Queen of secrets, p.25
Queen of Secrets, page 25
The afternoon was pleasant. We sunbathed and sipped on our drinks. They were cold and wet, with sprigs of mint. Because of the humidity, we gulped them down fast. And in between spreading our toes through the sand and getting drunk from mixing alcohol with the heat, we shared some of our histories.
She told me she’d had a rough childhood and that she’d been molested by her father. Since running away from home at thirteen, she’d been on her own. Rose divulged she’d been married twice before she’d met Jimmy and had a daughter at seventeen.
“My aunt in Idaho adopted her. I haven’t seen her since she was one month old. I couldn’t take care of her. I was on drugs. I had no money, and if I’m honest,” she said as one tear escaped, “she would have gotten in the way.”
I swallowed hard at her admission.
“It’s hard to have children in this life, ya know? You always have to worry that somethin’ might happen to them.”
“Yes,” I said. “I worry about that. The boys that get into the life, they’re either put in prison or killed. This life isn’t forgiving, no matter how you look at it.”
“I did the right thing for my daughter. My aunt sent me a picture of her and she’s beautiful. Headin’ to college and everything. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but sometimes you have to stop being selfish and accept your reality. Some women aren’t mother types, you know?”
“I want a child, but I’m afraid. I don’t want to wake up one morning and find out they were shot over some petty crime, or—worse yet—some war between the families.”
“It will always be a personal choice,” she said and took another sip of her drink.
And before she shed any more tears on the subject, she lit up another cigarette. With the flick of the match, she moved on to something else. It was as if she’d detoured off a highway flooded with memories.
“I’m made for this life. I’ve been on the street since I was a kid. I’m no housewife, makin’ dinna, waiting on a man. Oh no. I want to be in the thick of it. I want to make my money so no man can tell me what to do. As a woman in this world, you gotta make your moves. You gotta make friends with your enemies. And if I’m being honest, you gotta use your pussy. That’s the one weapon men fall for. That’s the one thing they’re all powerless against. I’ll use what I have to get what I want. It’s survival. Life is full of suckas.” She blew plumes of smoke past her lips. “And I won’t be one of them anymore. No. I’ll never be weak again.”
I stilled and took a deep breath.
“Don’t look so surprised. I’ve paid prices too. I’ve even been to prison a few times. One time I was a driver on a robbery gone bad. Another time, I was busted for cleaning the money. My last stint, I was busted for prostitution. A big sting operation.” She adjusted the strap on her bathing suit. “I remember the first time I ever whored myself out. When the guy gave me the money, I knew I’d found a way to eat. It wasn’t glamorous, but when I bought myself furs and nice things, I felt rich. That’s how I met Jimmy. He was one of my johns. Poor bastard bailed me out and tried to civilize me by giving me money and spoiling me so I wouldn’t go back to the life. He wanted me off the streets.”
I felt the pain in her voice when she talked about what her father had done to her. I felt sorry for her. It was the allure of Cosa Nostra that kept her going. She wanted a way in somehow; and as a woman, that was impossible. Culturally and traditionally, women couldn’t be members. It wasn’t part of the deal. Mob wives helped their husbands do things here and there, but they could never become a boss.
As the sun beat on our skin, she told me that Jimmy knew about her past and never judged her. I think Jimmy never wanted to lose her. She was a strikingly beautiful woman, and she was the brains between them. Jimmy was still a soldier, but Frank was now a captain. So, when Frank needed to keep his hands clean, he’d call on Jimmy to do his dirty work. Rose liked that Jimmy was the guy who took care of business. But I knew Jimmy wouldn’t be the last guy in her life. Rose was ambitious—sometimes too ambitious.
“So, tell me about growing up in California. I heard it’s beautiful out there. Jimmy said the family is starting to settle out that way, even getting into casinos and the movie business. What’s Hollywood like? That Frank Sinatra . . . what a dream boat,” she said, smiling.
“I’ve never been to Hollywood. I’ve been on our ranch most of my life. Life on the ranch is fun at times and hard work at other times. But I miss my family, the horses and . . . well, lots of things . . .”
