Farzanas spite, p.25
Farzana's Spite, page 25
Ettares dropped her head into her hands and let out what sounded suspiciously like a sob.
Farzana was floored. Ettares…crying? Not just that but openly weeping, and in front of Araj, of all faeries. Whatever had happened between them must have been horrific to elicit this response.
“I’ll, uh, leave you to it then,” Araj said, clearing his throat and beating a hasty retreat. He had never been able to handle tears.
After the door closed, leaving them alone, Farzana chanced a glance at Ettares. Her shoulders and wings trembled as quiet sobs wracked her body, and Farzana sighed. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she patted the cushion beside her.
“Come here.”
Ettares peeked through long fingers and wet lashes, confusion on her face. “But…I should leave. I shouldn’t be here.”
Farzana worked to keep her voice as soothing as possible. “Talk to me.”
After a moment of hesitation, Ettares crossed the room and sat on the edge of the couch as far from Farzana as possible, her body rigid as she held in her tears.
“What do you want to know?”
“Is it true? Did you m—kill someone?”
Ettares voice came in a whisper, and Farzana strained to hear her words. “I never meant to. I was given an assignment. Find this pixie and bring him home. He had gotten into some trouble with a gang, but his wife paid off the debt, and she just wanted him to come home. When I found him, he ran to the roof. I tried to tell him that he was safe. That I was s-sent by his wife. But he just leapt off…” Ettares looked at her then, red-rimmed crystal-clear eyes shining with unshed tears. “Farzana, it was a 20-story building. He didn’t even try to use his wings.”
Farzana gritted her teeth as she tried not to picture, not to remember, what that far of a drop did to a body.
“I jumped off after him and tried to catch him, but I wasn’t fast enough. I…I couldn’t save him. And he’s dead because of me.”
Farzana didn’t know what to say. What could you say when someone thought a tragic accident was their fault?
“So, yeah, Araj is right. I am a murderer.” Ettares stared her down, unflinching, unblinking.
Shaking her head, Farzana scoffed. “Araj is rarely right about anything, and he certainly isn’t right this time.”
A glimmer of hope appeared in Ettares’s eyes.
“I don’t blame you, Ettares. And I hope the wife doesn’t either.”
Ettares sniffed, wiping her nose with her sleeve. “She doesn’t. None of his family does. Or at least, that’s what they told me. When I brought them his body.”
“See? How can you let others blame you when the ones closest to him don’t even do that? Araj is an ass,” Farzana said, moving closer to her. “And he’s wrong. You’re not a murderer.”
“I killed those imps before, too.”
Farzana waved her words away. “And I killed hundreds of wights. If that makes you a murderer, then I am one too. We both did what we had to, to save people.”
Ettares's facade of composure wavered for a moment before she collapsed in Farzana’s arms, weeping.
Farzana enveloped her and held her as close as she could, letting her grief pour out over a soul she never could have saved and instead mourned. She couldn’t imagine the amount of hurt Ettares had been holding in for who knew how long, but Farzana was beginning to see a depth to her that she hadn’t noticed before. This was someone who cared so deeply, she blamed herself for something she wasn’t even responsible for. Someone who cared so much, she carried that pain with her everywhere, even though it wasn’t her burden to bear.
Running her fingers through Ettares's curls and making gentle shushing noises helped her calm down, and soon—too soon—she pulled away, a watery smile on her perfect lips.
“Thank you, for everything. I never wanted you to know, but…I feel better now that you do.”
Farzana returned the smile, holding her hand. “I’m glad I know. I’m glad I got to see a new side of you.”
Her thumb rubbed a circle on Farzana’s before she seemed to realize they were touching, and she pulled her hand back. “Ah, sorry.”
Farzana’s hand grasped at the empty air, longing for her warmth, but she clasped her hands in her lap instead. “You’re feeling better?”
“Much.” Ettares stood, her lithe frame unfolding and towering over Farzana. “I should go.”
Farzana nodded again. “Will I see you tomorrow?”
She rubbed her jaw as she avoided Farzana’s eyes. “I probably shouldn’t. I need…some time, I think.”
