Crown of confessions, p.8
Crown of Confessions, page 8
I moved past his unreadable eyes and sat in the backseat.
Gaetano followed, then slammed the door. His body language screamed hurt and anger at my admission.
“Ponte Sant’Angelo, per favore,” I said to the driver.
Gaetano avoided my eyes and looked out the window as the cab raced through the dimly lit streets. Small raindrops hit the windshield.
“A late spring storm, I suppose,” I said nervously. Damn it, just my luck. With the rain, he’ll want to cut the night even shorter.
“We shouldn’t be out long in this. You’ll get sick.” He handed me his jacket.
I wrapped it around my shoulders and breathed in his scent. My insides quivered. The driver pulled up to the bridge. It was bathed in the soft glow of yellow light from the lamps above. A light, wet sheen covered the ground. Gaetano handed the man some money, and I opened my door. Drops of light rain fell from the dark sky and hit my cheek.
I turned toward him. “It’s exactly how I’ve seen it in pictures.”
We walked to the middle of the bridge. Sparkles of light flickered over the water, then dimmed as more clouds moved in front of the moon. Gaetano looked over the side of the bridge. His soft lashes flickered as tiny droplets kissed his face.
“It’s getting wetter by the minute. We’d better go soon, or you’ll be soaked by the time I get you home. You don’t want to ruin your dress.”
“I don’t care about this dress. I only care about you.” I grabbed his hand and stepped closer. “I’m not leaving here until I tell you what I set out to say earlier. I love you, Gaetano Sanna.”
He pulled his hand away.
“Please, listen.” I grabbed his hand again. “I’ve loved you from the first day I met you, and I never stopped loving you. I’ve thought about you every day since I left the winery.”
His brows drew together.
“You’ve taken over my dreams. You’ve saved me in ways you’ll never know. I didn’t want to leave you. I did it to protect you because I protect the people I love—those who matter most. I’d never let you suffer at their hands, so I started a life of hell. I was beaten, raped, and abused. To cope, I abused pills and accidentally killed my unborn daughter because I was too afraid to leave Frank. And when I knew I’d lost you and that you’d found someone else, I almost took my own life.”
His eyes grew wide from my admission. “Why would you try to kill yourself?”
“I’d lost my mother, then you, then my daughter, all in a matter of months. I felt worthless and alone. I didn’t want to go on.” I blinked away tears. “But when I saw you, after all these years, I had hope again. What I’m trying to say is I want another chance, Gaetano.”
Gaetano took a deep breath and cast his gaze back onto the water. “Another chance?” Lines formed between his brows. “You’re still married,” he snapped.
“I’ll divorce Frank,” I said into the cold night air. My breath formed clouds around us. “I’ll get a lawyer and draw up the papers. I’ll move with you to the winery.”
He shook his head. “It’s too late now.”
“It’s never too late.” Tears filled my eyes.
He grimaced, then turned away from my stare.
“Gaetano.” My voice was almost a whisper.
He faced me. “I’m sorry that happened to you, and I wish I could’ve protected you, but that’s the life you chose.” His hands curled into fists.
“I never had a choice. My father chose for me. I didn’t want to see my father killed, or you, or anyone I loved. That’s what the mob does when they don’t get what they want.”
“You don’t think I know that? My mother was almost raped in front of me because of those bastardi,” he spat. “I know Cosa Nostra. I know what they’re capable of, and I was ready to protect you from that and sacrifice everything for you. But you left. You never fought for our love.” His voice cracked, then went silent.
“Sacrifice? You think you’re the only one who sacrificed? I gave up the life I wanted and almost died while trying to protect you,” I scolded.
His eyes were withdrawn as he shook his head at me. “I would have taken us away, but instead, I woke up to a note. A God damn note,” he fumed. “How do you think I felt after everything we’d shared? Do you know how often I got in my car to drive to the ranch and get you away from him? Do you know how often José had to pry a gun from my hands so I wouldn’t drive down and kill him? About a hundred times,” he yelled. “I would’ve gladly killed him and watched him die in the street so he could see how it feels when your soul rots and leaves your body. That’s how I felt after you left. Putrid and empty,” he seethed, then turned away.