Gaetano’s face came into view. I took another sip of my drink to coat my dry throat. I didn’t want to say too much for fear that something would get back to Frank.
“I think I’ll take a nap. The sun feels so good,” I said, trying to avoid more intimate conversations.
“Sounds nice.” She tilted her big hat over her face.
With the sound of the ocean in the distance and the wind tickling my arms, I focused on the teal blue waves in front of me.
After a full day of sun and drinks, we returned to the hotel. Rose was adamant that we had to get up early because we had a big day ahead of us. We were here on business, not pleasure. We put out our cigarettes and folded our towels.
While we walked back to the hotel, I thought about what she’d said. It seemed that Rose wanted to look important to the mob, so they’d use her when they needed. She searched for purpose and importance. I empathized with her because that was something I’d searched for since I left Gaetano. He was the only man besides my father who made me feel important. I wasn’t sure what I was in for tomorrow, but anything seemed better than going home.
The Cuban
My arms were on fire. Sheets, as soft as they were, scratched my sunburnt skin. I turned my body to see Rose half naked in bed. Her hair in giant knots, she snored like a chain saw.
“Rose, get up. It’s almost six a.m. Didn’t you say you wanted to leave early?” I muttered, still feeling the effects of a day’s worth of sun and booze.
Rose rolled over and rubbed her eyes. “Oh shit, thank God you woke me up. We gotta go.”
We rushed to pack up our things and left the hotel. I was sad to leave the beach, but Rose had to meet her connection by 7:00 a.m. With roaring headaches from rum-induced hangovers, we drove west to our rendezvous place.
Rose and I headed to a private strip of homes on a sequestered island that was tangled in palms trees. The lush jungle provided the needed privacy to conduct business, far from any pain-in-the-ass cops. As we approached the gated entrance, a guard recognized Rose and was all smiles. He was an older man who spoke broken English. His Spanish sounded a little different than the Mexicans I’d met at the winery, but I understood some of the words.
“Hola,” Rose said, then continued several long phrases in Spanish. I’d only heard her strong Brooklyn accent up to that point, so to hear her speak fluent Spanish blew my mind. After a few more pleasantries, the guard opened the gate and allowed us inside.
We pulled up to a large white house that bordered an ocean channel. Rose parked in the car port, touched up her signature red lipstick, and blotted her lips on a piece of newspaper stashed in the glove box.
“Put on your hat and wear these.” She handed me a pair of big, black sunglasses. “We don’t want anyone to spot us. That’s the last thing I need.”
I put on the glasses and wrapped a scarf around my neck.
“Don’t say anything when we’re in there. Just go along with everything I tell you.”
“Ere . . . okay.” I adjusted my hat.
We approached the front door. A man with a dark complexion and watchful eyes greeted us. Two more bodyguards stood inside. They didn’t talk much, and they didn’t greet us. They eyed Rose and me with guns at their sides. With every step forward, quivers of trepidation jolted through me. Where the hell had Rose taken me? Why did I ever agree to this?
Various pelts and stuffed game animals decorated the walls. A huge tiger skin stretched above the fireplace. The animal’s glass eyes followed me. It was obvious that whoever lived in this house was comfortable killing things. Death was all around me. A cold sweat flushed my body. Something was very wrong here.
I fidgeted with the button on my blouse, ready to meet Mr. Big Drug Dealer. My jaw tightened, and my legs shook. With only the sound of a ceiling fan above, I waited for Rose’s direction as she ran her hands over the tiger’s pelt.
“It won’t be long now,” she said.
“Thank God. I can’t wait to get out of here,” I whispered.
One of the bodyguards adjusted the leather straps of his gun and pulled it around his shoulders.
“Vámonos. Síganme,” another bodyguard commanded. He nudged us from behind to move through the house to the back.
Since Rose knew the protocol, I followed her past the lifeless walls and through a patio door. A waterway and a narrow dock stretched ahead. We walked toward a thirty-foot boat tied to a wooden piling.
