Shred of doubt, p.6
Shred of Doubt, page 6
“No, not really. Well that song isn’t too bad to understand, but in general Michael Stipe tends to mumble a lot when he’s singing. If he was to sing something as simple as, ‘I want to make love to you all night long’, it’d probably sound more like, ‘Grab the fluffy duck and spin it right around.’”
“That’s so true,” I said, giggling. “You want to try it now?”
“What? Spinning a fluffy duck—”
“Night swimming!” I exclaimed, hitting him on the arm.
“Are you serious?”
“Sure, why not?”
“I didn’t bring my swimming togs with me—or a wetsuit, for that matter.”
“Me, neither. That’s part of the fun, isn’t it?”
“Ah, you mean—”
“Yes.” I cut him off as I took my car keys out of my handbag. “Don’t overanalyze it; let’s just do it!”
We drove to Dunbar Point and walked down to the beach. There wasn’t a single soul anywhere. A mild breeze blew, but it was warm—and the moon was almost full; it was the most romantic experience of my life. My heart was so full of joy.
We stopped at the water’s edge. Tiny waves lapped to and fro, stopping just inches from where we stood. I looked at Jimmy, and, without any real lead up, we just started kissing. It was awkward at first; I felt our teeth clank off each other. We were both nervous, but it felt nice once we eased into it. I opened my eyes slightly and saw that his eyes were also open; we both giggled and pulled away.
“I can taste popcorn,” I teased.
“Oh. You should be thankful, then, that I didn’t eat raw onions during the movie.”
I rolled my eyes as he smiled at his own joke before kissing me again, just on the lips this time—no tongue.
“I can taste your lip gloss,” he confessed after some magical moments.
“Really? It’s strawberry flavor.”
“I should call you Bubble Gum Lips.”
I frowned. “What has that got to do with anything?”
“The taste reminds me of bubble gum.”
“Oh! I thought you said Bubba Gump Shrimps. You know like in Forest Gump.”
We both chuckled at the misunderstanding before kissing again. He then moved down to my neck and started kissing me there. The kiss turned into a sucking movement. Damn, it felt good. I was in heaven; I didn’t want him to stop, even if it would leave a mark. Besides, I have a foundation that's good at covering hickeys—not that I really gave a shit if anyone saw it.
Eventually, he came up for air, and I could see the moon reflecting in his glassy eyes.
“You okay?” he asked, dazed—as if his mind was elsewhere.
“More than okay. That felt amazing,” I sighed, beaming with delight.
He seemed at a loss for words.
“Has the cat got your tongue?” I wondered.
“No. I just don’t want to lead you on.”
“In what way?”
“You know. I’m just here for the summer. Let’s not get in too deep.”
I turned towards the sea. “Shall we say a maximum depth of eight feet?”
“Hey. Look who’s the joker now!”
“I thought you’d like that. But seriously I understand. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of summer loving though, is there?”
“Exactly.”
“Shall we go for that swim?” I asked as I took my sunglasses case out of my bag.
“Sure. Are you going to wear sunglasses now?”
I shook my head, removed my hearing aid, and placed it inside the case. “I don’t want this getting wet.”
“Ah, I see. You can still hear me, right?” Jimmy inquired cautiously.
“Of course,” I said, tilting my head slightly towards him. “I’m not completely deaf. It’s probably the same as when you block one ear with cotton wool: you can still hear through it right?”
“Yes.”
“It’s the same with me.”
I probably oversimplified it for him. Future Me: I’m quite deaf in one ear but the hearing aid helps a lot. I hope in the future they’ll develop implants or something like that.
“I just use my good ear more,” I continued. “And it’s fine where we are now because it’s quiet, and it’s just us two. It’s a real pain in the ass if the battery dies during work when the restaurant is busy, and everyone is shouting orders from every direction. Then it’s very disorienting, and I can’t cope. So, are we going to swim or not?” I prodded.
