Why was she so determined to stop me from walking her to her door? “We aren’t there yet.”

  “I can manage the rest of the way.”

  “Maybe you can stop being a brat and just let me walk you.”

  Her eyes lit up in fire. “Why do you want to walk me so bad?”

  “Why don’t you want me to walk you so bad?” I countered.

  “Because I can take care of myself. I’ve never needed a man for that.”

  “Well, I’m your friend. And I take care of my friends. Now step aside.”

  She stared at me like she was going to argue. But then she sighed and seemed to change her mind. “Fine. Whatever.”

  “Thank you.” I entered the building with her and walked down the hallway. She purposely didn’t look at me, like she was irritated or something.

  We arrived at her door, and she crossed her arms over her chest and put up a guard. I had no idea where it came from and why she was being so distant with me. “Did I do something…?”

  “No.” She pulled her keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door. “See you around, Con.”

  That was it? Not even a hug? “Do you miss me at all?” The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. It was a stupid thing to say but it was too late to take it back.

  Lexie’s blue eyes were wide and bright, like something hit her deep within. “Do I miss you?” Disdain and irritation were in her voice.

  That wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.

  “Do you miss me?” she demanded.

  “I…of course I do.” Why would I invite her to a game if I didn’t?

  Instead of softening her features or appearing moved, she seemed angry. It was like I offended her. “I’m sure you do.” Her voice was hollow, like the life just left her body. She opened the door and stepped inside her apartment. “I’ll see you around.”

  “Lexie…” I didn’t want her to walk away from me. I wasn’t sure what I could do to make her stay but I didn’t want her to leave. My body was aching for her. I didn’t know what to do with myself without her beside me.

  “What, Conrad?” She flashed me in an irritated look.

  “I miss you like crazy.” I was already in too deep to get out of it. I just decided to be honest. “It’s like I lost my best friend. I tell you everything and now you aren’t there…”

  For the first time she didn’t seem so irritated. “I know…”

  “I know what we had is over but…I meant what I said. I want to stay friends. I still want to see you and spend time with you. You’re a big part of me now…I can’t just let that go.”

  “I know what you mean.” Her eyes were full of emotion.

  “So…I can call you?”

  “Yeah.” She nodded.

  I stepped closer to her, wanting her against my chest. The need wasn’t friendly—at all. But I wanted it nonetheless. My hands moved around her waist and I pulled her into me, putting her face against my chest where it belonged. My chin rested on top of her head and I took a deep breath as I felt her in my arms once more.

  I didn’t want this to end. I even wanted to invite myself inside and snuggle in her bed with her. But I managed to keep that back and not say it aloud. My hand automatically moved into her hair and I felt the soft strands. I released a deep sigh, wanting to fall into her and never come up for air. I squeezed her tighter, feeling my heart swell then ache in pain.

  Lexie kept her arms around my waist while she rested her head against my chest. She breathed lightly, like she could fall asleep while standing up. A quiet sigh escaped her lips, like she was truly comfortable in my arms.

  Neither one of us moved. Minutes stretched and neither one of us wanted it to end. Eventually, twenty minutes had come and gone and Lexie pulled away first. “I’ll see you later, Con.”

  “Yeah…” My hands slid down her hips until they returned to my sides. I had to force myself to let her go even though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I tried to hide the desire from my eyes and keep my distance.

  She stepped inside her apartment and looked at me before she shut the door. “Thanks for walking me home.”

  “I’ll always walk you home.”

  Chapter Twelve

  Lexie

  Perhaps being friends with Conrad wasn’t such a good idea.

  I thought I could pretend to be indifferent to him. I thought I could keep up my false façade. But I couldn’t keep it up forever.

  Being around him made me fall back into our old relationship. There were so many times I wanted to grab his hand at the game and hold on. When he walked me to my apartment, I wanted to grab his face and kiss him against my door.

  Fortunately, I didn’t do any of those things.

