Her door was open, and I could already hear her kids chattering away as she gathered up the things she needed. Todd was the only one not going to daycare because he was in school every day, hence my presence as a babysitter.

  “Hi,” Avril said, juggling several pieces of food and backpacks and her purse. “Good. You're late.”

  “I'm not late,” I said, as I saw the clock click over to 6:02. “Sorry, 2 minutes. Really, Avril?”

  “Really” she said, and then called through her apartment. “Todd! Evan's here!”

  “YAY!” Todd's voice came and I winced. Avril caught in, and raised an eyebrow.

  “You ok?”

  “Yeah,” I said. “I just feel kinda...I dunno.”

  “You're really not a morning person,” she said.

  “Yeah,” I said, not wanting to get into it. “Anything you need me to do?”

  “No,” she said. “Just make sure my kid survives the day. You coming in tonight?”

  “Probably,” I said and she met my eyes.

  “How did last night go?”

  “Lady luck is no longer dating me,” I replied and Avril paused.

  “Evan, are you in... trouble again?” she asked.

  “No,” I said and then hated myself. “Maybe.”

  “If you need help...” she said.”

  “I'm ok for now,” I said, cutting her off.

  “Ok, but you'll let me know if you're not,” she said, in a tone of voice that I wouldn't dare mess with.

  “Yeah,” I said. “I promise.”

  “Ok,” she clearly didn't really believe me. “I gotta go. Oh, and the cash is here.”

  She pushed an envelope towards me and I felt terribly guilty.

  “Avril, you need ...”

  “Can you just take it?” she asked me, annoyed. I took it, at last, and she blew out the door, carrying so many things in addition to her offspring that I thought she would fall.

  “Evan!” Todd cried, coming into the kitchen and I switched gears, turning to him.

  The money Avril had given me didn't make a dent in the debts I was raking up, but it would at least buy me food for the next few days.

  The problem was, anything that I won was going straight back to the loan sharks, and if I didn't hand it over right away, they came to find me. The last time I was in trouble, they came to find me and I almost landed in the hospital. But I couldn't hand over everything I made, still pay my rent, eat and repay them at the same time. The loan sharks didn't care if I have bills to pay, or if I needed an extra day or two to pay.

  When I finally got home, I threw myself on the bed, my head pounding. Spending all day with a young child was exhausting on its own, but with whatever was going on, I felt like I was drained of every bit of energy I had.

  I willed myself to not fall asleep, and instead pulled out my phone, to text Jenny.

  What are you doing?

  Nothing, she said. What are you doing?

  Dying, I said.

  Dramatic, as always, she said. I heard you ran into Carrie Anne. Literally.

  That I did, I replied. Did she get the job?

  She did! Jenny said. So, I guess you’re going to see her lots.

  Oh, I said. That perked me up a bit. How's she doing?

  She's ok, Jenny said. She misses her lover boy.

  Of course, she had a boyfriend, I thought. Looking like that, I was surprised she didn't have a legion of men following her around.

  Why are you dying? Jenny asked.

  I just don't feel awesome, I said. Think I'm coming down with something.

  Baby, Jenny replied and I rolled my eyes.

  I gotta go to work, I said, at last, dragging myself up.

  I was hoping that whatever I felt was going to go away as I headed to work, but it was not getting any better. By Friday, I was quite sure that I was going to hit the deck as I got into work. My hands were shaking and I felt like I was sweating buckets.

  Avril, still at work, took one look at me, and dragged me into the back room.

  “You look like death,” she said. “Go home.”

  “Avril, I can't,” I replied. “I literally won't make it through the weekend if I don't have something to hand over tomorrow.”

  She sighed, slapping a hand on my forehead.

  “You're burning up,” she said.

  “I told you that,” I answered. “Seriously, Avril. Just...” I swallowed and my throat felt like daggers. “I gotta work.”

  “You told me that you'd come to me if you were in trouble,” she said.

