The ties that bind 3, p.10
The Ties That Bind 3, page 10
part #3 of The Ties That Bind Series
Lying on her side, she waited patiently for him to join her. Unable to look away from his magnificence, Claudia’s sultry eyes traversed over wide shoulders, a firm chest, tapered waist, muscled forearms, and strong thighs as Marcus shed the gray undershirt and gym shorts he’d thrown on to answer the door. Her stare lingered approvingly on the bulge his red briefs were doing a poor job of containing. Claudia’s tongue swept across her bottom lip, unintentionally enticing him as she imagined tracing the contours and grooves of his muscles with it.
She rose up on one elbow and tilted her head to the side when the bulge lengthened and smiled wickedly. “Well, that can’t be comfortable.”
Marcus ignored the heat licking down his spine when her eyes lingered below his waist. With an imperceptible shake of his head, he replied, “Playing with fire is the last thing you should be trying to do. We’re not going there, Satan. Now flip that ass over.”
He turned off the light and slid back into bed. After placing a pillow over his crotch, Marcus pulled Claudia into him, her back to his front. He derived a wealth of contentment when she yielded immediately to him as if it were the most natural thing in the world. His beard tickled Claudia’s neck and she shivered reflexively, giving an exhausted half yawn-half laugh at his preemptive measure.
“Now, who’s the chicken, Rage?”
Marcus snorted in response, refusing to take the bait. His splayed hand tightened across her abdomen, fingertips skimming over the lace-trimmed band of her panties. He chuckled deviously when the little ball-buster tensed up, her breath hitching with expectation.
“It’s Marcus.”
“Pardon?” Claudia mumbled.
Sheltered in the fortress of his arms, she sank into a blissful state. It astonished her that she’d shared a bed and her body with Slade for over two decades and had never imagined tranquility as this existed. Tonight, she’d been fighting loneliness and the bomb Ransom had dropped on her. Now, she was exactly where she wanted to be. She buried her face further into the pillow, comforted by Marcus’s warm, spicy scent cocooning her and the sureness of his touch. Claudia didn’t even know who she was when he was around, but she liked being forced out of her comfort zone. Marcus was nothing like Slade. He was the right to her soon-to-be ex’s wrongs. Knowing that she could be open and trust in him not to hurt her and siphon her pain like it was an aphrodisiac gave Claudia a strong sense of security and grounded her from floating away with happiness.
“When you’re in my arms, and in my bed, I’m Marcus. Out there, I’m Rage. Don’t act like you don’t know the difference, woman,” he whispered in her ear.
Claudia’s eyes flew open and awareness hummed through her body. Marcus buried his face in her hair, and she smiled at his appreciative sniff. The gesture was almost as good as the sex he put on her—addictive and the sweetest torture ever. Were they supposed to be doing this? They had no label, and she wasn’t even sure if they had any type of future, but silently, Rage was showing her in a million ways how a real man appreciated a woman. She liked hearing his heartbeat and feeling it so close to her own. With him, Claudia wasn’t lost. She didn’t feel like she was too difficult to love. That type of manifestation was as therapeutic as it was empowering. It was honest and real and assisted in unraveling the knots of insecurity Claudia had carried far too long in her soul.
“I stand corrected. Good night…Marcus.”
“Merry Christmas, Claudia.”
That night was a pivotal moment that set in motion a pattern of their design. They slipped into a comfortable rhythm that played out every evening of their time together. Marcus was trying to be noble. He’d already crossed the line by fucking a married woman. Snatching her wedding ring off her finger before slapping his balls against her ass didn’t absolve him of that fact. Or that it couldn’t have happened to a more deserving shitbag. The bell couldn’t be un-rung, but Marcus refused to be that dude. Shit hadn’t jumped off since their one-night stand, and though there had been no more mentions on the subject, it was always near the forefront of his mind. They fit together too well for the memories not to be. Like magnetic puzzle pieces drawn to each other and locking into place.
“Did you grow up in the same environment?”
