Voice in the dark, p.6
Voice in the Dark, page 6
According to him, a policeman he knew had put an illegal tap on Ophelia’s home phone and one on the surgery as he believed his fiancé was having an affair with her doctor. She turned out to be the same patient Ophelia believed was having an affair with Hein.
Her friend had been in the police force, but now worked as an undercover investigator.
Ophelia waited for a few days before confronting Hein. She told him she had heard them discussing what condoms to use when they were together. True to his nature, he denied everything and when she said it was his voice on the recorder, he angrily accused “someone” of framing him. However, he could not answer her when she asked who at the surgery would frame him or had a key to the premises? Who could sound exactly as he did?
The other woman eventually moved away, but their relationship had deteriorated. Apart from taking care of her children and her art, Ophelia invested her energy into a private Christian school a group of them had formed. This kept her busy and made continuing with life bearable, but far from acceptable.
Hein totally disliked others complimenting Ophelia and whenever it happened, he immediately draw the attention away from her to something he had done. After the person had left, he criticised her and said they only complimented her because they felt sorry for her.
“Is there anything I do that you do find acceptable?” she asked in tears.
He looked at her, presumably thinking, then said: “No”.
Ophelia was momentarily speechless, but eventually responded: “You could at least have told a white lie to spare my feelings and said something simple like ‘you make good coffee.”.
Ophelia no longer felt safe. In front of other people, he played the loving husband, but behind closed doors was mentally, emotionally, verbally, sexually and financially abusive. Every so often he threatened her with divorce or that he had the power to have her certified and locked up in an institution. She had to tow the line otherwise he would “have to deal with her”.
One evening she asked him why he found pleasure in hurting her and he said she had to be punished. Yet, he could not tell her what she had done wrong.
“Women need to be punished and kept on a short leash,” he said.
For her well-being she knew this could not continue. They were speaking different languages. She asked him what he wanted from her, to which he replied he wanted her to fight with him. This was a foreign concept as she valued communication above fighting. To give him what he wanted was to lose her Self.
The full impact of how little he cared happened the night he effectively raped her even though she had complained of painful cysts. His answer was cysts needed to rupture as they were more dangerous if left to turn and so he was “actually doing her a favour”. He justified raping her by adding “a husband has rights”. She passed out in pain and the next morning, he pressed the knife of hatred deeper into her soul by placing R2000 in cash on her bedside table.
Angry, degraded, violated and threatened, she locked herself in a room to communicate with God. The windows were closed and the curtains drawn, rendering the room dark. While in communication, she heard a pigeon flapping its wings and she felt it land on her forehead. Her eyes shot open, but there was no bird. She could still feel where it had landed and she knew it was a message from God.
“This is not what God wants for me,” she said out loud.
Then she sat by the phone as she knew she would receive a phone call. When it rang, it was a friend who was away on holiday. She had called to tell Ophelia she had dreamt of her in a boat on the water. Although it had no engine, Ophelia was travelling at high speed and her hair was freely flying in the wind.
This experience comforted her. She wasn’t alone and should stay connected and follow the guidance. After the children were asleep, she made a bed in her studio and early in the mornings, dismantled it so they would not be distressed. She needed time to find answers and could not sleep next to someone who hated and threatened her.
In the mornings she was busy at school and in the afternoons she had her children. Every other day she was busy in her studio painting with a few art friends. During one of those sessions, the group decided to have an informal exhibition with cheese and wine. Ophelia welcomed the activity demanded by compiling the exhibition as it kept her from dealing with her dire home situation.
The exhibition was a success and Ophelia sold a few paintings. The local radio station invited them for an on-air interview and, after a discussion, it was decided Ophelia would do the interview. She contemplated the questions she would be asked and for the first time thought about the message she was trying to convey through her paintings. Ophelia wanted to paint the invisible in such a way others could see it. The invisible around everything; the distance between and around trees; the atmosphere – to her it was none other than God’s presence. She wanted to communicate the invisible force of love and light permeating everything.
Although stressful, she enjoyed herself. After the interview she felt more confident she would be able to take care of herself financially.
Hein was not impressed. The more confidence she had, the less power he had and this did not sit well with him. It was as if he could not stomach seeing her confident, strong and happy and the abuse escalated. He told her the only reason she sold a few paintings was because the buyers felt sorry for a woman trying too hard. He said no-one really liked her and their friends visited to see him, not her. When asked why he pursued her if she was so unlovable, he said he felt sorry for her as nobody would have married her. Apart from emotional and mental abuse, there was physical abuse but not in a way that showed proof. It was usually supposedly accidental.
Ophelia approached her Church pastor, but his advice was totally unacceptable.
“Go home and make it right in bed.”
