Pippa park crush at firs.., p.16
Pippa Park Crush at First Sight, page 16
Only 7 Days Until Christmas Eve
(Can I Do It All?)
I stared into Mrs. Lee’s apartment, my mouth hanging open. And not in a good, “whoa, this is my dream party space” way either. More like, I was wondering how one woman could have that many cat pictures. There were at least a dozen different portraits of Boz hanging on the walls. And that wasn’t all.
I slowly ventured farther into her dim apartment, my hands up in a defensive pose, prepared for something to jump out of the shadows and grab me. The next thing I noticed was that Mrs. Lee hadn’t taken out the trash before she moved in with us. The place smelled like a revolting mixture of rotten bananas and spoiled milk. The third thing I noticed was that it was about negative ten degrees—colder than the ice room at a Korean spa. Mrs. Lee must have turned off the heat before leaving.
On top of that, the place was kind of a disaster: boxes full of old newspapers, racks of antiquated clothing, and a thousand knickknacks covering every surface. All in all, it wasn’t exactly the kind of apartment I could see the Royals sipping mocktails in.
But one thing was for sure—it was better than no apartment.
I stared at the photos of Boz taken from twelve different angles, evaluating how much work I’d need to do over the next few days. I couldn’t help but imagine Mrs. Lee up here, all alone on Christmas Eve, sipping lukewarm tea and humming carols to herself. My stomach twisted. Had I really been so desperate to get rid of her just a few weeks ago? I felt so bad about that now.
At that thought, I took a deep breath. Mrs. Lee had given me much more than her key tonight—she had also given me some excellent advice. For the past month, I’d had plenty of opportunities to tell Helen and Buddy about how I felt left out. But I hadn’t. I had just buried my insecurities deeper and deeper until my feelings morphed into resentment. I had kept waiting for things to go back to normal, but I refused to take the initiative to make that happen.
Even if I managed to throw the world’s best party, it would be an empty success if I didn’t have my best friends partying with me. And so even though cleaning this space up was going to take almost all my free time, there was something more pressing I had to do right now.
I grabbed the dirty trash, carried it downstairs to the curb, then headed to my bedroom. Hugging a pillow to my chest, I sat cross-legged in bed and dialed first Helen’s, then Buddy’s number. My fingers shook as I pressed Conference.
Part of me sort of hoped that the call would go to voice mail, but for once, they both picked up.
“Hello?” they chorused—and I froze.
“Buddy? Is that you?” Helen asked, sounding confused.
“Uh… yup, I think so,” Buddy replied.
After a long, uncomfortable silence, Helen asked, “Pippa? Are you there?”
“Yes,” I managed to squeak out in a voice that sounded almost nothing like mine. I quickly cleared my throat. “Yes,” I said again, firmer this time.
Another painfully long silence.
“Um, you did call us,” Buddy finally said, sounding confused. “Right?”
“Right.”
I swallowed hard. My throat felt drier than a dying cactus. I was ashamed of the way I had treated Helen earlier. It was easier to feel anger than it was to feel sadness. It was easier to blame Helen and Buddy instead of accepting that sometimes things changed and you had to change with them. And I had no real idea how to articulate any of this to them over the phone, but I did know where to start.
“I called because… because I wanted to say that I am sorry,” I said. “Especially to you, Helen. I was rude to you for no reason today. And I’ve been thinking about it nonstop—about how I lost my temper, and how it wasn’t your fault that I’ve been keeping all my problems to myself. It wasn’t fair of me to take that out on you.”
“It did take me a little by surprise.” Helen paused. “Although I could tell something was wrong. And you were mad at me, weren’t you?”
“Well, no. Kind of. I don’t know.” I glanced down at my lap, trying to find the right way to word things. It felt so embarrassing to admit how insecure I had become. “Now that my head is clearer, I don’t think I was mad at either of you,” I finally said. “But I was definitely jealous.”
“Jealous?” Buddy spluttered. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could picture the rapid-fire way he would be blinking right now.
“Well, yeah. I was jealous that the two of you were spending so much time together—and not with me.”
