Burned, p.17
BURNED, page 17
I was surprised at the immense pride I felt at hearin’ her words, even though I’d had nothin’ to do with makin’ it so. I found myself surprised about a lotta things lately.
“I’m glad you think so. I kinda agree.”
She didn’t say anything more while I drove the rest of the way to the trail that led to the cabin. Barely wide enough to be considered a trail, much less a road, the path to the cabin stayed well hidden behind brush and trees, but I knew the exact bend in the lonely highway to look for. When we parked at the trailhead, I led her by the hand to the skinny path to take us the rest of the way.
We walked for awhile in the bits and pieces of sunlight that had stolen their way through the treetops, in and outta the branches. It warmed us but there was a chill in the air, and I could tell winter would be creepin’ down from the tallest peaks, beggin’ for attention soon enough.
The crisp pine smell and the sound of our feet crunchin’ dead needles on the forest floor brought back so many memories of the cabin and of my pops and dad. Good and bad. I remembered followin’ Pops up and down this very trail, feelin’ so special to have been trusted with such an important secret. He’d said the cabin was the Cade men’s sanctuary, a place where we could come to make important life decisions, to commune with nature, and to be together. I remembered thinkin’ Finn, Kevin, and Jay would never understand the significance and import of bein’ entrusted with such a thing.
The magic hadn’t lasted long anyway. My dad stopped bringin’ Dean and me up here when my mama left, and after Granny and UJ died, no one came up here at all. The place stood vacant till Dean and I came lookin’ for a place to drink one night back in high school. We’d kinda made a silent pact that we’d never tell our brothers about it. It had been nice to have somewhere to go if we felt stressed or angry or just needed time alone. Dean used it more than me. He’d had a hard time in the military, and when he came back from his tour, spent quite a lotta time at the cabin.
“This place is so pretty. Smells so good,” Evvie said, bendin’ to pick a wildflower, and I thought the place had never been more beautiful. “Why’d you bring me here?”
“I, um… Well, what you did last night, for Ma? I guess I just wanted to thank you. I know it wasn’t easy for you.”
“Oh. No. I— No, it wasn’t.”
“Why’d you do it?”
“Ma had a hard day.” She shrugged. “I wanted to cheer her up.”
“Here, gimme your hand.” I helped her step onto a thick fallen branch, and she hopped off. I stepped over it. “Yeah, but you coulda just told her a joke or somethin’. You didn’t have to…”
“What?”
“You were cryin’. It looked to be painful for you.”
She peeked up at me but ducked her head, shruggin’ again.
We’d arrived at the end of the trail. The cabin stood a hundred yards in front of us.
“Don’t do that.” I held her hand in mine still and squeezed. “Don’t brush it off. You were amazin’. Whatcha did? It was amazin’. It meant somethin’ to Ma.”
“It wasn’t amazing. The piano is out of tune and I made a ton of mistakes. My mother would have smacked my hands fifty times for all the mistakes I made.”
“I couldn’t tell and I don’t think Ma could either. She loved your playin’. I don’t think perfection was the point.”
Suckin’ in a deep breath, she sighed. “Yeah, I guess.”
She took a couple steps toward the cabin, but I stayed put and kept hold of her hand, pullin’ her back to me. “Thank you.”
She gave a little half-smile. “You’re welcome.” She seemed to be havin’ a hard time makin’ eye contact. “So, this is your cabin?”
“Yep. It ain’t much, but it’s my second favorite place in the world. C’mon.” I pulled her to the cabin nestled in the shade of the ancient forest, to the door, unlockin’ it while her eyes darted all around. “You don’t have to worry. No one knows about this place.” She smiled but it was sad, and I opened the door.
It looked like Dean had been up to the cabin recently. There were some canned goods in the tiny kitchen area and a bottle of whiskey on the table, half-empty. Evvie looked around while I opened the windows and checked the food situation. I hadn’t thought to bring anything, but now it occurred to me I shoulda packed a picnic.
