Far beyond repair, p.6
Far Beyond Repair, page 6
“Love you, Scarlet.”
“Love you, Elise.”
At that, we disconnected. As I always did, I gave myself a brief moment to let those words sink in.
Since Ryker, I hadn’t said them to anyone else but Elise. And it took me a very long time to be able to say those words to her. I had this irrational fear that if I said them, it would only be a matter of time before she ended up abandoning me, too. I no longer had that fear with Elise, thankfully.
A moment later, I got to work on creating my list and going through my inventory.
And the next day, I managed to send my manuscript off to my best friend.
To say she was excited about its early arrival was an understatement.
Over the next few days, I lived for her text message updates as she read. Of course, once I released a book, I received tons of messages and emails from my readers. Those meant the world to me. But something about having someone who loved me reading my stories did something to me. I didn’t know if it was because she was all I had that made it so special or if that’s how it was for all authors, even the ones with a huge support system.
While Elise checked in with me throughout her day reading, I packed and prepared for my signing.
Before I knew it, the big day arrived, and my doorbell was ringing.
Flinging it open, I threw my arms around my best friend. “Morning!” I greeted her.
Elise hugged me back and said, “She’s in a joyful mood today.”
I was.
I didn’t know what it was, but I woke up feeling extraordinarily happy for some reason. At first, it had freaked me out because it was so uncommon. That wasn’t to say that I never felt happy. It was just that feeling overjoyed about anything was rare.
“I know, Elise. It’s kind of freaking me out,” I told her.
I let go of her and closed the door. As the two of us walked to my bathroom so Elise could work her magic, she asked, “Why?”
“Because I don’t understand what’s going on,” I started. “There’s no reason for me to feel like this.”
“You have a signing today,” she declared in a tone that indicated she thought I might be going crazy.
“Yeah, but I’ve had signings before, Elise. This is different. It’s not that same kind of excitement,” I shared.
We made it to the bathroom, and Elise started pulling out all of her supplies. I thought back to the first time she’d done this for me. I remembered thinking she had so much stuff and wondered if it was because I needed that much to look good. Elise had noticed my wide eyes at the time and reassured me it wasn’t all for me.
“So, what do you think it is then?” she asked when she finally got started.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I have this weird happy vibe. It feels like it’s part excitement about the signing and part anticipation that something will happen. Have you ever had that feeling before?”
“Anticipation that something is going to happen?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Yes. And when I have that feeling, I’m usually filled with dread,” she said.
Dread.
Why?
“Do you think I should be worried I feel like this?” I questioned her.
As she continued to work on my makeup, Elise grinned. “No. I’m just telling you how I react to that feeling,” she began. “Usually, my anticipation about something happening is that something unfortunate is going to happen. If this feels positive, I think you should run with it. Maybe something wonderful is going to happen.”
I harrumphed. “Yeah, like what?”
“Do you realize who you are, Scarlet Morgan?” she asked.
“Um, yeah?”
“So, act like it,” she ordered. “Just because you aren’t living in some big city where you’re more accessible doesn’t mean that big things can’t happen. You’re an incredible author, Scarlet. The possibilities for you are endless. And it’s not a far stretch to think you could have one of your books made into a movie.”
Almost instantly, I felt a wave of sadness flood me. Even though Elise wasn’t wrong about endless possibilities in the publishing industry, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the brutal reality. The reason I’d been so successful as an author was because I’d lost Ryker. So, maybe the sky was the limit when it came to my career, but I had nothing when it came to love.
“Okay. Before I get started on these eyes, you need to get it out,” Elise demanded.
“What?”
She snapped her fingers. “Just like that, you went from happy to sad. What happened?”
It took a minute for me to pull myself together. When I did, I said, “I would give this all up.”
“What?”
Tipping my head back, I blinked my eyes rapidly. Even though she hadn’t started her work on my eyes yet, I didn’t need to be showing up at the signing with bloodshot, puffy eyes.
“If it meant that I could have him back in my life, I’d give this all up,” I admitted.
“You break my heart, Scarlet,” she said softly.
I took a few slow, deep breaths. I couldn’t do this today. I needed to get back to that good vibe I woke up with.
“It’s okay. I’m okay,” I promised. “I just… I had a moment of weakness there.”
“It’s not weak to be in love with someone or to want what you had with him back,” Elise said. “You of all people should know that. I mean, have you read your own books?”
I let out a laugh. She was right. “Thanks, Elise.”
“No problem. But are you sure you’re okay now?”
Nodding, I confirmed, “Yeah. I’m good. Honestly, this is a good day. Make me beautiful.”
“Ha!” she countered. “Like anything I do could make you any more beautiful than you already are. You know I’m just doing this because it helps promote my brand. You’re already the brightest, most beautiful star in the sky.”
“Am I paying for this session?” I teased.
She grinned and joked, “Even with all your millions, you couldn’t afford me.”