  “Yeah but...” I fought to think of the correct words that would not make Avril smack me. “It's not that I don't think you could. It's just...you got kids, Avril. And I don't want those kinda people showing up at your door looking for me.”

  “Let them show up at my door and try to mess with my kids,” her eyes flashed fire and I smiled.

  “I feel like you just included me in the category of your kids.”

  “You basically are,” she replied.

  “Honestly, Avril, I'm ok,” I said. “Whatever I've caught, it'll go away and I'll figure this out, like I always do.”

  “It'll be alright. But I could make it easier,” she said. “What do you need, right now?”

  “Tylenol?” I asked and she chuckled.

  “Sure,” she said, going to get her purse.

  When she was gone, I took a deep breath, putting my hands on my face as she wandered back to me.

  “You know, Todd was kind of sick for a few days before you came over,” she said. “Do you think it's that?”

  “I was feeling crappy before that,” I answered. “But thanks, for exposing me to it, bestest friend.”

  “No problem,” she handed me two pills which I swallowed quickly. I doubted they were going to help, because it seemed an easy fix to death warmed over, but I was grateful for the attempt. “Thanks.”

  “Ok, go and get some food or tea or something,” she said. “And call me if you need anything. I'm headed out.”

  “Aye aye, captain,” I said, reaching into my pocket for my key to the high rollers suite. I had come in with the intention of a free dinner, but as soon as she left, I decided to forego dinner and head to the couches upstairs, for a quick nap. I figured I was going to give my body as much of a chance as possible to recover before I tackled the tables.

  On the way down the hallway, I passed Rosanna, one of the waitress trainers. I smiled at her, but she didn't seem to notice me. At her side, taking notes frantically, was Carrie Anne. I almost didn't recognize her, because she had a full face of makeup and a cocktail dress on that made her look like a supermodel. She was stunning, and she looked nothing like the usual girls around here. Carrie Anne looked like a princess, floating above the rest.

  “Hey,” I said, as they blew by and Carrie Anne looked up.

  “Hi Evan,” she said, as Rosanna rushed by. “Sorry, training...”

  “Yeah, of course,” I said. “See you around.”

  Rosanna gave me a quick smile, but they were in such a hurry that I didn't force them to chat any longer. I headed up to the lounge, stretching out on the couch and closed my eye, my mind drifting for the hour or so I allowed myself. I had to win, tonight, and if I couldn't focus, I needed another strategy.

  I could hear the noise start to increase on the floor below me as the minutes ticked by, and eventually, I hauled myself to my feet, gulping down two glasses of lemon water before I stood up.

  Fridays were when all the newbies played, flush with cash from their paychecks, and my chances of winning should be high tonight. Usually, on Fridays, I came away flush for the next few days. But when I sat down at the high rollers table that night, I saw that the odds were against me. Everyone there was a regular; and they were ruthless.

  “Evan,” Jake said to me, as I sat. Jake and I didn't have a good relationship, probably because we took turns winning. Currently, it was not my turn. “Haven't seen you for a few days.”

  “I've been around,” I said. “Mostly out on the floor.”

  “Ha, do we intimidate you?” he asked and I rolled my eyes.

  “No,” I said. “I thought I'd give you fellas a break for a while. Now, shall we play?”

  “What we need,” Jake said. “Is a drink.”

  “Hey, rounds on me,” I said. “To give you all courage to play me.”

  “We won't go easy on you because of that, Evan,” Jake said.

  “Oh, I know,” I said, forcing a smile. “Now, what would you like?”

  I raised my hand to flag down one of the waitresses, and Carrie Anne was by my side in an instant. I could see Rosanna hovering off to the side, watching her and I found a genuine smile for her, despite my pain.

  “What can I get you guys?” Carrie Anne asked, her notepad out.

  “Round of vodka shots,” I said. “Put it on my tab and give yourself a good tip for it.”

  “Sure thing,” Carrie Anne said, smiling back at me. “Thank you. Anything else?”

  “Check back about 30 minutes after you bring them,” I replied. “I have a feeling we are going to need them.”