The cabin consisted of just one large room and, really, not that large with only a small nook for the kitchen, a small pantry, and a tiny root cellar built into the earth crowdin’ the north wall. The main part of the cabin was divided into different areas by sparse furniture and a couple wood beams through the middle.
Tucked into a corner, a small bed make up a bedroom, and an ancient loveseat and a wooden straight-back chair surrounded the fire on one side for the livin’ room. An old cast iron bathtub sat on the other side, and a small round table with two chairs made up a tiny dinin’ room. We didn’t even have a bathroom, just a small outhouse about twenty yards away from the door. Each wall had a window and that was about it. But it was shelter and warm in the winter.
“So, this is it. Like I said, not much.”
“I like it.”
“Hungry? I’m sorry. I didn’t think to bring anything, but we got rice and beans and some canned fruit.”
“Sure. Sounds rustic.” She giggled softly and I loved the sound.
I got to work. I pulled her back outside, and we found wood and kindlin’, and then I prepared the rustic rice and beans and set it to cook in an old dutch oven over the fire. She asked me questions about my pops and about the things we used to do at the cabin. I talked a little. And then there was nothin’ left to do but wait, and a potent silence hung in the air between us.
Neither one of us moved. We stared at each other. There were so many thoughts runnin’ through my mind I wanted to tell her, but I didn’t know how. I didn’t know what any of ’em meant, and I still had this overwhelmin’ feelin’ she’d disappear. I didn’t want her to, but I didn’t know how to ask for it, and I didn’t think it was somethin’ she knew how to give.
After a few minutes, she rose from her chair at the table and walked to me standin’ against the little half-wall separatin’ the kitchen from the rest of the cabin. She wrapped her arms around my back, layin’ her head against my chest. My heart raced as I listened to her breathe, and she reached up on her toes to kiss my neck. She rubbed her lips against my jaw and her cheek against mine and kissed her way to my mouth.
Her kiss was slow and lazy and scorchin’, all heavy breath and bodies pressin’ together, but no sound. It lasted a day or so it felt, and I wrapped my arms around her, liftin’ her straight up, her feet danglin’ above the floor as I carried her to the bed.
I laid her down and pulled my fingers through her hair, spreadin’ it over her shoulders and all around her, then slowly removed her shoes and socks and jeans. I removed my own, and my shirt, and sat next to her.
The quiet in the cabin had infected us both, and somethin’ about it made me nervous. But she crawled behind me, kissin’ my neck and shoulders, pushin’ at me till I lay back on the bed.
She kissed me everywhere. Up and down my arms and chest, lickin’ and suckin’ my nipples into her warm mouth, and down my stomach, my ribs and hips. Still, we made no sound, except for breath.
I didn’t touch her then, only watched. I was mesmerized by her, by her confidence, by the fire in her eyes.
She moved down further and took my cock in her hand, spreadin’ the cum leakin’ out with her thumb, then pumped slowly.
I moaned. Nothin’ coulda stopped the sound. It felt so fuckin’ good. Takin’ her sweet time, she felt me, rubbed her fingers up and down, took my balls in her hand. I felt so bared to her. Even though we’d already had plenty of sex, this felt different. Somehow, more… private.
Watchin’ her while she explored my body, I felt like she might be tryin’ to memorize it as she stroked my skin, over and over. She pressed her fingertip into the thick vein and followed the length of it up to the head of my cock, tracin’ her finger around it, then leaned down and took me into her mouth. My breath hitched and I gasped, and she smiled. She liked the power she held over my body. I liked it too.
But then she released me.
My dick had hardened to the point of pain, and I swore I coulda cried, but she crawled up my body and mounted me, and I’d never felt anything so perfect in my whole life. Rollin’ her hips, she moaned softly, lookin’ in my eyes. Holdin’ me there, I was caught in her gaze, as she rode me slow and so, so good.
Over and over, she took me further inside her, and I bucked and rolled my hips in time with hers. Reachin’ up, I held her face in my hands, caressin’ her cheeks and lips with my thumbs, rememberin’ the first time I’d done it in the hospital when we’d first met.
