The tearsmith, p.35
The Tearsmith, page 35
‘It’s just to chat,’ I explained, but she wasn’t listening.
‘What are you wearing? Have you already decided?’
‘No,’ I replied uncertainly. ‘To tell the truth I haven’t given it a thought…But really, it’s just to chat,’ I clarified. That was the truth, at the end of the day. Lionel had asked me several times, making it clear how important it was to him.
‘I’ve got another idea!’ Billie exclaimed. ‘I’ll help you choose! I’m meeting Miki today, why don’t you come too? Grandma gave me a load of make-up that I haven’t used yet, and then I can also tell you what’s happened!’
‘But…’
‘Come on, it’s perfect! We’ll come and get you in a bit, bring something to change into for tonight! I’ll call Miki and let her know. Later!’
She hung up before I could say anything else.
I stared at the phone, open-mouthed. I flopped back onto the mattress and held back a sigh.
I didn’t share Billie’s enthusiasm about the party. I had only accepted Lionel’s invitation so I could chat with him and clear things up. But a little later, I left my room gripping my backpack and looking only a little faded.
When I found myself on the landing, I realised I couldn’t lift my gaze.
His door…was there. Just a few metres away.
Before something inside me could start stirring in that painful way again, I headed downstairs. I made for the front door, my face downturned because everything made me think of him.
I felt him around me.
He was in the air, like something invisible and fundamental.
I glimpsed the piano out of the corner of my eye and immediately looked away. I got to the door, for the first time impatient to leave that house, but it opened under my nose.
‘Nica!’ Anna blinked. ‘Oh, sorry…are you heading out now?’
I hurried to let her pass.
‘Are your friends already here?’
I had told her that I was going out, so I nodded. I helped her with her bags and she smiled.
‘Thank you.’
Before I could cross the threshold, she planted a delicate kiss on the top of my head. I looked at her, bewildered, and she smiled at me sweetly. I felt suddenly overcome by a desperate, guilty feeling: Anna didn’t know how much I felt torn asunder. She didn’t know what I was giving up because I needed her…
I looked down, biting my lip.
‘I’m off,’ I murmured, feeling awkward.
I rushed out of the house, trying to swallow those pieces of my heart.
‘We are Tearsmiths…’
I urgently drove the thought away as I walked along the street. But his voice remained in me, in my blood, a whisper that would never go away.
I looked for Billie’s grandma’s car, but I couldn’t see it. I did notice, however, a car with its engine running. I headed towards it, but stopped when I saw a man behind the wheel that I’d never seen before.
‘Nica! It’s us! Get in!’ Billie waved from the window. ‘You took your time,’ she reproached me, as I timidly sat down.
Miki, next to the window, gestured hello.
‘Sorry,’ I replied. The car set off, and I leant towards the driver’s seat with a hesitant smile. ‘Hi…I’m Nica.’
The man behind the wheel glanced at me in the rear-view mirror then turned his attention back to the road. I sat back, confused, and Billie waved her hand.
‘He never talks while he’s driving.’
I threw Miki a cautious look.
‘I’m sorry I made you wait. Is he your grandad?’
Billie burst out laughing, making me jump. I looked at her, dumbfounded, and then realised that instead of heading south, as I had thought we were, the car was driving towards the north of the city.
I knew very little about Miki. She always got picked up from school somewhere no one could see her, maybe because there was something about her family situation that embarrassed her. I had assumed that she felt inferior to the rich girls at school, but when the car eventually pulled up in front of her house…I realised I had got it completely wrong.
‘Here we are!’ Billie chirped.
Before me rose an enormous villa in all its grandeur.
Massive, dazzlingly white columns supported a circular terrace, in perfect Art Nouveau style. A wide set of steps led onto an avenue lined with cypress trees. The entrance was guarded by two silent, proud lion statues. Jubilant flowers burst out all around in the magnificent garden.
‘Do you live here?’ I croaked, as Miki got out of the car, chewing gum and her hands deep in her hoodie pockets.
She nodded, passing by me. I stared at her, stunned. A short distance away, a gardener was trimming a hedge in the shape of a rearing colt.
‘Come on!’
Billie dragged me up the shining white steps. The solid walnut front door opened before Miki could touch it.
‘Welcome back, Miss.’
We were welcomed by a kind-mannered woman to whom Billie trilled a greeting.
I was gobsmacked by the entrance hall. A large crystal chandelier dominated a room with a shiny granite floor.
The woman helped me take my jacket off. I stared at her, confused, as Miki took off her tatty hoodie and held it out to her. This time I stopped myself from asking if it was her grandma.
‘Who’s that?’ I asked Billie in a whisper.
‘Her? Oh, that’s Evangeline.’
‘Evangeline?’
‘The housekeeper.’
I watched the woman move away, blinking.
‘Are you an only child?’ I asked Miki as she led the way. The opulence surrounding us made me feel as small and insignificant as a bug.
She nodded.
‘Her family has generations of nobles behind them,’ Billie told me. ‘Even though there’s no such thing as nobility any more…her great-grandparents were the real deal. Look, here they are!’