Marcus stroked his beard and laughed quietly, a faraway look in his eyes. “Hardly. I was more Boyz N The Hood to Melody’s Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You familiar with either?”
“What? You think because I’m Mexican, therefore, I sit around all day watching only telenovelas?” Claudia mocked. “Newsflash for you: I’m half-Mexican and half-German, and I enjoy a plethora of things despite what my appearance may suggest, you sanctimonious, stereotyping jackass.”
Marcus howled with laughter. “Damn, my bad. Figures you couldn’t simply say that you watched the movie.”
“Hmph. Don’t get it twisted, Rage. Were you a Ricky or a Doughboy?
“My neighborhood had a lot more Doughboys than Rickys. It was either a scholarship or the military as a way out. The alternative was a casket.”
Claudia crossed her arms on the table, smiling curiously at him. “Which route did you take?”
“I played basketball in high school because it was the career my parents wanted for me. However, I chose the military like my brother before me. Will was my idol and died in battle. I wanted to honor his memory.”
“I’m sorry for your loss,” Claudia murmured sympathetically. “Any other siblings?”
“I appreciate that. No. It’s just me now. Mama and Pops have long passed. What about you?”
“My mother passed, but my Daddy’s still alive. I’ve also got two siblings whom I’m not as close as I’d like to be. My choices have made me a disappointment to them. They never approved of my relationship or lifestyle. I convinced myself it didn’t matter what they thought, and now, I’ve got some serious amends to make,” she lamented.
Claudia shifted restlessly in her chair. “We’re a stubborn tribe too. I’ve always been closer with my brother than our older sister. I’m not worried about reconciling with him. But our fearless leader? She’s always been so judgemental and uncompromising. Everything was always black and white for her, like gray areas terrified her. I’ll make an effort but if it falls flat, I honestly don’t know if I will go further than that.”
Marcus hated her sadness. It was the equivalent to smothering a fucking rainbow. He wanted to kiss her downturned mouth until the sad grooves framing it vanished and her eyes snapped with their usual sassiness.
“How is your relationship with your in-laws? You’re close with them? Am I being too nosy?” Claudia worried. “Tell me to shut up if you think so.”
“Hell, I don’t mind. I’ve always gotten along with Porsha. She wasn’t too happy to find out that her baby was off bumping skeets, but she was determined to make the most of the predicament Melody and I presented to her and Neville. He was livid, as was his right. I didn’t appreciate him treating me like I was a felon, but I get it now because of Billy. Ain’t nothing in the world like having a daughter.”
Interest piqued, Claudia shifted toward him. “Yet, you like Ransom.”
“Woah, easy there, girl. Let’s get something straight right now. It’s true; I like and respect Ransom. However, I despise what he does when he’s alone with my daughter,” Marcus clarified sourly, making her laugh.
“I suppose that’s fair,” Claudia allowed. “Would your ex-wife have approved of their relationship?”
Marcus looked at her like she was deranged. “Are you crazy, woman? I can guaran-damn-tee you she would’ve eighty-sixed that shit in a heartbeat.”
That irked Claudia enough to shift into defense mode. “Back the fuck up, Rage! You know Ransom is a good boy! He treats Billy like spun gold.”
“First of all, Ransom ain’t no damn boy! He probably came out of your pussy with facial hair, tats, and that bass in his voice, but he’s had more than his fair share of ass and you know it! Most of it while they were apart, and my babygirl was crushed over their breakup. Melody may have raised Billy to be independent and think for herself, but there was no way in hell she would have approved of such a pairing,” he finished with a grin.
“Because the approval of a teenage mother would have meant so much?” Claudia snipped.
Even knowing Melody was dead didn’t stop her from feeling unjustly irate about her. Particularly when Marcus reminisced with such affection about the woman. The Stanton home was a shrine to Melody, thus making it hard for Claudia to miss her beauty and the fiery, killer confidence she exuded. She now understood why Marcus had fallen for Melody, and the woman had passed down her sorcery to Billy.
