But sleeping in my own bed and knowing there wasn't another human being in the apartment made me wake up several time, as if I just needed an emotional presence.

  Somewhere near dawn, I gave in to the emotions swirling in my mind and dialed a now long-distance number.

  “Well, hello,” Timothy's voice came through as if he was just next to me. “You're up early.”

  “I couldn't sleep,” I said, putting the phone on speaker and leaving it on my pillow. “I'm thinking a lot lately.”

  “Yeah,” Timothy said, with a sigh. “Me too.”

  “What are you thinking about?” I asked.

  “A way to get you back here,” he answered. “And what I have to promise you.”

  Immediately, the conservation began to make me angry, rather than soothing me.

  “Timothy, I've told you a thousand times,” I said, old wounds flaring up. “That's not how it's going to work. You can't just assume that you are the reason I left.”

  “Well, aren't I?” he asked. “What do you want? You want me to be nicer? You want me to sit and watch the reality shows with you? I'm sorry I never---”

  “You're not the reason, Timothy,” I cried. “We want two totally different things in life, and I don't...” There were tears in my voice. “think that there is any way for one of us to compromise without being totally miserable.”

  “So, you're just going to throw it all away?”

  “What am I supposed to do?” I was blubbering now. “Give up on what I want to be? Who I want to be, just to be with you?”

  “If you loved me, I would be enough. The life I could provide you would be enough. So, this is clearly a case, Carrie Anne, of the fact that you don't love me enough. You don't love me over your own selfish desires.”

  “Selfish?” I cried. “For YEARS, Timothy, I tried. I went to the school I didn't want to go to, and made a horrible commute during my bachelors and undergraduate, just so I could stay at home with you. I never experienced any of the things college students did, and I'm not talking about partying. I didn't join any clubs; I didn't pull all-nighters; I never even used the computer lab.”

  “So you wanted to join a club and that's why you left?” Timothy answered. “What club is that, exactly?”

  “Oh my God, I can't talk to you,” I growled. “Stop, please stop. Why aren't you hearing me?”

  “I hear you, Carrie Anne,” Timothy said. “At least, I hear some excuses for why a life of good, honest, hard work wasn't enough for me. Or I wasn't enough. Whatever. It doesn't matter.”

  “No,” I said, at last. “It doesn't matter. Because I'm here now.”

  With that, I hung up the phone, bringing my knees up to my chest. I couldn't believe he was capable of saying such hurtful things to me.

  I didn't want to stay here alone any longer.

  Getting up, I grabbed my backpack and shoved the few things I would need for an overnight trip into it. I grabbed my laptop, and threw my hair up into a bun, still wearing the leggings and shirt I had gone to bed with.

  Coming now, I texted to Evan. I knew that he was probably just asleep for the day, but he did say I could come anytime, and given me the code to get in.

  I could have called Jenny, but then I would have to explain to her why I was so upset. Jenny didn't pry, but she did talk things out, and as my best friend, she expected me to tell her everything. It was a completely fair expectation, but it wasn't one I could honour in that moment.

  The buses were quicker in the early morning, just starting their regular schedule but not clogged with people. It took me an hour and a half to get to the Casino, and then I backtracked to the address Evan had given me.

  The street that his apartment building was on didn't make me feel the safest. There were several people sleeping in doorways, and I could hear loud voices from the other end of the street, accompanied by some sort of scuffle.

  I pulled open the door of his apartment building and keyed in the entry code. The door buzzed, letting me into a questionable lobby with a few ripped couches and a random pile of boxes in the corner.

  The elevator had an out of order sign on it, so I took the stairs up to the 4th floor. All the doors had keypads, but I thought I'd at least knock.

  To my surprise, he pulled open the door, looking bleary with sleep.

  “Oh,” he said. “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I said. “Sorry to just barge in, you said anytime.”

  “Yeah, of course,” he said, seemingly confused. “What time is it?”

  “It's like 8:00am,” I said. “Sorry, I can come back later if you like.”

