“The only way is not always the right way.”
Hardening his voice, he said with resolve, “I’m not giving up, Alice. I will fight for you as long as I live. Even if it kills me, I swear to God, I will make you happy.”
She was torn in two. If she valued herself, she’d tell him it wasn’t enough, and she’d walk away. Part of the problem was that deep down, she didn’t value herself. Ivan had been right. As long as she didn’t claim back herself and forgive herself for her part in her mother’s death, she’d never move beyond her insecurity. Right now, she didn’t have the strength to deal with it. With the rehearsal tonight and the premier tomorrow, she couldn’t cope with more.
“Let’s wait,” she said. “We’ll talk after the show, all right?”
His mismatched eyes filled with calculation. “When are you giving your editor his answer?”
“I said not until after the show.”
He straightened, pushing their bodies together. His hard-on pressed against her stomach, and for a blinding second, she wanted him to rip the clothes off her body and take her right there, against the wall. His effect on her was the same as always, instantaneous and intense.
“Do you want me, Princess?”
She gasped as he rolled his hips, rubbing his hard-on between her legs. “You know I do.”
“Then I’ll keep on taking you.” He released her abruptly and took a step away. “For as long as you want me.”
He was dangerous. How did he manage to get through her defenses every single time? Her body ached for his touch. If she didn’t walk away now, she was going to drag him into one of the rehearsal rooms and beg him to do wicked things to her, lustful things a woman shouldn’t remember in the light of day. Pushing away from him, she walked to the sanctuary of the rehearsal room. He didn’t follow. He only regarded her with intent that made her pulse jump with a warped sense of excitement.
“You can run now, but I won’t let you hide,” he said. “Not for long.”
His words echoed in her brain as she closed the door behind her and let out a ragged breath. They repeated in her mind during the hour of practice, throughout lunch, and into the late afternoon. As long as Ivan was around, Henry didn’t stand a chance. How could he when she didn’t even stand a chance herself? She should be protecting her heart against the inevitable breaking that would follow if she went down this road with Ivan, but she couldn’t. She simply wasn’t strong enough. For now, she pushed all thoughts of love and lust from her mind. The future of the theater, and therefore her future, was still in the balance.
After singing practice, Alice focused on tying up the last details of the evening’s dress rehearsal. It would be just like a normal show, minus the audience. With the special premiere rescheduled for tomorrow night, they couldn’t have the rehearsal on any other night. Cain wanted to come, but she’d asked him not to. It was easier this way. She didn’t want him to remember her mother on stage when he looked at her or compare them and find her lacking.
By late afternoon, about an hour before the curtains would be raised, she met the photographer and escorted him to the stage where the lighting and music were already set up. Once he’d tested his equipment, she made her way to the side stage. Her normal routine would’ve included going to Ivan’s dressing room to see if he had any special requirements, but she didn’t want to face him, tonight. The last thing she needed was another confrontation or futile discussion about her one-sided love. Instead, she went to her own dressing room and pulled on the red dress. She took care of her makeup and hair and clipped on the earrings that reminded her of her mother. On second thought, she removed them.
Johnny had promised to be there. Most of the board would be, too. She didn’t want to fail them. Too much depended on her performance. Needing to soothe her nerves, she made her way to the spotlight bridge and watched the commotion below. As always, it had the desired effect, transporting her to a place of peace and tranquility. Seeing Ivan walk onto the side stage and wait for his cue gave her a sense of déjà vu that had her stomach pull into a knot. Involuntarily, she looked around for suspicious individuals, but there were only the gaffers who moved around with the lights.
An instant before the curtains rose, Ivan lifted his eyes. It was too dark to be sure, but she had the odd sensation that their gazes connected for the briefest of moments before he squared his shoulders, smiled, and walked into the spotlight.
As always, his singing made her body break out in goosebumps. The symphonic version of his most popular rock songs was amazing. He was a prodigy, her impossible Ivan who spoke to dead people and shared her most erotic secrets but couldn’t love her.
During the instrumental before the first break, which gave Ivan time to change shirts, she couldn’t put off going back, any longer. She was about to turn when footsteps on the bridge made her pause. Expecting it to be Zach, her lips parted in surprise as Ivan’s muscular profile and handsome face came into view.
“Ivan!” she exclaimed on a whisper. “What are you doing here? You should be changing.”
He stopped in front of her. “Hiding up here, again?”
“Just finding courage.”
He took her in from top to bottom, his expression unreadable. “You’re not wearing your glasses.”
“Contacts.”
“Pity.” He gave her a lustful smile. “I find those glasses extremely sexy.”
“We need to go.”
She tried to scoot past him, but they got stuck face to face between the rails of the narrow bridge. Her breasts pressed against his chest. His hard-on grew like a steel rod against her stomach. When she tried to move to the side, he planted his hands on the rail on either side of her body, trapping her between his arms.
Lowering his head, he whispered in her ear, “Are you teasing me, Miss Jones?”
Every hair on her body stood erect. “Absolutely not.”
“My dick seems to thinks so.”
“Stop playing games. This isn’t the time.”
He checked his watch. “We have twenty-five minutes and seventeen seconds.”
Her mouth opened in protest but his lips were already on hers, soft and soothing, sucking and nipping. The kiss was exquisite. Too soon, it came to an end. He traced her bottom lip one last time with his tongue before kissing a path down her throat. His hands joined the exploration, quickly finding her breasts. She arched toward him when he rolled a nipple between his fingers. Groaning his approval, he bent his knees to align his hard-on with her sex.
Reality returned.
She pushed on his shoulders. “We shouldn’t.”
He drew back a little, just enough to look her in the eyes. “I want to do unimaginably lustful things to you, and I’m not going to ask for your permission.”
His expression was so serious and his words so measured, she didn’t doubt them for a second. She suppressed a shriek when he spun her around to face the stage and pushed her upper body over the rail. He lowered his chest over her back, enveloping her with his size and the intensity of his energy.
His breath was warm on her neck. “If you scream, they’ll see us.”
Below, the orchestra had stopped playing. The curtains had dropped. The crew were running around, reorganizing the stage and bringing in the new décor. Ivan lifted the panels of her dress. He rubbed his hands up her legs and over her hips. A tear sounded as he ripped off her underwear. She gasped as the red silk hit the floor. He touched her clit, massaging in circles, but she was too terrified of being spotted to get wet. His touch disappeared. His zipper made a scratchy sound as he pulled it down. The head of his cock nudged her entrance. With her dress hitched up over her hips, her body was on display for anyone who’d happen to look up.