“Oh. Okay.” Farzana could feel her stomach twisting into knots.
“I’ll come see you the day after tomorrow, if that’s fine?”
The knots loosened. “Of course.”
“See you then,” Ettares said, moving to the door. She stopped, her hand on the knob. “Thank you, Farzana. Seriously.”
The door closed behind her, leaving Farzana alone with her thoughts. “You’re welcome,” she whispered, looking down at her empty hands.
CHAPTER 34
A DAY WITHOUT Ettares ended up being a day without Araj as well. Whether that was because he was giving her space, or perhaps he wasn’t sure if Ettares would be there, Farzana couldn’t say. She wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see him. But it made for a lonely day.
Late in the afternoon, Farzana got a craving for caffeine and ventured out of her suite. Leaning heavily on her cane for support, and with slow, steady steps, she made her way to the lifts. After coffee, maybe she would peruse the mall. She was in a shopping sort of mood.
Galesh wasn’t in the cafe when she arrived, so Farzana ordered an iced raspberry mocha to go. Cup in hand, she made her way through the mall, sipping on her drink.
A new store had opened—balloons and streamers in front marking a grand opening—and she walked in, curious as to what Stuffed Curios could mean as a store name. It turned out to be full of stuffed animals and dolls. Farzana was delighted; a whole store full of soft, warm, and fuzzy cuddle toys.
She browsed with leisure, touching a sequined merfae here, petting a downy soft bear there. She spotted a life-sized dragon, though why anyone would want one of those as a companion, she had no clue.
And then she spotted it: a beautiful, shimmering waterhorse. It’s red glass eyes sparkled in the light, and its feathery mane swayed in a nonexistent breeze—or maybe a current? The sooty black coat was made of the finest velvet. She knew immediately that she had to buy it for Ettares and snatched it up without hesitation.
“Gift wrapped?” asked the pixie behind the counter as Farzana stared off into space.
“Sorry?”
He held up a roll of glittering gold foil wrapping paper. “Would you like it wrapped?”
A slow smile spread over her face. “Yes. Please.” A real gift. Ettares would like that. It was time to pay her back for all the gifts she kept bringing.
Shiny parcel in tow, she made her way through the crowds and back to her suite, already exhausted from the short stint of walking. Once safe inside her room, she pulled the wrapped stuffie out of the big brown paper bag and placed it on her dresser. It was a lovely centerpiece, though she couldn’t wait for Ettares to tear into it.
Feeling ravenous and remembering she hadn’t bothered touching her lunch—a thick seafood stew and breadsticks—she rang Enzi and begged for some bread.
“Something sweet and savory,” she said, twirling a curl around her finger as she spoke at the mirror.
“Sweet and savory?” He laughed. “What kind of fancy bread have you been eating?”
She rolled her eyes at him. “Blackberry and basil.”
“Hm. Interesting. I’ll see what I can do,” he said, then ended the call.
Farzana gazed at her reflection as it appeared in the now blank pocket mirror and wondered when she had started looking so happy. Her dark circles were all but banished, her cheeks almost rosy. There was even a slight sparkle in her amethyst eyes.
Spreading her wings, she flopped onto her back on the bed, staring up at the ceiling. Unbidden, a thought crossed her mind: she was overdue for a visit from Erasto. What was he up to? Why had his attention drifted from her? She wasn’t complaining, but no news felt like bad news. And bad news… Well. She hoped whatever it was wouldn’t be as bad as an invading wight army. She wouldn’t be in the right place and right time again to stop a second attempt
FARZANA HAD BARELY finished checking her mirror messages—Enzi wanted her to know that Laraf would be visiting later, and they would be baking a cake—when a knock came at her door the next morning.
“Who is it?” she called, peeling the covers from her body and sliding out of bed.
“It’s me,” came a husky voice, soft through the door.
“Come in!” She ran a hand through her hair, yanking on a knot in the curls.
The door creaked open, and Ettares's tall frame glided in, a smile on her full lips and a twinkle in her eye. She stopped abruptly when she saw Farzana.
“Farzana! You’re, um…not dressed.”
