Queen of secrets, p.14
Queen of Secrets, page 14
“It wasn’t until sunrise on the third day, when the mayor and my father showed up with the sheriff. I ran into my father’s arms. My dad told the man he’d be sorry for what he’d done to me.”
“Amore mio, I so sorry.” He grabbed my hand and wove his fingers with mine.
“When I came home, I threw up all over my mother. My father said I looked white as a sheet and that I didn’t talk for a few days. My mother held me in her rocking chair that afternoon to calm me. She sang to me. The wind tickled my arms and helped me fall asleep, safe again in my home.”
“Did dey put dat man in jail?”
“No. He told the authorities that I’d wandered onto his property and that he intended to turn me over the next morning but had no phone line on the property and his truck had engine trouble. It was the trail of half-eaten strawberries on the side of the road that helped my father find me. With the help of the Molanano family, my father took the law into his hands. The man and his family were never found again.”
Gaetano’s eyes were wide from my admission. “I cannot believe it.” He pulled his hand from mine and brushed leftover tears from my cheeks.
“There was a big write-up in the newspaper about it.”
“I will never let anyone hurt you,” he whispered, then wrapped me up in his arms.
“I know you won’t.” I turned to kiss him. “I learned that it wasn’t the ranch that made me safe but the people. That was the day I made friends with the wind and vowed to never eat another strawberry. It’s a good thing I still like grapes,” I said with a faint laugh.
“Si it is a good ting.” He became silent. His gaze held onto me.
“Years later, I realized the power of the Mafia. They made people disappear. And as much as that scared me, they’d saved me. So, with my newfound appreciation, the ranch and everyone in it became my safe place. That’s why I’m so hurt by my father. All this time, he’s done nothing but provide for me and take care of me by any means possible. But when he approached me about Frank, he betrayed my trust in him. He didn’t listen to my needs about you. He didn’t care.”
“He loves you.”
“Love has nothing to do with it,” I said with an icy tone. My father’s face burned into my mind’s eye. “Let’s talk about something else.”
“We no have to go to da dinner party if you don’t want. I’m fine to stay right in here in dis bed wit you.” He wrapped his arm around me. “When you tell me dis, I tink you are like my sisters when da men come to my house and how scared dey were. You were so little, so helpless. I wish I could have protected all of you.” His eyes narrowed, and his voice trailed. He gently lay back on top of me. His body shielded me from the dark memory. His heart beat against my breasts as he breathed into my hair.
“I’m fine. Honest.”
“Are you sure, Violetta?” he said with a pained gaze, then rolled back over onto the pillow.
“Yes, I’m sure. In your arms, all of it melts away.” I cleared my throat. “Tell me about this party you’re taking me to.”
“I tink you will like it. I love playing with da children. Dey are so funny, and da food is very good. It’s different and spicy.”
“Sounds delicious,” I said, blinking away the dark memory.” I closed my eyes and nestled my head into the crook of his neck, where the sound of his gentle breath soothed me.
After a few hours in bed, we dressed and drove to the workers’ cabins, where many people greeted us. José introduced me to his nine-member family. With smiling faces and laughter, the children grabbed me by the hand to jump rope with them. I played while Gaetano looked at us and grinned. I motioned him over to jump rope.
“You ready?” I asked.
“Si.”
I held one end of the rope and José’s daughter, Esperanza, grabbed the other, while Gaetano jumped.
“We are gonna go faster now,” I yelled and smiled at the girl. With a flick of our wrists, we twirled the rope around in circles. Gaetano kept up for a while, then stopped, out of breath.
“What’s the matter? You can’t be tired already,” I teased.
“Amore mio,” he said, lightly panting and laughing, “you know why I tired.” He winked. “You don’t want me to waste all my energy jumping dis rope, do you? I don’t want to fall asleep on you tonight.” He planted a soft kiss on my lips.
“No. We wouldn’t want that, would we?” I teased with seductive eyes.