The guard helped us onto the boat and stood as a lookout.
Inside, the boat was bigger than I’d expected. A small couch sat under a tiny window. To steady my legs from the boat rocking back and forth, I held on to Rose’s arm. A smaller man approached. He had dark skin and thick black hair, which he had tied into a ponytail under a black cowboy hat.
He smiled at Rose and threw his arms around her.
“Hola, mi preciosa.” He kissed her and grabbed her ass with both hands. My stomach hardened watching them fondle each other. I felt like I’d betrayed Jimmy by just being there. She knew this man better than she’d let on.
Once the man pulled his tongue out of her mouth, he eyed me up and down.
“Esta es mi amiga, Violetta,” Rose said.
He moved his body in front of mine and stared at me intensely. I reached out my hand to shake his. He drew my fingers up to his mouth and kissed the back of my hand.
“Ella es muy hermosa. Will she be joining us?” he asked.
I yanked back by hand and shot Rose a bone-chilling stare. “Joining you for what?” I snapped.
“No. Vi isn’t into that kind of thing.”
Rose planned to use her main weapon in her arsenal. It was between her legs—proving once again that pussy ran the world, like she’d said.
I followed his dark eyes as he looked from my breasts to my feet. He smiled back at me, then continued to make small talk in Spanish with Rose. He made drinks behind the tiny bar in the galley. As much as I was put off by him in the short time I’d met him, it was so warm and humid that I accepted the drink. I sat on the little couch as the two of them continued to talk. Every now and then, they broke out in laughter.
The whole encounter felt invasive and awkward. I’d never been on a boat or been an accomplice to a drug deal. Trapped again, I took a sip of my drink and let Rose do what she needed to do so we could get the hell out of there.
Rose was coquettish with this man, more than she’d ever been with Jimmy. She let him grope her, then she’d laugh. Maybe this was how she intended to maintain good relations and keep the drug supply flowing. She was a natural-born salesperson. From the batting of the eyes to her endless flirtation, she lured him in sexually. She was like a snake, using its tail to attract prey by drawing them in closer for the kill.
I pointed to my watch and Rose got the hint.
“Hey, you gonna be okay here for a bit? I’ll be back in a little while. I got to take care of some business and um . . . he likes to do business privately. You understand, right, Vi?”
“Yeah, just hurry up.” I rolled my eyes at her.
She followed the man to the bedroom and locked the door. With nothing more than the sound of the rolling tide hitting the boat, other noises made themselves known. I’d never seen a pornographic movie, but I expected this was the closest I’d come to that.
After a few minutes, Rose came out wrapped in a bedsheet and got in my face.
“He wants you to join us,” she said, straight-faced.
“What the fuck are you talking about? I’m married.”
“Listen to me carefully,” she whispered with a hardened expression. “If you don’t, he might kill us both. I owe him money. You gotta help me out.”
My entire body shuddered. “Are you serious?”
“Dead serious. Maybe I can get him to be okay with you just watching.”
“Watching?” Muscles in my jaw spasmed.
“Vámonos,” the man yelled from the bedroom.
“You better follow me in.”
“Rose, I can’t do this.”
“We don’t have a choice,” she said as her lip quivered.
I stood from the tiny couch. With shaky legs, I followed behind her. The man sat naked from his session with Rose. He came over and stood in front of me. With his smoke-filled breath on my face, he grabbed the back of my head and tried to kiss me.
“Stop.” I tried to pull my face away.
His black eyes held onto me intensely. “What’s wrong wit you fren?” he asked Rose, then yanked my face toward him again.
“Nothin’. She’s never done this before. Please leave her alone,” Rose said and stood between us.
“Get back in bed or no deal.” He laughed at her.
Rose shot me an apologetic stare and complied.
With one hand firmly gripped on the back of my head, he pushed me down toward his erection. The smell of his sweat and ejaculation fresh on his skin made my skin crawl. On my knees, with the boat rocking, I held on to the side of the bed. “Chúpamela. Suck it,” he commanded.