“Look at me.” I turned his face back to mine. “There were so many days that I felt the same. But it doesn’t have to be that way anymore. Be with me. I’ll never leave you again. I need you in my life. You’re my wind, and I’m your sun. Remember?” I moved closer.
He put his hands on my shoulders to stop me from taking another step. “This is crazy talk. I can’t listen anymore. I don’t want you. I don’t want this. I can’t.” His voice was thick with pain. “We had our chance. You left. It took me years to get over you. Years.”
His voice stung my ears.
“Don’t you understand? I can never put myself in that situation again. I hate Cosa Nostra, and you’re still married to one of them!”
“Then why did you take me with you today?”
“I don’t know. I thought that since we were both here alone, I wanted to see . . .”
“See what? See if you still loved me? We still love each other. I know it in my heart.” I gently pressed my palm to his cheek. “I read the newspaper article where you told the interviewer about your plans for the winery. You were talking about me.”
Gaetano’s eyes widened.
“Don’t you see?” I tugged his body toward mine. “I know it when you look at me. I see it in your smile. I felt it today by the church when you gripped my hand as I told you about my daughter. I felt it when you looked at me tonight in this dress.” I twirled around. “I know you love me, and I love you. Don’t be afraid anymore. I’m right here, baring my soul to you. That’s got to mean something.”
“We should go,” he said, then looked toward the street.
“Right before I saw you, I prayed for God to reunite us. And then you were there—the real you. God answered my prayers.” I wept. “Don’t you think that us being here at the same time is more than a mere coincidence? It’s divine intervention, for Christ’s sake. We were brought together for a reason. We can’t waste the chance,” I pleaded through tears. I reached for him.
“Stop this,” he shouted and took a few steps back. “You broke my heart in a million pieces.” His eyes blazed. “I’m sorry if I’ve given you the wrong impression, but I don’t want you anymore, Violetta. You and me, we had our chance. It’s over. My family will never give their blessing, and your allegiance will always be to la famiglia Molanano before me.” His voice tinged with disgust. “I’m not even sure I believe in love anymore. I’ve changed. I’m not the same man you used to know.”
“Yes, you are. You’re just scared. I’m scared too, but I want to try again. I’ll fight by your side, whether they come or not. I’d rather die than leave you again.” I approached him with caution, afraid of more angry words and rejection.
“Maybe I haven’t been clear enough,” he said in a glacial tone. His eyes turned dark as the night sky—cold and barren. He took a deep breath. “I could never be with a drug-addicted Mafia puppet.”
His words cut like daggers to my heart, but my mind refused to process them. Breathless, I blinked a few times. The impact punched me in the gut—a feeling I knew all too well. Tangled in the paralyzing hurt, I couldn’t speak another word.
I reached my hand back, palm open, and slapped him across the face.
Whack.
The sound echoed off the water down below. My hand stung as my blood boiled. “You bastard. Don’t you ever call me that. You have no idea what I’ve been through. You’re no better than Frank,” I said, shocked at his verbal assault on me.
He winced.
“You aren’t the only one who can hurt with words. How does it feel? Are we even now? I hope you’re happy with yourself. I’ll never allow another man to mistreat me again, including you. Never talk to me again,” I hissed, ripped off his coat, and threw it into a puddle by my feet. I kicked off my heels, scooped them up in my hands, and ran through the streets. Cars and taxis honked their horns around me. With the rain on my face, I couldn’t see where I was going. I didn’t care, just as long as it was away from him.
“Violetta, stop,” Gaetano roared. “You’ll be killed. Stop running. I’m sorry.”
“Stay away from me,” I yelled back as I ran into a dark alley.