The intimacy between us stole my breath away. I’d never before been so vulnerable and open to another person, never touched another person like this. But I didn’t feel scared. Not with Evvie.
Somethin’ cracked and broke inside me, like I had a two-hundred-pound weight on my chest. I couldn’t breathe. It hurt all of a sudden; all this intense connection became too much. She was destroyin’ me from the inside out, and the devastation made me want her more.
She made me wanna never let her go.
I wanted to tell her but I didn’t know how. I opened my mouth to tell her, but I didn’t have the words.
“Evvie…”
Somethin’ changed in her expression when I said her name, and she pushed her hands against my shoulders for leverage to fuck harder. She ground herself against me, pullin’ me further and further out and back into her body with each wave of her hips. I leaned up on my elbows to kiss her, and the change in the angle caused my body to rub her just right, and she whimpered.
The sound of her voice and the wet, slow glide of her soft, pink skin against my cock made me frantic. I dug my fingers into her hips, buckin’ up into her so hard.
She became frantic, too, ridin’ me faster and faster, and she shoved her hands into my hair. I captured her mouth with mine and felt her body grippin’ my cock inside, suckin’ me in deeper and deeper. It felt like there wasn’t any part of us not connected.
She huffed her breath into my mouth and gasped, throwin’ her head back, and I leaned up as she pulled me by my hair to her chest, strainin’ and contractin’. Her whole body enveloped me, inside and out, and we came, silently, as the old bed creaked beneath us and evenin’ surrounded us.
Chapter Seventeen
Everlea
We spent the night in the cabin, tangled up together in front of the fire.
I’d made love to him in that cabin. It hadn’t been just sex for me.
I didn’t tell him. I couldn’t.
It had been three months since the last time I’d seen Paul. Far too long for his liking. He would come for me soon, and every day I stayed at the ranch, I put Jack and his family more and more in danger.
And every day, it grew harder and harder to leave.
But I’d fallen in love with Jack. And I knew then, it meant I had to leave. There couldn’t be any more excuses. If I didn’t go, he’d die, and I loved him enough that I could go because a world where he didn’t exist would be a world I wouldn’t want to live in.
Even if I couldn’t be with him, I needed him to exist. His family needed him, Ma, the world needed Jack. He was so kind and giving. And good. He cared for everyone, even if he didn’t say it.
He loved hard.
It would hurt. No. It would destroy me. I didn’t know how I’d survive it. My parents were gone. No matter how much I missed them, I’d never see them again. But with Jack, I’d have to make myself stay away. And I couldn’t even think about Ma. It would be the worst thing I’d ever done to another person, but to keep her safe, to keep Jack safe, I had to go.
I decided. The next day, I would somehow convince Jack to take me back to my car, and I would leave.
But before I ran, I would give all of myself to him. Even if it could only be for one night. I knew I’d never see him again, and I never wanted to forget what it felt like to be in love with him. To make love to him. I realized he’d reached something inside me I hadn’t ever known I possessed: the ability to be loved by another person.
I did my best to push away the sadness and despair I felt and just concentrated on Jack. On his smile and his laugh and the love radiating out of him. He didn’t say the words but I felt it. Or I convinced myself I felt it so I could always have it. It was in the way he touched me, the gentle caress of his strong fingers on my skin. The soft way his lips pressed against mine. The way he looked at me, with his beautiful eyes always searching and trying to capture mine.
We played. I screeched and giggled as he chased me around the cabin, tickling me, and I tickled him too. It never would have occurred to me such a hardened cowboy could be so ticklish, but he was and he laughed and giggled, too, like a little boy as I attacked his ribs and the backs of his knees with my fingers. I would remember the sound for the rest of my life.
We sat naked, wrapped in blankets in front of the fire as he fed me rice and beans from an oversized wooden spoon. Well, mostly naked, I still hadn’t shown him my scars, and I wouldn’t. I’d leave and he’d never have to know.
“Will you tell me about this man? What’s his name?”
