Good listeners will never share their ideas until they are sure that they understand what the other person is saying. In marriage, this is extremely important. Ask questions, repeat what you think your spouse is saying, and ask, “Am I understanding you?” When your spouse says, “Yes, I think you understand what I’m saying and how I feel,” then and only then are you ready to move on. You might say, “I really appreciate your being open with me. Now that I understand where you’re coming from, may I share what I was thinking when I did that? I realize now that what I said was hurtful, but I want you to understand that I was not trying to hurt you.”

  At this point, your spouse will hear your perspective, because you have first taken the time to really hear what he or she was saying.

  Life Promises

  Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.

  Psalm 90:12

  Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

  Matthew 6:33, ESV

  Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

  Romans 12:2, ESV

  The Oughts

  Have you heard people say, “I know that I ought to, but I just don’t have time”? Is it true that we don’t have time to do what we ought to do? The word ought means to be bound by moral law, conscience, or a sense of duty. If we are not accomplishing our oughts, then we need to examine our use of time.

  Time is a resource the Lord has given us, and like any other resource, we need to be good stewards of it. Psalm 90:12, and many other verses in the Bible, underscores the bottom-line reason for using our time well—because our time on earth is limited. Time is a precious commodity we shouldn’t waste.

  Ultimately, we can control how we use our time. We can accomplish our goals for our closest relationships. Making time for what’s important means that we must say no to things of lesser importance. Do you need to sit down and take a fresh look at how you are using your time? Then do it today.

  Life Promises

  Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.

  1 John 3:18

  We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

  Romans 8:28

  Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Keep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives. Everyone who seeks, finds. And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.

  Matthew 7:7-8

  Extending Love’s Life Span

  Falling in love is a temporary experience. It is not premeditated; it simply happens in the normal context of male-female relationships. What many people do not know is that it is always temporary. The average life span for being “in love” is two years.

  The “in love” experience temporarily meets our emotional need for love. It gives us the feeling that someone cares, that someone admires and appreciates us. Our emotions soar with the thought that another person sees us as number one. For a brief time our emotional need for love is met. However, when we come down off the emotional high, we may feel empty. That’s sometimes accompanied by feelings of hurt, disappointment, or anger.

  The apostle John recounted an important truth when he wrote his first epistle: love can be expressed in words, but it is shown to be true through our actions. Learn the language of your spouse, speak it regularly, and emotional love will return to your marriage.

  Life Promises

  May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ.

  2 Thessalonians 3:5

  Let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.

  Galatians 6:9

  God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.

  Philippians 2:13

  A Daily Dose

  One husband said to his wife, “You know I love you. Why do I have to keep saying it?” Another said, “I gave you a gift for your birthday. That was only two months ago. What do you mean I don’t ever give you anything?”

  Both of these husbands failed to realize that expressions of love must become a normal way of life, not occasional acts.

  Emotional love must be nurtured. Speaking the primary love language of your spouse is the best way to keep love alive. So if acts of service is your spouse’s love language, then cook a meal, clean the house, or mow the grass, and watch his or her love tank fill. If it’s words of affirmation, give her a compliment, and she will feel loved. If it’s quality time, sit on the couch and give him your undivided attention. If it’s physical touch, put your hand on her shoulder. If it’s gifts, give him a book, card, or special treat.

  Love is a choice you make daily. As you make that choice, as the passage from 2 Thessalonians 3:5 says, the Lord will lead you into a greater understanding and expression of his love. He will teach you to love like he does.

  Life Promises

  Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.

  Romans 12:2

  Hope in the LORD; for with the LORD there is unfailing love. His redemption overflows.

  Psalm 130:7

  I pray that God, the source of hope, will fill you completely with joy and peace because you trust in him. Then you will overflow with confident hope through the power of the Holy Spirit.

  Romans 15:13

  There Is Hope!

  A husband recently said to me, “I don’t know what else to do. I find my love feelings for my wife dying and being replaced by pity and anger. I want to respect her. I want to love her. I want to help her, but I don’t know how.” Thousands can identify with the constant frustration of living with a difficult or irresponsible spouse.

  Is there hope? Yes, and it begins with you. You must first of all adopt a positive attitude. This husband is doing what most of us do by nature: he is focusing on the problem rather than on the solution. There are scores of steps he can take, but they require a positive attitude.

  First, he must agree that God is still in the business of changing lives. Romans 12:2 reminds us that God can transform us from the inside out. If we turn to God, he can change our thinking, which in turn will change our patterns of acting. There is hope. This husband must pray, “Father, I know there is an answer to our problems. Please show me the next step.” This focus on seeking solutions will lead him to answers.

  Life Promises

  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results.

  James 5:16

  Be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while.

  1 Peter 1:6

  Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep his promise.

  Hebrews 10:23

  Praying for Change

  True or false? When you are in a bad marriage, there are only two options: resign yourself to a life of misery, or get out.

  Many couples live in deep pain. They have tried to improve things and have failed. Thus, they accept the commonly held dichotomy: I need to get out and start over, or else I must accept the fact that I’m going to live in misery the rest of my life.

  I want to suggest that there is a third option: let God use you as a positive change agent in your marriage. You can’t make your spouse change. However, you can positively influence your spouse to change. Most of us underestimate the power of influence.

  We also underestimate the power of prayer. The Scriptures include many examples of people pleading with God—and his answering them. James 5:16 tells us that our earnest prayer can bring remarkable results. And the apostle Paul reminds believers to devote themselves to prayer and to pray constantly in Colossians 4. So pray for your relationship. Ask God to give you a clear picture of how you got to where you are in your marriage. Ask him to show you how you might be an instrument in his hand to influence your spouse. It’s a prayer he will answer. And he will give you the power to do it.