She looked towards a portrait of a couple, the woman wearing velvet gloves, the man with large sideburns, both of them with severe, haughty expressions.
Then I glimpsed a painting that was, to say the least, enormous. It portrayed three people – a man with a severe face and two glacial eyes that seemed to burn through the canvas; next to him, less severe but just as refined, in a dress that flattered her raven hair and fair complexion, a beautiful woman gave a slight smile; and in front of them, sitting down, was Miki.
It was really her, in an organza dress and her hair tidily brushed down over her shoulders.
‘They’re your parents,’ I noted, looking at the portrait of the serious, noble-looking couple.
Her father, in particular, looked more like a marble statue than a man. He seemed unspeakably austere – intimidating, even. I swallowed. All that solemnity made me feel uneasy.
Suddenly, the door opened behind us. All three of us turned around, and before us loomed a great, big mountain of a man. He was wearing an elegant, haute couture suit; his face was refined and aristocratic; his dark hair was streaked with grey, and his sharp jawline bore a meticulously groomed beard, above which shone two predatory eyes.
There was no doubt about it. This was Miki’s father.
His eyes landed on us and I shuddered. I felt like shrivelling under his gaze.
He puffed out his chest, and then…
‘Little duckling!’ he cooed, beaming.
He ran towards us, arms open wide.
I stared at him, shocked, as he gave Miki a crushing hug, spinning her around like a little girl. He smiled, thrilled, and his large hands stroked her head lovingly.
‘My sweet little duck, how are you? You’re back!’ He rubbed his cheek against hers. ‘How long has it been?’
‘Since breakfast, Dad,’ Miki replied, wearily, like a worn-out doll. ‘We saw each other this morning.’
‘I missed you!’
‘And we’ll see each other again at dinner…’
‘I’ll miss you!’
Miki patiently endured her father’s affections, while I stared disconcerted at the man who up until a moment ago had terrified me with just a look. The same man who was now fussing his daughter with the same voice Norman used when he wanted to pet Klaus.
‘Oh, Marcus, let her breathe!’
A magnificent woman was proceeding towards us, with an elegance that couldn’t be captured in a portrait.
Miki’s mom was a woman of rare finesse. Her movements were like liquid silver; she glided along the floor like a perfume, silky and beautiful.
Miki looked a lot like her.
‘Wilhelmina,’ the woman smiled at Billie. ‘Hello, how wonderful to see you again.’
‘Hello, Amelia,’ my friend replied.
Miki took the opportunity to introduce me.
‘Mom, Dad, this is Nica.’
They turned scorching smiles on me.
‘It’s not often we get the chance to meet new friends,’ her mom said. ‘Makayla is always very reserved…It’s a pleasure to meet you.’
Makayla?
She turned towards her.
‘I’d like her to wear new clothes every once in a while, but she insists on these bulky hoodies…Oh, honey, not that tatty rag again?’
I realised she was referring to Miki’s Iron Maiden t-shirt. It was the same t-shirt that I had fixed. The panda was still there, embroidered on the fabric. Miki hadn’t unpicked it.
‘I’ve had it for years,’ Miki argued. ‘Don’t touch it.’
‘Makayla loves this scrap of cloth she insists on calling a t-shirt,’ her mom told us. ‘Sometimes she’s so scared I’ll get rid of it that she even sleeps in it…’
‘Dad, can Nica get a lift later? She’s got to go somewhere.’
‘Of course, anything for my little duck,’ her dad replied proudly.
I felt even more like a fish out of water when the man who had driven the car appeared in the room carrying a tray and wearing white gloves. I noticed that he had an incredibly aquiline nose. Miki’s dad’s expression immediately changed. He approached him conspiratorially.
‘Hey, Edgard…’
‘Yes, sir?’ asked the butler.
‘You made sure no men got in?’
‘Yes, sir. Not one adolescent male has come through that door.’
‘You’re certain?’
‘Absolutely.’
‘Good,’ Marcus proclaimed triumphantly. ‘No man will get near my little duckling!’ It was a good job he wasn’t looking our way, because Miki’s expression was priceless.
‘We’re going upstairs,’ she croaked, already climbing the stairs.
We waved goodbye to her parents, and they did the same.
Miki’s room was in complete contrast to the rest of the house. Her desk was littered with books and violin sheet music, the walls were covered in band posters, cuttings from magazines and photographs. A panda plushie was sat on a chair in the corner of the room.
‘Your parents are incredible,’ I said. ‘They seem so present.’
‘Yeah,’ she replied. ‘Too present sometimes…’
I had thought that Miki didn’t get enough attention from her parents, and I was pleased to learn that wasn’t the case.
‘Ready?’ Billie turned her bag upside down and out fell a bewitching cascade of shiny tubes and tubs.
‘Right, sit here,’ she said, settling me into a chair.
‘And now…close your eyes!’
* * *
—
‘A bit of this one…’
A tingling sensation on my cheeks.
‘And a bit of this one…’
It was the first time I had worn make-up. It was a completely new experience for me.