Farzana looked down at the nightgown she had worn to bed. Soft lace edging cupped her breasts, and the hem hugged the top of her thighs; she at once felt scandalous. Her cheeks burned as she looked up at Ettares, who was bundled up in a thick coat, though the shimmering, silver pin-striped legs of her black pants were visible below it. The juxtaposition of overly dressed Ettares and scantily clad Farzana was painful.
“My apologies,” Farzana stammered, looking at the floor. “Give me a minute.”
Ettares turned to face the wall, cheeks stained red. “Of course.”
Shutting herself in the bathroom, Farzana hobbled to the closet and flung it open. What to wear? She hadn’t done laundry in weeks; all her simple dresses were dirty. Grabbing a cobalt blouse and a long, flowing black skirt, she dressed, fingers fumbling with buttons. Tucking the front of her shirt in, she opened the door to see Ettares fingering the tag on her gift.
She looked at Farzana, eyes bright. “This is for me?”
Farzana gave her a sheepish smile, pushing curls out of her face. “I figured it was time I got you something too.”
“Can I open it?”
Feeling shy, Farzana walked over to it and picked it up, holding the gift in her hands. “Remember that night when you took me out to the park? I said I wanted to see the stars, and you took me on an adventure.”
Ettares leaned her hip against the dresser, arms crossed. “An adventure? I remember you tried to mount a waterhorse.”
Farzana grimaced. That wasn’t what she wanted her to focus on. “Okay, yes, you saved me. But remember what you told me? That when you were a wee little one, you wanted—”
“A waterhorse. Yes of course.” She chuckled.
Farzana held the package out to her and saw the question in her eyes as she took it. With gentle hands, she unwrapped the stuffie, holding it out in front of her. Ice blue eyes met red; an eternity passed. Farzana thought she saw her lip quiver, but she couldn’t be sure. Finally, Ettares looked at her, eyes misty, and Farzana had enough time to wonder if she was going to cry before she was pulled into a crushing embrace.
A kiss landed on Farzana’s cheek. She felt it sink into her skin, tugging a string through her body, before Ettares pulled away, a shaky smile on her lips.
“Oh gods, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have.”
Farzana reached up to press her fingertips to the kiss. She wanted to taste it. “It’s okay.”
“I’m…I'm overwhelmed. Farzana, this is the most beautiful, most thoughtful gift anyone has ever given me… Thank you.”
Farzana tried not to look too pleased with herself as she saw the emotions bursting in Ettares’s shining eyes bursting with emotion. She knew she didn’t have any right to tell Ettares that she loved her, but she hoped the gift got close to saying it for her.
Ettares reached a hand up to dab at a tear that hadn’t yet fallen. Sniffling, she said, “I brought you something as well. I saw it, and I couldn’t help myself.”
“Oh?” Farzana made her way to the edge of the bed and sat down, her leg trembling.
“I hope you like it,” she said, pulling a book from her jacket pocket. “I didn’t get to wrap it all fancy, though. I hope you don’t mind.”
Farzana scoffed, pleased she had liked the wrapping job. “Like I care.”
Ettares handed her the book, their fingers brushing, and Farzana looked at the cover to keep herself from thinking about why it felt like pure energy coursed through their touch.
Two women were on the cover, holding hands. One held a blitz in her free hand and she had it pointed at…a giant dragon?
“The bookseller said it’s a fantasy adventure story about two humans hunting giant dragons,” Ettares said, hooking her thumb into her pants pocket. “I figured you might like the idea of hunting dragons.”
Farzana laughed. She did hate dragons with a passion. “They are so annoying! I wouldn’t mind a couple being hunted.”
“I should go; I don’t want to keep you. And you should rest—you look shaky.”
Farzana hated that she noticed. “I took a walk around the shops yesterday.”
“Ah. Hence my gorgeous gift,” Ettares said, holding it up to her cheek.
“Yes.”
“I appreciate it, Farzana. I really do. I hope that was apparent.” Her eyes twinkled with mirth.
Farzana chuckled, feeling her cheeks heat. “I kind of got that idea.” She resisted the urge to touch the kiss again.