Without pondering it any further, we stripped down to our underwear and dumped our clothes in a pile on the dry sand.
“Wow. You’re beautiful,” Jimmy whispered, staring at my body.
“You sound surprised.”
“Yes—no. I don’t know why I said it that way,” he stammered.
We both looked around to ensure that our private dip remained just that—private.
Despite myself, I couldn’t help glancing downwards, and I quickly noticed the shape of a semi hard-on protruding from his boxers.
He knew that I could see it and pretended to be bashful by covering the area with his hands.
“I’m shy,” he joked, in mock embarrassment. “We’re not going for the full monty, are we?”
I hadn’t a clue what that meant. “Full monty?”
“Completely naked.”
“Do you want to?”
“Maybe next time.”
“It’s a deal.” I reached out to him. Hand-in-hand, we stepped towards the water’s edge. Were it not for the moonlight, the water would’ve been much darker.
Jimmy was the first to dip a toe in the water. “Fuck me, it’s cold.”
“You mean refreshing,” I corrected him before letting go of his hand and striding confidently into the sea. The sandy bottom sloped downwards quickly. I dove headfirst. When I came up, I looked behind me and saw Jimmy still standing there in the shallows. Or, perhaps, moving very slowly towards me; it was difficult to see from where I was.
“Come on. It’s beautiful once you get in,” I shouted.
“Can you stand?”
The water was up to my shoulders. “Yes.”
“Remind me. Are we close to where the movie Jaws was filmed?”
I rolled my eyes. “Yeah, Martha’s Vineyard. So what? It’s a damn movie. That’s like saying you’re afraid of visiting New York in case a giant gorilla goes on a rampage through the city and climbs the Empire State Building.”
“Yeah but sharks exist. Giant gorillas don’t—”
“Sharks with a natural taste for humans do not exist. They much prefer fish and seals. The writer of Jaws actually regrets writing it because of all the fear it has caused.” It felt like such a wrong time to bring it up, but I always get annoyed when people badmouth sharks.
“Oh. Okay then.” Jimmy took a few more strides, let out a scream, and disappeared completely—as if he’d fallen into a deep hole.
A few seconds later, he emerged. “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!” he exclaimed. “It’s feckin’ freezing!”
Where did he get these phrases from? They were so colorful.
He swam over to me, and we held each other; it felt wonderful. He picked me up in his arms and held me as if I was a damsel in distress who he was rescuing.
“You’re much lighter than I thought,” he complimented.
“Very funny.”
He let go of me suddenly and shouted, “What’s that?”
“What? Don’t fuck with me, Jimmy!” I glanced at the area of water he was looking at but saw nothing.
“No seriously. When you moved your arm—”
Jimmy waved his hand in the water, and a bright blue luminescence lit up the sea.
“It’s plankton,” I explained.
“Plankton?”
“Little sea plants that light up when you move in the water. You’ve never seen plankton before?”
“No, I can’t say that I have,” he added, wading back to a slightly shallower area.
He began splashing like a school kid, and the sea erupted in a magical blue glow. Although I’d seen plankton before—usually from a distance, when there were massive waves—it felt incredible to observe it up close, through Jimmy’s eyes.
“Wow; this is magical,” he said, standing waist-deep in the water, with wet hair, wearing Dunnes Stores boxers (which I’m guessing is some Irish design label). The moonlight was reflected in the sea, which shone even brighter with the blue glow of the plankton.
And that was it: my heart exploded with its own luminescence.
Future Me: I don’t know how many moments like this will come and go. That’s why I am writing down as much as I can remember.
He tried to pick up water. He looked like a baby discovering his hands for the first time.
“This is so beautiful.”
“I told you, didn’t I? Just do it.”
He waded back over to me in the deeper area, and we kissed again—more lustfully. No teeth this time. I wrapped my legs around his waist, and continued kissing passionately. Despite the cold water, I felt his hard-on as I insistently pressed my body against his.