  “No, no, it's fine,” he held the door open. “I wasn't really asleep yet.”

  “Yeah, I didn't sleep much either,” I admitted, stepping into his apartment.

  Like mine, it was sparse. There were a few chairs, an empty kitchen, and a bedroom with a double bed. It was clear that Evan was not here much at all. Still, it was a decent place and it was clean.

  “Can I um...do you want something to drink?” he asked.

  I was about to answer when all of a sudden, we heard a scuffle on the street below us. I assumed it was the same chaos that had been at the edge of the street, and I ignored it for a moment. However, it soon got louder and I turned to Evan.

  “Does this always happen?” I asked, and he nodded.

  “Just background noise,” he replied, with a yawn. He was so casual about it, but then I heard something else alarming.

  “Was that...” I paused. “Was that a gunshot?”

  “I don't think so,” he said but then we heard another one.

  Suddenly, there was a scream, and then glass shattering. I had no idea whether it was in the apartment or outside of it, because everything seemed so close. I was shaking and Evan leapt towards me, to protect me.

  The last thing I saw before everything went dark was his eyes, wide and fearful as he reached his hand out to me. There was a large crash, and a bang, and then the entire apartment filled with darkness. There was more glass shattering, and then pure silence.

  8

  Evan

  “What's happening?” Carrie Anne screamed, as I grabbed her. We had both dropped to the floor, and my mind frantically tried to make sense of her question. “Was that your window? Why are all the lights out?”

  I pushed her down gently, listening. When I didn't' hear anything else, I untensed.

  “This isn't the best building,” he said. “And it's likely those gunshots came from the lobby. There's a couple that are always fighting, and she likes to shoot. Sometimes, she aims for the fuse box.”

  “Are you kidding?” Carrie Anne said. “Really?”

  “Really,” I said to her. “Are you ok?”

  “I mean...yeah,” I said, the corner of her mouth twitched. “This is real life.”

  “God,” Carrie Anne stayed on the floor, pulling her hands away from me to put them on her face. Her shoulders shook and I was worried that she was crying. However, it soon became apparent that she was laughing. “This is my life now.”

  “Are you ok?” I asked, and she spread her legs out, to get more comfortable.

  “I'm fine,” she said. “That doesn't happen on the farm.”

  “Yeah,” I said, sitting down next to her. “If it makes you feel more comfortable, they've never hurt anyone. They are just a crazy comedy routine.”

  “I think I heard them fighting when I came up the street,” Carrie Anne said and I shrugged.

  “Probably. They are pretty much always screaming. The landlord actually offered me a rent discount if I was willing to stay and put up with it.”

  “Well, in that case,” Carrie Anne said. “Sign me up.”

  The fight was clearly over below us, and I knew that several of my neighbours would already have gone to get the landlord in a rage. Standing up, I opened my thick curtains to let in the first rays of daylight.

  “Oh,” I said, leaning forward. “It looks like it was the lobby door that was shattered. Look, you can see the glass on the drive.”

  “I'm good,” Carrie Anne said, going from the floor to my couch. Once the windows were open, it didn't seem so dark and gloomy. I stood awkwardly for a moment, trying to stiffen a yawn. I doubt I had gotten an hour of sleep.

  “I guess it's my turn to offer you coffee,” I said and she shrugged.

  “I'm alright,” she replied. “I really should get working on some homework.”

  I realized that we had just been through a traumatic event, but she looked a little more shaken than I expected.

  “Is everything...alright, Carrie Anne?” I asked, awkwardly. Emotions were not my strong suit, and it wasn't often that I had a beautiful girl sitting on my couch in the morning.

  I paused as that though went through my head. She was beautiful, but I had never taken it personally. It was just a fact, she was pretty, but she wasn't my type. However, when she looked at me with her large eyes, and her long hair fell over her face, I felt my heart strings tug a tiny bit.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I'm just...not used to being alone. Sorry, if it's a problem that I’m here...”

