The comeback, p.6
The Comeback, page 6
Mom is taking him completely seriously, but I can see that small twitch in the corner of his mouth. He’s about to burst out into laughter, telling her it’s all a joke. But he wants to keep it going for as long as he can, because mom has always been gullible.
“John,” mom says his name as seriously as she can, giving him the evil eye, when he finally can’t resist any longer and starts chuckling. She immediately realizes that he’s been pulling her leg all along. “Oh, you are just the worst person ever!”
He’s still laughing, as he reaches for her hand, and leans closer to her to kiss her. “But you love me, nonetheless. Admit it.”
She pretends to sigh heavily, shaking her head at him. “You’re lucky I love you, because who else would love you?”
“No one,” he confirms. “The only people I want to love me are right here, at this table.”
I almost cry at those words, and I have no idea why. Maybe it’s stupid PMS hitting ahead of time, making me overly emotional, and I blink heavily, trying to keep tears at bay. I finally manage to do it, and the food arrives at that very moment.
“That looks delicious,” he comments on my spaghetti carbonara.
“You want to try it?” I offer.
“No, I’m a man of simple tastes,” he says, gesturing at his hamburger and fries.
“You could eat healthier, you know,” mom frowns, then grabs her fork and pokes her Caesar salad with it.
The rest of our lunch passes by quickly. Too quickly. When I glance at my watch, I realize that I promised Rachel I would meet her for a study session, as we’re getting ready for an exam next week.
“Do you have to go, darling?” mom asks.
“I really don’t want to go,” I say, a little saddened that the time with them just flew by. It felt like just a blink, and now I already have to leave them.
“It’s OK, darling,” mom says. “We understand you’ve got obligations. And we’re happy that you do. You have no idea how proud we are every time one of our neighbors asks us about you, and we always say where you are and what you’re studying.”
I can see the glimmer of pride in her motherly eyes, and I know I can’t tell them any of my fears or concerns. Hearing that would devastate them. I would disappoint them. I would take away that feeling of pride from them. And I fear nothing would ever be the same between us. I can’t possibly risk that.
“Yes,” I nod, not really sure what else to say.
“Your studies are going well, I hope?” Dad interferes into the conversation.
“Oh yeah,” I nod again. “Perfect. Couldn’t be better,” I grin, making sure not to overdo it. I just can’t go into much detail. Just keep it simple. A simple lie is easily controlled. A more complicated one, where you offer too many details, make you get entangled in your own words and you end up completely lost.
“We’re so glad to hear that,” mom gushes, reaching for my hand.
Her touch is warm and loving, and a part of me just wants to fall into her arms and admit everything, hoping for the best. But I know what they sacrificed to get me where I am, and I can’t fail them.
“Do you need us to drive you back to campus?” dad offers, as he lifts his hand in the air to call the waiter for the bill.
“No, I’m fine,” I smile. “It’s just a ten-minute walk. And the weather is so nice.”
“It really is,” mom agrees. “Maybe next time, we could all go somewhere together, for the weekend. If you have time, of course.”
I feel a hand clenching at my heart and seizing it tightly every time mom says something so endearing and loving. Almost as if I don’t deserve those words from her.
“I think that’s a great idea, mom,” I smile, my lip trembling.
“Lovely,” she claps her hands together in joy. “We’ll arrange it for next time.”
Dad pays the bill, and together we walk out of the restaurant, stopping at a nearby traffic lights, where we are to go our own separate ways.
“We’re parked over there,” dad points in the opposite direction from the one I’m going to. “You sure you don’t want us to drop you off?”
“I’m good, dad, really,” I assure him.
“Well, alright then,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. I inhale deeply, burying my nose into the collar of his shirt. Then, it’s mom’s turn to hug me, and I grip at her, like a dying man grips at a life preserver belt.
“Is everything OK, darling?” mom asks.
It’s amazing how moms always know that something is wrong, especially when you’re doing your best to hide it from them.
“Yeah, mom,” I assure her, smiling as widely as I can without making it look fake. “I’m just so happy I saw you guys and I wish we could spend more time together.”
“Oh, darling,” she caresses my face with the palm of her hand. “You’ll come visit soon, won’t you?”
“Of course,” I nod.
“And we’ll also find an excuse to take a short trip to the city again,” dad winks at me. “OK, champ. Be good and call us, OK?”
“Of course,” I repeat.
Mom hugs me quickly again, and I watch as they walk back to their car. Mom turns around one more time, and that is when I turn around and head in the opposite direction. I feel tears welling in my eyes, and two big ones roll down my cheeks. I allow them.
Maybe I’ll manage to get this feeling out of my system before I see Rachel, so I don’t have to explain it to her. Although, she’s like my mom. She knows when something is wrong. She can sense it, that stupid gut feeling of hers. I wish I had one of those, too. Maybe I wouldn’t be in this situation where I am now, if I had it.
Chapter Ten
Callum
My afternoon practice is done, and although I still need to attend one more in the evening, I decide to go home for a quick bite to eat and to pick up a few things, then head out later again.
