Rescue 12 responding, p.12
Rescue 12 Responding, page 12
The Voice of God’s Spirit was quieted by Jonathan’s choice, and Rejection jumped at the opportunity to stop this potential reawakening of his captive. It beat him, torturing his soul and it provided the entrance way to Loneliness and Shame. The Voice of Rejection and Voice of Loneliness stepped forward to whisper their deceit and lies into Jonathan’s ear. One Dark force strengthened the other as they marveled at their strength and drank from the well of inner suffering caused by Jonathan’s agreement with their lies. Rejection strengthened the lie that Robert alone accepted him and what he was born to be, and Loneliness bound him to the fear of what it would be like alone and rejected. The pain of the past and the fear of the future were always their greatest weapons of inflicting damage on the human mind, and their tactic had worked again. Together they continued the torment of memories relived. Jonathan believed their demonic lies and whispered in his shame, "My father is the one with the problem, but that doesn’t matter. I embarrass him, and I can’t change.” Surprised at how much it still hurt, he decided to just forget about it.
He wanted to remember something satisfying, and his mind raced to the scene where he first met Robert and tasted of the sweetness of forbidden fruit. He remembered the pleasure and believed it alone was powerful enough to numb the pain of rejection and loneliness. Sexual Desire now spoke, and his voice was one that Jonathan recognized and had always liked to listen to. This time was no different. The addiction of sexual satisfaction numbed Jonathan to the cost of the destruction of his own soul and did it with the powerful intoxication of desire fulfilled. These strengthened lies blinded Jonathan to the control and manipulation of Robert and then reminded him of the pleasure that Robert offered. Jonathan knew he would apologize to the man who alone could quiet the raging thoughts within his mind.
The demons sneered as their attack caused Jonathan’s decision to appear so rational. Jonathan told himself that he was in control, He called Robert. As Jonathan hung up the phone, the stronghold of depression gripped him again and advanced its conquest through the wilderness of Jonathan's wounded soul. The war within his mind left his self-esteem desecrated and his mind captive.
The alarm sounded for the next call. Jonathan arose from the desk, and instantly his own needs were forgotten. Within eight minutes, Rescue 12 arrived on the scene of a sixty-year-old man who was having chest pain. Jonathan knelt beside the man who was laying on the living room sofa grabbing his sweaty chest.
"So, tell me about the pain?"
"It started about two hours ago. I thought it was gas. I tried Rolaids, but it didn't help at all. I tried a nap, but the pain got worse, and I couldn't sleep."
"Do you feel short of breath, too?" David questioned.
"Yes, that's when I started to get worried, and I called you guys. Do you think it's my heart?"
"Could be, but don't worry. Let us check you out first. We can help." David stood over the patient and placed the EKG wires onto his chest. The machine revealed that his heart was ischemic, suffering without enough oxygen. Extra heart beats were being generated by his heart that was already beginning to die. David watched as the patient's heart would begin to race with wide unnatural electrical beats, then suddenly return to a normal rhythm. David looked over at Jonathan. "Let's treat him in here, before we take him out to the unit."
Jonathan nodded as he reached into his bag. Not a word of concern was passed on to the patient. They each wore a mask of confidence to encourage him. David placed on the man’s face a small clear mask that flowed with oxygen. Jonathan established the IV in the bend of the patient's right arm. Blood was drawn into small glass vials for the hospital. Lab results of the blood would be done immediately to confirm any damage being done to his heart. The pain from the IV wasn't acknowledged by the patient. He just wanted some relief. David held a small aerosol can of medication, the size of a breath freshener. "Sir, I need to spray a little of this medicine under your tongue. Have you ever taken a Nitro before?"
The patient whispered, "No." His breathing was becoming more labored.
David's tone remained the same, "It can take about five minutes for this medicine to reduce the pain. Let me know as soon as the pain has changed, OK?"
The man nodded, but the movement made the room spin. His pain was growing worse. He grabbed his chest tighter with his left hand and tried to take a deeper breath. He looked into the eyes of these strangers in his home. His eyes were filled with pain and fear as they pleaded to these men to hurry with their treatment. The paramedics watched as their patient's color began to match the color of the white walls of the bedroom. The sweat on his brow was turning cold. Every second counted. Everything the paramedics did now could either save dying heart muscle or be the last thing this man ever heard or saw before he died. No one in the room knew which it would be.
Jonathan knelt, reached over and took the man's right arm and placed the patient's hand against his own thigh. He placed the B/P cuff around the man's upper arm and began to inflate the bladder within the cuff. When the gauge read 200, slowly Jonathan began to release the air. He was listening for the soft 'thud, thud, thud' that could be heard from the stethoscope he had placed on the pulse point found at the bend of the patient's arm. The sound began at 170 and continued steadily as the cuff deflated of air, until the gauge read 110. Then there were no further sounds. "B/P is 170 over 110. He's tolerating the Nitro well." Jonathan stood up and returned to the ambulance to get medication from the locked compartment.