  “It's not,” I said. “I just wanted to make sure that nothing happened. You didn't have any trouble getting home alone or anything like that?”

  “No,” she said. “Nothing like that...I just...I called my boyfriend this morning and we got into a fight. I didn't really want to stare at my walls by myself.”

  “Oh,” I said. “I'm sorry. Frankly, anyone who says anything wrong to you is an idiot.”

  “Oh, I was no saint in the argument.” Carrie Anne replied.

  “Still, I'm sure he was wrong,” I said. “After all, he let you go, didn't he?”

  I wandered into the kitchen, about to make her coffee, and then I remembered there was no power. Sheepishly, I pulled an energy drink out of the fridge, taking the time to add ice to a clean glass.

  “I don't remember you being so nice, Evan!” she called. I chuckled at that.

  “You were 10,” I said. “I was supposed to be mean.”

  My eyes were closing like steel traps and I knew that I was fighting a losing battle. I assumed Carrie Anne would type away for hours, and I needed to be more awake if I wanted to not sound like a total idiot while talking to her. After handing her the red bull, I slunk back to bed, setting my alarm for noon. It felt oddly comforting knowing that she was in the next room, and she was safe. Normally, my philosophy in life was to look out for myself, and no one else. If Jenny or Avril were in the room, that was a different story. But for the most part, I had enough sense to take care of me, and me alone.

  I woke up not to my alarm but my sister's voice.

  “EVAN!”

  “What the hell, Jenny?” I nearly fell out of bed.

  My impish little sister grinned as she leaned in my doorway.

  “Carrie Anne and I are going to lunch. Want to come?”

  “What are you even doing here?” I asked, trying to resist the urge to throw a pillow at her.

  She gave me a look like I was stupid.

  “Uh, my best friend is here?”

  “Yeah, but how did you know?”

  “Evan, are you drunk?” she asked. “We have phones.”

  “Is the power back on?” I managed, sitting up. I knew going back to sleep was useless now. “Is Carrie Anne ok?”

  Jenny gave me an odd look.

  “She's fine,” she said. “Now, do you want to come with us or not?”

  “Where are you going?”

  “The Hilton.”

  “What?”

  My sister rolled her eyes.

  “Come on Evan. We're just going to get fast food. Get up or stay there, but I'm starving.”

  “Yeah, I'll come, I'll come,” I managed, throwing off the covers. “Get out for a moment.”

  I heard Jenny and Carrie Anne giggling in the living room, and it felt like we were teenagers again. At least, it felt that way until I emerged from my room. Seeing Carrie Anne standing there, with her hair down her back and her leggings hugging every curve, reminded me that we were no longer teenagers teasing each other. We were grown, we were adults, and my brain's response to her was certainly in the adult mindset.

  “Sorry,” she said, with a soft smile. “I told Jenny you had just gotten to sleep.”

  “It's fine, I was ready to eat my pillow anyways,” I answered. “And McDonalds sounds fantastic after seven days of soup.”

  “That's right, you had a man cold,” Jenny teased me as we walked. I glared at her as we exited the apartment. Jenny was a step or two ahead of us, and she turned back with a grin.

  “I was dying, Jenny,” I answered. “Legitimately dying. You should have been writing my eulogy.”

  “Here lies Evan,” she said, as we walked down the stairs. “Died of the most tragic man cold ever.”

  Carrie Anne brushed up against me as we walked down the stairs. It was an accident, but I smiled at her. She touched my arm, gently, this time on purpose.

  “It's ok,” she said. “I'd say it was closer to the Black plague.”

  “Man, they really did a number on this place,” I said, as we stepped until the lobby. There was glass everywhere, and there were already workmen at the fuse box.

  “Evan, you wouldn't live anywhere without excitement,” Jenny said. “If this lobby never saw any drama, you'd pack up your things.”

  “Cheaper than going to the movies,” I said, and Carrie Anne laughed.

  “The most drama we saw on the farm was people stealing each other's cows.”

  “What?” I said, turning to her.