He kissed my neck again. I looked up and saw a million stars twinkling down on me.
Suddenly, his head disappeared beneath the water. I felt the cup of my bra become dislodged. He came back up, spluttering.
“Shit, sorry; that didn’t go as planned.”
“And what exactly was your plan?”
“Kiss your breasts,” he casually remarked as if it was the most normal thing in the world. “Not so easy when you open your mouth underwater, and a gallon of seawater enters it,” he mumbled in between spits and splutters.
“And plankton,” I added.
“Oh, great,” he commented as he spat again to the side. “So, if my shit is glowing blue tomorrow, I know why?”
We both burst out laughing.
“You know, I think I’m going to specialize in marine biology after next year,” he announced. “This is really fascinating.”
I quickly glanced towards the beach to check on our belongings. They were still there; in the distance, they looked more like a rock.
I was about to kiss him again when I noticed a silhouette of a man in the distance. He was near the car park. I stopped abruptly.
“What is it?” he asked, concerned.
“Nothing,” I lied. “I was just checking on our clothes.”
The silhouette had a familiar posture. He moved on, but I don’t know how long he’d been standing there, and I felt creeped out. I tried to forget about him and turned to kiss Jimmy.
CHAPTER 9
After Jenna left, Bryan walked down the hallway and stopped outside Marissa’s old bedroom. Despite his daughter not living under the same roof for twenty-five years, Bryan never felt inclined to redecorate. Her bed was big enough for a grown-up anyway so it wasn’t as if he needed a new one when she slept over.
A lot of her cuddly toys remained in the top of the closet. Anytime Marissa was planning to stay over, Bryan would gather them all up and place them neatly on her bed.
Old posters of pop stars remained on the wall; mainly Backstreet Boys and Spice Girls. These were added over the years as she got older and came to visit. Sometimes a corner would become unattached from the wall. Instead of taking the poster down completely, Bryan would stick it back up with fresh tape or Plasti-Tak.
It always caused Marissa to smile when she came to sleep over. It was like stepping back in time whenever she entered her old bedroom.
Bryan turned his attention to the wall next to her door where a series of lines and dates were drawn. It was a record of Marissa’s height progress during her first five years. There was a large gap between the lower ones and the latest one that was added just below Bryan’s eyelevel. A year ago, just for fun, Marissa asked her father to measure her as an adult. She was now almost as tall as he was.
The lines and measurements reminded him of a water depth gauge found in rivers or lakes to detect rising waters. He stared at the white space between the five-year-old line and the twenty-nine-year old one. To anyone else it was just blank wall. But to him it represented the period his daughter grew up away from him.
Bryan remembered precisely the moment twenty-five years earlier when his marriage to the love of his life came to an end…
He returned home on a Sunday morning just before 10:00 a.m. The sky was pale blue and although the dew on the lawn sparkled in the morning sun, it wouldn’t be there for much longer. The slowly-rising sun was like an invisible vacuum cleaner, sucking up the moisture.
As he pulled into the driveway he spotted his daughter swinging on the tree swing. It was a wonderful sight that caused a warm glow inside him. His exhausted and over-worked eyes received a fresh makeover, like a dried-up geranium receiving a jug of water after a blistering day.
The warm sensation froze as he spotted the trunk of Jenna’s car wide open. His initial thought was that she had forgotten to close it. But when he saw her at the doorway of the house with a suitcase next to her, it dawned on him. He got out of the car and strode over to her.
“What are you doing?”
“I’m leaving and I’m taking Marissa with me,” she declared as she pulled the suitcase onto the gravel.
“What? Come on Jenna. Why are you doing this?”
“Jesus Christ, Bryan! Are you serious? Have you been going around with blinders on for the past few weeks?”
“I’m trying to solve the disappearance or perhaps even the murder of a girl from this area. There could be a killer out there and I want to take him off the streets so nobody else will have to go through what Chelsea Thomson’s mother and friends have endured.”