I bolted through side streets where he wouldn’t see me and arrived at the pensione soaked. My feet bled from running barefoot through the war-damaged streets. I hurried up the stairs, unlocked my door, and stripped off my soaked clothes. When the room settled into a noiseless void, I picked up one of my heels and threw it across the room.
The shoe caught the bathroom mirror’s edge. It shattered.
I thought of only one thing—to find a way to numb the pain. I didn’t know anyone in Rome who could get their hands on pills, but there were a few bars. They’d have what I needed. I wanted to get drunk—so drunk that I’d never wake up and think about him again.
I wiped tears from my eyes and searched for dry clothes.
Surrender
“God damn you, Gaetano Sanna! How could I be so dumb? That’s what I get for pouring my heart out to someone I thought loved me.”
I stared at myself in the one piece of broken mirror that hadn’t fallen yet. Makeup dripped down my face from the rain, and traces of lipstick smeared down my chin. I rubbed away at the streaks of red and pushed my wet hair back from my eyes.
“After a few drinks, it won’t matter what I look like. A few drinks . . . more like a few bottles.” I snatched my purse from the nightstand and rushed to the door. Memories of whiskey flushed my mouth.
Without a care, I ran down the stairs of the pensione and onto the street. It was dark. The rain was heavy. I was determined to completely erase Gaetano from my brain.
Through tears, I looked down at my feet on the slick pavement to keep from falling. Trudging through puddles, one of my heels got caught. My body fell forward until a pair of hands held me upright.
“Violetta, is that you? Oh, thank God you’re safe,” Gaetano exhaled and held me tight against his chest. “The roads are so dark at night, and with all this rain . . . Are you crazy? You could’ve been killed by a car.”
“Let me go,” I yelled and fought his hold. “Get away from me.”
“Wait.” He pulled me close and looked into my eyes. “I ran after you, but you slipped down an alleyway, and I lost sight of you. For the last hour, I’ve been combing the streets. I had to know you were safe. I couldn’t bear the thought that something I’d said might have put you in danger. I was so worried.”
“Worried? About me? Why? I’m just a drug-addicted Mafia puppet, remember? Leave me alone.” I yanked my arm from his grip.
“Please, Violetta, don’t.” He reached for me again. “I was wrong to say what I said. I behaved badly. I was hurt, and I said it out of anger. I didn’t mean it.”
“You’ve changed. The Gaetano Sanna I knew would’ve never said those things to me. I don’t want to know you anymore.”
His face grimaced as my words pelted him like acid. “Please don’t say that. I know you’re angry, and you have every right to be. I was cruel and heartless. The minute the words were out, I knew I was wrong for saying them. I tried to apologize right then, but you ran away.”
“What did you expect me to do? Stand there and look like a fool?”
“No. I never want you to feel that way.”
“It doesn’t matter. You’ll never trust me again, so I’m giving you what you want.” I tried to push past him, but he held my arm, then drew me close.
“That’s not what I want. I want you. And if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I plan to spend the rest of my life making up for it.”
“And when are you going to forgive me, huh? Or will you make me feel bad for the rest of my life? I won’t live like that.”
“Look at me.” He tilted my chin up so I could meet his eyes. “I forgive you. I mean it. You know me better than anyone. I’m still the same man you remember. Just more afraid . . . afraid of what losing you again might do to my heart. But I realize my love for you is bigger than any fear I’ll ever have. You were right all along. I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
My heart stopped, then started again.
He still loves me.
His words left me weak in the knees.
“I need you in my life.” He cupped my face in his hands. “You are my life. The best part of my life. I lost you for years. Let’s not waste another minute,” he whispered against my mouth.
I stilled from his advance. Tears filled my eyes and spilled over my cheeks as I searched for courage. “Your words hurt me,” I stuttered.
“I know. I’m sorry.” With his thumbs, he wiped my cheeks.
“I forgive you, but never speak to me like that again.”
“Never,” he promised. His eyes searched my face. He leaned in and pressed a kiss on my wet lips.
