Relatively innocent, p.13
Relatively Innocent, page 13
part #1 of Colchester Law World Book 3 Series
Maybe she’d get fitted for a cap or have an IUD. She’d wait a while and see.
“SO DO YOU STILL want to go ahead with it?”
“I think so. I have to try to get this thing sorted out. But if it turns out I’m actually responsible for the incidents locally, would you keep it confidential? Because I’d want to try to do something about it myself. I don't know what exactly. But I certainly wouldn't want everyone to know.”
“Lie on the sofa and relax. Yes it would be confidential. But you’d have to see your doctor and get help. Obviously you’re not certain it wasn't you then?”
“I can't be certain. It doesn't feel as though it was me. But if I’ve been having blackouts and don't know what I’m doing then I suppose it could well be me. And I told you about my relatives and their mental problems.”
“It’s not very likely it’s anything at all to do with them. But do you worry about it?”
For once Duncan was smiling. His voice was softer than usual and very soothing.
“Not until these things started happening. Now I don't know.”
“Do you feel relaxed?”
“Yes.”
“Try to think of a nice place. Somewhere you’d like to be. Where’s the nicest place you’ve ever been?”
“At a rock festival once.”
“Describe it.”
“Big field. Lots of tents. The music’s finished. I’m in a tent. It’s quite dark but it’s a warm night and there’s lots of lights outside and lots going on, lots of stalls selling things. The tent flap’s open and people are moving about. I’m really happy.”
“Why are you so happy?”
“I just am. Just for these two days. Then it’ll all go back to normal.”
“Forget about it going back to normal. Just stay in the tent feeling happy.”
“Yes.”
“Take yourself back to last Tuesday night. What did you do?”
“I went to bed.”
“What time?”
“About eleven.”
“Did you go straight to sleep?”
“I read for a time. Then I fell asleep.”
“What’s happening now?”
She didn't say anything. And neither did he.
He asked several times “Is anything happening now?” leaving an interval of a minute or so between each question. After four or five times she said:
“I’m at home with mummy.”
“Where’s home?”
“Don't know.”
“How old are you?”
“Three I think. Maybe four.”
“What are you and mummy doing?”
“I’m trying to attract her attention but she’s reading and she won't stop and talk to me or play with me.”
“What do you do then?”
“I try to get between her and the book. I try to get her to cuddle me. I want her to cuddle me.”
“What happens next?”
“She pushes me away. She gets up and walks out of the room. She says she doesn't want me to touch her. And I start to cry.”
“What’s happening now?”
“I don't like the dream so I’ve woken up.”
“What time is it?”
“The bedside clock says it’s three a.m.”
“What do you do?”
“I have a drink of water.”
“Where does the water come from?”
“I poured a glass of water before I went to bed and brought it up with me.”
“Did you get the water out of the tap?”
“Yes in the kitchen.”
“Then what do you do?”
“Go to the toilet and then go back to bed. I’m drowsy and tired now so I go to sleep.”
As before he asked several times “Is anything happening now?” until eventually she said:
“I’m outside.”
“Where outside?”
“In Mrs. Watkins’s front garden.”
“How did you get there?”
“I don't know.”
“What time is it?”
“I don't know. It’s light.”
“Are you still dressed for bed?
“I wear a T shirt in bed. I’ve still got that on. And a loose skirt with an elasticated waist. And some flipflops.”
“Do you remember dressing yourself?”
“No.”
“What happened between going back to bed after you went to the toilet in the middle of the night and then finding yourself in Mrs. Watkins’s garden?”
“I don't know. I feel very drowsy though. My head feels thick. I’m sitting on the ground. Then a police car draws up.”
“Did you go inside the house before that?”
“I can't remember. I don't think so. I don't think I’ve ever been inside her house. She’s not very friendly. And she’s too old for me to be friends with anyway.”
“Are you holding anything?”
“A pen knife.”
“How did you get it?”
“I don't know.”
“Is it yours?”
“No.”
“What happens after the police arrive?”
“I get taken to the police station. I’m there all day. I don't like it. They think I’m drunk and put me in a cell and make me stay there until they think I’m not drunk any more. They let me make a telephone call so I call Tony.”
“Who’s Tony.”
“He’s….someone I see sometimes.”
“Does he know about the incidents that have been happening locally?”
“Yes.”
“How does he know?”
“I told him.”
“Do you trust him?”
“Yes.”
“Are you still seeing him?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“He ended it.”
“Did you want him to end it?”
“I….I….no.”
“Was Tony anything to do with the rock festival where you were so happy?”
“Yes. He was there. That’s where I met him.”
“Do you love him?”
“I….I….don't love anyone….apart from Amos.”
“OK. In a moment I’ll count to five. You’ll wake up as I’m counting and by the time I reach five you’ll be fully awake and you’ll feel great. You’ll feel happy. From today you’ll start to do whatever feels best for you, whatever you really want to do. You won't let horrible things that happened to you years ago stop you. OK. One….”
