Fatal hearts, p.13
Fatal Hearts, page 13
A nurse comes in and I realize they haven’t checked in for a while. They did a lot this morning. They must have tried to get most treatments done early so my time with Wes wasn’t interrupted. I smile at the nurse, silently thanking her for their generosity in this act.
“Hi, sweetheart. Alicia is off shift right now, so I am going to take over. My name is Amy. I won’t be too long, just some IV fluids.” she says holding up a bag with clear liquids. I nod.
“Thank you all for taking such good care of her,” Wes says to Nurse Amy. I look at him and silently praise him. He is so effortlessly sweet to everyone.
“We all want the best for Cherry.” Nurse Amy responds, smiling.
“While they do your treatment I can go down and get us some dinner if you want?” Wes asks me.
“Sure!” I say.
“What would you like?” he asks halfway out the door.
“Surprise me,” I say with a smile. He heads out with a wave.
“That's your boyfriend?” Nurse Amy asks.
“Yup,” I respond.
“He seems sweet,” she says, getting to work on my IV.
“The sweetest.”
An hour later, two grilled cheese and a crapload of unsalted French fries later, Wes and I are eating dessert and talking. We are eating leftover red velvet brownies from his dad. He brought them from home and had forgotten about them until now.
“Paris.”
“That is your dream place to live?” Wes asks.
“Vacation. Maybe, live? Different government, different rules, I don’t know if it would be easy to adjust.” I contemplate out loud.
“So, vacation.” he settles on.
“Yes. A test drive. What about you? What is your dream place to go?”
“Same as you actually... Paris, more specifically, the Eiffel Tower.”
“Voyage A’ Paris,” I respond. “One day. You and me. Okay?”
Wes hesitates, a millisecond, but I catch it.
“Okay,” he responds. Before I have a chance to question his hesitation, he gives me a famous dimpled smile.
I brush it off.
Chapter Thirty-Three: With Morning Light Comes Goodbyes
The sun shines through the windows and I wake to a presence. Wes is next to me on the edge of the bed on top of the blankets. I smile and look at him as he sleeps. I’ve never woken to him before; I could get used to it.
Reality sets in and I sit up with a start. WES IS STILL HERE. HE HAS SCHOOL. HE HAS PARENTS. A CURFEW.
“Wes!” I frantically shake him awake.
“Mmm,” he mumbles.
“IT'S MORNING,” I exclaim.
He wakes up and sits up with a start. “WHAT?”
“We fell asleep, I’m so sorry-”
“It's okay, Cherry hey… it's okay.” he grabs me by my cheeks and holds me, calming my panic. He kisses my forehead. “I’ll just call my dad and explain.” he grabs his phone and steps out into the hall.
Twenty minutes later he's back and I am biting my nails. I look up. He is smiling. I breathe a sigh of relief.
“All is good,” he says and sits next to me.
“What did you say?” I ask.
“I just explained that we fell asleep, and he understood. He was upset yesterday but he called the hospital last night and they let him know we fell asleep,” he says, relaying their conversation.
“And school?” I ask, astonished at how smoothly things went.
“I wasn’t going to go to school today anyway.” he starts. I look at him confused, my eyes asking if everything is okay. “I have a doctor's appointment,” he says this with a calm smile that lets me know all is good.
“Is it just a regular one or?” I say this feeling confident it is but wanting to be transparent with my questions just in case.
“Yes, oh my goddess yes, no need to worry.” Wes grabs my hands. He changes the subject.
“You’ve worn that necklace since our first date,” he says. I am confused by this random statement until I remember my mom's necklace currently sitting on my chest.
“Oh, this one.” I retract one hand and reach for it. “It was my mom’s. She gave it to me before our first date, a good luck charm. It's a symbol of her love for my dad.”
“A good luck charm… in love?” Wes asks.
“I guess you could say that, yeah.” I smile and put my hand back in place with his.
“Would you say it works?”
“Yes, I would.”