“Easy, mamacita. What I meant was freedom was everything to her. Melody was willful and refused to be contained, let alone under someone’s thumb. I loved her and blindly followed, even when she made rash choices that had lingering effects on everyone around her. Billy is the best thing we ever did together; however, I know Melody learned from every decision she made after the fact. It’s why she sent Billy here. They’re two contrasting textures cut from the same cloth that forged different paths. Melody knew that Billy could thrive in the very environment that drained her into a husk. She wanted her daughter to be better than her, and for that, I’ll always love her.”
It was true. Melody had been his best friend and first love. Losing her, first when she left and then to cancer, had almost killed Marcus. He’d needed and respected her more than she’d ever needed and respected him. The scales had been unbalanced from the jump and never tipped in his favor.
Claudia sighed enviously, crossing her arms on the glass table to stare at her wine glass that was now empty for a second time. “I’m happy for them. They’re so much wiser than I was at their age. Ransom and Billy have everything going for them. Their confidence in each other is steadfast. That’s what I want.”
Marcus grunted. “They’re still young and figuring things out. You sure you don’t want to wait and see what the final product turns out like?”
“Don’t jinx them! I see a happily-ever-after that won’t taint them in their future. Going forward, my goal is to make me a priority. I’m the longest relationship I’ll ever have. I know it sounds selfish, but I want to fall so deeply and genuinely in love with myself first that no one will ever be able to make me feel like shit or treat me like it again. I want to learn and grow me.”
All thoughts of Melody vanished from Marcus’ mind as he studied the woman who occupied the majority of his thoughts. With Claudia, he didn’t get that unbalanced vibe. Instead, there was a mutual exchange of harmonious energy that was too powerful to ignore, even when they were sparring. In spite of it, Marcus refused to get his hopes up while she and Slade were still man and wife. Until Claudia rectified that, there was nothing to assess or discuss.
“That can be a hard needle to thread. Sometimes, being selfish is the best medicine when administered in correct doses.”
Later, she’d try and blame her loose tongue on the wine, but Claudia knew it was simply this man that affected her. She looked Rage squarely in the eye and answered with unfettered honesty.
“No one knows that better than me. I want my path to be free of bitterness and anger so I can recognize opportunities and blessings when they’re right in front of me and not ruin them. I want to be good for those around me who deserve only good in return. I want to be weak for the right man. I want to worship at an altar that recognizes and appreciates my truth. I want to trust and be trusted. Does that seem like too much to ask for?”
“Learn to trust if you want to be trusted,” Marcus advised with an enigmatic smile, stuck on that turn phrase that was making his blood simmer.
To be weak for the right man.
Claudia laughed at his response. Of course. It was simple yet made as much as an impact on her that he did. Rage was a man of discipline and she appreciated that. Life was funny sometimes. She’d once thought of her calm father’s demeanor as controlling and patronizing, which had made Slade’s reckless impulsiveness that much more attractive during her rebellious phase. Claudia presently found that same discipline in Rage to be manna from heaven. He was in control but knew when to let go. Especially in bed where he managed to demolish her pussy without breaking a sweat.
“Why is everything so cut and dry for you, Rage? What’s your secret? I truly want to know because I’m aspiring to get to that state.”
He shrugged nonchalantly. “I don’t have shit to hide, and I’m too old to change my ways to impress people. At this point, I’m making the years count instead of counting the years. Games are for those who want to waste their lives playing. The best thing people can do is accept each other for who they really are, not what others need them to be. If you don’t then you’re setting yourself up for disappointment, Claudia. It’s unrealistic to think everything will go according to plan. That’s not how life works.”
She nodded thoughtfully. “I was going to church and praying. Railing, and begging for God to send me a sign, any kind, to save my marriage. Lighting candles and pledging to make pilgrimages for that pendejo’s soul didn’t work either. I settled for a man that would never be wholly mine. Listened to excuse after excuse and getting no respect, my standards lowered with each opportunity he never deserved. I let blind loyalty override common sense, Rage.”
“It’s the lies we tell and are willing to accept in return that keep the carousel spinning. It only stops when you decide to get off. You win by refusing to play in the first place.”