  When I asked him what was new in his life that was his opening to mention Beatrice. In my heart I hoped there was nothing going on between them, that what I saw was just a misunderstanding. But the fact he acted like she didn’t exist told me he was hiding something from me.

  He was a liar just like all the rest.

  I put my faith in him because he was just as broken as I was. With him, I thought I had a friend I could trust. He understood how important honesty was to me. Without it, there was no relationship.

  Yet, he continued to lie.

  Why did he continue to hide Beatrice? Did he know it would hurt me? Was that why he was keeping her a secret? But then why did he let our relationship go on for so long? He really wanted both of us that badly?

  Was Conrad an asshole just like Jared?

  I found that hard to believe, but yet, the evidence was right in front of my face.

  I wish I could just forget about Conrad and move on with my life. But now I was even more broken than before. Jared knocked me over and shattered me. Conrad put me back together before he broke me with a double-ended hammer.

  Was I doomed to suffer forever?

  I saw tons of girls with loyal men who adored them. Slade kissed the ground Trinity walked on, and Cayson lived his entire life for Skye. What the hell was I doing wrong? Why did my fate have to be so different than theirs? Was I not pretty enough? Was I too quirky? Honestly, what was it?

  Jared called me the following day but I didn’t answer. I had no interest in anything he had to say. The last time we spoke, he saw me with Conrad at that restaurant. Judging the hostile way he behaved, he desperately wanted to remove Conrad from the equation.

  Well, I did it for him.

  I spent my days moving like a zombie. I was slow and snail-like. My heart beat at a dangerously slow pace. The life had been sucked out of me like a vampire sucks blood from a bat.

  Work wasn’t as entertaining as usual. My research was about to be published and magazines wanted to interview me based on my study. It was something I would normally be excited about but I couldn’t care less at the moment. I just wanted to go back to bed and stay there.

  I left the office late that night because I didn’t want to return to my empty apartment and cold bed. I missed the feel of Conrad’s hard chest pressed against mine when we held each other during the throes of passion. I missed those quiet moments when we didn’t need to say anything to each other. He used to kiss me on the shoulder when we watched TV on the couch, and I missed those tender and unexpected embraces.

  His ghost filled my apartment.

  When we first got together, I made him promise not to fall in love with me. But in the end, I was the one who should have taken the vow. Because somehow, somewhere down the road, I fell deeply and madly in love with Conrad Preston.

  And then he broke me in two.

  I passed the restaurants and shops on my way home, looking at the happy couples inside laughing over a drink and a nice meal. I passed the different corners until I was stopped at a light. Other people stood with me, dressed in their suits and fancy clothes.

  When the pedestrian light turned green, I looked up to cross the street. On the opposite corner, I saw Conrad and Beatrice getting ready to cross. He wore slacks and a collared shirt, and she wore a nice dress with heels. They weren’t touching each other, but it was clear they were going somewhere together, like to dinner or the theatre.

  I panicked because I didn’t want them to see. And I didn’t want them to see me see them. I turned on my heel then ran the opposite way, hoping I could get away before they realized I was hauling ass. I finally made it to another corner and I turned right quickly and moved into an alleyway. I didn’t go too far inside because that was stupid. Instead, I lurked at the edge so I could see them pass.

  They did, walking side by side. They reached a restaurant and Conrad held the door open as he allowed Beatrice to walk inside first. Seeing them together made my breathing grow deep and haggard. There was a prominent stitch in my side.

  How could he want her after the way she treated him? I was always there for him, being twice the woman she would ever be. Grabbing a drink and throwing it on his face sounded nice at the moment.

  I refused to cry. Last time I saw them together I broke down in tears. But I couldn’t do that again. It was pathetic and weak. I let Conrad hurt me over and over, and in the end I was the only one to blame. I made the parameters of this relationship. It was my fault for not following them.

  I leaned against the wall until I caught my breath. Then I left the alleyway and headed to the first place I could think of.