Wes pulls me in for a kiss. One that feels like goodbye. We pull away after a bit. “Do you have to go?” I ask.
“My dad's not mad but that doesn’t mean he isn’t a parent. I have to meet him at thirty at the house or else my “it’s okay” becomes “it's so not okay.” he says with a mimicking voice to impersonate his father when he is angry.
“Ah.”
“I will try to come back tomorrow evening if I can, okay?”
“Okay.” I sigh. I hate when he leaves, even if it isn’t long. I want to be around him 24/7.
He walks to the door, and I follow. He stands in the doorway. I tackle him in a hug.
“I don’t want you to go,” I say, my voice muffled into his shirt.
“Hey,” he pulls my head up to face him. “I’ll be back tomorrow. I won’t just try, I will be back, I promise.” he looks me in my eyes.
“Okay,” I say, smiling a bit.
He kisses me on the forehead. “I had an amazing day,” he says smiling back.
“And night,” I say with a chuckle.
“And night.” he laughs with me.
“Text me?” I ask.
“Of course.” he pulls me closer and presses his lips to mine. His kiss is soft and short, but sweet, it holds meaning.
He turns to go.
“Wes?”
He turns back to me, dimpled smile, and all. I frame the picture for my memories, to pull out later when I’m lonely and I need to remember his beautiful smile. His smile embodies all the beauty that he is inside. The boy I love.
“I miss you already,” I say, instead of what I wanted to say. It needs to be a more special moment. We need more time.
Tomorrow. I resolve. Tomorrow I will say it.
Chapter Thirty-Four: Left Out in the Cold
“How was yesterday with Wes?’ my mom asks me. It is four in the morning, and I just finished bloodwork. By now I am used to being up at the obscene hour. My body now naturally wakes me. My mom is getting used to it too.
“Amazing,” I say with a sigh. I miss him more and more every time he leaves.
“Do tell.”
“You sound like you're from the 1800s mom,” I say with a laugh.
“I’ve been rereading pride and prejudice… Anyways, details!” she exclaims. When it comes to Wes, she truly acts fifteen. I think she really likes Wes. She's grown to maybe even love him over all this time.
I give her the details of the day. I wait a bit after and then choose to confide in her about what I plan to say next time I see him.
“I think I'm in love with Wes.” I blurt out in the silence. Not how I planned to bring up the subject… but effective, I guess.
“You think?” my mom says with a knowing smile.
“I know I’m in love with him.”
“I know honey. I see it in your eyes.”
“Do you think-” I start.
“I also know he is not just in love with you, but head over heels in love.” This takes me by surprise. I feel good about my suspicion that when I say I love him he will reciprocate but it shocks me that it is so obvious to outsiders.
“He is?’ I ask her, wanting to hear it again.
“He is.”
“So, I-”
“You should tell him, sweetheart. Is that what you wanted to ask me?” my mom says, knowing me better than I know myself.
“Yes.”
“Is he coming today?”
“Yes, he said he would come at three, texted this morning.”
“Tell him. Don’t try to wait till the perfect moment, the perfect moment is simply one where you feel so overwhelmed that it can’t help but be said, okay my love?” my mom says. I nod, always appreciative of her wise words.
“I’ll tell him today. No backouts, no perfect moments. Today I will tell him.” I respond. My mom smiles at me and takes my hand and we wait for the hour to come.
3:00 rolls around but Wes doesn’t come. I text him.
Cherry: Hey is everything okay? Did plans change?
4:00 comes and goes. I start to worry. I call him. It goes to voicemail. I leave another text.
Cherry: I’m getting a bit worried now. If all is okay, please let me know.
The night blends into the morning and still, I get no response. My mom stays with me and reassures me that something must have come up.
“He would have texted me,” I respond.
“Maybe he can’t, maybe there is no signal or his phone died-” my mom starts. I cut her off.
“Maybe he just doesn’t want to see me. I mean, we are always in this hospital, maybe it's becoming a chore to spend all his time here, I understand that.” I say this but, in my head, I know these words don’t make sense. The Wes I know wouldn’t think much less act on that feeling. Something is wrong.