Gaetano and I sat on chairs by the firepit. Children sat beside us. Girls played with my hair, and the boys teased Gaetano. He was so wonderful with kids. He’d be a great father someday. An overwhelming feeling of warmth came over me.
“Señor, es time to eat.” José handed us plates.
With the smell of smoke from the firepit and the various spices in the air, the women served us authentic Mexican dishes. I thanked them all for the meal and their hospitality. The children got up to play.
“Señorita Violetta,” José spoke up. “I so happy to be here. Señor Sanna, he good man. He help me and my family. We have a home here. It is”—he struggled to find the right words—“so hard in Mexico.”
“I think he’s pretty great too.” I reached for Gaetano’s palm. He smiled at me with my favorite crooked smile and kissed the back of my hand. I saw why Guy needed to help them. They were him, not long ago. He wanted to provide a place for these families to work and live, as Antonelli had done for his family.
José said, “Esperanza say you beautiful.” He smiled at his daughter.
“Thank you. Gracias.” I tried to roll the R sound in my mouth. “Esperanza—what a pretty name,” I said to the young woman.
“In Spanish, it means hope,” José said, looking proudly at his daughter.
“How beautiful,” I said. The young girl appeared to be in her mid-teens. She had long, black, velvety hair that cascaded down her back. Already taller than her father, she had his almond-shaped eyes. She peered at me, then looked over my shoulder at Gaetano. Her eyes studied my face.
“Esperanza, this a Señor Sanna’s friend, Violetta.”
“Hello. Nice to meet you.” I held out my hand to her.
The girl slowly shook my hand. Her grip was firm.
Gaetano kissed my cheek and wrapped his arms around me from behind.
“So, you meet Espi?” Gaetano said with his head hanging over my shoulder.
“Espi?” I asked.
“Yes, dat is what we call her around here. Right, Espi?” Gaetano asked.
Her eyes widened again, staring at Gaetano and me. She took a deep breath and walked away.
“She’s beautiful, José,” I said. “Pretty soon you’ll have to fight men off with a stick.”
We all shared a laugh.
Gaetano turned me around and hugged me tightly. “Have I told you today dat I love you?” His words tickled my ears and sent shivers down my spine.
“You’ve mentioned it once or twice,” I said, then giggled into his neck.
Everyone smiled. I hadn’t seen so many happy people in a crowd since my graduation, and it felt good.
“Let’s go sit by da fire. It will be cold soon,” Gaetano said.
While we sat in the light of the fire, José said, “Look at my children. They so happy here.”
The children played in the fields.
“You are a good man, José. Tank you for all your help. You are a part of my family now. You will always have a place here wit us,” Gaetano said, then reached out to shake José’s hand.
“You ever drink tequila, Señorita?” José asked me.
“Tequila?”
“I go get so you taste. We always drink wine, but tonight we celebrate like Mexicanos,” he said with pride, then went to get the bottle of liquor.
“I’m glad you brought me here tonight. Your friendship with them is wonderful. José’s daughter is beautiful. If I didn’t know better, I’d say she has a crush on you,” I teased.
“Why you say dat?”
“The way she looks at you. I should know. That’s how I looked at you when I first met you that day at Antonelli’s. It’s the way I still look at you.” I turned to cup his face in my hands.
“I only have eyes for you,” he said, then kissed me softly. “José is loyal to me. He understands. When the Molanano men come here for da money, he says dey have much experience wit men like dat in Mexico because da drugs and da poppy. Dey are no strangers to it.” His upper lip twisted in disgust.
“I understand your anger, but you wouldn’t have all of this if it wasn’t for them. Like I told Tony, no matter how much we try to do things legitimately on our own, somehow they find ways to control everything.”
“Dat was my fater’s decision. I hate to give dem money we work so hard for. Dey are thieves.” He spat at the ground.
“Those thieves saved my life, Gaetano.”
“Come here,” he said and motioned me over to sit with him.
I sat on his lap. With the warm fire that burned bright in front of us, he wrapped his arms around me and kissed under my ear.
