He stared at me like he wasn’t buying it. “The truth. What happened with Conrad?”

  Perhaps the alcohol was making me uneven but I couldn’t control the pain in my heart. The gates opened and all the emotion flooded out. “Conrad and I were never serious. We were just…messing around.”

  Jared watched me with a stoic face.

  “We’d been together for about seven months. Somewhere down the road…things changed. We started having sleepovers for entire weekends and spending every minute together. He kissed me gently on the lips for no reason at all. He held me during the night and refused to let me go. In the beginning we said it was just physical, that it was a no-strings-attached relationship. It was exactly what I wanted because I never wanted to be in a relationship again. He said the same thing. But…I guess I changed my mind.”

  He pulled my hair out of my face and moved it over one shoulder, just the way he used to during the rare sweet moments of our marriage. “He didn’t feel the same way?”

  “I went to his apartment to tell him how I felt and…I saw him with his ex. They were holding each other on his doorstep. She was the girl he wanted to marry but she hurt him. It’s clear he’s still in love with her. I never stood a chance.”

  “You shouldn’t make assumptions.” He ran his fingers up and down my arm.

  “She ruined him and she’s the only one who can put him back together.”

  “You should ask him about it.”

  “No.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I’ve given him plenty of opportunities to tell me himself. We promised each other we would always be honest with one another. If we wanted to sleep with someone else, we would admit it. But he’s been going behind my back just like you did. All men are the same. Now I have no regrets about getting my tubes tied.”

  His eyes narrowed as he looked at my face. “You did what?”

  “You heard me.” I avoided eye contact. I wouldn’t have told him this if I were sober. It wasn’t something I was open about.

  “You…had your tubes tied?” Shock and pain filled his voice.

  “Yeah.”

  Jared looked away while he sat in silence. Then he turned back to me. “Because of me…?” The agony that filled his voice even hurt me. “I did this to you?”

  My eyes watered and I quickly blinked back the moisture. “I don’t believe in love anymore, Jared. For a minute, I thought I did with Conrad. He was different than other men. But then he pulled the same bullshit like all the others, including you. I give up. Why would I want to have a son who will do the same thing to some poor girl?”

  He rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward as he rested his face in his hands. He breathed hard while he processed my words. A few minutes later he sat up again and sighed. “I hate myself. I’ve hated myself for a while. But now…I just loathe who I am.”

  I didn’t counter his words.

  He turned to me, moisture in his eyes. “Lexie, I’m so sorry.”

  “I know.” The words left my lips instantly.

  “I wish I could take everything back. Honestly.”

  I averted my gaze.

  “But I promise I’m not like that anymore. Don’t lose faith in men because of my stupidity. Men aren’t all the same. And I would never hurt you again if you gave me another chance.”

  “I learned my lesson—twice.”

  “You’re making assumptions about Conrad’s feelings for this girl. If he hasn’t said anything, isn’t there a possibility that he doesn’t feel anything for her at all? That you’re misinterpreting all of this?”

  “I highly doubt it.”

  “Why don’t you ask him first?”

  I was growing irritated. “Why are you defending Conrad? If you want me all to yourself why don’t you just accept what I said and fuck me on this mattress?”

  He looked wounded. “Because I love you.”

  His gaze was too intense so I looked away.

  “I want you to be happy—even if it isn’t with me.”

  “It didn’t seem that way at the restaurant.”

  He sighed. “I was just jealous…and I didn’t handle it well. I apologize.”

  “Your apology is unnecessary. Conrad isn’t even around anymore. Who gives a damn?”

  “I do.”

  I crossed my arms over my chest.

  He put his arm around my waist then moved his face into my neck. He took a deep breath like he was smelling my hair. “I’m sorry about all of this.”

  “For the first time, it’s not your fault.”

  “Such an amazing girl deserves so much more.”

  “Perhaps I’m not amazing.”

  He placed a gentle kiss on my neck. “But you are.”

  “I’m just a skipping stone for men before they meet the girl of their dreams. I’m a transition, an experiment.”

  “That’s not true,” he said quietly.

  “I’m not looking for pity,” I said harshly. “I’m just stating the obvious.”

  He stared at the floor below his feet. “Seven months is a long time to be with someone.”

  “It went by in the blink of an eye.”

  “I think he really cares about you.”

  “You don’t know him.” I stared at Jared’s desk, noting the scattered papers and bottles of rum.

  “But I saw you two together. I saw the way he looked at you and touched you. Why do you think I was so jealous?”

  I shrugged.

  “Because I knew he treasured you in a way I never did.”

  “We see what we want to see…”

  “But that’s the thing,” he said quickly. “That isn’t what I wanted to see.”

  Thinking about Conrad looking at Beatrice the way he looked at me burned a scar in my heart. I never had a chance with him. I was just the girl he met in a bathroom at a party. Beatrice is the woman he spotted across the room and immediately knew she was the one. I could never compete with that.

  Jared continued to stare at me but he held his silence.