“Don’t say that.” my mom says.
“Mom-”
“No. Let me speak. You are so quick to dismiss yourself as boring or unlikeable. You don’t even realize what a privilege it is to be around you, it makes me so sad.” she says. She takes my hand.
“You’re right.” I start. “I am quick to dismiss myself. Even as I said that It just didn’t make sense. Wes is one of the only people who makes me wholeheartedly feel worthy and like he is someone who would never do anything less than value his time with me.”
“I really think if he could be here, he would be, and I am sure he will contact you when he can.” my mom resolves.
“I think so too,” I say. I settle back against the head of my bed.
“So, we wait,” she says.
“We wait,” I repeat.
Chapter Thirty-Five: The Time is Now
The lights blind me. I reach my hand up to block it out and blink aggressively. Is it four already? I am usually up by four. It feels earlier.
“Sweetheart?” my mom steps towards me wearing her fuzzy pajama pants.
“Yeah?” I mumble.
“It’s time.”
I instantly sit up. “The time?”
“Yes! A transplant came in! We have to get to the OR room!” my mom says, a big smile on her face.
My heart starts pounding. It's happening? It's happening! My life is changing. It's going to be saved! If I survive. Wes’s words interrupt my doubt. Have faith.
Wes.
“Mom?” I ask. “Can I have my phone?”
“Your phone?” She looks super confused but then she suddenly gets it. “Wes,” she says.
I text him.
Cherry: I haven’t heard from you for two days; I am confident you wouldn’t go ghost if you could control it. I miss you. I am getting my transplant. It’s happening. I would really like you there when I wake up. XOXO
The surgeon comes in.
“Hi, Cherry! It’s time. We are going to wheel you in and what they are going to do is put you under anesthesia. This will be done using a mask and-”
“I’ve done this before but thank you for letting me know.” I interrupt.
“Cherry!” My mom scolds me. “Manners!”
“Sorry, I am just anxious,” I say.
“It is no problem at all.” the doctor says. Nurse Alicia runs in and comes to my side.
“Cherry! I am so sorry I am late! This is so exciting I am so happy for you! You are going to do great!” She holds my hand and has a huge smile on her face. She's such an amazing nurse. I smile back and squeeze her hand.
They get my bed ready and roll it down to the anesthesia room. My mom follows and grabs my other hand. Nurse Alicia and my mom follow the bed, both with a hand in mine.
“I can come in, right? Stay until she falls under?” my mom asks, a bit frantically. I think it is catching up to her what is happening.
“Of course, Mrs. Wilson.” the doctor says, nodding.
“Mom! Are dad and Winnie coming?” I ask, realizing I don’t want to do this without them.
“I texted your dad, he's getting Winnie from school, and they are on the way.” my mom answers.
“Okay, and mom-”
“I will try to get ahold of Wes, I have his dad's number. This is definitely the time to call,” she says.
We enter the doors and are in the room. One man and one woman stand each on one side of the table where I will lay. They bring my bed next to the table and transfer me.
I look up at the ceiling, willing my heart to calm down. A high heartbeat cannot be good right before a HEART TRANSPLANT.
“Cherry Wilson?” I turn my head to the voice. It's the woman.
“Yeah?” I say. I feel hazy like this isn’t really happening. I must be panicking.
“Okay. Hi Honey. My name is Dr. Kazzie. Dr, Harold and I will be giving you anesthetics.”
“Hello,” I say, feeling light. The doctor laughs.
“She must be in a bit of shock.” Dr. Harold says. “Cherry?”
“Yeah?”
“What flavor do you want for your mask gas?” he asks. “Each gas can smell different. We have bubblegum, grape, vanilla, and chocolate.”
“Vanilla please.”
The doctor fills the mask and comes to my side. “Alright, Cherry what I want you to do is breathe slowly when we put this on. This gas is going to make you sleepy and as you fall asleep, we will be giving you the anesthetics through an IV okay?” I nod and the mask goes over me.