At the institute, I had looked admiringly at the women who came to visit or who were in the newspapers that the matron would throw away. At the time, I was just a little girl with a grey face and big eyes, wondering what it would be like to shine like that. Now, however, I was probably too shy to ask Anna if we could buy some make-up together.
‘Here we are!’ Billie announced triumphantly. ‘Done!’
I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection in the mirror.
‘Oh…wow,’ I gasped, bowled over.
‘Wow, yes,’ she commented.
Miki was standing behind me with her arms outstretched, her nostrils flared and a twisted frown.
‘What on earth have you done to her?’
‘What?’ Billie asked, bringing her face next to mine.
I gazed at my reflection: peacock eye shadow, fiery red lipstick that was a little smudged around my mouth, pink blusher like two round apples on my cheeks.
‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘What?’
We both stared at her like two owls and she put her head in her hands.
‘You two…’ Miki growled, shaking her head. ‘Give me strength…’
‘You don’t like how I’ve done her make-up?’
‘Since when have you known how to do make-up? You’ve never held a make-up brush in your life! Give it here!’
She grabbed the brush and make-up remover wipes. She vigorously wiped my face clean to start again, while Billie pouted and crossed her arms.
‘Fine, you do her make-up if you’re so good at it…’ she conceded. ‘I’ll help her choose an outfit!’
She held out my backpack with both arms.
‘Are the clothes you brought in here?’
I nodded, and Billie unzipped the bag and took out my clothes, as curious as a cat. She rifled through skirts and blouses with a concentration that made me feel a little uneasy.
‘This is cute…Oh, and this…’ she murmured, as Miki drew two thin lines over my eyelids with something cold and wet.
‘I like this…No, not this…Oh God!’ Billie yelped. I jumped and Miki swore.
‘This! Absolutely! Nica, I’ve found your dress!’
She lifted it victoriously and something twisted inside me. It was the dress I had bought with Anna, the one with the little buttons down the chest and the sky-blue fabric.
‘No,’ I heard myself murmur. ‘Not that one.’
I couldn’t even remember putting it in the bag. I had just shoved in a load of folded clothes.
‘Why not?’ Billie asked, dismayed.
In truth…I didn’t even know myself.
‘It’s…for special occasions.’
‘And this isn’t a special occasion?’
I twisted my fingers. ‘I told you…I’m only going because Lionel asked me. I have to speak to him.’
‘So?’
‘So…I’m not going to get involved.’
‘Nica, it’s a party!’ Billie burst out. ‘Everyone will be dressed up for…for a party! And this dress must look amazing on you, really amazing…What better occasion to wear it?’
‘There’s no need…’
‘There is though,’ she replied with newfound determination. In her eyes I saw the affectionate gleam of someone who wanted me to shine. ‘Everyone should see you wearing this, Nica…You won’t look out of place, trust me…And if you really want to you can wear it for other occasions too, but today…today is definitely one of those occasions. You won’t regret it, I promise…Do you trust me?’
She smiled and laid the dress out on the bed. I realised she wanted to give me a unique, different and exciting evening. I had never been to a party, I had never worn a dress like this, I had never dressed up and worn make-up, and I suspected that Billie knew this. She was doing this for me. To brighten me up and make me feel special.
And yet, seeing that gorgeous dress waiting for me on the bed, all I could do was look down and feel, deep down, even more wrong.
I knew who it was I wanted to wear that dress for, and he wasn’t going to be at the party.
Miki lifted my chin with her finger, and without meaning to, I met her gaze. I quickly glanced away before she could see the distress in my eyes.
‘Look what I’ve found!’
Billie poked her head out of the wardrobe. When had she opened it?
She showed me some light-coloured, slender sandals, with a thin strap that fastened around the ankle. They were very cute. And they were still in the box.
‘Are they yours?’ I asked Miki.
She smirked. ‘A gift. From distant relatives. They aren’t even my size…’
‘But they’re your size!’ Billie held them out to me, beaming.
I looked uncertainly at the little heel.
‘I’ve never worn heels before…’
‘Try them on, come on!’
I slipped my feet into them and Billie and Miki made me stand up.
They suited me. I teetered after just a few steps, but they didn’t seem to think that was a problem.
Billie waved a hand. ‘Don’t worry about it, you’ve got all afternoon to practise walking in them!’
* * *
—
That is how I spent the rest of the day.
Eventually, once I’d put on the dress and my make-up was finished, they said I could look in the mirror.
I obeyed. And…
I was speechless.
It was me. But it didn’t look like me.
My eyelashes were thick and black, making my grey eyes look dazzling. Whatever Miki had put on my lips made them look like two luscious petals. My cheeks were rosy and full, and my skin, usually grey and a little dull, shone under my freckles like iridescent velvet.
A white silk ribbon held half of my hair up off my face, while the other half tumbled softly down my back.
It was really me…
‘You’ll give him a heart attack,’ Billie burst out with glee and pride.
I looked at her, my cheeks burning. She yelped, ‘If I had my camera with me, I’d take a photo of you! You’re…God, you look…you look like a doll!’
She smoothed the fabric over my hips, looking at me with bright, admiring eyes.