“Good!” Ettares flashed her fanged smile. “I’ll be back later, okay?” She walked backwards toward the door, her eyes never leaving Farzana’s. “Have a good day.”
“You too.” Farzana could barely breathe.
The door closed, leaving her alone, and she slid to the floor, trembling. Ettares had kissed her. Ettares kissed her! Biting her lip, Farzana reached up and touched her cheek. What she wouldn’t give to have had Ettares's lips slip and land on hers. To feel their breath mingle. To tangle her hands in Ettares's hair, pull her closer. To lose herself, only to find herself.
Letting out a shaky breath, she stood to grab a blanket and drag it with her to one of the plush armchairs. Maybe reading would banish these wild, impossible thoughts. Wrapping herself in the blanket, she snuggled down to read her new book.
The first chapter hooked her into the adventure. A horde of dragons plagued the land, launching organized strikes at the human strongholds. The two humans were lesbian lovers intent on finding and hunting down a mythical dragon queen who supposedly controlled all the other dragons with her mind. If they killed her, the other dragons would lose their organization and flee the land.
Or so they hoped. It was a brutal story fraught with terror. In the end, they found the dragon queen and managed to slay her but not before she inflicted a mortal wound on one of the humans. Her lover held her as she died. It was only after she closed the book that Farzana realized her cheeks were streaked with tears.
Had Ettares known the ending? Was this supposed to mean something? Just as Farzana had hoped her gift would say ‘I love you,’ had Ettares hoped this gift spoke to the depths she would go to protect her? Was Ettares willing to do anything—even die—for her?
Farzana shook her head to clear that thought from her mind. The world was perilous indeed, but she refused to believe that Ettares would be put in mortal danger. If it came to a one-on-one fight, she knew Ettares would be able to beat Erasto. Her father was no match for the bounty hunter; if he had half the talent she had, he wouldn’t feel the need to beat up helpless faeries. Assuaged by the fact that Erasto couldn’t hurt Ettares, Farzana snuggled deeper into her blanket.
CHAPTER 35
FARZANA BOLTED UPRIGHT in her seat as the door slammed open, hitting the opposite wall hard enough to leave a dent. She hadn’t realized she was on the cusp of sleep, slumped in the armchair and cradling the book in her arms. With bleary eyes she looked up into Erasto’s outraged face.
Vaguely, she understood he was screaming at her, but her brain couldn’t process the words. She wanted to ignore him and go to sleep, but she knew that wouldn’t end well. Instead, she put on what she hoped was an appropriate mix of fear—easy—and submission—difficult—and kept her eyes trained on his shoes.
The words eventually started to make sense as she woke up fully.
“I provide everything for you! I give you everything you could ever want! And yet you still run off? Leaving The Center? Without my permission?”
She risked a glance up at him and regretted it as soon as he stopped his speech to suck in a deep breath, eyes murderous with rage, tightly clenched fist shaking at his side.
This won’t be good.
“I’m sorry,” Farzana whined, hoping this was what he wanted to hear. “I just wanted to see the stars.”
“THE STARS!” His voice went up an octave, cracking. “You disobeyed me for a look at the stars? Unbelievable.”
She hung her head and cowered.
“I clearly have not fully impressed upon you the amount of the respect I deserve. I see now that you need to be taught another lesson in obedience.”
She braced herself for his fists, but the hit never came. When she looked up at him, a cold sneer twisted his lips.
“Perhaps I should find Laraf and deal your punishment to her. Maybe then you will listen.”
Farzana’s blood boiled; with a howl of outrage, she launched herself out of the chair. “Leave her alone!” she shrieked, slamming her fist into his jaw just like Ettares had taught her.
His head snapped back, and he wobbled on his feet; for a moment, Farzana hoped he would go down. Instead, he uttered a howl of his own before snatching her up and throwing her to the floor. She landed with a thud, the wind knocked from her, and she belatedly remembered that he was stronger than her.
Much stronger.
His screams started up again, incoherent in their volume, as he dropped to his knee beside her and began to pummel her with his fists.