I’m walking through campus grounds, waving to a few familiar faces, when suddenly I wonder what Elsie is doing. Maybe I could hit her up for a coffee or something.
At this point, I’m not sure what exactly I’m doing, or even why I’m doing it. This secret I found out feels really difficult to carry, but I promised I wouldn’t tell her anything. Talk about being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can’t even imagine how the man must be feeling.
But I know he can’t have it easy. I didn’t see the result properly, but I did recognize a few numbers, and they didn’t look good. It’s one of those things your mind remembers even when you want to forget. I don’t remember exactly how bad they were, but I know it’s not good.
I remember his words, urging me not to tell Elsie. But that is the biggest mistake he can make, not have his family around him in this difficult moment. And knowing Elsie, she will be devastated. I know this is my chance to prove to her that she can rely on me, if not as a partner, then at least as a friend. I’ll accept that for the time being and prove to her that I’m not the man... no, I’m not the boy who dumped her before.
I keep walking, looking around, realizing that I’ve spent all this time focusing on the wrong things in life. Ambition is a good thing, I’ve been told. But it’s not good if it comes at the expense of those who truly care about you. And in this short time, I’ve been popular on campus, but I can’t say I’ve felt that true, deep love. Everything about this world is superficial. One fad substitutes another as quickly as the snap of your fingers.
I still want the things I wanted. I still want to make it and play pro ball, but I feel like I somehow got stuck in this world, while I could have achieved the same thing, only with Elsie by my side. Actually, I might even have achieved more, because now I realize that she would never have held me back. It’s not who she is. She would do anything in her power to push me forward. And I was the idiot who couldn’t see that. I was the idiot who believed that having a girlfriend, some other priority apart from football would be detrimental to achieving my goal.
At that moment, I see someone walk up to me, straight in the line I’m walking, without the slightest intention of changing her trajectory. When I lift my gaze, I realize it’s Maddie. She’s already got that wide grin, happy to see me. Only I’m not as happy to see her.
She stops right in front of me, making it impossible for me to pass.
“We gotta stop meeting like this,” she purrs. “Someone might think you’re stalking me.”
I smile, but it’s a weak effort. “I’m just walking to my car.”
“Heading somewhere?” she asks.
“Yeah, home,” I nod.
“Want some company?” She leans closer, and once again, her perfume overpowers me, like someone stuck two fingers up my nostrils and pushed even deeper.
“It’s been a long day,” I say, trying to be nice. “I just finished practice, and– “
“Then you must be very dirty,” she interrupts me. “How about you take me home, and I help you wash yourself off?”
I know any guy would consider himself lucky to get such an invitation. But there is absolutely no reaction from me, in any department, either up or down. It’s like I’ve grown immune to her charms, of which there are many. But she just doesn’t do it for me.
“I appreciate the offer,” I say, still keeping it nice and polite. “But I already told you how I feel about this.”
“That’s because you’re not giving it a chance,” she urges. “I’m sure I could make you change your mind and feel something else.”
While I’m sure this might be possibly, I’m still not liking it. There are only two options for me at the moment. I want to either go home alone or spend the rest of the afternoon with Elsie, which I doubt would happen, because I’ve sent her two messages already, which she ignored. I considered calling, but I don’t want to be that guy.
I have no idea if there is even an option of making it with Elsie. I’d like to think there is, but she can be as stubborn as a mule sometimes. And if she’s told me she isn’t expecting anything from me, then that must be true. Maybe I should just be grateful for another chance to be with her, even if it was just for two nights. I thought that might be that as well, but now, I realize that’s not enough. It’s not nearly enough. I want the whole thing, everything. I want what I lost. No. What I threw away. I want it back.
But it’s selfish to grab it, even though that’s what I want to do. I want to wrap my arms around her and just kiss her until she changes her mind. The same words that Maddie just told me.
I smile at her, feeling a sudden onslaught of sympathy. Maybe she’s really fallen for me. With women like that, you never know. She might like me because I’m the big thing right now, or she may truly have feelings for me. A good man will always assume the second one, so I do as well.
I put my hand on her shoulder, and her eyes light up.
“Maddie,” I tell her. “You are such a beautiful girl. You can have any guy you point your finger at. Trust me. I know. I was one of them. We’d die to get a single second of your time. Just... look around and find the man who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated.”
I don’t know if that does the trick or not, but I see the way she’s looking at me. She seems incredulous at first, because she wasn’t expecting that. She was probably expecting some more banter, where she throws herself at me, and I keep telling her no politely, but in the end, in her mind, we end up together. That’s probably been her plan all along.
But I never wanted to string her along. Her, or any other girl, for that matter. I kept telling her that she shouldn’t expect anything from me. She agreed. And now, we’re here. I guess I’m just like her in my nonexistent relationship with Elsie. I’m running after something that can never be, refusing to accept defeat. In a way, Maddie and I are the same.
“Those are very sweet words,” she says, and for the first time, she smiles in a natural way, not in a way that shows you she’s trying to flirt or anything like that. She is just being her smiling self, and she is absolutely beaming.