“When you and your wife are angry with each other, do you go to bed, have sex and the problem disappears?” she retorted.
“Absolutely not! We discuss the problem first, reach a solution and then go to bed to cement our relationship,” he said agitated.
“What if she does not want to discuss the problem and only denies its existence?”
The pastor had no answer, so she approached friends who directed her to their pastor. This one said he could not advise she file for a divorce, but he could say the Church will still love her if she does decide on that route. Divorce itself was no sin, but that which led up to it was.
For the first time in months, Ophelia felt lighter. This message resonated. She believed the loving God with whom she had an intimate relationship would not want her to suffer abuse at the hand of a husband who did not care or understand the meaning of the term husband; a man who was emotionally poor and lacked insight into the deeper meaning of love. Just as her loving father would not have wanted her to suffer indefinitely, God also did not want such a relationship for her. Back home, Bible in hand, she communicated with God and was directed through the Word to leave, not immediately but to plan it.
There were times she felt she could not continue. After reading the quote “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results”, she realised that was her trap. Maybe she was insane; maybe she really needed help. She doubted herself and knew she was walking on dangerous ground. She was slowly drowning in misery. The last of her power was slipping away. “Life-saver save yourself” became her mantra.
Silently she waited for the right moment. She waited for a door to open or something to happen; something that would flow to change. She knew after making the decision to change her reaction, the opportunity would present itself at the right time. The next time Hein accused her of being crazy, she called his bluff.
“I think you are right, there definitely is something wrong with me. Please make an appointment at any psychiatrist of your choice.”
The appointment was made and she drove to Cape Town. Without any fear and with hope in her heart, she found the appointment to be the best hour spent ever. To finally hear a professional confirm she was perfectly sane, mentally and emotionally, was music to her ears. At last the truth was revealed and she even had a statement declaring her sanity.
It was celebration time, but she also knew difficult times lay ahead. Change is always difficult, but as we overcome, the reward follows. According to the psychiatrist they wanted to keep the door open for Hein as he needed help dealing with his issues. However, they had their doubts as he had three things counting against him – Hein was a white, male doctor. The psychiatrist said these three elements could prevent him changing as some of these men with psychological issues suffered God complexes preventing them from acknowledging their truths. They were in total denial about their imperfections.
Ophelia by now knew one can’t change others and others can’t change us. One can only change oneself. Hein had a choice to make and if he valued their life together, he could change his abusive ways.
Driving home she decided, for her safety and well-being, she would temporarily move to their holiday home and give him the chance to seek help. The psychiatrist had given Hein a full report of Ophelia’s mental health and, on her return, he appeared quite understanding. She told him she would temporarily move out so they had space to gain perspective. He agreed and seemed fine with her decision. Ophelia said they would move back once he received help and arrangements were made for the move during the winter holidays.
While still in town, Ophelia would hear him speaking to a woman early in the mornings and late at night. She was definitely not a patient and only later she discovered while she was seeing the psychiatrist, her former friend Alice had invited Hein over for dinner. He had been seated next to a local divorced woman; a woman known to her.
The two had connected over dinner and started an affair. Ophelia never blamed this woman, but did wonder what would have happened if the woman had not made it so easy for Hein to fall into another relationship. Maybe he would have seen the psychiatrist as Ophelia said there were moments his eyes hinted he was about to acknowledge the situation, but then fear stepped in and the shutters closed.
Afterwards he was civil and at times pleasant. Over the weekends before the winter holidays, he helped her and their children move their personal belongings to the beach house.
Ophelia had hoped he would be honest with himself when the quiet settled in his house. Little did she know his friendly demeanour was a calculated move. He was actually planning to divorce her on the grounds she had deserted him. There was no way he would ever consult a psychiatrist.
- CHAPTER 12 -
Being Served
A few weeks later, while home alone, Ophelia answered the door and was served with divorce papers. She stood before the open door totally stunned. What was she to do? She did not want a divorce, but she did not want to be married to him either. How was she to survive without an income? What about her children? How was she to tell them? How could she hide it from them? How could she protect them?
With the questions barrelling through her mind, she knew she would not be able to hide anything from them when she fetched them from school. She had 10 days in which to contest. All she wanted was to have it finished; to have her own self back, her life, peace and quiet.
The holiday home was registered in her name as Hein feared being sued by a patient and losing everything. The previous year she had found it strange when Hein tried to force her to sell the house. He said they could buy a flat not far from the house, but that did not make sense as the flats were small and clustered together. Ophelia said they could go to the estate agent for advice.
Hein agreed, maybe thinking he could pull one over her, but after listening quietly to the agent waxing lyrical about why selling the holiday house and buying a flat was a good move, Ophelia looked him in the eyes and spoke for the first time.
“In your professional opinion, which property will have the higher value in 10 years’ time?”
