Toward dawning light, p.11
Toward Dawning Light, page 11
Astrea still didn’t know Noemi very well, but she was clearly a smart, hardworking young woman. And Astrea imagined that, if they’d met on different terms and not under the threat of war and death, not with Astrea’s mind being pulled in twenty different directions a day, they would already be very good friends. She hoped that they’d have that opportunity sooner rather than later.
And thanks to Noemi’s hard work, they had a real break in the mystery of those notes. Even if they had a few missing spots and didn’t fully know how the language was spoken, the fact that they could translate most of what they had made all the difference in the world.
“Can you two”—Astrea nodded to Tomas and Noemi—“work on the markings in the margin of the book we stole from Kalama? Whatever you can translate would be amazing. Same with the bit on the back of the prophecy we stole in Kalama.”
“We’ll work as quickly as possible,” Tomas said.
With any luck, the void language notes would reveal something they could use as they searched for not just Theo but Nazarov, too. Part of Astrea wanted to stay to help, but three people didn’t need to be working on that, and besides, she couldn’t bear to be at the same table Saros had sat at not long ago, no matter how badly they needed to find answers.
Excusing herself, Astrea left the library in search of someplace that wouldn’t make her lungs squeeze so painfully tight. She hadn’t gotten more than a few dozen feet down the hall when Adi called her name.
“Az!” he called again.
Slowing, Astrea folded her arms over her chest. Adi was striding toward her, Lennor a few steps behind him. She practically had to run to keep up.
“Noemi didn’t think I was being rude leaving like that, did she?” Astrea asked.
His eyebrows furrowed. “No, not at all. But you did run out of there pretty quickly.”
She shrugged.
“I was going to ask how Cress is,” Adi said.
“Is she alright?” Lennor asked. “I’ve been trying not to bother her . . .”
Astrea pressed her lips together. How much did she tell them? She didn’t think they needed the details of Cressida’s emotional state. That was for Cressida and Cressida alone to decide if and when to share.
“She’s getting there,” Astrea said. “She was working on some kind of prosthetic with her dad earlier. I think she just needs some time.”
“It’s a big adjustment,” Adi said quietly. “A big loss for her. I’ve seen it before.”
“Can we do anything for her?” Lennor asked. She fidgeted with something in one palm. Her pocket stone, the one gifted to her by Cressida, maybe?
As much as she wanted Cressida to recover quickly, Astrea couldn’t push her. Not when she had to grieve what she’d lost—not just Saros but literally part of her body, too. It wouldn’t be something Cressida could simply get over. She would need to adjust to her new normal, all on her own terms.
“She’s resilient,” Astrea said. “She needs space, but she also needs to know we’re there. Maybe write her a note or send something to her room so she knows you’re thinking about her.”
Lennor and Cressida’s relationship—if one could call it that—was still so fresh, but Astrea didn’t think recent events would scare Lennor away. They might spook Cressida, though, especially given how unsure she was about everything a couple of weeks earlier.
“I can do that,” Lennor said with a small smile. “Anything I should include or avoid?”
“Keep it light. Anything else you two need from me?”
Again, she felt like she was being rude, but the palace walls pushed closer around her. She needed to leave, to do something.
“We were actually going to go help Jin, if you want to join us,” Adi said. “Noemi’s got things handled in the library.”
Staying in the palace was the last thing Astrea wanted. But what was she going to do? Say no when there was work to do? And so, Astrea forced herself to smile and follow her friends.
Chaos. The war room could only be described as chaos when Astrea trailed Adi and Lennor inside.
Jin stood at the head of the table, arms crossed tightly over his chest. Rusty annoyance snapped out from him in long lashes, as if reaching for the others around the table. There was Zephyrine, of course, and Lucian, as well as Marko and Civan, but then there were also other Novarian officials. Or at least, Astrea guessed they were Novarian based on their midnight blue uniforms.
“Have you lost your skies damned minds?” asked one of the Novarian officials, a woman with pale skin. Her graying hair was pulled back into such a tight bun that it seemed painful. “You really want to go out there now?”