“I mean no disrespect,” he whispered in my ear. “You and I, we have different experience wit Cosa Nostra. As much as I hate dem, for what dey did to my family, dey save your life.”
“I love you.” I stared at the starry sky. In the dark above, I prayed Gaetano would make peace with all of it and accept me for who I was. I didn’t want to have to choose between my family or him. Some wounds ran deep.
To numb my worry, I drank tequila with Gaetano and José. We sang songs in Spanish around the fire. I felt like part of a new family. I had a place here. These last few days, Gaetano made me feel like I was his true partner. He’d shared his plans for the vineyard with me and because he valued my opinion, he asked where he should put the swimming pool and how big the hotel should be. We’d gone around the grounds with our hands in the shape of a camera, imagining his vision. I’d provided my input, and he’d listened. My opinion mattered to him. Here, my voice was heard. Most of all, he showed me how much he loved me and how a man looks at a woman when he surrenders his heart to her for safekeeping.
As much as I wanted to keep his heart safe, I couldn’t stop thinking what Frank would do if he discovered I was here. The whole thing made my stomach hurt.
Frank.
I’d almost forgot about him, yet how could I? As terrible thoughts bounced around in my head, I shelved them all and focused on being in Guy’s arms. Alcohol took care of the rest.
After a few days of following Gaetano around during the day and lying with him at night, I was in my restful bubble, miles away from reality, perfectly content. Then Gaetano mentioned it was time to speak with his parents.
“My fater says he want to talk to us. We going der for dinner. It’s time, amore mio, to explain everyting to dem.”
Once his words were out, muscles in my neck and throat constricted. “As long as you’re with me, I’m ready.”
We walked hand in hand, as a united front, into the grand kitchen where his mother and sisters sat at one end of the table. With a fluttering heart, I avoided eye contact with Signora Sanna. Gaetano ushered us to the middle of the table where we sat together. I looked down at my plate of homemade pasta and gripped Gaetano’s hand under the table. As much as the food looked appealing, I’d lost my appetite. My mouth was dry. With a shaky hand, I sipped some water.
Signora Sanna sat at the table.
“Gaetano, you mussa return her at once. Her Papa calla here dis morning. I no lie. She hasa go back,” Signor Sanna demanded.
My heart sank at his angry words. Gaetano squeezed my hand and looked at his father.
“I don’t care. Violetta no leave. We are in love. I will marry her. She no love da man she is supposed to marry. She say he is a bad man, a killer. How can I bring her back to dem, Papa? I will not,” he shouted and threw his cloth napkin beside his plate.
I grabbed at his arm.
His father stood. “I willna have your mama terrorize again. Itsa bad enough dat dey will get our money and soma of our land to do as dey wish. I willa no have dem coma here to hurt us. She hasa go back, and das it,” he ordered.
“She will not,” Gaetano protested. “We are getting married, and if she can’t be here, den I will leave wit her. I will walk away from all da headaches—all of it. I will not let dem keep taking everyting I love. No more. You can do as dey bid, but not me,” he fired back.
While the two men challenged each other for control, I glanced over at Gaetano’s mother. Tears flooded her eyes. Her arms wrapped around her daughters, and her body shook as she held on to the girls.
She had suffered enough for one lifetime.
No harm would come to her, or any of them. I wouldn’t allow it. I shot her an apologetic stare when Gaetano grabbed my hand. We stormed out of the room, leaving our untouched food and his family in tears.
Back at the guesthouse, Gaetano paced the room. He swore in Italian and swung his fists around, denouncing his father and the Mafia. To get a moment alone from all the yelling, I retreated back to the bedroom. I stepped out of my shoes and lay on the bed. The room took on new meaning.
It was no longer our private romantic space filled with love and promising sentiment. It was the last place Gaetano and I would be together.
He stormed in after me and said, “We will leave tomorrow. I have enough money to get us far away from here. We will find a place where dey never find us—a safe place dat you need.”