“And that means you ignore your own family?”
“I’m not ignoring you! I’m here, aren’t I?”
“After a 24 hour shift. After missing your own daughter’s fifth birthday!”
“Don’t rub it in. I feel awful for missing it, but I couldn’t get away. I’ll make it up to her.”
“Look at you. You look like shit. You’re pale. The bags beneath your eyes are enormous. Are you seriously saying that you’re ready to play Mr. Family Man now?”
“After a few hours sleep, yes.”
“After a few hours sleep you’ll be back in your car and on your way to the station again.”
Tempting as it was to deny it, Bryan knew it would be foolish to do so. An element of truth was hidden in what she said.
He stepped towards Jenna and caught hold of the suitcase. “Listen, Jenna. Please, don’t leave like this. Where are you even going?”
“My mom’s.”
“How’s Marissa going to get to school?”
“It’s a one-hour drive. It’s doable.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“I do, Bryan. We both know I do. It’s something that I should’ve done a long time ago.”
Mrs. Patterson emerged in the garden next-door. Bryan rolled his eyes.
Jesus, that’s all I need.
Although she proceeded to cut her rose bush, it was clearly a decoy to do what she does best; eavesdrop on her neighbors. He wondered if she had some kind of bug planted in their garden to detect voices. She always seemed to appear when they were having a discussion outside.
He lowered his voice. “Can you please step inside the house, so we can discuss it?”
“Daddy! Look how high I can go?”
Bryan glanced at his daughter, swinging on the swing, oblivious to what was going on between her parents.
“Very good, Sweetheart. Not too high, please.” He turned back to Jenna. “What did you tell her?”
“That we’re going to see Grandma, of course.”
“Of course. What do you mean of course? Does she know for how long?”
“I kept it vague. This has to happen, Bryan. We both know it was coming to this.”
“Not like this.” His eyes started to water; whether it was his emotions getting the better of him or pure exhaustion, he wasn’t sure. “Not like this,” he pleaded.
“I can’t compete with this job of yours.”
“It’s just this specific case. You can’t believe the pressure I’m under right now, but we’re close to finding the culprit.”
“And then the case will be closed?”
“Yes.”
“Before a new one begins.”
“No. What do you mean?”
“There will always be new cases. New victims to pity. New criminals to catch. I can’t compete with this anymore.”
“Good morning!” echoed a voice from across the hedge.
They both looked over to Mrs. Patterson who was waving with a secateurs in one hand.
“Good morning, Alison,” Jenna acknowledged, as she waved back.
Bryan ignored her.
“Getting away for a few days?” the woman inquired, pointing to the suitcase.
“You could say that,” Jenna admitted, as she wheeled the suitcase awkwardly across the gravel to the trunk of her car. She knew now was a good chance. Bryan wouldn’t try and stop her with Alison Patterson watching every movement.
Or would he?
Bryan followed his wife to the back of the car. He lowered his voice. “Please don’t do this. Can we at least talk about it?”
“What more is there to say?”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“It’s not about what you want anymore Bryan. It’s about what’s healthy for the three members of this family. And although you don’t see it right now, you will in due course.”
“Healthy? You call taking my daughter away from me healthy? How’s that healthy? Explain.”
Jenna sighed. She bent down and lifted the suitcase into the trunk. “Well, don’t help me anyway,” she uttered full of sarcasm.
“No. Why should I help you leave? If anything I should—”
Without thinking twice, he grabbed the handle of the suitcase and pulled it back out of the trunk.
“Bryan!”
He dumped the piece of luggage onto the gravel.
“I don’t want you to go!” he snapped aggressively, but still in a hushed voice.
She tried to pull it off him. “Let go of it!”
“No. I don’t want you to leave!”
Jenna glanced over her shoulder to Mrs. Patterson who continued with the charade of trimming a rose bush. It was undoubtedly the most impeccably trimmed rose bush in New England.