  ***

  “Another.” I slammed my glass on the table.

  “Lady, I’m cutting you off.”

  “Come on, handsome,” I said as I pushed the glass toward him. “You wouldn’t deny a paying customer, would you?”

  “I would,” he said. “And I’m going to.” He snatched the glass away. “You’re done for the night.”

  I growled and leaned over the bar, feeling my head spin and the area behind my eyes throb. “Is Jared here?”

  “Jared who?” he asked with a raised eyebrow.

  “Your boss,” I snapped. “Is he here?”

  “You know him?”

  “Yes. I’m his ex-wife.”

  “Oh…” He clearly looked uncomfortable, probably because he helped me get hammered.

  “So, is he here or what?”

  “He’s in his office upstairs.”

  “I’ll tell him the liquor was amazing.” I left the stool then stumbled forward. I almost fell but I managed to get my footing. The music was loud overhead, and a garage band was playing on the stage. Girls jumped up and down to the song, their tits shaking in their thin t-shirts.

  I headed to the staircase and was blocked by a bouncer.

  “Move out of my way, man.” I tried to shove him but he was practically concrete.

  “The bathroom is over there.” He pointed to the corner.

  “If you have to go to the bathroom then go.”

  He didn’t enjoy my humor. “Go. Away.”

  “You. Go. Away. I need to get upstairs.”

  “There’s nothing up there.”

  ‘Then why are you blocking it?” I said as I put my hands on my hips. “Look, I want to see Jared. Tell him his ex-wife is waiting for him.”

  “Call him yourself if you want to see him.”

  “Or you can just let me walk up there,” I snapped. “This place is half mine.”

  He kept a stoic face and didn’t move.

  “Get the hell out of my way,” I said. “Or I’ll take you out.”

  He chuckled. “You’re cute.”

  “I mean it,” I hissed. “Tell him I’m here or I’m jumping over you.”

  He eyed my feet. “In those heels?”

  “They give me some extra height.”

  “You know what?” he said in a bored voice. “Since you’re cute, I’ll go up there and ask if he knows you.”

  “Thank you,” I said. “It’s Lexie.”

  “Uh-huh.” He turned around and headed up the stairs. He was gone for a few minutes before he returned, Jared in tow.

  “Told you,” I snapped.

  The bouncer shrugged and walked away.

  Jared came down the stairs and eyed me with an expression of concern. It was the same look he gave me when I was sick or unwell. “Lexie, what are you doing here?”

  “What? You aren’t happy to see me?” I staggered slightly and almost fell over for no reason at all.

  His eyes narrowed. “You reek of tequila.”

  “So you like my new perfume then?”

  Jared released a sigh then grabbed my wrist. “Come with me.”

  I pulled my hand away. “I can manage.” I made it a few steps up before I tripped and fell. “Ouch…”

  Jared lifted me from the staircase and hoisted me to his chest. Then he carried me the rest of the way into his office. It was a room over the bar, and it had a small kitchen, living room, a desk, and a bed.

  He put me down on the mattress. “You need a bandage?”

  “I’m fine.” I bounced on the mattress, noting the coils were silent. “So this is where you cheated on me and destroyed our marriage. It’s comfy.”

  A look of shame overcame his face.

  I looked around and noted the rest of the room. “It’s nice.”

  “Thanks…Lexie, what are you doing here?”

  “What kind of question is that?” I demanded. “Can’t I just come by your bar when I feel like it?”

  “Not when you hate me.” He sat beside me on the bed. “And when you’re drunk off your ass.”

  “You like me better drunk. You even said.”

  “Not right now. Not when you’re walking around tripping and falling. Are you here with anyone? Friends?”

  “No.” I said it like it was something to be proud of. “I like to drink alone.”

  Jared silently stared at me, the concern still flashing in his eyes.

  The depression was about to swallow me whole. I’d never felt more alone. Conrad was out with Beatrice, probably fucking her on his bed as I had the thought. It was the bed he used to take me on but I’d been replaced.