“His name is Paul. I don’t know his last name. He’s just some guy who met my mother years ago at a concert in New York City and fell in love with her just like every other man she ever met. The glorious Clare.” I mocked my mother’s name. She never used her last name, like she thought she was Madonna.
“So, she dated him?”
“She had an affair with him or a one-night stand, at least.”
“What’s he look like?”
“I don’t want to talk about him now.”
“Evvie.”
I sighed. “He’s tall. Well, taller than me, but not as tall as you. He has white-blond hair and beady, black eyes. He’s just some creep.”
“Evvie, if he was just some creep, you woulda gone to the cops a long time ago. Tell me what he did to you. How did he hurt you?”
“Please? I really don’t want to talk about him right now.”
“I know, but if you’d just speak to Carey. I know he could help us. Maybe put the guy in jail. You wouldn’t have to worry anymore. Wouldn’t be scared all the time.”
“Maybe.”
“You gotta trust someone at some point. Carey is really good at his job. Lemme call him.”
“No, Jack. Not yet.”
“You gotta give me somethin’. How can I protect you if I don’t know what I’m up against?” Pushing my hair out of my face, he tucked it behind my ear. “I will protect you from this man, Evvie. I won’t let him hurt you. I promise.”
I knew he wouldn’t give up. I didn’t want to tell him the severity of my past. That fucking monster had taken everything from me. If Jack knew, I wouldn’t be able to stop him from calling the police, and they would lead Paul right to Jack.
I distracted him with my fingers and hands and my mouth.
“Can we talk about this later?” I asked, grabbing an open can of sliced peaches from the hearth in front of the fire. Dipping my fingers in, I pulled one out, then kneeled in front of him and fed it to him. He moaned and chewed and lifted my hand to his mouth to suck the juice from my fingers as I licked it from his chin. I fed him more, licked more, and kissed him with his mouth full of peaches. The juice ran down his neck to his chest, and I feasted on him. He wrapped his arms around me as I crawled over him, taking him inside my body.
We made love twice more through the night, and I committed every single movement and sound he made to memory.
When we woke in the morning, wrapped in each other, pressing our bodies together, seeking heat to ward off the early mountain cold, we made love again, then walked to the bluff. He’d been right. It was beautiful, majestic, and breathtaking as the sun came up in the vast Wyoming sky.
We sat perched on a small cliff with our legs dangling over the edge, watching as the lavender night receded and all the lights in the stars went out and the glowing pinks and oranges and blues rose in the distance, setting our world on fire.
I was jealous of that sky because it would always look down on him. It would always know where he was and would have the privilege of being with him, surrounding him, touching him.
But I only looked out for a moment. The rest of the time, I looked at Jack. His strong shoulders with all the world on top. His capable arms and steady hands, sturdy back. His long, solid legs that held him up and always carried him in the right direction.
And his face.
I studied the lines around his eyes when he smiled at me. His full lips with the little sideways tug. I watched how the breeze ruffled his dark chestnut hair and how he’d push his fingers through it ’cause it annoyed him, then he’d stuff it all in his baseball cap, backward, and how the ends would curl up under the edge of the hat.
And his eyes when he looked at me. They shined and took my breath away. I knew the feeling would be something I’d have to get used to, not having enough air to breathe. He would keep my breath with him when I left. He deserved to keep it because he owned it. My breath, my heart, my skin and bones, my blood.
My soul.
“What’s that look for?”
“What look?”
“That silly look you got, right here,” he joked, spreading his fingers over my face like an octopus. “Why you lookin’ at me like that?”
I swatted his hand away so he’d stop blocking my view. “I just like looking at you. Is that such a bad thing?”
“Well, yeah, when you got the most beautiful view in the whole world in front of you. You’re missin’ it,” he said, gesturing out in front of us with a wave of his arm.
“I’m not missing anything. I am looking at the most beautiful view in the world.”
He scoffed. “I think you need to get your eyes checked.” But he peeked back at me. “Sometimes, the things you say— Nobody’s ever said anything like that to me before. I kinda like it.”