  “Uh, ok,” Carrie Anne looked at her watch. “Is 8:12 good?”

  I wasn't sure whether she was joking or not, but I cracked a smile, which made the other guys laugh.

  Soon, the cards were flying across the table, and we were several rounds into it. Carrie Anne was a good waitress, and I tried to shuffle the shots towards the other players rather than down them myself. Carrie Anne brought a pitcher of water with each round, and I tried to keep denying it, but it wasn't doing anything to settle my stomach. By the time 11:00 pm rolled around, I knew that I wasn't going to win the battle that was brewing within me. When the round ended, I stood up, trying to keep yesterday's dinner down.

  “I'll be back, guys,” I said and headed towards the door. There was a lineup for the bathroom that I knew I could never make. I ducked the opposite way, pushing open the backdoor, and headed towards the alleyway, doubling over. My vision blackened and I grabbed the brick wall, by the dumpsters.

  I really hoped this wasn't how I died.

  5

  Carrie Anne

  “How are you finding it?” Rosanna asked me, as I put down another tray of empty drinks in the kitchen.

  “Good,” I said, as I wiped my hands on my apron. “I mean, it's super busy, but that's alright. I'm making good tips.”

  “Of course you are making good tips,” Rosanna said. “Look at you.”

  “Oh,” I blushed. “I mean, I don't...I feel like I kind of stand out from everyone else.”

  “Not a bad thing,” Rosanna answered. “I think everyone appreciates a change of scenery.”

  “Ha,” I replied, as I changed some of the bigger bills for the smaller ones in the main till. “But is it normally this busy?”

  “Yeah, on Friday's,” Rosanna said. “You can probably count on whatever you made tonight as standard for every night, especially if you are only going to work weekends.”

  “What do you make on weekdays?” I asked.

  “About half,” Rosanna said. “Which is still a good day.”

  “Yeah,” I shrugged. It actually wasn't bad, but I didn't want to rejoice in my new fortune until I survived the first night. “Things seem ok on the floor. Is there anything else I can do to help?”

  “Funny you should ask,” Rosanna said. “Because I need you to take out the garbage.”

  “Oh yeah, sure,” I replied. “Is that a normal...thing waitresses do?”

  “We all pitch in when we can,” Rosanna said. “Share the workload and all of that.”

  “Right, of course,” I said. “Where do I take it?”

  “Just out the back,” Rosanna said. “There's two dumpsters, can't miss them.”

  “Sure,” I said, looking at the giant black garbage bags in front of me. It wasn't exactly how I planned to spend my night, but I didn't mind. On the farm, I had all sorts odd tasks and it didn't really bother me. However, I usually don't do them in heels and a short skirt.

  I hauled both garbage bags up and carried them across the kitchen, and into the back alley. Sure enough, there were two dumpsters exactly where Rosanna said they would be. I threw them both in the dumpster and then jumped as I heard a noise behind me.

  In the dark, it was hard to make out exactly what was happening. There was someone out here with me, and they were not alright. The figure leaned over and threw up onto the ground. I wrinkled my nose as I Heard the splash on the ground.

  I wasn't a saint; I drank just like everyone else did on the farm at the barn raisings, or with dinner or something. Maybe it was the fact that we all got up at the crack of dawn, but drinking to excess was found upon where I lived. I never understood why people wanted to make a mess of themselves, especially to the level of throwing up in a back alley.

  When I took a step closer, I was disappointed to see it was Evan standing there. He didn't look like a GQ model now; his hair messed up and his jacket astray. When I had passed him in the hall, he had looked like a Greek God but his appearance made me crinkle my nose now.

  I wasn't a monster, and I watched for a moment to make sure he was alright. When I saw him straight up and lean against the wall, I knew he would probably be alright. I made a mental note to come back out and check if he wasn't inside in 10 minutes, just in case.

  When I returned to the casino floor after washing my hands, it was chaos. It was like the five minutes I had been away had caused everyone to need drink refills at once. Scurrying around, I barely noticed who was waving me down until I found myself at Evan's table, about 15 minutes later.

