Works of e f benson, p.399
Works of E F Benson, page 399
“Lord Lindfield, you will certainly get very hot if you punt me up-stream, and we shall probably both get very wet before we get back. Let us stop here.”
He had been by no means unwilling, and they had tied up.
“And sit down,” she said; “out of these two thousand cushions I can spare you a few. There, on the bottom of the boat.”
“I didn’t suggest stopping,” he said. “You mustn’t be sarcastic afterwards over the immense expedition I took you.”
“I promise not. I don’t think I should ever be sarcastic to you, do you know? You would only laugh. The point of sarcasm is to give pain.”
“And you don’t want to give me pain? Hurrah!”
“Ah, I’m not sure that a little pain would not be rather good for you. I think you have almost too delightful a time. When did you last not enjoy yourself? And yet I don’t know; perhaps you deserve it all. I am sure you give your friends a delightful time though you do have one yourself. Poor Daisy! I am afraid she isn’t having a good time this afternoon; she has a headache. I offered sympathy and companionship, but she felt like being alone. Poor Daisy!”
Jeannie’s voice suddenly died. She meant him to say something about Daisy, but for herself she felt as if she could not go on talking.
“I’m sorry,” he said. “I thought she wasn’t looking very brilliant. She should have come out with us for a run in the motor. Jove! it is hot even here. I think it was an excellent plan not to go any further; besides, I want to talk most awfully.”
A week ago Jeannie had loathed the thought of this man even as, and for the same reason, she loathed the thought of Paris when she passed through it. But at the moment she did not loathe the thought of him at all, nor did she loathe him. She who so loved the sunshine and joy of life could not but like one who took so keen and boyish a pleasure in its pleasantness, and, boylike also, turned so uncompromising a back on all that was unpleasant or even puzzling.
He had no use for unpleasantness and no head for puzzles. From an intellectual point of view he might have been called stupid; but intellectual though Jeannie was, she never took her view of life or her estimate of people from that standpoint. Affection and simplicity and good-fellowship were things that seemed to matter to her much more.
From the human point of view, then, which does not concern itself with one’s neighbour’s intellectual qualities any more than it concerns itself with his morals, she had quickly grown to like this simple, pleasant man, who had so good an appetite for the joys of life. And her liking for him made her task far more difficult and far more repulsive to her than she had anticipated.
She had thought that as far as he was concerned she would find it perfectly easy to be ruthless, steeling herself to it by the memory of Diana. That memory had not in the least faded, but there had come into the foreground of her life this liking and sympathy for the man who she hoped was to be her victim.
It made what she was doing doubly odious to her, and yet, think and puzzle as she might, she could devise no plan but this, which, if it succeeded, would spare Daisy the knowledge that she herself had promised Diana to spare her.
As far as things had gone, she was fairly content with what she had accomplished. It was all horrible to her, but the plan was working quite well. He had scarcely seen Daisy since they had come down here, while he had seldom been out of her own company, and it was clear to Mrs. Halton that Daisy was certainly beginning to be puzzled, and, poor child, was beginning to feel hurt and slighted.
But there had been as yet no more than a beginning made; Lord Lindfield would have to be far more taken up with herself than he was now, and Daisy, poor dear, would have to be far more deeply wounded and hurt before the thing was accomplished. And already Mrs. Halton felt sick at heart about it all. Yet till a better plan could be thought of she had not to set her teeth, but to smile her best, and flirt, flirt, flirt.
There was but one bright spot in the whole affair, and that the few words which she had had with Victor early that morning before breakfast. She had asked him, not pointedly, but in a general way arising out of their talk, what he would think if in some way she completely puzzled him, and acted in a manner that was incomprehensible. And he had laughed.
“Why, my darling, what an easy question,” he said. “I should know that there was something behind I didn’t understand. I should wait for you to tell me about it.”
“And if I never told you about it?” asked Jeannie.
“Then, dear, I should know you had some good reason for that. But I should never ask you, I think, and I know I should never cease to trust you or forget that we are — well, you and me.”
That was wine to her.
CHAPTER XVII.
But she liked Lindfield; that made her task so much harder. It was shameful to treat a man like this, and yet — and yet there was still the memory of that dreadful gilded house in Paris and the dying voice of Diana.
So once more, and not for the last time, she settled down to the task that was so odious — odious because she liked him.
“We shall quarrel, then, I am afraid,” she said, “because I want to talk too. We both want to talk — I to you, you to me.”
He leant over her a moment, since the punt-pole had to be grounded at the stern of the boat, for he had tied the chain in the bow to an unearthed root of the tree. She leant a little sideways away from him, and this was done. It was then she gave him the few cushions out of the two thousand.
“Have you got anything very special to say?” she asked. “Because I have, and so I shall begin. Yet I don’t know if it is special, except that between friends everything seems to be special.”
Again Jeannie could not get on for a moment, but she proceeded without notable pause.