CHAPTER 20
November
“WHAT? WHAT DID you say? Oh Christ no!”
It was gone midnight and Andrew was taking a call on his mobile. It happened sometimes. Alison was getting used to it and had stopped automatically thinking that some dreadful disaster must have befallen his children or that one of his parents was seriously ill. It was just the nature of his job that he got called at odd hours. Sometimes got called out.
“Oh bloody hell! How much damage?”
“Oh well I suppose it could be worse. Do SOCO know yet if it was deliberate or not?”
“And it was definitely that address?”
“OK. Thanks for letting me know mate. Cheers.”
He shook Alison lightly. “I hope you’re adequately insured. Though I’m not sure you’re going to be able to claim.”
Alison sat up and rubbed her eyes. “What is it?”
He told her that her old home had been in a fire. Mainly it was the garage that was damaged. Luckily the neighbour whose garage was attached had been doing some late night work on his car and had smelled smoke, raised the alarm and the fire had been put out before much harm was done to the house itself. Daniel didn't appear to be at home which was in itself suspicious. She was required to go to the house and answer any questions. Andrew wasn't required to attend, but he’d go with her of course.
“I suppose we’d better get it over and done with,” said Alison wearily. “And there was me only just thinking the other day that Daniel was letting me off lightly. Ten to one he started it to cause me maximum grief and then buggered off.”
“Well quite honestly you’d better hope he didn't because you may not be able to make an insurance claim if he did. You’ll probably find the fire brigade smashed the door down to get in the house in case there was a fire in there too and anyone was inside.”
“Oh no. Surely not!”
“`Fraid it’s what they do love. Life and limb comes before property. If it was him and anyone gives him a false alibi, they’ll be for it. I’ll see to that.”
“If there’s evidence against him, I’ll have to try and get him out before he does any more damage. But I can't get an order for sale or transfer until after the Decree Nisi and as you know Daniel’s holding up the divorce at the moment. Oh God. The bastard!”
“Anyway come on. The sooner we get over there, the sooner we can get back.”
On the way to the house, Alison steeled herself and called Daniel’s mobile. It went to voicemail eventually. She tried again and after a few rings a voice answered but it wasn't Daniel. It was his brother.
“What the hell time do you call this? Isn't it enough that you want to wreck my brother’s life without waking us all up in the middle of the night,” said Thomas.
Alison blurted out as quickly as possible what had happened and then asked what he was doing with Daniel’s mobile. It transpired that Daniel was staying with them, had been there several days. He had left his mobile in the kitchen when he went to bed and it had woken Thomas up. If true, that almost certainly put Daniel out of the frame since Thomas was back living with his parents several hundred miles away after his own marriage had broken up.
“Is Daniel coming back to Colchester then?”
“I dunno. There’s not much there for him is there now.” Thomas started to complain again about the late hour and couldn't she have left it until the morning.
“No Thomas. I told you. The house has been on fire. It’s important. We….I….needed to know where Daniel was. The police’ll want to know. I’m on my way to the house now. I need to speak to him to make su….I need to speak to him. The police will want me to have spoken to him if possible.”
“I dunno. He’s had a few. I don't know if I’ll be able to get him up.”
“Well then take the mobile to him and I’ll talk to him in bed.”
“Oh yeah,” Thomas said stupidly and she heard him walking off, opening a door and telling his brother to wake up. It seemed to take ages for Daniel to come round. He swore and cursed about being woken up, then swore some more about the fire. She asked him if he had any idea how the fire might have started or who might be responsible if it turned out to be deliberate. There was silence at the other end until he said he’d no idea, she’d have to sort it out and he wanted to go back to sleep and handed the phone back to Thomas.
“Is that it?” said Thomas. “I want to go back to bed if you don't mind. Try and be a bit more considerate in future.” And he cut the call.
They were at the house by this time and, as Andrew had predicted, the back door was caved in. At least it wasn't the front door, an expensive model fitted only recently. The interior of the garage was blackened. It would probably need demolishing the fire officer said. Apparently high heat could damage mortar. The garage might be structurally unsound as a result.
Peering in, Alison could see that the garage roof timbers were charred and eaten away in places by the fire and she was told it wasn't safe for her to go in there. The door from the garage to the house had been left open which made it look as though it was intended to spread to the house if it had been started deliberately. Though perhaps Daniel had just gone off and left it open. It would be quite like him to do so, assuming the garage would keep people out of the house or just not bothering. The lobby between the house and the garage was blackened too but the fire hadn't reached the kitchen.
The preliminary view was that the fire may have been started deliberately. Accelerant had been found but they didn't know yet if that was the cause or where the fire started exactly.