Before either of them could react, I quickly added, “And I know that I’m not your only friend, and that you’re allowed to hang out with each other however much you want, and I can’t force you to do anything. I know that.” I sucked in a huge gulp of breath. “But I couldn’t help but think you didn’t like me as much, now that you had each other. I guess I was just scared that you two were leaving me behind. Which sucked, because you two are my favorite people, and I’ve missed you so much.”
Finally, I stopped to give them a chance to speak. As I waited for a reply, I felt a mixture of trepidation and relief. I didn’t know what they would say, but at least I had said my part.
After a long silence, Buddy finally cleared his throat. “I’m sorry, Pippa,” he said. It was one of the few times I had heard him use my first name. “I didn’t know you felt that way. But it makes sense. I mean, I know exactly what it feels like to be on the other side of that equation,” he said pointedly. “But really, I wasn’t ignoring you. Though now I see I kind of did.”
“Same,” Helen said. “Only… you honestly thought I didn’t like you anymore?” Her voice was so shocked that it made the mere idea seem silly.
I breathed in, and for the first time in a week, it felt easy.
“Aw, Pips, I’m sorry,” she went on. “I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. Buddy is my boyfriend, but you’re still my best friend. And that’s not going to change, no matter what happens!”
I wanted to ask Helen what she and Bianca had been whispering about, but this definitely didn’t seem like the right time for that.
“Ditto, Park,” Buddy picked up where Helen had left off. “I mean, I love being with Helen. But I also love telling you all about it! And just because I have a girlfriend doesn’t mean I can’t still have a best bud for basketball and crappy movies and stuff like that.”
Their words felt like a warm blanket nestled over my shoulders. After nearly three weeks of feeling like less than second choice, I finally realized how silly I had been, keeping everything to myself.
“I love you guys,” I said, my throat thick, my eyes filling with tears.
“And we love you,” Helen said.
“So… is everything okay, now?” Buddy asked.
“Yes,” I said. Then I swallowed. “Well, sort of.”
“Sort of?” Helen repeated carefully.
I was really glad we were having this conversation over the phone—no one could see how blazing red my face had just turned.
“So,” I said. “You know how the Christmas party is seven days from now?”
“Yes,” Buddy and Helen answered.
“Right,” I said. “Okay. First off, let me say that I do have a space to hold the party. Now. But it’s not my apartment. And the place is kind of a wreck. And Boz destroyed all the decorations.”
“Boz?” Helen asked.
“That’s Mrs. Lee’s cat,” I explained. “Mrs. Lee is the lady sleeping in our living room.”
Then I told them everything. How Mrs. Lee had broken her leg after I had already committed to throwing the party. How I had tried so hard to secure a new venue. How close I had come to confessing so many different times…
After I finished, I stared at my phone’s screen and held my breath, waiting for them to say something.
“Wow.” Buddy broke the silence. “Not going to lie, Park. That was a lot.”
“I know,” I groaned. “But like I said, I do have a place to throw the party. Mrs. Lee is letting me use her apartment upstairs. It’s, uh, on the shabby side. And right now it’s a little crammed… and chilly… and maybe a little smelly…. But I know I can get it to work.”
“That’s great,” Helen said. “But when are you going to tell the other Royals?”
My mouth scrunched up like I was chewing on a lemon. “Soon?”
“Just tell them, Pips,” Helen said. “Everything will be okay. This party was never meant to be a competition. You have to learn to ignore Caroline.” She laughed. “Instead, think about it like when we’re all on the court together, practicing for the big game! A party like this needs teamwork.”
She was right. I knew she was right. But I still clutched my pillow tighter to my chest, and I couldn’t stop the spasm of fear that rocked through me. Telling the rest of the Royals about what I had done was still going to be hard—really hard—but I knew one thing. It was going to be a lot easier with my friend Helen by my side.
* * *
I arranged an emergency meeting with the Royals at Duo’s after school the next day. I could have done it at lunch, but I didn’t want to spoil the last day of school. Also, there was a decent chance Caroline was going to scream at me, and if that happened, I didn’t want it to be in the middle of the Lakeview cafeteria.