Astrea took up a spot near the door right next to Adi, trying not to focus too much on the colors swirling around the table. Her eyes and head ached, and they’d barely been in the room for a minute.
“We don’t have a choice, Colonel,” said Lucian. “This is clearly our next target.”
“No doubt it’s our target, Commander,” the woman replied. “But Prince Varojin going? Do you have a death wish, Your Highness?”
“Of course I don’t have a death wish,” Jin said. “But I do wish to finally take out Victor Nazarov, and your ‘most trusted scouts’”—he made air quotes around the words—“have just reported that there’s activity at this exact location.”
“But we can go in without you,” said another official, a man with a balding head and tan skin. Astrea couldn’t see his face; his back was to the door. “Let the Novarian military handle it. It’s not like you’ve been successful so far.”
“The grand duke has already authorized Prince Varojin to go,” Lucian said. “And besides, he’s one of the few people who’s gotten close to Nazarov. You expect him—us—to sit this out?”
“We expect you to heed our advice,” said the original woman. A few others nodded. “Let us take care of it.”
“I won’t,” Jin said. “No. My team has the most experience fighting him. He may have gotten away before, but if this is him, then we stand the best chance of taking him down. Inexperienced soldiers won’t last more than a few minutes.”
“You doubt us?” asked the balding man, voice cold.
“I doubt anyone who hasn’t seen this firsthand. It’s nothing personal.”
The man threw his hands over his head and mumbled something about “royals” and “lost their minds.”
“Seeing as we don’t need your permission,” said Lucian, pointedly looking at the two officials objecting the most loudly, “we’re moving forward as Varojin and I planned. See to it that your teams hold their positions and expect us by midnight. Send someone to prepare an airship for us. Dismissed.”
The Novarians began filing out of the room, a blend of emotions surrounding them: annoyance, approval, apprehension. Gritting her teeth, Astrea approached where Jin, Lucian, and Zephyrine spoke quietly among themselves.
“Jin?” Adi asked once the last of the Novarians filed out of the room and the door closed.
“We don’t know if it’s Nazarov up at the location Az’s father told us about,” Jin said, “but there’s someone there.”
“Maybe Theo?” Adi asked.
Jin shrugged.
“We’ll go tonight and talk to the teams already in position,” Lucian said. “Gather your things and meet at the garage in half an hour. We need to move.” With a quick glance at Marko, Lucian headed for the door and disappeared into the hallway.
“What was that about?” Astrea asked.
“He’s going to go talk to the grand duke,” Marko said. How he’d gotten that from one fleeting look, Astrea wasn’t sure. “But you heard him. Half hour. Go.”
They dispersed, and Astrea jogged to catch up with Jin as he hurriedly explained the situation in more depth to Adi. A half hour was not enough time to do what needed to be done. Astrea needed to talk to Cressida and her parents. Eliana and Nicos. But where would they all be?
They started up the stairs that would take them to their wing of the palace. Astrea needed to get her gear. It would probably be in her room . . . she actually hadn’t seen it since that awful day in the Badlands. Would the metal plates be with it, too? They couldn’t go without those. And she needed—
“Az?”
Jin’s voice made Astrea startle. He’d started to go into their small apartment. Adi was striding down the hall, the twins hot on his heels. She hurried after Jin.
“I need you to stay here, Az,” Jin said as soon as she’d shut the door behind her.
Her throat tightened. “What?”
“I need you to stay here in Talmaris, where it’s safe.” As he turned toward her, his irises burned, like molten gold. “Please.”
“You can’t ask that of me.” The words left her before she could even think to watch her tone. “What about Nazarov? And Theo? You just said the team would take care of it!”
“Adi and I will take care of it,” he corrected, voice tight.
“You’re going to make me stay here?”
He started for the bedroom. “You’ll be with Ellie and Cress.”
“No!” Astrea called as she ran after him. “No, I will not stay here. Why are you asking me to?”