"Are you allergic to any medication? How about Novocain, the stuff your dentist uses?" David asked.
"No. I don't think I am allergic to anything," the patient answered.
"I'm giving you something for those extra heart beats," David said as he slowly gave lidocaine through the IV, then he looked directly at his patient. "Is the pain better?"
"Some, not much. It is better, but I feel like someone is standing on my chest," the patient said, still grasping his chest with his left hand.
Jonathan walked swiftly to David with a syringe full of clear fluid and softly said, "Here's the morphine."
David took a moment and read the words on the side of the syringe to verify its contents. He gave the medication to the patient through the IV tubing as he said, "This should help your breathing, as well as your chest pain." The man just nodded. David touched the patient's arm gently. The patient thought that this paramedic was just giving some needed emotional support, and he began to relax. David silently noted that the patient's skin was already beginning to dry and wasn't as cool.
Rescue 12 continued the medical treatment as they transported the chest pain patient to the hospital. The paramedic's care had already begun to reduce the permanent damage done to their patient's heart. The patient may remember the care these men gave, but this call was quickly out of their mind. The routine paperwork was completed at the hospital.
As the unit pulled out of the hospital, David tried to pick up their conversation they were having before this call. "So what did Robert say?" David knew he was leaving the door wide open.
"I don't want to talk about it." Jonathan's tone was rather matter of fact. He didn't reveal any emotion.
"OK. So, why don't you want to play golf?" David was trying to change the subject. He didn't know that they were the same subject.
"You don't get it, do you?" Jonathan squirmed in his seat. Why was David stirring up these old emotions? Jonathan had thought this part of him was dead.
"Get what?" David wasn't about to let this one drop too. He knew it was his turn to be there for his partner and return the favor and explore Jonathan's emotions.
Two angels stood watching; Charis, the one who had been assigned to Jonathan long ago, and the other, Rapha, had only recently arrived. Rapha said, "Look at how well David is doing, He doesn't recognize the voice of the Spirit in him, yet he freely walks in this direction. He is naturally sensitive to the voice of the Lord." The strong warrior shared with his co-laborer, "We have been told that Jonathan will have a great war soon, between us and his own appetites. We need to find a way to strengthen him before battle. He needs the strength of intercessory prayer."
"Yes, but who? Who will pray?" Charis knew that this would be the first in many thoughtful considerations.
"How about his father?"
"His father, he has believed a lie. He believes it is hopeless. His prayers about his son, that I might add, are constantly going up to the Lord, are full of fear for Jonathan's soul and resignation for his own failure to help his son. His prayers are weak because they are filled with doubt and not faith. We know that prayer strengthens humans. It builds their confidence in God’s goodness and sovereignty. But, prayer is also a weapon in Spiritual Warfare. Those prayers will help free us and strengthen us to accomplish their intercession to their Father. Without their faith in prayer, their words will accomplish little. Jonathan’s father’s prayers express love. And the Lord always listens to love. But, to move, for us to be made strong, we need their faith added to their prayer." His voice tightened. He considered the men before him, "Maybe, Jonathan could use the prayers of David."
"David? He is but a babe in Christ. How could his prayers give us the strength we need?"
"It doesn't matter how old he is in Christ. Christ is ageless. The only thing that matters is that he has the faith to believe that God rewards those that seek him, then the Spirit is free to bless them." The Warriors knew they had found the key, "It is God that makes us strong in battle on behalf of His children."
Rapha considered, "David, how will he learn to pray?"
"Let us teach him. Teach him through Jonathan. It will be a real stab to the Adversary for us to use Jonathan. And every time Jonathan remembers, it also strengthens him. This will work." The face of Charis glowed with anticipation.
"Get what? Boy, aren't we nosy today!" Jonathan snickered at his friend. He knew David wasn't trying to be rude. And they both knew he felt better after he talked about things. "Well, I told Robert that he was wrong. That if I wanted a woman, I would get one. He should just leave me alone, take me for what I am."
"What did he say to that?"
"He said that he thought I had a real problem. A problem too big for him to bother with. He told me I better figure it out fast. That if I didn't, I wouldn't like the way he handled it. You know, David, sometimes he scares me." Jonathan turned to look out at the view of the distant horizon. The colors were vivid with blues and purples as the sun began to set over in the distance. "Aren't the colors magnificent? I love the sunset. It is so beautiful." Jonathan lightened his tone. It would be easier to talk about it if he didn't have to deal with the heavy mood. He needed time to think.
David looked toward the west. The purple streaks swirled through the reds and orange. "It looks so royal with all that purple. I bet it's wonderful at the beach."
"The beach, that's what I need right now, especially with the warm gulf stream water. I could use a good swim in the ocean."
"Me too. Jan and the kids are going to the beach this weekend. I might join them on Sunday." David turned to Jonathan. "So, what are you going to figure out?"