Helen and I arrived at Duo’s early and grabbed a booth in the back. At the sight of Win, Bianca, Starsie, and Caroline strutting across the threshold, my heart leaped into my throat, and I briefly wondered if twelve-year-olds could get heart attacks.
“Don’t forget to breathe, Pips.” Helen squeezed my hand. “You’re turning a little blue.”
Right. I forced myself to inhale and exhale.
Even in basketball shorts, the Royals intimidated me, but today, they looked like a force to be reckoned with. Caroline and Bianca wore matching black North Face jackets, and Win and Starsie had their golden Royals scrunchies bobbing in their high ponytails. As they headed our way, Starsie said something funny, and they laughed, white teeth gleaming from all the way across the diner. Seeing them like this reminded me of why I had been so desperate to impress them in the first place. They looked… well… like royalty.
“Hey, Helen! Hi, Pippa!” Starsie said.
She slid into a seat next to me and squeezed my shoulder. But when Bianca, all business, said, “So, what’s with the meeting?” I had to fight the urge to push Starsie out of my way and sprint straight out of Duo’s, all the way home. It was only Helen’s reminder—this party was never meant to be a competition—that kept me glued to my seat.
“Well?” Caroline pressed.
I took a deep breath… and then I stopped procrastinating. “Okay, right. So, the thing is…”
I didn’t look anyone in the face as I explained what had happened. Instead, I stared straight down at the melting marshmallows in my cocoa cup and acted like the rest of them couldn’t even hear me.
After I had finished telling them everything, I finally looked up. “I really did want to throw the ultimate party,” I said, willing them to believe me. “And I think that’s why I messed up so badly. I kept thinking that if I just wanted it hard enough, I could fix everything. And instead, I let you all down.”
I lowered my gaze, too afraid to see the judgment in their eyes. For a while, nobody said anything.
Caroline was the first person to break the silence.
“You’re right about one thing,” she said, her voice steely. “You did let us all down.”
Although I had been expecting it, I still flinched. But then something I definitely didn’t expect happened. “Ouch.” Starsie winced. “C, that was, like, way harsh.”
“Yeah,” Win agreed. “You’ve been so aggressive lately. I mean, on the court it’s fine. But off the court, it’s just plain mean.”
Caroline’s eyebrows shot up. Clearly, she had expected the rest of the Royals to be on her side.
“Well, excuse me for being a little upset,” she huffed. “But we’ve been planning this party for a month now! And Pippa ruined it! She ruined everything!”
“Now you’re just being a drama queen,” Win said in her usual calm, sensible voice. “Pippa told us she found a new place to hold the party. And it’s in the same apartment building. We don’t even have to switch addresses.”
“I’m being a drama queen?” Caroline ignored everything else Win had said. “We throw this party every year, Winona.”
“Since last year,” Helen pointed out, but Caroline ranted on without stopping.
“It’s our thing. The Royal brand. It’s supposed to represent us! So what will everyone think when they show up to some random one-room apartment?” Caroline’s voice started to rise, and I tried not to shrink back in my seat. “Besides, you heard her! The dumb cat messed up the decorations, too!”
Helen and Starsie both tried to cut in, but Caroline wouldn’t let them. She was more furious than I had ever seen her, and somehow, I didn’t think it was solely because of the party. Caroline had always been snarky toward me. I just wished I knew why.
“Ugh!” Caroline shook her head and glared at me. “I just don’t understand why the rest of you are so obsessed with Pippa that you can’t see what a total disaster this is! In fact—”
But just as Caroline’s voice started to reach a pitch high enough to break glass, someone else broke in.
“I mean this respectfully, Caroline… but will you please shut up?”
Everyone at the table sucked in a breath, including Caroline. Because it wasn’t Win or Helen or even Starsie who had said that.
It was Bianca. And based on the look in her eyes, she wasn’t finished.