I rolled my eyes at her and said, “You’re the world’s greatest best friend.”
“I know. You’re one lucky bitch to have me, aren’t you?” she asked.
“Shut up and do my makeup,” I ordered.
Elise got back to work on my face. She worked silently for several long minutes. Then she said, “I’m just as lucky as you are, Scarlet.”
Since I couldn’t risk getting emotional again, I didn’t respond. But I would have been lying if I didn’t admit that her words made my heart swell just a little bit.
And it was a good thing I had so much of that good feeling stored up. Because hours later, right at the end of my signing, I realized why I’d had a weird vibe all day long.
Fourteen years after I last saw him, seven years after I should have called him, Ryker Holt was standing on the opposite side of my table.
Nothing could have prepared me for it.
Give You Up.
Don’t Want This.
Best for You.
I Choose You.
Prove It.
Don’t Walk Away.
My Girl Forever.
Waiting for You.
Don’t Do This.
Take It Away.
Take Me with You.
Love Doesn’t Hurt.
Left with Nothing.
Can’t Go Back.
Not a Mistake.
Dig Deep.
Give You Up.
Nobody Else.
Every Part of Me.
Mine Forever.
Can I Call?
Once a Year.
Promise Me.
Never Say Goodbye.
I Won’t Call.
Seven Years.
Twenty-six books. Twenty-six. After I left work on Friday evening, I drove straight to the book store and was shocked by the number of books with Scarlet’s name on them. But beyond that, I was blown away by the fact that she’d made a successful career out of the last conversation we ever had.
I bought all of them.
Every. Single. One.
Granted, I did need to go to two other stores to get them all, but I did it. I did it because I was willing to drive anywhere to get every piece of her I could have.
And for a guy who didn’t read, I planned to read all of them. I wasn’t even halfway through the list, and I was already struggling to wrap my head around all of it.
It had been a week and a day since I learned that the woman I’d fallen in love with all those years ago had become a bestselling author. And I was left wondering if I’d learned more about her in one week from reading the first seven books she’d written than I’d learned in the three years we were together.
I was a complete mess of emotions about all of it. I was so proud of her. So proud. Obviously, I was happy to see that she seemed happy doing what she was doing now. I couldn’t imagine she’d knock out twenty-six books over the last fourteen years if she weren’t enjoying it. And it technically hadn’t been fourteen years. I went back and looked at the date. The first book had been published ten years ago.
Beyond being happy for her and proud of her, I was also incredibly surprised. I knew she’d written romance novels, but I wasn’t even remotely prepared for that first sex scene I read. On some level, I guess I expected it to be there, but once I started reading it, something came over me. To know my girl, my sweet girl, had written something so provocative and sexy was a huge turn-on.
But of all the things I felt about Scarlet’s books, it was the overwhelming sense of sadness I struggled with the most. Even though all the books I’d read so far had happy endings, I could read between the lines. Her heartache was so fresh. So raw. So deep. I could only hope that the overwhelming and obvious pain would lessen as I continued to read.
But I had serious doubts about that being the case.
Especially when I looked at the names of the titles of the books I had yet to read.
In addition to all the emotions I felt about her books, I was left with many questions.
When I read the acknowledgments at the end of each book, she thanked those that helped make her books what they were. I wasn’t surprised to see she had thanked her readers, her editor, her cover artist, and her formatter. There were two things about the acknowledgments that stuck out to me, though.
The first was that she made no mention of her parents.
None.
To ease my curiosity, I looked at that section of the book in all of the books I hadn’t yet been able to read to see if that had changed. And not once did she ever thank her parents.
The other thing that bugged me was that she extended thanks to someone she referred to as E.F. I didn’t know who that was, and I had to admit it worried me a bit. Because it wasn’t a simple thank-you-for-being-a-great-friend note. Scarlet said different things in each one.
Thanks for making me smile.
Love laughing with you.
Don’t know what I’d do without you, my rock.
Thanks for being the world’s best best friend.
Part of me liked knowing she wasn’t alone, but the other part of me was dreading the possibility that she’d moved on and found someone. And while I knew Avery had said that she believed Scarlet was single, she didn’t know Scarlet the way I did. My girl was shy. It was possible she found someone, a man, and never shared the news with her readers.
Of course, I realized it was unlikely based on the other thing in every book.
Her dedication.
Every book had a dedication.
And every dedication was the same.
To R.H.—Every part is only yours. Forever.
She dedicated every book she’d written to me. And she did it using the promise she’d made all those years ago. The same one I made to her.
To say I was feeling confused about it all was an understatement. If this was how she felt, strong enough to dedicate every book to me and have her entire catalog of books made up of bits and pieces of our last conversation with one another, why didn’t she ever call me?
Why did she just let us go?
I couldn’t even bring myself to think that she’d forgotten about us. Obviously, she hadn’t.
So, it made no sense.