"I figure I'm going to have to face the fact that I'm really not happy with Robert. I don't think I'm really happy with any of my life right now." Jonathan turned to David and questioned himself honestly. "Doesn't sound right, does it? Me, not being so sure of myself?"
"You haven't been sure of yourself in a long time." David couldn't resist the opportunity to jab at his friend. "Well, I'm not so sure of you either."
"Oh, OH! I'm hurt. Call 911 I have been cut ... cut to the heart ... " Jonathan grabbed his chest and fell forward in mock unconsciousness.
David reached over and pulled the imaginary knife out of Jonathan's back. "I've got it. I saved another one."
Jonathan sat up and laughed again. "So, you haven't been sure of me. Well, I'll bet tonight after midnight, and you can't even find an arm, let alone stick it with an IV that you'll be sure of me then, won't you?"
"Oh sure, bring up the fact I don't seem to wake up well after midnight. I do keep you around for something, that must be it. You do start a quick IV. Here, take the knife and use it on me tonight, if I miss one." David took his right hand and held it out to Jonathan.
Jonathan reached over and picked up the invisible knife and laughed. "I'll do just that."
"But, I won't miss."
"We'll see," Jonathan pretended to place the knife in his pouch he wore on his pants' belt.
"So, what are you going to do?" David again returned to the subject.
"I don't know. Maybe I'll use this knife and kill myself." Jonathan patted his pouch again.
"I don't think so." David took his eyes off the road for a second and faced his friend. "You better not. Don't even think about it." His eyes returned to the road.
Jonathan was quiet for a few seconds. "I just don't seem to have the heart to leave Robert. It took a lot out of me after I got the divorce and Robert and I got together. I lost people I thought were my friends, and most my family treated me like crap. The family are all ashamed of me; even now after five years. They just can’t accept my life, and the reality of being gay. I just don't think I could start all over again. And every time Robert brings me to the point of breaking, he switches and then can be so charming.” Jonathan smiled, remembering how attractive Robert could be. “Sometimes, it feels like a game of cat and mouse, and I am clearly the mouse. Sometimes, that scares me, other times it can be fun. Most of the time, I just feel crazy and too drained to make the changes needed. It is hard."
"Yes, but I know you aren't happy now."
"So, to change the subject, how are you doing on the 'happy now' category?"
David honored his friend’s need to change the subject. "I don't know how to say it. But...” he paused and grinned, “I'm happy. Happy on the inside. I don't know how else to say it." David glanced at Jonathan, who suddenly was wearing a big smile.
"Happy on the inside. Wow, it really did happen for you!"
"Do you know what I mean by that? I don't. But, it seems like I don't understand a lot of emotions I'm beginning to experience. So, teacher, teach me."
Jonathan grinned at his student. "First, have you finished the book of John in the Bible?"
"Yep, finished it last night. Incredible book. I don't understand it all. But, Mrs. Blake liked it a lot. You should have seen all the underlined parts. It was great."
"What are you going to read next?"
"Well, what do you think? I still don't understand that prayer thing. Got anything that will help that?"
"Got it on both counts. Since my name sake did you well, why don't you read the book that was mostly written by a guy named David. The book is a collection of songs and prayers. As a matter of fact, the name Psalms means songs. Read Psalms."
"Hey, that's perfect. So how will that help my prayers?"
"Just find a chapter that best fits your mood and pray it. Make it personal, as if it really is from your own heart." Jonathan leaned back in his chair. "They are really beautiful. The thing I really remember most is not only their beauty, but that if David felt mad at God, he said so. And, if he felt angry with someone, he asked God to wipe them out. The honesty is great. Sure is a shame most people aren't so honest."
"So, God didn't get ticked at David for getting mad at Him."
"No, that's the amazing part. The prayers are often two-sided. Like, if David spoke his part right to God, then God answered him right back. That's how some of the prayers are recorded. Some of the other recorded prayers, you can tell, just flowed out of David. The key to prayer is to tap into the direction of God and then ask Him. God will even help you by giving you direction on how to pray and sometimes even the words to say. Prayer gets really powerful then, sometimes even prophetic. That's what I think happened to David. His prayers were not only poetic, but often prophetic."
"Incredible!" David remembered his earlier attempts at prayer that seemed so real but so strange. Suddenly he understood where it had come from. "Do you think we can just pray like that? Like it comes to us?"
"That's the point. Prayer is just talking and listening; basic communication. That's all."
"Does it make a difference?" David felt the answer to this question in his own heart. Suddenly, he knew it did. He looked at Jonathan to see what he thought.
"I guess. But, not always. It's not like you get everything you ask for. Good thing, I figure. If most people got what they asked for, then their God would be nothing more than a vending machine. And, who needs that. He is supposed to be in charge."
"But, then why even bother to pray at all, if you don't know for sure He will answer your questions, as well as your problems?"