“The difference between friends and acquaintances is so enormous,” she said, “and yet so many people confuse the two. One may meet another person a hundred times and be only an acquaintance; one may meet a person once and be a friend in a minute. Perhaps it is not the same with men. I don’t think a man recognizes those who are going to be or are capable of being his friends at the first glance, whereas a woman does. She feels it to the end of her finger-tips.”
Jeannie gave a quick glance at him, and saw that he was listening with considerable attention. She gave a little sigh, and clasped her hands behind her head.
“What an uneconomical world it is,” she said, “and what a lot of affection and emotion Nature allows to run to waste. A man sees in some woman the one quality, the one character that he is for ever seeking; he sees that she is in some way the complement of himself, and perhaps the woman merely dislikes him. Or it may happen the other way round. What a waste of noble stuff that means. All his affection is poured away like a stream losing itself in the desert. It does seem a pity.”
“Jove! yes, and I never thought of that,” he said. “There must be a lot of that going on. So much, perhaps, that some day the desert will get quite damp, and then won’t it cease to be a desert?”
She looked at him rather longer, letting her eyes rest on his.
“That is a much more hopeful solution,” she said. “Perhaps it doesn’t all go to waste. Or shall we say that Nature never throws things away, but puts all these odds and ends of affection in the stock-pot to make soup. But they will make soup for other people. Ah! there was lightning far off. The storm is beginning.”
They waited in silence, till a long, drowsy peal of thunder answered.
“Oh, it is miles away yet,” he said.
Jeannie arranged her cushions more comfortably. “And yet I rather like Nature’s uneconomical habits,” she said, “if we settle she is a spendthrift. There is something rather royal and large-handed about it. She is just the same in physical affairs. I saw in some snippety paper the other day that the amount of electricity discharged in a good thunderstorm would be sufficient to light every house in London for five hours, or run all the trains on all the tubes for about the same time. I should think you are rather spendthrift, too, Lord Lindfield.”
He laughed.
“I? Oh, yes. I pour out gallons of affection in all directions. Always have.”
Again Jeannie smiled at him.
“Ah, I like that,” she said, softly. “And we won’t think it goes to waste. It would be too sad. Go on, tell me about your pouring it out in all directions. I should like to hear about it.”
Jeannie hated herself as she spoke; she was using all her woman’s charm to draw him on, and — a thing which he could not follow, though she knew it well — she was using lightness of touch so that he should not see how much she was in earnest. She had used, too, that sacred name of friendship to encourage him to draw nearer her, for no man could listen to what she had been saying without reading into it some directly personal meaning; clearly the friendship she spoke of concerned him and her, for no woman talks to a man about friendship purely in the abstract unless she is his grandmother. And she was not; nobody could be less like a grandmother, as she sat there, in the full beauty of her thirty years and her ripened womanhood.
She was beautiful, and she knew it; she had charm, she was alone on this hot thundery day with him in the punt. Also she meant to use all power that was hers. The plan was to detach him from the girl, and the manner of his detachment was the attachment to her. Daisy must be shown how light were his attachments.
Indeed, the handicap of years did not seem so heavy now. She was perfectly well aware that men looked at her as she went by, and turned their heads after she had passed. And this hot, sweltering day, she knew, suited her and the ripe rather Southern beauty of her face, though in others it might only be productive of headache or fatigue. Indeed, it was little wonder that her plan had made so promising a beginning.
He moved again a little nearer her, clasping his knees in his hands.
“You’ve talked about friends,” he said, “and you are encouraging me to talk about them. It’s a jolly word; it means such a jolly thing. And I’m beginning to hope I have found one in this last day or two.”
There was no mistaking this, nor was there any use in her pretending not to know what he meant; indeed, it was worse than useless, for it was for this she had been working. There was no touch or hint of passion in his voice; he was speaking of friends as a boy might speak. And she liked him.
She held out her hand with a charming frankness of gesture.
“That is a very good hearing,” she said. “I congratulate you. And, Lord Lindfield, it isn’t only you I congratulate; I congratulate myself most heartily.”
He unclasped his knees and took her hand in both his.
“Thanks, most awfully,” he said.
“Friends don’t thank each other,” she said. “One only thanks people who don’t matter. Now go on. I have been doing all the talking these last two days. It is your turn; I want to know much more about you.”
“I expect you won’t like it.”
“I must be the judge of that. I am willing to risk it.”
“Well, I told you I wanted to talk most awfully,” he said, “and now you’ve made it so much easier. I expect you know a certain amount about me, as it is. I’ve had a tremendously good time all my life. People have been very kind to me always. I expect they’ve been too kind. It’s all been so confoundedly pleasant, I have let the years go by without ever thinking of settling down. But there’s an awful lot to be said for it. And all my life — I’m thirty-eight already — I’ve shirked every responsibility under the sun.”
Jeannie had a sudden sense that in spite of the promising beginning which she had half prided herself on and half loathed herself for, things were going quite completely wrong, and that she had as yet accomplished nothing whatever. It was but a momentary impression, and she had no time to reflect on or examine it, since she had to do her part in this sealed compact of friendship. But she did it with an uncourageous heart.
She laughed.