“I think you need to hear them more often,” I smile. “Or just keep reminding yourself of them. It should work both ways.”
“You’re right,” she nods. “Do you think...” she starts but doesn’t finish her thought.
“Do I think what?” I wonder.
“Do you think I could kiss you, just one more time? For old times’ sake?”
I don’t say anything to that. Probably not a good idea, if I’m trying to end things. But something is telling me that maybe, she really just needs some kind of closure, and this kiss would be it.
I suck at closure. That much is obvious. Elsie never got hers, and I ended up breaking her heart. I will never forgive myself for that. She probably won’t ever forgive me, and I don’t deserve to be forgiven. But I can finally understand the need for closure, for rounding things up, so you can mark something as finished, and finally start something else, in a healthy and productive way.
“Just one kiss?” I ask.
“Just one,” she agrees.
“Right now?” I ask again.
“What time better than now?” she chuckles.
I guess she’s right. Maybe it’s best I just get it over with.
Before I can say anything to that, she presses her lips to mine, and there’s absolutely no reaction on my part. I just can’t force myself. I’m just standing there, numb, like a statue, allowing myself to be kissed.
It seems like a small eternity, when she finally pulls away, leaving my lips wet.
“How was that?” she grins.
Just as I’m about to say something, I notice there’s someone behind her, someone who’s been watching us the whole time.
“Elsie...” I call out to her, my voice deep, as if I were stuck in some cave, unable to get out.
She doesn’t say anything. She looks at me incredulous, as if she can’t believe what she just saw. Maddie looks at me, then turns around, and sees Elsie as well. None of us speaks.
Elsie then turns around on her heel and walks away.
I want to run after her, but Maddie pulls me by the elbow.
“Don’t,” she tells me. “She’s not for you. I am.”
“I thought you wanted closure,” I snarl. “This is all your fault.”
I pull my arm forcefully from her grip, and I start running after Elsie. I catch up with her quickly, rushing ahead of her and forcing her to stop and talk to me. Her eyes are wide with shock and disbelief. I don’t think I could have made a bigger mistake now than kissing Maddie like that. A fucking idiot. That’s what I am.
“Please, stop,” I tell her, urging.
“Why?” she asks, shrugging, pretending that this doesn’t bother her at all, but I can see through all that. And I won’t pretend that it’s for the best to allow her to pretend.
“Because I want to explain what happened,” I say.
“Why do you think I care to know?” she snorts indifferently.
“Because...” I start, but honestly, why would she want to know?
I haven’t earned her trust. I haven’t done anything to prove to her that I’m a changed man. If anything, it’s the opposite of that. I’ve shown her just now that I’m just another jock, no better than the rest of them, with the same things in mind. But I’m not. That couldn’t be further from the truth, only I can see it in the way she’s looking at me that she doesn’t want to hear any of my explanations.
“Because?” she echoes, bringing me back to the present moment.
“Because I think you deserve to know the truth.”
“The truth?” she repeats. “Oh, you mean like you told me the truth when you dumped me, making me feel like I wasn’t good enough for you, the big jock, the future football star? You mean that truth?”
I swallow heavily listening to her speak. All she’s said is the truth. This past is still there, between us. And I know in order for us to have a future, first we must sort out the past. But I can’t do it on my own. She has to want it as well.
“I don’t want to hear that truth,” she tells me, shaking her head. “Not now. Not ever. So, please... just leave me alone.”
With those words, she turns around and storms away. I watch as the wind plays with the hem of her skirt, making it flutter around her long legs. I watch her, unable to take my eyes off her, and I know that I messed up. Maybe even worse than last time. And I doubt there is any fixing this.
Chapter Eleven
Elsie
I storm into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. Up until a moment ago, Rachel was probably enjoying a calm afternoon, reading at the only desk that we have in the room.
“You got some wine lying around?” I ask Rachel without even greeting her first, and she looks at me flabbergasted, pulling her earphones down so she can hear me properly.
“Wine?” she repeats, obviously thinking that she couldn’t have heard me properly the first time.
“I’d prefer wine, but I’m accepting any sort of alcohol right now,” I say with an incredible desire to punch through a wall with my fist. I don’t know where this rage is coming from, but it’s sure better than being depressed.
“You? Want booze? On a Tuesday evening?” she sounds even more incredulous now. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you, but I’m liking it.”
She gets up and walks over to her closet, pulling out an unopened bottle of red wine.
“Red?” she asks, showing me what’s in her hand.
“Perfect,” I nod. “Open it right now, before I break someone’s teeth in.”
This time, Rachel bursts into loud roaring laughter, and I know why. This isn’t me. I doubt she’s ever heard me talk this way. But I’m so pissed I don’t know what to do with myself.
“I’ll pour immediately, before that someone becomes me,” she chuckles sweetly, bringing me a glass of wine instantly. She proceeds to pour one for herself, then sits back on the chair at the desk, while I sit down on my bed, leaning against the wall. “You wanna tell me what’s going on now?” she urges.
I inhale deeply. “Where do I start?”