I took a deep breath and shut my eyes. Mentally paralyzed from the pictures of his mother’s face, I mustered the courage to respond.
“They’d find us,” I whispered.
“Dey no find us,” he said as he unbuttoned his shirt.
“Yes, they will. Look at you. You came here to America hoping to get as far away from them as possible; yet when you arrived, you came under their thumb, like the rest of us. We will never run far enough or fast enough.”
“Bastardi,” he yelled with his hands in fists.
“I’ve been here a week, and I’ve loved every moment with you. And for the first time that I can remember, I saw myself living here with you on this beautiful land, surrounded by the love I’ve felt over the last few days. I felt at home, until I saw your mother’s face tonight. She’ll never accept me.” My heart sank into my stomach.
“I love my moter, but she does not run my life. I am a man and will be treated like one,” he said firmly.
“My father will search for me to the ends of the earth because of what my marriage means for my family’s survival. Even if he gave us his blessing, there’s too much at stake. Don Molanano would take that as a sign of disloyalty. There might be a war. No one will die, including my father, because of me,” I said with quivering lips. “And Frank would murder all of you without a thought.”
Gaetano swallowed my words down like sour medicine.
“He’s ruthless.”
Gaetano’s nostrils flared. “Don’t be scared. I will protect you from him.”
“Don’t you understand? They’ll come for me, like when I was younger. I’m the daughter of someone connected to this life. I can’t let them hurt you. I love you too much,” I said with a shaky voice.
“We leave. Start over. Please . . .”
“No. I can’t do that to you and your family. You just started a life here. I can’t pull you away from all of this. People depend on you for their survival,” I said, thinking of all the families I’d met this week.
“Tomorrow we leave. I will not let dem take any more from me,” he said with an edge in his voice. “Now let’s go to bed. We have an early morning.”
I replayed all possible outcomes in my mind. They all led back to one thought—pain, both physical and emotional, no matter what we did.
Sometime in the middle of the night, we made love. We were both exhausted, but we needed the release to help us relax from such an emotional day. After his final thrust, he collapsed next to me and fell asleep. His heavy arm lay against my chest.
With news of my father’s call and the heat of summer filling the room, I couldn’t sleep. I tiptoed into the living room and opened a window. The breeze cooled my heated skin.
My mind and heart made the connections. Was it a sign, or something to bring me back to reality? Wind that touched my body had made itself known. He was my wind. My symbol of safety. How could I ever put him in any danger?
I couldn’t.
I’d leave and make the ultimate sacrifice to spare him. The world needed people like him. Sneaking out before dawn was the only way. Gaetano would never let me go. I needed to be the mind of reason here. We had devoted our hearts and bodies to each other, and he would defend me ferociously. I wouldn’t allow him to do anything that would get him, or his family, killed.
José was my only way out. I’d make up a lie to get him to drive me to the bus station. I’d write Guy a letter to tell him my reasons for leaving and that this would be the last time I’d ever communicate with him. I hoped he’d find it in his heart to forgive me someday. Until then, I’d protect him.
With quiet, shaking hands, I searched for a pen and paper. In the bathroom, I locked the door. On the cold tile floor, alone with my thoughts, I wrote.
Gaetano,
With a heavy heart, I want you to know how much I love you and how much this week has meant to me. These past days were magical. From the loving things you said to me in the moonlight of our bed to the way you laughed through my favorite crooked smile, you blanketed me in tenderness and love. Thank you for sharing your life with me and making me feel part of it.
As much as it pains me to write this, I must go back. I would never be able to live with myself if anything were to happen to any of you. You deserve an exceptional life. One that you can be proud of, and one that is free from pain.
I realize now that our destinies lie on different paths. As much as I’ve tried to ignore it, I can’t escape who I am and the family I’ve been born into.
I’m grateful for every memory we’ve ever shared. I’ll never forget you and will love you always. Every day that the wind dances in the sun, I will think of you.