She decided to look round the house with Andrew. It wasn't very clean but she found it much tidier than she’d expected though that was mainly because a large percentage of the house contents appeared to have gone. The fire brigade secured the back door but she’d have to get a new door and lock fitted as soon as possible. And make the necessary insurance claim. Thank goodness she’d taken all the paperwork with her to Andrew’s.
On the way back they speculated that Daniel had been selling off the furniture and using the money to keep himself or for something else. He’d been desperate for cash the other day. It was all very worrying. She hoped he wasn't running away from some sort of criminals he’d got mixed up with. He’d been known to gamble in the past. She put this to Andrew.
“And Andrew if I got an order for Daniel to be excluded from the house, what would you say about us moving in there? I just think Daniel’ll wreck the place given half a chance and I don't want it to be left empty. We could clean it up and do a bit of decorating and get it ready for sale. But would you mind living there?”
“Maybe not. I suppose it’d be the practical thing to do. But of course I couldn't have the kids staying there if someone’s tried to burn it down.”
“No. No I suppose not. No, of course not,” she sighed and silently watched the dark streets go by until they were home.
CHAPTER 21
November
ALISON WAS FEELING insecure. Could she be imagining it or was Andrew quieter than he had been before? She was fairly sure it wasn't just her imagination. Was he going off her? Was all the hassle over Daniel telling on him and making it seem not worth the trouble? Did he think she was impeding his relationship with his children? If they moved into her old home and he couldn't have them to stay there, it would definitely be a good number of minus points on her desirability scale with him surely.
Was he working up to splitting with her? She was trying not to let it eat into her too much. Apart from perhaps jealousy, she knew from experience that insecurity was a major killer of relationships. She knew it from both sides, having had probably more than her fair share of liaisons before she’d married Daniel. It was a singularly unattractive quality. People who were desperate to be needed were less desirable and more difficult and demanding to be with. She had had enough professional experience of broken relationships to make her think a great deal about the subject.
And generally in life, you tended to get what you expected. If people discerned that you expected rejection, then that’s just what they’d dole out to you.
She wondered whether to talk to him, bring it all out into the open. She couldn't decide. And what if he did say it might be better if they split up? It had all seemed so wonderful and vibrant to begin with. He’d said it was permanent for him. Could he really have such a turn around in such a short time?
Having not been with Andrew very long, Alison was thrown back on her old certainties, doubts and philosophies. One of those certainties was that men, while generally hugely enthusiastic about sex, were fairly reserved when it came to making a move. She recalled being starkly impressed as a child by a friend’s brother’s pet rats’ behaviour. It seemed that when Ratty wanted to mate, he simply ran down the female rat and took her by force. For years afterwards she had assumed that this must be how it was between men and women, though one actually saw scant evidence of it so perhaps it all went on in private.
However when she actually started dating she found it was completely the opposite. There would be her wanting to start kissing and cuddling whereas the young men, or at least those of her own age, would mostly try to say goodnight and walk off. As she and the young men got older, it was less one-sided but even so, the men required a good deal of encouragement and obvious signals and she came to realise in fact that those that didn't require any signals or encouragement of any kind and just tried to pounce on one precipitately were greatly to be avoided.
It became clear in time that if a man was offered sex, he was very unlikely to refuse. Men on the other hand couldn't and usually didn't assume anything of the sort in reverse. On the face of it, it seemed to be a win, win situation for women. But not so however. The upshot in her experience at least was that just because a man went to bed with you, that didn't necessarily mean anything. He certainly wasn't going to force the issue, but you had offered him sex and so of course he’d accepted. For you though, apart from the self-punishment/low self-esteem generated/desperate for company shags, really wanting to go to bed with a particular man certainly did mean something and, horribly, often doubts and insecurity set in from that point. Did he really like you? Or was it just that he was getting his end away for the time being? Would anyone else have done just a well for him? Did you have anything to offer beyond the sex?
Marriage when it came up seemed to present the ideal solution. You didn't have to worry that someone liked you or that you were worth something if someone wanted to be with you enough to want to marry you. It would be permanent. There would be fidelity. Her boat had therefore been severely rocked when Daniel had committed adultery regardless of all her years of matrimonial practice. Although of course the permanence had still seemed to be on offer. But it wasn't enough and all the confidence and love had gone to be replaced by distaste and even revulsion.
All these old certainties, doubts and philosophies were now back on the agenda. She hadn't been with Andrew for long. She had been the one to bring up the subject of going to bed together. He of course had accepted. It all seemed fine. All rosy and lovely. But now, outside influences were pressing in on the relationship. Additionally, as mature adults, it wasn't just the two of them. There were children, and an estranged wife and an estranged husband, there were financial problems, debts. And now for God’s sake there was a fire! Was their short relationship strong enough to survive it all? Should she raise her doubts openly? Would it make him think that it was she who was having the doubts when she absolutely wasn’t?