Claudia shrank under the onslaught of her shame. She’d shed an ocean of tears for Slade and drowned in their toxicity while he watched, unaffected, from the safety of the shore.
“I’d fought so hard to be with Slade, and after I thought I had him, I still had to continue scrapping! Every battle was for another chance to be disappointed and humiliated. To remain his fool! Our marriage was a sham of a kingdom I was trying to build with the village idiot.”
“I think your perspective needs some clarity, mamacita. Needing a sign is the ultimate sign. You can’t shine without darkness. Have a little faith. You’re a trooper. You’ll find a way to get past this. Only once you truly make it out will you learn to appreciate the light.”
“I agree. For the longest time, I loved Slade and kept holding out for hope. I accepted everything because I didn’t want things to be over.” Her eyes misted over, and she dropped them to the candles, engrossed in the way the flames danced.
“Do you regret leaving him?” Marcus watched Claudia like a hawk. It wasn’t realistic for him to be pissed at hearing her say she’d loved Slade. Her answer shouldn’t have mattered, but his thundering heart called bullshit. Claudia’s confessions spilled freely, making her soul lighter while Marcus’ soul grew darker with the violence he wanted to inflict on the fucker who’d treated her so terribly. “Are you done loving him?”
“I am. When Harley committed suicide, I considered calling him. I wanted to share the news that our child had not only killed himself but several women too. I wanted to make him own up to the part he played in driving Harley over that ledge of sanity.”
Claudia raised her eyes until their gazes tangled. “However, I quickly came to my senses. There’s no accountability with a narcissist. They don’t have the ability to change or an ounce of remorse. Does that answer your question?”
“Give me the actual words,” Marcus commanded, leaning forward, making Claudia’s heart stutter.
“No, I don’t regret leaving him. Being with Slade was like being buried alive. I was searching for love in a place it never existed. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner. I never dreamed of what I was missing out on.”
“And what was that?” Marcus inquired huskily, quietly enjoying the brilliant flush that graced her high cheekbones, enhancing her green orbs.
In the candlelight, his ordinarily aloof eyes, the shade of rich soil, were impossibly hot and eating her alive. They mesmerized Claudia. Marcus was hands down the most attractive man she’d ever met. She was intrigued by his many layers and loved the way he adored his child and made Billy his number one priority. He had a cocksure attitude that balanced his gruff kindness nicely. When the time came, Claudia wanted to explore every stratum he willingly revealed to her.
“Respect, for one. It’s far superior to everything I was stupidly craving from the wrong man. I don’t want to forfeit my life and settle for a mundane existence with stilted, paragraph-sized conversations. I like being…stimulated,” she admitted.The slyness that crept into first her voice and then smile, had Marcus and his cock sitting up, at attention. “Mentally, spiritually…and physically.”
The cool air suddenly exploded, turning sultry and ripe with expectation and possibilities demanding to be explored as they stared at each other, wondering who’d be the first to make a move. Marcus was the first to crack. Abruptly his face went blank, and he rose to his feet. Claudia followed suit.
“Let’s go. Leave everything,” he ordered when she went to gather the glasses and bottles.
With controlled precision, he blew out the candles and they silently walked back to the pool house. Marcus stepped aside for Claudia to enter first. When he didn’t follow, she stared at him inquisitively, stomach dropping at Marcus’s unbending expression that contradicted his smoldering eyes. “Aren’t—”
“This is where I’ll leave you, Claudia. If I come in, we’re fucking. It’s a done deal. You know it and I know it. As good as it would feel in the moment, I’d feel like shit when we’re done. I’m drawing the line here.”
She flinched at his frank honesty, and Marcus tugged on his beard with frustration. It was either that or give in and feed his beast.
“Don’t even look at me like that, mamacita. I’m striving to be a better man, not some self-serving opportunist. One of us needs to be the logical one here. You’re a woman under construction. My presence is complicating the work you have to do, so our journey ends here and now. I’m leaving after breakfast in the morning. If you need me, Billy will know how to reach me. Take care of yourself.”