“Because I never should’ve taken you on that skies forsaken mission to the Badlands,” he said.
“But then you’d be dead!” She swallowed hard. “You’d be dead if I hadn’t gone with you.”
“And Saros would be alive and Cress wouldn’t be going through what she’s going through.” Jin yanked the wardrobe doors open and reached for his black bag. “Time and again, I’ve made the mistake of taking civilians in with me. And you’re my family, Az. My wife, my partner. I can’t put you in harm’s way. Not today.”
Why was everyone trying to take choices away from her? Saros had for years, right until the bitter end. Nazarov wanted to, too. And now Jin? After all they’d been through together? They’d been getting on so well, moving past his need to protect everyone and everything. He’d been letting her stand on her own and fight for herself for months. And now he wanted to take it away?
“And you’re my husband, my partner,” she said, voice trembling. “I can’t let you go into harm’s way without me there. If you get hit with aetherium again, I have to be there. Even Lucian doesn’t think he can heal that. You need me there. I have a right to be there! I’m part of this team!”
The words tumbled out in quick succession, so fast Jin couldn’t counter her arguments. He stared at her with a pained expression, like he couldn’t decide what to do or say next.
“I know you’re part of this team,” Jin said, “but knowing you’re there—”
“Should be more of a comfort than a distraction! I saved your life!” Her eyes burned, heavy with unshed tears. “Skies, what more do I have to do to prove I can take care of myself? Of the team?”
“This isn’t about that, Az.”
“It sure looks like it from where I’m standing. It’s the same fight we always have.”
“This isn’t a fight.” His shoulders dropped. “I don’t doubt for a second that you’re an asset. I know you are. But Az, Nazarov’s hurt you enough. Kaius has hurt you enough. Even your father . . .” He shook his head. “Please. Please, let me protect you this once. Stay here. Work with Noemi if you want to do something or help Cress. But please, no missions right now. Just this once, let me handle it alone. Take time to recover. I know you haven’t—”
“No.” Astrea shoved past Jin and grabbed her pack from the wardrobe floor. It was heavy. “I can recover when all of this is done.”
She would take the time when they actually had the luxury of it. When aetherium was banished, when Nazarov was imprisoned, and when Aelius and Kaius were out of power in Helosia. Until then, she had to keep going. She had to stay focused. Busy. Involved.
Besides, Jin wasn’t taking time to recover. He’d nearly died. Wasn’t that just as bad as losing Saros? Was his physical stamina even recovered enough for this kind of mission?
His eyes fluttered shut, almost in defeat. Steel pain and midnight blue grief swirled around him.
“I need to go tell Cress what’s happening.” Metal clinked as Astrea tossed her bag over her shoulder. “I’ll see you downstairs,” she muttered, ignoring the weight of Jin’s worry as it followed her out the door.
Chapter 12
Astrea sat in the corner of the small airship cabin, her knapsack next to her on the bench. Jin had barely looked her way the entire flight, instead focusing on discussing things in hushed tones with Zephyrine and Lucian. Some kind of intelligence, probably. Lennor and Civan had minded their own business and kept out of both Astrea’s and Jin’s ways, while Adi and Marko had taken over pilot duties.
Nothing was as it should be. Cressida wasn’t there, Adi and Marko still seemed tense, and Jin . . . Why was he back to trying to take away her choices? Why was he so keen on leaving her out of this mission?
“And Saros would be alive and Cressida wouldn’t be going through what she’s going through.” His words repeated in her mind as she thunked her head back against the wall. Did this all come back to guilt? Jin had to know none of that was his fault. No, he hadn’t wanted to bring civilians into a war zone, but it had been the only way with the political nonsense the Novarian Council was pulling.
Astrea didn’t think Jin wanted to control her, to take away her choices. Could he be that worried about her? But what right did he have to ask her to stay behind when she would be equally worried about him—and everyone else?