And that’s when I knew I needed answers. I needed to do something about it. I had to find out why she didn’t pick up the phone.
Over the weekend, I had gone to her website. After spending several long minutes staring at the photos of her there, I navigated through the site to the section that listed her upcoming events.
Sure enough, just as Avery had said, Scarlet would be at a signing the following Saturday at a local bookstore.
I’d made up my mind.
I was going.
And I didn’t care if I was the only guy there. She was my girl. I wanted her back.
I just hoped that whatever it was that stopped her from calling me wasn’t going to be the reason she wouldn’t come back to me.
Oddly enough, when I arrived at work on Monday, I found myself lingering in the front office so that I could talk to Avery.
Once she finished scheduling a customer for a tuning appointment, she hung up the phone and asked, “Is everything okay?”
“I’m going to go,” I declared.
“You just got here,” she replied.
Shaking my head, I clarified, “No, on Saturday. I’m going to go to the book signing. I have to see her. I need to talk to her, Avery.”
“Ryker, I think that’s an excellent idea,” Avery started. “But given that you two might have a lot to discuss, I’d recommend waiting until the end of it. She’s got a huge following, so I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a lot of her readers there.”
That was good advice. I wanted to talk to Scarlet. The last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene or make her upset before something so important.
“Right. That’s a good idea,” I replied.
“And I’ll go with you,” she offered. “I’ll drive myself separately because who knows what might happen between the two of you, but I’ll be there in case you need me.”
“Avery, that’s really kind of you, but I can’t ask you to do that,” I insisted. “It’s unnecessary. I’m sure it’s going to be fine.”
“Okay, well, you kind of don’t have a choice,” she shot back. “For two reasons. First, I’ve been dying to meet Scarlet Morgan ever since I read her first book.”
“Give You Up,” I interrupted.
Avery jerked back in her seat. “How do you know that?” she asked.
“I read it,” I answered. “I bought all twenty-six books on Friday night, and I’ve already read the first seven.”
Her eyes rounded. “Are you serious?”
I dipped my chin.
“Wow… you do have it bad for her, don’t you?”
I shot Avery a look of indifference. I wasn’t going to argue that point because she was right.
When I didn’t say anything, she went on, “Well, the other reason I’m going is that you’re my friend.”
I started to open my mouth to speak, and she held her hand up in front of her.
“Don’t even ruin the nice thing I said by being a grump, Ryker,” she ordered. “You are my friend, whether you like it or not. And I don’t care if you don’t want to admit it by saying the words. I know you care about me as your friend the same as you do everyone else who works here. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t have tried to comfort me that day at the track. To top it off, I know it wasn’t the easiest thing to do, but you stepped in and talked to Knox when we had our issues. I can’t say what would have happened between Knox and me if you hadn’t pushed him to see things from a different perspective. Hell, if she didn’t have to work this weekend, Kendall said she would have come to the signing, too. And she doesn’t even read Scarlet’s books! So, pout all you want. I’m your friend, and I’m going. Because that’s what friends do for each other.”
“Kendall? Why is Logan’s woman involved in this, too?”
“Because you stepped in and talked some sense into Logan when they had their rough start,” Avery answered. “So, we both decided you deserve the same from us because there’s no way Logan or Knox are going to do it.”
Arguing with Avery wasn’t going to get me anywhere, so I decided to give in.
Alright, alright,” I muttered. “You can go. But we arrive separately.”
Avery grinned at me.
“Do you have a game plan?” she asked as I started to walk away.
I shook my head. “I was just going to wing it,” I told her.
“Wing it?” she repeated.
“Yeah.”
“Ryker,” she said. I could immediately tell I was in for a lashing just by the tone in that one word. A second later, Avery let me have it. “Ryker, you do not wing it when you’re about to confront the love of your life for the first time in years!”
I narrowed my eyes.
“I didn’t say she was the love of my life,” I retorted, mostly because I had no other rebuttal.
“You didn’t have to,” she replied. “Your bad attitude did.”
I rolled my eyes. “Well, what do you want me to say? I have no idea how she’s going to react when she sees me. She might not want anything to do with me,” I reasoned. “It’s been so long. What we had just might be far beyond repair.”
“That’s not possible,” Avery argued.
“She didn’t call me like we decided she would,” I shared. “Maybe she just doesn’t feel the same anymore.”
“You know that’s not possible either, right?”
“What makes you say that?” I asked.
“Um, well, first of all, the dedications are all to you,” she started. “I don’t know what that means, but I’m guessing it’s significant. And there’s her new series that’s coming out soon, too.”
“New series?” I asked.
Avery turned her chair away from me and toward the computer. She typed on the keyboard, turned the monitor in my direction and pointed at the screen.
“Her new series is a three-book series called The Only You Series. The titles are: Not Over You, Still Need You, and Always Love You. Tell me that has nothing to do with… oh, I don’t know… you!”