  “Right on time, Carrie Anne,” he said to me, with a smile. “Could you be so kind as to get us another round of drinks?”

  “Uh...” I froze at that. He was looking at me through bleary eyes and I knew that I couldn't get him anything without my job being put in jeopardy. Avril had been very clear that over serving was not acceptable, and if we so much as suspected it, we were to cut them off. “I can't do that.”

  His smile faltered.

  “Why?” he asked. I drew up all my courage.

  “I'm sorry,” I said. “I was told not to over serve anyone.”

  The players roared with laughter and one of them punched Evan in the shoulder.

  “Lightweight,” he said. “She's new on the job and she knows you're hammered.”

  “Carrie Anne,” Evan tried, but I shook my head, backing away.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Flag me down if ya’ll want something non-alcoholic.”

  I left the table before they could say anything else, because I wanted to avoid confrontation. I really wasn't good at arguing with people, which was probably why Timothy and I were still so mixed up.

  I went into the kitchen to calm down, rinsing out a few glasses and trading my big bills for small ones again, just to calm my beating heart. There was no one else in the room at the moment, and I took advantage of the semi silence, placing my hands on the counter and took a deep breath.

  “Carrie Anne?”

  I almost knocked the tray of empty glasses, spinning around at the voice.

  Evan was standing in the doorway, leaning against the door frame.

  “Can I talk to you a minute?”

  “You're not supposed to be in here,” I managed and he waved his hand.

  “It's fine,” he said. “Seriously, no one is going to say anything. Can I just talk to you a minute?”

  “If it's about out there, I’m sorry if I came off a little harshly,” I replied. “But I really can't serve you.”

  “Why?” he asked, confused.

  “Because of your little display in the back alley,” I replied. “I saw you out there, and while I'm glad you're ok, I'll lose my job if I over serve you. And I really can't afford that.”

  “Ah, so you know what it's like to desperate,” he answered, his face softening. “Well, that's where I am at the moment.”

  “What are you talking about?” I asked confused and he took a deep breath.

  “What you saw in the back was not...” he stopped and then started again. “I'm not drunk, except with fever. I've just caught some bug I can't shake and I'm pretty sure I'm going to die from it.”

  I wanted to laugh but I took a moment to really look at him. He was standing straight, although one arm was wrapped around his stomach, and his face was pale, rather than the blotchy I saw when people were drinking. His eyes had bags and his fist was clenched at his side.

  “You're...sick?” I asked. “Why are you here then?”

  “Because,” he said. “I've dug myself into a hole, and if I don't win something substantial tonight, I wouldn't like to guess what the loan sharks will do when they come pounding on my door tomorrow. So, if I don't keep my table good and drunk, I won't be able to win a thing. I swear to you, I've had exactly one shot, which was what you saw in the back alley, returning to light.”

  His eyes were large and pleading. I had never seen Evan so broken, so helpless. He was always strong, and didn't bat an eyelash at even the worst situation. Now, in front of me, it was like he had the weight of the world on my shoulders.

  “One today?” I asked and he nodded.

  “Nothing else, which was probably a dumb idea,” he admitted. “I really need you to keep them tanked, though.”

  I took a deep breath, looking at the kitchen sink and then back at him.

  “Fine,” I said, at last. “I can bring them a round of shots and you some water. Would that work?”

  “In a shot glass would work,” he said. “To keep up the ruse. But you can even watch me drink if you are afraid I'm going to lie to you.”

  “It's fine,” I said, looking around. The fryer was still on and there was a fresh batch of fries sitting in the basket. “Have you eaten anything at all?”

  “No,” he said.

  “I'll bring you some fries,” I said. “It might settle your stomach.”

  “Sure,” he answered, meeting my eyes. “But you won't...tell them?”

  “Trust me,” I said, and I saw his eyes flash. He didn't break my gaze but I could tell there was pain behind his glance.

 

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