Or was it something he’d learned but hadn’t shared? She suppressed a shiver. If so, why not tell her the real reason? Didn’t she have a right to know if something was terribly, horribly wrong?
Her mind ran circles around the questions, taking a brief detour to a few nights before when they’d both woken up in the middle of the night, her from her nightmares and him whispering apologies about taking any of them into the Badlands. Astrea let her eyes close. Of course he felt that way, but why couldn’t he see how she felt about this? That she needed to try to prevent anyone else from dying?
She’d changed into her armor a few minutes before, as they were already descending and preparing to land at the Novarian army’s camp in the northwest of the country. With any luck, whatever information the Novarians had would let them either approach the Paragonian location within a few hours or by morning.
As the airship descended and finally touched down, Astrea gathered her bag and shook out the skirt of her armor. It was considerably lighter without the metal plates in it, and she far preferred this black version to the red one she’d had to wear down in Helosia. She didn’t think she could ever look at that red armor again.
Nobody said anything as the ship powered down and the others began collecting their belongings. Soon, they were out in the fresh air. A few hundred feet away, low lights glowed near the edge of the forest clearing they’d landed in. There were some tents—no doubt the Novarian camp they were looking for—otherwise swallowed up by the dark night sky.
Taking the lead, Lucian started for that warm glow of the camp. Astrea stayed at the back of the group with Civan. Going up front to try to talk with Jin now seemed pointless. He obviously didn’t want to speak with her. If he did, he would’ve tried during their flight, which had been several hours long. Astrea didn’t blame him necessarily. After all, she hadn’t been open to his request. She had barely even talked about it, had shut him down and decided she was going.
At the edge of the camp, a tall, plump woman halted Lucian’s progress. They spoke quietly, so low Astrea couldn’t begin to guess what they were talking about. But the woman’s aura flared with red determination and teal approval just before she turned on her heel and headed into the small camp. When the others started after her, Astrea followed.
“I hope we don’t have to sleep on the ground,” Civan murmured.
“Yeah,” Astrea said, a half-hearted response. She hated sleeping on the ground. She also hated sleeping without Jin. Would he be so frustrated with her that he wouldn’t spend the night with her? Would they even sleep, or would they go straight for the Paragon’s location?
They entered the largest tent in the middle of the camp, which would barely fit the whole of their group. Astrea squinted against the sudden brightness of the lamplight. A small round table sat in the middle of the tent, and laid out on top was a map of northern Novaria marked up with red and blue squiggles Astrea couldn’t decipher.
“Everyone, this is Major Runa Haldane,” Lucian said, then introduced the team to the woman.
She smoothed a pale, scarred hand over her blonde braid. “Unfortunate to meet you all, and more unfortunate is that we’re still waiting on the last scouting team to make contact.” She gestured to the map—specifically some of those squiggles—then said, “We’re about ten miles out from the location the grand duke specified.”
“Has there been any clear sign of the Paragon there?” Jin asked.
“Not sure if it’s them, but it’s someone. Coming and going mostly. A couple of our Lightbringers that I sent out have sensed this void magic.”
Astrea’s skin prickled, and it wasn’t because of the cold night air. It shouldn’t have been a surprise, but knowing they were so close to void mages set her nerves on edge.
“Should be hearing from the most recent scouts within the hour,” Major Haldane said, “but I’ll need you to hold in the meantime, Commander.”
He inclined his head. “Whatever we need to do.”
“Make yourselves comfortable, wherever you want. I can show you to a place where you can sleep if you want.”
With Lucian’s agreement, Major Haldane left the tent again and escorted them through the small camp. Several of the people stationed there were clearly not Novarian. Their uniforms were the colors of Tornama, the Taipoli Islands, and Delia. At least the alliance seemed to be pulling through despite the other countries’ initial hesitations.
The tent the camp leader brought them to was small, maybe large enough for four people. Astrea opted to stay outside, finding a spot on the ground next to a nearby oak tree with a thick trunk while the others talked among themselves. With the lights from nearby tents, it wasn’t so bad sitting alone at night.