  “We had beef cows,” she said. “And Timothy's farm had milk cows. When we were kids, we used to prank each other and sneak a few into each other fields, and then pretend we had no idea how it happened. Our parents checked the fence line for ages until they figured it out.”

  “Wow, Carrie Anne,” Jenny said. “You lived an exciting life away from me.”

  “Had to fill the hole you left in my heart somehow,” Carrie Anne said. “And cows are quite good conversationalists.”

  If we had all gone to lunch years ago, we would have fought to no end. But now, we stayed out for two hours, laughing and reliving old memories. By the time Jenny headed off and Carrie Anne and I went back to my apartment, I felt like I had drunk seven cups of coffee.

  “That was fun,” Carrie Anne said as we sank back onto the couch. “I am so glad that I came back.”

  “Yeah,” I said. “Me too.”

  Our eyes met, and all the good feelings from lunch bubbled into something else entirely. I felt electricity shift through the couch, from her hands to mind.

  She was so beautiful, and so pure, watching me as if I were the most interesting person in the world. And she was so smart. Girls that smart didn't look twice at me. Carrie Anne and I were radically different, but that didn't' seem to matter in this moment we were sharing.

  I felt like her eyes were pulling me in and I leaned in. She stopped mid-sentence, clenching her fists and unclenching them. She seemed nervous, and if I was honest, I was also nervous.

  Her lips were perfect, pink and moist, and I couldn't resist anymore. I reached to her face, gently drawing it towards mind.

  I didn't even know how badly I wanted to kiss her until I did. It was a very soft kiss, slow and gentle. I shifted my body closer, so that I could wrap one arm around her waist, pulling her towards me.

  My world in that moment was perfect. Her body fit perfectly against mine, and our lips were in perfect sync. I moved my other hand from her face to her hair, and gently wrapped my hand in it. It was soft and silky, and I pulled, just a little. She closed her eyes, leaning closer to me. I was certain that I could kiss her forever, on this couch. The rest of my life didn't matter; my bills; my lack of sleep, nothing. Everything I had ever wanted in life was right in front of me.

  All of sudden, the spell was broken. There was a car horn, or a bird, or something. The sudden noise startled both of us, and we pulled apart. Carrie Anne's eyes opened and I saw horror enter them.

  “I can't do this,” she said. “No, no, I can't do this.”

  “Carrie Anne, it's ok...” I started but she stood up.

  “I can't do this, Evan. I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend, I...”

  “I know,” I said, trying to soothe her. “I'm sorry, I shouldn't have...please don't go.”

  “I should go,” she said at the same time, frantically gathering her stuff and throwing it into her backpack. “I'll see you at work tonight.”

  “Hey, you can stay,” I stood up as well. “I'm sorry, it won't happen again.”

  “No, no...” she said as she threw her bag onto her shoulder. “Thanks for letting me stay this morning. But I have to go. Good luck tonight.” She threw on her shoes, and looked around before grabbing her phone. My mouth was trying to make coherent words, but her frantic energy was making me into a babbling idiot. I couldn't think of something to make her stay.

  Before I could protest, she flew out the door, practically slamming it behind her. I sank back onto the couch, putting my head in my hands. I had ruined everything.

  9

  Carrie Anne

  I didn't know what to do or where to go, except I knew I couldn't stay in that situation with Evan.

  I had never kissed anyone but Timothy. I had never held hands with anyone but Timothy. And here I was, betraying him just a few days into moving here. I was a horrible person.

  And the worst part was, I liked it. I had liked kissing Evan.

  I had no one I could call. It wasn't like I could call Jenny and tell her that I thought I was developing complicated feelings for her brother. It wasn't like I could call home and explain that the boy they trusted me to be with, that they approved of, was being betrayed.

  I could go to work, but that was only if I thought I could keep my mouth shut. And I really needed to work on my essay.

  There was a Starbucks down the road and decided that was going to be the best course of action. I wasn't ready to face all of Evan's friends.

 

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19