“No,” I said, almost crying.
The smells were too much. The environment was too much. This couldn’t be happening. I cried. Not again.
He growled, then released the back of my head. “Cabróna,” he yelled. “Den you watch and touch yourself. And if you don’t”—he reached under the bed and pulled out a gun—“then I’ll hurt both of you.”
I felt like a little girl, trapped, held against my will. Not knowing what would happen, weak and powerless, I sat on the ground and prayed the Hail Mary over and over in my mind.
“Quiero que me mires, cabróna,” he shouted. Rose started sucking him to get his attention away from me. Fearing for my life, I did as he asked and watched Rose pleasure this man in front of me. I went to that place in my mind where I thought of Gaetano. My eclipse place. Destination survival. I imagined it was Gaetano rubbing his hands over my breasts and up my skirt while this evil man watched. He cried out in pleasure, then lay back in bed and pushed Rose off him. “You and you fren can leave now.” He lit a cigar. “My men will load you car like we discuss. Now get out,” he said with barren eyes.
Mortified, I jumped up and ran out of the room. Rose followed behind me, fixing her dress. She handed her car keys to one of the bodyguards, who quickly headed toward the house. I wasn’t sure what was next, but I wanted to scream and run out of there.
Rose pulled me aside in the empty house and said in a low voice, “It won’t be long now. They have to arrange things for us. Here, try this. It’ll take the edge off. I’ll take half with you,” Rose said as she broke the pill in half. She then turned to the guard. “Hace mucho calor. ¿Podemos tomar un vaso de agua, por favor?”
The guard walked away and returned with a glass of water.
“I can’t believe you, Rose. I should’ve never come here. I’ll never do this again. You make me sick,” I said, seething. “What if something happened? Do you think Frank would like that? No. He’d start a fucking war, and you’d be the first to go.” I swallowed the pill.
“Stop being such a baby. You better not tell anyone. I know where you live,” Rose hissed, then lathered more lipstick on her naked, dry lips.
“Don’t ever threaten me. You got that?” I fired back.
While we waited for the car to get loaded up, I became sleepy. The pill did its job, and the effects were welcomed. I wanted to put this out of my mind. I lay against the leather sofa in the forsaken living room. The bodyguard returned and threw the keys back at Rose.
“Vamos, vamos, tienes que irte ahora mismo,” he shouted at us as he pulled Rose off the couch to a standing position.
“Cálmate, cabrón,” Rose fired back.
The man’s nostrils flared, and he nudged us outside the door. I ran past Rose toward the car. Transaction done. Time to get the hell home.
Rose followed me out to the car, cussing. “These fucking guys got no class. They don’t know how to treat a lady,” she yelled as we got into the car.
“Yeah, right . . . a lady,” I said under my breath.
Rose started the car to make our journey home. I threw my purse in the back seat and noticed that it looked different. I glanced at Rose and then to the back seat. Rose looked over her shoulder and then pulled over.
“I gotta check somethin’.” Rose went to the trunk of the car, pulled out an old blanket, and spread it across the back seat.
“What are you doing now?” I asked, disgusted at the sight of her.
“The stuff is under the seat cushions, so just in case we get pulled over.”
“The seat cushions? How?”
Rose pulled the blanket away. The back seat had been cut with a blade along the seam. She pulled the leather cushion up. The bench was stuffed with bags filled with pills and powders. I’d never seen anything like it. She pushed the seat cushion back together and put the blanket over the entire back seat as a disguise.
My heart fell into my stomach. “Oh my God. I had no idea it was this much.”
“Shut up and act normal. We’ll be fine. Don’t worry about nothin’. Put on your sunglasses. We got a long ride ahead of us.”
“Are you okay to drive, Rose?”
“I’m fine.”
As she started the car, the pill crept over me like a fog. It was like a tug of war. My anxiety tried to fight its effect, but it was powerful. There were times, right before I succumbed to it, that my heart raced from fear, only to be shut down by the ringing in my ears. I fought against it as long as I could, but it finally owned my consciousness.