“I can’t console you over that,” she said, “or tell you that you do yourself an injustice, because I have always regarded you as the very type of the delectable and untrammelled life. You don’t conform to the English standard, you know, and I expect you have no more acquaintance with your Wiltshire estates and all your people there than you have with the House of Lords. Have you ever taken your seat, by the way? No, I thought not. But, after all, if you don’t know the House of Lords, you know London pretty well, and — and Paris.”
He did not smile now, but looked at her gravely.
“Yes, worse luck,” he said.
Jeannie nodded at him.
“Well, well,” she said, quietly. “Never mind that now. You were speaking of settling down. Go on about that.”
“One doesn’t settle down alone,” he said.
And then she knew that, so far, her plan had been a dead failure. His attitude towards her was perfectly clear; they were friends, and as friends should do, he was confiding in her, seeking from her the sympathy and counsel of a friend.
“You mean to marry, then?” she asked.
“I hope to marry.”
Once again the lightning flickered in the sky, and the thunder gave a far more immediate response. That big coppery cloud which had been low on the horizon had spread upwards over the heavens with astonishing speed, and even as the thunder crackled a few big drops of rain splashed on the river outside their shelter under the chestnuts. The storm was quickly coming closer, and a big tree, as Jeannie remembered, is not a very desirable neighbourhood under the circumstances.
“We had better get home,” she said. “There is going to be a storm.”
He jumped up at once, loosed the chain, and with a few swift strokes took them back into the boathouse. There was no time just then for further conversation, and Jeannie, at any rate, did not wish for it. But it was as she had feared. All that she had done hitherto was nothing; the calamity she wished to avert had not yet been averted.
One thing only she had gained at present, the footing of a friend. Already, she was sure, he valued that, and on that she would have to build. But it was a precarious task; she could not see her way yet. Only she knew that such friendship as she had already formed with him was not enough. He was not detached from Daisy yet. For the last forty-eight hours, it is true, he had almost completely left her alone, but that was not enough. He still intended to marry her.
Jeannie went straight to her room on gaining the house, under pretence of changing her dress, which even in those few yards across from the boathouse had got wet with the first rain of the storm. But she wanted not that so much as to sit by herself and think. Matters were not so easy as she had hoped, for she knew now that she had let herself believe that by the mere formation of a friendship with her, she could lead him away from Daisy. And now, for the first time, she saw how futile such a hope had been. He could, in the pleasure of this new friendship, be somewhat markedly inattentive to Daisy for a day or two, but it could not permanently detach him. She must seem to offer something more than mere friendship.
That he was seriously in love with Daisy she did not wholly believe, but he meant to marry her; he meant, anyhow, to ask her to marry him, and Alice, who knew better than she what Daisy felt, was sure that Daisy would accept him. But something more than a mere flirtation was required; matters, she saw now, had to go deeper than that. She must make herself essential to him, and then, when he knew that she was essential, she would have to turn her back on him. It was not a pretty rôle.
There came a gentle tap at the door, and Daisy entered.
“Ah! you have come in, Aunt Jeannie,” she said. “Did you get caught in the storm?”
“Not to speak of. We did not go far. Lord Lindfield offered to take me up to Maidenhead, but, as a matter of fact, we went to the corner of the backwater. Oh, I promised not to laugh at him for the immensity of the expedition, because it was I who proposed stopping under the chestnuts. How charming he is, Daisy! And how is the headache?”
“Rather brilliant still, but it will get better. Aunt Jeannie, how quickly you make friends with people.”
There was something tearing to Jeannie’s tender heart about this. Daisy looked so white and tired, and so helpless, she who was usually a perfect well-spring of high spirits and enjoyment. Jeannie longed to take that dear head in her hands and kiss its trouble away, but it was just that which she could not do. This trouble could not be kissed away; it had to be burnt away — by a hand, too, that seemed unconscious of its cruel work.
“With him, do you mean?” she asked lightly. “You can scarcely say I have only now been making friends with him. I saw a good deal of him at one time; in fact, he was rather devoted to me. But my eagle eye sees no sign of a return of it. Does yours?”
The room was very dark with the blackness of the sky outside, and Jeannie could see Daisy but indistinctly. Then with a wicked flare of lightning it leaped into light, and the thunder rattled round the eaves. But in that moment’s flash Jeannie saw Daisy’s face again, mute, white, and appealing, and it was intolerable to her. Besides, anything was better and less dangerous than a tête-à-tête with Daisy. At any moment she might tell her about Lord Lindfield and the offer she expected. That would make her part infinitely worse to play; it would make it impossible. At present, anyhow, so far as Daisy knew, she was ignorant of it all.
She jumped at the appalling racket overhead.
“Oh, I hate thunder — I hate thunder,” she said. “Let us come downstairs, Daisy, where there are people. Besides, it is tea-time, is it not? Let us go down. I came straight to my room, and Lord Lindfield, I think, went to his. Alice will be anxious if she thinks we are still out. Listen to the rain. How it will beat the flowers down! Come, dear.”