At first, I feel nothing. Everything is as normal as before. The doctors and my mom are talking to me, soothing my anxiety. Suddenly their voices start to slur and fade.
And
Everything
Goes
Dark.
Chapter Thirty-Six: Aftermath
“Cherry?”
“Sweetheart?”
“Cher?”
A multitude of voices surrounds me. My head is spinning and while I can’t confirm my eyes are open, I feel like they are, and I’ve lost my 20/20 vision.
What happened? Where am I?
No one responds.
I realize I am only talking in my head and the words didn’t actually come out. I try to speak again.
“Honey? What did you say? Where? Where what?” I recognize my mom’s voice. I thought what I said came clear, but I try to speak again and realize I am slurring my words. I start to speak again but then my eyes close and I am completely out.
What feels like days later, I wake again. This time my head is clearer. I try to speak. I try to ask the same thing but this time it feels pointless because I finally remember what happened and where I am.
“She's finally awake.” I hear my dad say. He moves closer to me and rests his hand on my shoulder. “Hi, Cherry. How are you feeling?”
“Pain,” I mumble.
He chuckles. “That's to be expected.”
“Can I sit up?” I ask.
“The doctor said you can elevate your bed but be careful with your tubes and IVs.” my dad says. He helps me and soon enough I can see more than the ceiling. Including a big surprise.
“Angela?” I croak. The tube they had down my throat left my throat sore, as my mom explained it would be.
Angela walks over and grabs my hand. “Cherry.”
“You came? Is anyone else here?”
“No, but we made you this card.” Angela holds up a big colorful card. WE LOVE OUR CHER BEAR! The sign reads. I smile at the nickname used. I see Wes’s note in his signature, “my happiness”. He must have helped with the card.
“Wes suggested we make it in advance when we visited. We made it when you went to sleep.” Angela explains. I knew he helped; I think to myself. Something in her feels sad as she says this, and I wonder why. I look around and realize everyone looks off, upset. Even Winnie is calm, sitting on my mom's lap, resting her head to her chest.
“Did something happen with my surgery?” I ask my mom.
“No no honey, your surgery went well!” she says with a smile. It feels forced.
“What's going on?” I suddenly realize the one person I wanted most by my side isn’t here.
“Where is Wes?”
Chapter: Thirty-Seven: The Deal With Wes
No one will look at me. Not even Winnie. My stomach feels like it's tied in knots.
“What is going on?” I ask frantically. My mom sighs gets up and comes over to me. She takes my hand.
“Honey, you just had surgery, we don’t want to add stress to your heart and-”
“Bullshit!” I say interrupting her. I am angry now. So angry. How can they hide what's going on? How can they do that to me? We got this heart so that “stress to my heart” wouldn’t be an issue anymore.
“Sweetheart!” my mom exclaims. I know now something is seriously wrong. Sweetheart is the last thing she calls me when I cuss at her.
“New heart. No more secrets.” I say sternly.
She sits down. My dad pulls up a chair next to her. Angela comes and sits on the bed beside me. Winnie crawls into my lap.
“Winnie-” my mom winces.
“It's okay mom, I don’t feel as bad as I’m sure I look.” Winnie stays near my bottom half, so as not to go near my newly accessed chest.
“Honey, we called Wes’s dad when you went into surgery.” my dad starts.
“Right, I know,” I say.
“He didn’t pick up but shortly, he came to us in person.” my mom says.
“Did I get broken up with through his father? Does he not want him with me? I get that, a lot medically to take on, I just would rather Wes tell me himself. Can he come in? Can we talk? Maybe we can fix this?” I see everyone's face. My mom has a tear rolling down her cheek. I realize this may not be about the act of Wes and I dating. My mom would be sad if we broke up, but tears? “This isn’t about Wes’s feelings for me, is it?” I say, trying to process what I am about to ask next. “What happened? Is he okay?” my mom bursts into tears and leaves the room. My dad looks at Angela and Winnie and they leave with her.