  I remained strong and wouldn’t let myself cry. I knew I’d gone to a dark place and hit rock bottom. Out of depression I ran to Jared, a man I didn’t trust for comfort. I was throwing myself into a fire in the hope I would get burned. While I tried to make myself feel better I also tried to destroy myself.

  But Jared wouldn’t let me.

  He kicked off his shoes then lay back on the bed. “Come here.”

  I didn’t move.

  He sat up then wrapped an arm around my waist before he pulled me to the spot beside him. My head moved to the pillow and my hair cascaded everywhere. Jared stared at me, his arm still around my waist. Then he grabbed the covers and pulled them over us.

  I couldn’t remember the last time I snuggled with Jared. It was long before we divorced. It was something we rarely did. Conrad and I used to do it all the time. No matter what I did to stop thinking about him, he came back into my mind.

  Conrad pulled me closer to him until our faces were almost touching. Then he dug his fingers into my hair, gripping it possessively. He stared into my eyes and saw the moisture that was about to fall. “I love you, Lexie.” Emotion thudded in his voice and his eyes shined with sincerity.

  The look was too raw so I turned away. “Nothing about this is fair. Why couldn’t you love me then? Why can’t Conrad love me now?”

  “But I love you now,” he whispered. “And I will give you the whole world if that’s what you want. I will never stop trying to prove myself to you. I want my wife back and I’ll do anything to get her.”

  “I don’t trust you, Jared…”

  “I can earn it back. In time.”

  I took a deep breath, and my chest stretched in pain. “But I’m in love with Conrad.” I hated saying the words out loud. It hurt even more.

  “I’m okay with that, Lexie.”

  “You shouldn’t be.”

  “I think you should confront him,” he said. “You could be wrong about everything and you’re losing someone you love for no reason.”

  “You didn’t see them together…”

  “There’s always a different side of the story,” he argued.

  “I broke up with him and he didn’t even care. He just accepted it and didn’t blink an eye over it.”

  He ran his fingers through my hair. “What did you expect him to do? Beg you to stay? When someone wants to break up, you break up.”

  “He didn’t even ask me why…”

  “Guys are just different, Lexie. Don’t read too much into it.”

  “And then tonight…I saw him with her again. They were out to dinner, sitting across from each other while they shared a bottle of wine. He opened the door for her and pulled out her chair. It’s obvious what’s going on.”

  His eyes fell in sadness. “I see…”

  “So I don’t need to ask him anything, Jared. The writing is on the wall and I understood the message.”

  He sighed then kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry, Lexie. He doesn’t understand what he’s losing.”

  “That seems to be a common trait with the men I date.”

  He didn’t react to the jab. “I’m here for you. I can put you back together.”

  “No one can put me back together but me.”

  “But that doesn’t mean I won’t try.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  Sean

  When I spoke to the realtor I realized I would lose money selling the house. Since someone had been murdered inside it, the value went down considerably. It didn’t matter if it was beach property. People could be superstitious.

  But the money didn’t matter. We could find another house without making a dent in our bank account. But it was still hurtful that the house I raised my family in was worth so little.

  Honestly, I didn’t want to sell it. Every time I walked up the stairs I thought of Roland and Skye riding cardboard boxes down it when they were little. When I sat in the living room, I remembered Scarlet sitting on the couch and eating ice cream when she was pregnant with Skye. I remembered everywhere I made love to my wife, on every piece of furniture. On the beach just outside we conceived Skye.

  How could I say goodbye to all of that?

  When I came home, Scarlet was in the kitchen making dinner.

  “How’d it go?” she asked as she gave me a kiss.

  “Not so good,” I said honestly.

  “The value on the house went down?” she asked sadly.

  “We’ll get half of what we paid for it.”

  Scarlet cringed. “I guess I shouldn’t be surprised.”

  “It’s understandable,” I said. “I wouldn’t move into a house where someone had been murdered either.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and stared out the window, her thoughts unknown to me.

  “But it’s not a big deal,” I said. “We can buy whatever house we want even if we never sold this one.”

  “I guess…” She pulled the pan out of the oven and turned her back to me.

  I knew something was bothering her. “You want to talk about it?”

  “Not really,” she whispered.

  It hurt when she didn’t tell me things. Never in our marriage had things been that way. We were so honest with each other that we were the same person. But that had changed after the shooting. I didn’t express my pain because I knew my wife was struggling. Getting upset would just make her more upset. “I’m going to shower.” I stepped away, trying to hide my wounded heart.

  “Sean.”

  I turned around. “Yeah?”

  Scarlet still didn’t look at me. “I keep going back and forth…that’s what’s on my mind.”

  I didn’t smile because it wasn’t appropriate, but I was relieved she opened up to me. “I understand. I feel the same way.” I came closer to her then put my arm around her waist.

  “Sometimes I think about what happened here and I can’t even be in that room. But then I think about all the memories we made here with our kids. It was our first house after we got married and I thought it would be the house we would die in.”

  “You can always change your mind, baby.” I wouldn’t push her either way.

  “But…I always think about what happened.”