  I looked at Jared and noted his nice blue eyes and perfect cheekbones. He was handsome, and it was the first thought that came into my mind when I first saw him. His dark brown hair looked good against his skin, and he had a nice body. Conrad had the physique of a warrior and Jared had the body of a soccer player. Both were beautiful, but very different.

  I quickly leaned in and pressed my mouth against his. I wanted to fall into something familiar. Even drunk, I knew how sex would be with Jared. I didn’t need to think about it. It would be comfortable and smooth.

  Jared didn’t respond right away. His lips didn’t move at all. Then he aggressively took me, sucking my bottom lip and breathing into my mouth like it was the first breath of air he’d ever taken.

  My hands dug into his hair and I pulled him to the bed, making him move on top of me. The mattress felt soft under my back, and he felt warm over me. I pulled him closer to me, wanting something that would chase the pain away. Perhaps if I hooked up with my ex I wouldn’t care about Conrad hooking up with his.

  Jared wrapped one of my legs around his waist and gripped my thigh possessively. A quiet moan emerged from deep within his throat as he caressed my lips. His excitement was evident in every movement he made. It was clear he’d thought about this in detail behind the privacy of his eyes.

  Falling into someone else was the only cure I could find. Even if it was Jared, someone who hurt me, it was much better than hooking up with a stranger. With him, I knew I would be safe. With him, I knew what to expect.

  Jared suddenly pulled away and set up, his eyes wide and his hair a mess. He stared at me while he breathed hard. A hint of desire burned in his eyes, but there was also a mix of shame and guilt. “Lexie, you have a boyfriend.”

  “No, I don’t,” I said sadly. “And I never did.”

  His eyebrow cocked slowly. “Conrad isn’t in the picture anymore?”

  “No.” I shook my head and tried not to let the devastation get to me. Then I grabbed his shoulder and yanked him back to me. “Now let’s continue.”

  Jared kissed me hard, like he wanted to eat me alive. But the kiss didn’t last long before he pulled away. “Lexie…we can’t do this.”

  “Why the hell not?” He was denying me the one thing I needed. He’d taken tons of other girls up here. Why couldn’t he take me? “Just pretend I’m one of the girls you were cheating on me with. That’ll make it easier for you.”

  He flinched in offense. “How can you think so little of me then want to sleep with me?”

  “What does it matter?” I countered. “Let’s just do it.” I yanked on him again.

  This time he didn’t move. “I want to sleep with you. Believe me, I think about it all the time. There’s nothing I want more than to feel your body against mine. I didn’t appreciate it when I had it and now it’s all I can think about. But I know you don’t really want to sleep with me. And I would never do that to you.”

  I rolled my eyes because it was irritating that Jared chose to be a good guy at the worst time. Where was this years ago? Why wasn’t he a jackass at the one time I wanted him to be. “Stop being a girl, Jared. It’s just sex. Don’t think about it so much.”

  “I told you I don’t do this anymore, Lexie.” He gripped my upper arms and moved me away from him. “I wasn’t lying. I’m a different guy now. I’m not the asshole you divorced.”

  “Well, I want you to be.” I stared him down, irritation in my blood because I wasn’t getting my way.

  “No, you don’t,” he said as he shook his head slightly. “I don’t want to be some guy you sleep with just because you’re depressed. I want you to sleep with me because…you care about me.”

  “Well, that’s never going to happen,” I said with a sarcastic laugh. “You may as well take what you can get.”

  Hurt moved into his face and he looked away. Then he scooted closer to me on the bed and put his arm around my shoulder. “Baby, talk to me.” His voice came out quiet and gentle.

  I didn’t like hearing him call me that. Conrad used to use that nickname. It only reminded me of what I lost. “Don’t call me that.”

  “Lexie, talk to me. What’s going on?”

  “I want to get laid. That’s what’s going on.”

 

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