  Life Promises

  Against you, and you alone, have I sinned; I have done what is evil in your sight. You will be proved right in what you say, and your judgment against me is just. . . . Purify me from my sins, and I will be clean; wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

  Psalm 51:4, 7

  Whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

  Mark 11:25, ESV

  Judge not, and you will not be judged; condemn not, and you will not be condemned; forgive, and you will be forgiven.

  Luke 6:37, ESV

  Forgiveness

  I wish that I were a perfect husband: always kind, thoughtful, understanding, considerate, and loving. Unfortunately, I am not. None of us are. I am sometimes selfish, thoughtless, and cold. In short, I fail to live up to the biblical ideal for a Christian husband. Does that mean that my marriage is destined for failure? Not if I am willing to admit my failures and if my wife is willing to forgive.

  Forgiveness does not mean simply overlooking or ignoring the other person’s failures. God’s forgiveness should be our model. God forgives us based on what Christ did for us on the cross. God does not overlook sin, and God does not forgive everyone indiscriminately. God forgives when we confess our sin and express our need for forgiveness. Psalm 51, written by King David after his sin of adultery with Bathsheba, is a helpful model of true remorse for wrongdoing. David admitted his guilt, acknowledged God’s justice, and asked for God’s purifying forgiveness. And God gave it to him.

  Genuine confession always precedes true forgiveness. So in order to have a growing marriage, I must confess my failures to my wife, and she must forgive me.

  Life Promises

  Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

  1 Peter 5:7

  Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all.

  Romans 12:17, ESV

  If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

  Matthew 6:14, ESV

  Forgive and Forget?

  There is a difference between forgiving and forgetting. One wife said, “I’ve forgiven him, but I have trouble with my feelings when I remember what he did.” Forgiveness does not destroy our memory. Our brains record every event we have ever experienced, good and bad. Memory may bring back the event and the feelings of hurt and pain. But keep in mind that forgiveness is not a feeling. Rather, it is a promise to no longer hold the sin against the other person.

  So what do we do when the memory comes back and we feel the pain? We take it to God and say, “Father, you know what I’m remembering, and you know the pain I’m feeling, but I thank you that it is forgiven. Now help me to do something loving for my spouse today.” We don’t allow the memory to control our behavior. In time, the pain will diminish as we build new positive memories together. Don’t be troubled by memories. As 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us, we can bring all our worries to God. He cares about us and will help us forgive.

  Life Promises

  Sensible people control their temper; they earn respect by overlooking wrongs.

  Proverbs 19:11

  His anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.

  Psalm 30:5

  Don’t sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent.

  Psalm 4:4

  Where Did That Come From?

  If you seem to have lost the spark in your marriage, if your enthusiasm for life is waning, or if you find yourself irritable and often snap at your spouse or children, you may be suffering from long-term anger.

  When we overreact to little irritations, it is a sign that we have anger stored inside. Stored anger can eventually lead to huge explosions. That’s when people wonder, What happened to him? because the explosion seems out of character. But what people have not seen is the buildup of anger that has been going on inside the person, perhaps for years.

  When we hold anger inside instead of getting rid of it, the pressure mounts. In Proverbs 14:13, King Solomon wisely observes that hidden emotions don’t just go away. That’s why the Bible says, “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26). Get rid of anger quickly. If you don’t, you can become a chronically angry person, ready to explode at any time. That’s never good for your marriage.

  Life Promises

  We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.

  1 John 4:16

  God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.

  John 3:16, ESV

  Keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

  1 Peter 4:8, ESV

  All You Need Is Love

  I really do believe that “love makes the world go round.” Why would I say that? Because God is love. It is his love for us that makes all of life meaningful. First John 4 reminds us that when we realize how much God loves us, it is so magnificent that we put our trust in that love. Even those who do not believe in God are the recipients of his love. He gives them life and the opportunity to respond to his love. He wants to forgive and enrich their lives. His plans for them are good.

  What does all of this have to do with marriage? God instituted marriage because he loved us. His intention was certainly not to make us miserable; he made us for each other. Husband and wife are designed to work together as a mutually supportive team to discover and fulfill God’s plans for their lives. It’s beautiful when it works.

  What is the key to having that kind of marriage? In a word, love. It is the choice to look out for each other in the same way that God looks out for us. It is allowing God to express his love through us. It doesn’t require warm feelings, but it does require an open heart.

  Life Promises

  Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear.

  1 John 4:18

  I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

  Philippians 4:13

  I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.

  Romans 8:38

  The Power of Love

  Love is not our only emotional need, but it interfaces with all our other needs. We also need to feel secure, to have a healthy sense of self-worth, and to feel that our lives are significant.

  The apostle John writes, “Perfect love casts out fear” (1 John 4:18, NKJV). In our relationship with God, this means that when we know the Lord loves us and has saved us, we are no longer afraid of judgment. In a sense, we can face anything. Genuine love in a human relationship has some of the same effects. Why should I be afraid if I am loved?

  If I feel loved by my wife, then I also feel good about myself. After all, if she loves me, I must be worth loving. Ultimately, it is discovering that God loves me that gives me my greatest sense of worth. But my wife is an agent of God’s love.

  If my spouse loves me, I’m also more likely to feel that my life has significance. We want our lives to count for something; we want to make a difference in the world. When we give love to and receive love from our spouse, we are making a difference. We are enriching his or her life. This is what God called us to do—express his love in the world.

  Life Promises

  Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.

  Hebrews 10:24

  Everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him.

  Philippians 3:8-9

  He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.

  Proverbs 18:22, ESV

  Two Are Better Than One

  Marriage gives a husband and wife an opportunity to minister to each other. They accept each other as they are, but they can also encourage each other to excellence. God has plans for each life. Spouses can help each other succeed in accomplishing these plans, and often this is done by expressing love.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11