The agent could only tell the truth, agreeing with Ophelia it would be better to keep the house as an investment. If not for this, Ophelia and her children, who were used to spacious accommodations, would have had to live in a small flat. Hein had been planning to file for divorce for a long time.
Hein said they should use the same lawyers as it would save them money. Sadly, Ophelia agreed as she was in no state to fight and had no-one to support her mentally or emotionally. Hein lied about his affair and he did not fully declare his income. Ophelia exposed his lie, but the lawyer simply looked at him and gave him an oath to sign. It was wrong and unfair, but Ophelia felt powerless. She did not have money and could not afford a lawyer. She only wanted the nightmare to be over.
Although she did not fight for herself, she did fight for her children. They needed her protection, care and love and there was no way she would sign them over to him. He had no choice. He knew she would never give in so he signed their children over into her care.
She only wanted what was best for them and did not speak negatively about their father. However, they were clever enough to see him for what he was. Although still young, they sometimes challenged him on his negative and hurtful behaviour, but never received a positive outcome.
He denied any wrongdoing; blamed others for not understanding or for faulty perception or interpreting things wrongly and then abused them verbally. After hurting her or the children, he claimed he had not done so. They were mistaken. If they felt hurt, their feelings were wrong or they were lying because why would he do such a thing?
Apart from one couple who supported her emotionally for a few months, every one of her supposed friends dropped away to be friends with the Doctor. She had figured the friends who were not patients chose to believe his stories because it suited them. She knew about the stories he told to whoever listened, as not long after their divorce a couple came to visit. The woman was a natural gossip and they wanted to find out if Ophelia really was crazy.
Without being agitated or angry, she told them to think. Would a loving father sign away his right to his children if he honestly believed their mother was insane? Would a judge allow an unstable mother sole custody of her children if her insanity was brought before him?
Obviously Ophelia’s supposed insanity was never an issue during the divorce. Hein could not allow the truth to escape as his ego could not stand others knowing. Attack was his only defence and that was why he accused her of being crazy. Who would believe anything an insane person says?
Ophelia’s last words as they left were: “Always remember, whatever was said to you, the fact you heard it does not make it true. If you choose to believe it, it also does not make it true. It may become the truth for you if you wish to believe it, but it may actually be far from the truth”.
Before the divorce, Hein called her to gleefully announce she had forever lost her best friend; a man with whom she had spent countless hours discussing deep topics and drinking pots of tea. Stunned she slowly replaced the phone and thought it a dream or another of his lies. After a while she called her friend to hear his side, but he did not answer the phone and never replied to her messages.
She figured Hein had something to do with her friend turning against her as their friendship had been in good standing the last time she had spent time with him and his wife. They even made arrangements to see each other every now and then.
It was a difficult time in her life and she did not know who to trust. Her best friend Alice also turned on her, saying she was a hypocrite for supposedly being wise and then going through with a divorce. This baffled Ophelia as Alice knew she had never wanted a divorce. How could she be blamed and called a hypocrite when it was Hein who wanted a divorce? As far as she was concerned, she and Hein had agreed the move was necessary for them to gain perspective and work on a solution.
Later she made peace with her situation when she realised most of her friends had not been true friends. It suited them to stand by Hein as she had left town and he was their doctor or simply a doctor.
Apart from her children she was alone. The only couple who remained friends only visited every now and then as life continued and physical distance played a role. However, after the terrible treatment she had endured in marriage, it was almost heavenly to be treated with respect and compassion by her friend and his wife. Unwittingly she developed feelings for him, but knew it could never go anywhere and she did not want to complicate anyone’s lives. As time passed, they drifted apart, but Ophelia was grateful for their loyalty and friendship and would forever hold them in deep regard.
Her mother did not support her and Mara, who for years had been urging her to divorce Hein, turned on her and told others Hein had been a wonderful husband. Ophelia had messed the marriage because she was a mental case. Again Ophelia was baffled, but figured they were afraid she would ask for financial help. She was without support and knew she had to take care of her financial needs.
Her friend Daphne was an estate agent who lived nearby and whose friendship became a true blessing. Ophelia learnt she was allowed to be angry with those who had harmed her. She said there was Divine Anger and Jesus also showed His anger when He entered the temple and saw people selling doves.
Anger was something Ophelia had learnt was wrong and therefore had suppressed it. On learning it was acceptable, even beneficial, she released every ounce of suppressed anger in her soul. She listed the harm done to her and whenever she was alone, screamed as loudly as possible while talking with God about those who had hurt her.
Afterward she had felt better and never again suppressed her anger. Ophelia contemplated anger and found it to be a message from the inner-being alerting one to being aware of a wrong being committed or compromise made with which one feels uncomfortable.