  I nodded in understanding. “I want you to feel safe in your own home. That’s important to me.”

  She stared at the casserole on the stove.

  “We can always make new memories somewhere else.”

  “I know…but Mike lives next door. And having Skye and Cayson next to us would be a dream come true.”

  “They can always live next to us somewhere else.”

  “I guess…”

  My wife was still on the fence about it but I knew she would always be indecisive. It was a decision that couldn’t easily be made. “Should I continue with the realtors?”

  She was quiet for so long I wasn’t sure if she would answer. “Yeah.”

  “Okay.” I kissed her temple and let my lips linger there for a long time. “But you can always change your mind.”

  ***

  Skye was unusually quiet at work. She kept to herself and hardly left her office. She didn’t even come into my office to speak to me in the morning. Whenever I saw her, she was always going somewhere and seemed to be in a hurry.

  It seemed like something was off.

  When I asked Ward about it, he agreed with my observation.

  “She’s been really quiet,” he said. “Sometimes I say things to her and it’s like she doesn’t even hear me.”

  Hearing the story of what her mom went through wasn’t easy. It would disturb anyone. I tried to give her space so she could digest it on her own without me pestering her about it. But it got to the point where I became worried.

  I headed to her office then knocked before I walked inside.

  Skye looked up from her desk but there wasn’t warmth in her eyes. Love and affection used to be evident in just her facial features. But now she looked at me like I was nothing but a stranger.

  It hurt.

  “Can we talk?” I asked.

  “Sure.” She kept her papers in front of her and fidgeted with them.

  I sat in the chair across from her and rested my hands on my lap. We stared at each other in silence. “How’s it going?”

  “Fine,” she answered. “Just a lot of paperwork.”

  “I can see that.” I eyed the piles on her desk.

  “I’ll have that report to you by this afternoon.”

  “Good,” I said with a nod.

  She turned back to her work like she thought the conversation was over.

  “Skye.”

  She looked at me, but judging the hesitance in her eyes she didn’t want to.

  “Something is bothering you. Tell me what it is.”

  “Nothing,” she said immediately. “I’ve just been tired.”

  I knew when my kids were lying. It was an unusual talent. “Pumpkin, you can tell me anything and you know that. You’ve been distant for the past week. You avoid me at whatever cost. You haven’t called your mother. Don’t shut me out. Please.”

  Skye stopped touching the papers like she knew she couldn’t avoid the discussion any longer. “I just don’t want to talk about it…”

  “We can talk about anything,” I said. “That’s how we’ve always been.”

  “This is different…”

  “Pumpkin.” I leaned forward. “What are you afraid of?”

  She grabbed a pen and fidgeted with it. “It’s just…” She looked away and her eyes immediately filled with tears. The reaction was instantaneous, like she’d been holding the moisture back for an entire week. “It’s all my fault. Mom almost died because of me…and you almost died. If I weren’t so stupid none of this would have happened. Now you can’t even live in the home you adore because I ruined everything…” She covered her face and started to sob.

  I had no idea Skye felt that way. The thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, and now I felt like an idiot for not suspecting it to begin with. Seeing my daughter sob brought tears to my eyes. Seeing her in pain was a million times worse than any physical affliction I could suffer from.

  I came around the desk then kneeled beside her, wrapping my arms around her and letting her cry into my shoulder. “Pumpkin, that’s not true.” I rubbed her back while she leaned against me. “Don’t ever think that.”

  “It is my fault,” she said through her tears. “Mom is such a good person and she didn’t deserve that. She could have died. And then…what he did to you. I could have lost both of my parents and I would have been the one to blame.”

  “But you didn’t lose anybody,” I reminded her. “And none of this is your fault.” I leaned back and looked into her face. “Don’t ever say that.”

  “But it is…I know it is. I never should have dated him. I should have listened to Cayson and left him.”

  “Listen to me,” I said gently. “Everything was my fault. After Zack hurt you…I did something I shouldn’t have.”

  “What…?”

  “I beat the shit out of him.” I said it with no emotion. “In front of the campus where everyone could see. He knew it was me. Word spread that he messed with Sean Preston. Naturally, no one wanted to hire him after college so they wouldn’t piss me off. I ruined his career. That was why he came after me.”

  “You did that…?”

  “You shouldn’t be surprised. I couldn’t let him get away without some sort of punishment. But I never meant to sabotage his career. That just happened on its own. Naturally, he didn’t see it that way.”

  Skye stared at me with a blank expression. I couldn’t read her thoughts.

  “So, it wasn’t your fault, pumpkin. It was mine.”

  “But—”

  “Don’t blame yourself,” I said firmly. “Please.”

  Her tears stopped dripping but her eyes were wet. “I still feel terrible.”

  “Hey, we’re a family so we deal with everything together. And like always, we persevere. Zack is gone and everyone is okay. That’s all that matters.”

  She bowed her head. “I was never in love with him so I shouldn’t have dated him to begin with…”

  “We all regret some of our lovers. But that’s a part of life.”

  “But Mom…she doesn’t even feel comfortable in her own home.”

 

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