I melted into his embrace and kissed him long and deep. My insides warmed as he held me. Rain dripped down our mouths. I pulled away slightly. His warm breath was still on my lips. “I’m sorry too.” I pressed my hand over the cheek I’d slapped.
“I’ll be all right.” He took my hand from his face and kissed it. “I’m better than all right with you in my arms.”
“We’ve both done things we regret out of anger. I was afraid to tell you how I felt, but I couldn’t wait any longer.”
“When you know what you want and have always wanted, you have to take the chance. You’re my sun. You give me life.” He yanked off his tie, then undid the top buttons of his wet shirt, grabbed my hand, and placed it on his heart. “Do you feel that?”
I nodded and rubbed the water from my eyes.
“That’s yours. Please take care of it. Please never leave me again. I don’t think I’d survive if you do.”
“I’ll never leave you again.”
Our heads moved in toward each other. His tongue entered my mouth with vigorous intent. His grip on me was tight. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and let our mouths continue to explore.
He grabbed the back of my neck and stared into my eyes. “You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. I came back because I wanted to show you what it means to fight for us.” He pressed his hands on my hips and kissed my cheek.
My eyes darted around. I glanced over his shoulder to make sure we weren’t being followed, then studied his face.
He tracked my gaze. “What is it?”
“You know what this kind of commitment means. There will be consequences.”
“We’ll face them together. I’ll do everything I can to protect us and everyone we love.” He pressed another kiss to my lips.
“I want you,” I panted as more drizzle fell onto our faces. “Take me to my bed,” I whispered against his mouth.
Without another word, he scooped me into his arms and carried me to the front door of the pensione. He set me down, and I searched my purse for the key. From behind, he moved my hair to the side and sent a trail of kisses down my neck. His erection pressed hard into my backside as light moans escaped his mouth. With his warm breath in my hair, I worked to insert the key into the lock.
“Shhh,” I whispered, trying to steady myself enough to turn the handle. “Someone might see us. We have to be quiet. I don’t want to wake Signor Corbisiero.”
Gaetano pulled back, then placed a soft kiss behind my ear and carried me up the stairs to my room.
I tapped the door shut with my foot. “Lock it.”
His eyes held onto me as he placed me down on the bed. He turned to bolt the door, and I switched on the bedside lamp. Light flickered from the bulb against the walls. The storm tested the electricity—but my sexual energy burned bright and steady for Gaetano. In the glow, I needed to see his body again. I wanted to reacquaint myself with his muscles, his hands, his touch, and his mouth. I wanted to allow his eyes to possess me as they’d done so many times before.
When he returned, he leaned over and claimed my mouth with his. His kiss was intense and full of need. The slightest taste of wine from dinner was still present on his tongue. Hints of spice and fruit washed over my taste buds like an erotic elixir, sending signals to my private parts.
He raked his gaze up and down my body, making me tremble. As much as I’d thought and prayed about this moment, was I ready? It had been so long. Would he think differently of me because I’d been with Frank? My body had changed since we’d last been together. Would he still crave me the way he did all those years ago? My gut twisted in knots for answers.
“Violetta,” he panted while he kissed behind my ear.
“Yes?” The sound of my name against my skin made me quiver in his hold.
“On the way here, I discovered that you were right.”
“About what?”
“About God bringing us together again.” He peppered kisses down my neck. “I didn’t want to believe it. In fact, I refuted it, but it’s true. Being with you right now, right here, is a blessing, and I plan on honoring our miracle by reveling in this moment with you.” His once dreamy eyes now flamed with hunger for me. He leaned in for another kiss.
His words were like honey. They smoothed out any wrinkles of trepidation I had left in me. “I want you, Gaetano. Forever. I’ve never wanted anything more,” I muttered as rain pelted against the window.
Slowly, he reached under my skirt and undid the clasps of my stockings. The graze of his knuckles against my thigh sent chills down my spine. One by one, he tugged them over my knees and dropped them to the floor. He undid my skirt and pulled it down my wet legs along with my garter and panties.