“Everyone has problems,” Bianca snapped. “All of us. But your problems are just… they’re so trivial. And this is coming from someone who’s your friend, C! But you’ve been going on and on about this stupid party for weeks now like it’s the freaking apocalypse or something, when some of us are dealing with actual issues.”
At this, Bianca’s voice warbled slightly—something that I had never heard happen before. Without warning, a single tear slid down her perfectly smooth cheek. She wiped it away immediately, but not before the rest of us could see.
“Bianca?” Win said tentatively. “Are you… okay?”
For a moment, Bianca’s eyes flared with her signature aloofness before cooling into something like indecision. Breathing in sharply, she seemed to make a snap decision.
“Not really,” she said. She drew a shaky breath. “My parents are getting divorced.”
The table went silent. My mouth popped open, and across the table, I saw Caroline’s jaw drop. Clearly, she’d had no idea, either. I glanced at Helen to see how she was taking the news, but she just nodded at Bianca encouragingly.
At that, the memory of Helen and Bianca whispering in the locker room flashed through my mind. I had assumed the two were gossiping about me. But now I was pretty sure that had been the furthest thing from the truth. I felt a rush of guilt mixed with relief.
“I’m so sorry, B,” Starsie said. “That’s awful!”
“Yeah, well, I’m not trying to get anyone’s pity or anything,” Bianca said, her voice gruff and a little embarrassed. But at the same time, she seemed relieved to have her secret out in the open. “I’m just saying, there are worse things than having a party-space problem, Caroline, okay?”
“Okay,” Caroline said. And for once, she didn’t have anything snarky to add. She just sat there, looking confused and a little hurt.
“Now, back to the party,” Bianca said. She cleared her throat, and just like that, the vulnerable, open Bianca was gone, replaced by the regal Ice Queen I was used to. “We have a place. We need new decorations. Is there anything else you haven’t told us?”
“Um… there is one other thing,” I admitted. “I know everyone’s expecting some fancy catering situation, but I don’t have the money for that. But don’t worry! I’m going to ask Jung-Hwa to cook, and he makes Korean food so good, you’ll swear you’re at a fancy restaurant!”
I scanned the Royals’ faces, trying to see what they thought about this, but mostly they just looked confused. Not exactly the reaction I had expected.
“Wait, wait, wait.” Win shook her head, her ponytail bobbing along with the motion. “Korean food sounds great… but what do you mean, you can’t afford the catering? We never expected you to do that!”
Now it was my turn to be confused. “What do you mean?”
“We all chip in for the food,” Starsie answered. “You were just supposed to pick the restaurant and put in the order. Didn’t Caroline tell you that?”
My gaze darted to Caroline. She sank lower in her seat, her nostrils flaring, and her eyes lowered. “I thought I did,” she muttered. And maybe the Pippa of yesterday would have called her on it, but today, I was feeling generous.
“Oh,” I said. “Caroline told me so many details about the party, I must have missed that one. It was a pretty big detail for me to miss… but I’m so relieved to hear it.” I gave Caroline a knowing glance.
She looked at me, her eyes wide and her mouth scrunched up—like she was both grateful to me and resentful at the same time. Honestly, I had no idea how that was even possible. Of course, there was a lot I didn’t know about Caroline. And maybe someday in the future I’d find out more about her—like why she hated me so much.
But for now, I had better, happier things to focus on. For the first time in a long time, the future seemed bright.
After one more unpleasant but very necessary chore, that is: I had to apologize to Marvel.
21 A VERY PIPPA PAGEANT
Only 1 Day Until Christmas Eve
(And I’m Finally Ready!)
“Places, everyone!” Pastor Oh called. “It’s nearly time!”
After all those rehearsals, it was hard to believe that the big night was finally here. I gathered my sheep posse at the front of the stage and reminded them to stay quiet until the curtain rose, but they could barely stand still. I think I was as nervous as they were—though for a different reason.
I’d gone to the pageant dress rehearsal on Sunday with butterflies in my stomach, ready to throw myself at Marvel’s feet. However, his feet were not in evidence. I mean, he never showed up. At a break, I asked Pastor Oh where he was.
