Project lightning, p.15
Project Lightning, page 15
“A little,” he chuckles “I knew you were seeing Dr. Murphy so I figured you’d be awhile.”
I smile as I take the last bite of chips. Caleb takes the plate and throws it in the trash before moving back to sit with me.
I put my head back in my hands as my past washes over me again. Caleb lifts my chin and meets my eyes. His concerned hazel ones shine back into mine. “Are you okay?”
I shrug as I lean my head on his shoulder. His strokes me lightly on the back. My eyes mist as I think about my parents. So many questions swirl in my head and I feel a headache starting to form behind my eyes. Caleb's gently rubs my temples and I feel my body sag with relief. “Do you want to talk about it?”
I shrug again. A part of me wants to tell Caleb but another part wants to sort it out in my brain first.
“It's okay if you don't,” he says calmly. “I understand.”
“It's not that.” I don’t want him to think I am keeping things from him. But I can’t wrap my brain around everything. Being told for a lifetime that my childhood was one way only to have it ripped clean from under me. It is so confusing and I want to understand it. But I don’t. “I just don't understand it myself.”
“Maybe telling me will help you sort it out,” Caleb suggests, grabbing my hand and gently stroking his fingers over my knuckles. He lifts my hand and presses his lips against it.
I smile. “Maybe.” Caleb pulls me into his lap. I settle my face against him. My breaths are short and I feel tightness in my chest. “I saw Dr. Murphy today.”
I feel his chest jolt with internal laughter. “I knew that,.” Caleb says as he kisses me on my forehead.
“I told her about my dreams. She seemed surprised when I told her about my memories. She thinks it’s a form of amnesia caused by a traumatic accident or experience when I was around eight years old that made my memories go away.”
“That would make sense. Your dreams are your memories coming through. I’ve heard of cases like that.”
“So have I,” I say with a sigh.
“So then what is wrong? If that’s the case, then you may eventually have your memories back. Why’s that bad?” He pulls me back and looks deep into my eyes. I want to avert them because I feel like they are boring into my soul. But I don’t.
“I’ve been told by my aunt and uncle that I was raised with them as a baby.” I peel myself out of his arms and start pacing in front of the bench. My feet crunch on the rocky paths. “If these are really memories, why did they lie?”
Caleb stands and grasps my arms to stop me. I look up at him and see safety, caring, and love? He smiles slightly. “If that’s the case, we’ll figure it out together.”
“You want to help me?” I ask incredulously. After all the resistance, I am a little surprised that someone would want to help me.
“Of course, why wouldn't I?”
I walk out of his arms and a few feet away. “Every time I’ve asked or wanted to know about my parents, my family has avoided the subject. They say it upsets them. So I stopped asking. So why would I assume someone I care about would do anything different now?”
Caleb moves closer and cups my face. “Because,” he sweeps a kiss on my forehead and then nose. “I think I love you.”
My heart beats harder. He loves me. Do I love him? I look up at his eyes searching mine. When we connect I know. Yes, I do. “I think I might love you too,” I whisper. His eyes widen and he sucks in a deep breath.
“Are you sure?” he whispers back. “If you aren't...” I put my finger up against his lips.
“I'm sure. I love you, Caleb Warner.”
He smiles brightly. “I love you too, Brinna St. Pope.” My lips crash against his. Our bodies align and he pulls me against him. My arms wrap around his neck as he tilts his head and deepens the kiss. A shiver breaks across my skin as he gently caresses a space of skin on my lower back. Butterflies take flight in my stomach as our breaths come up short.
He breaks away, breathing heavily. His forehead against mine. “I don't want to go back.” A whistle sounds in the distance calling for curfew.
“We have to,” I whisper.
“I know,” he whispers back.
We walk slowly back to the atrium and through security. Caleb’s arm pulls me close to his body as we make our way through the almost empty gym. When we get to the girls dormitory, he leans down and sweeps his lips across mine leaving a trail of sensation that makes me yearn for more. He nibbles gently at the corner of my mouth and I sigh as I lean into him. We slowly break apart. My lips tingle from the contact and I sigh softly again. He winks as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead before saying goodnight.
I walk into the dorm feeling bereft of Caleb’s safety. But I know we can’t always be together. Maybe in the future. But for now we need to stay separate.
Chapter 23
Sunday speeds by quickly as Caleb and I spend most of the day together. We hang out with our friends, take a walk in the garden, and steal a couple of quiet minutes in my bunk. We were interrupted when my roommates returned and he had to sneak out.
I distract everyone by turning them around to look at my freshly done nails as he creeps through the back door. Madore catches him but just looks at me and her eyebrows climb her forehead. I blush furiously as I follow him out the door. He grabs me and shoves me into a dark corner where we continue what we were doing. His lips move furiously over mine as his tongue plunges into my mouth. However, I can’t stop thinking about getting caught and begin to laugh. He joins in and I feel his body shake as we stand there clinging to each other.
In the evening, Caleb is called to Major Halley's office. When he returns he’s in full work mode. I pout, but quickly return my mind to getting my room fully prepared. Over my time with Project Lightening, I’ve felt myself changing. I’m now more outgoing, I’ve made several friends, and I laugh quicker. I like this version of myself. Maybe it is Caleb or maybe it is the freedom to reinvent myself but I have felt like this where I am supposed to be. I pull out my mother’s picture and gently run my finger over her golden hair. It is in that moment I realize why I feel as if I belong here. It is where I am closest to my parents. For the first time in my life, my parents are with me. It’s as if this place holds a piece of them that I am just barely uncovering.
An announced inspection occurs at 1800. I watch Caleb and Major Halley go in the other girls’ rooms where a couple of them receive a talking to but nothing major. Again, I get top marks for my room. When it’s over, Caleb remains and hands out our schedules. “Okay. So we all workout first thing in the morning before breakfast. Be prepared to sweat.”
I smile as I think of a sweaty Caleb; the image of his shirt stuck to his chest and muscles bulging comes to mind. I shiver in anticipation. He meets my eyes and I see his flash slightly. His eyes focus on me and I blush. He finishes talking and dismisses us. “Get a good night’s sleep. You're going to need it.”
“Yes. Private Warner,” we all chorus.
“Private St. Pope.”
“Yes, Private Warner.”
“A word, please.”
I nod and follow him through the back door. Madore wolf whistles and I flip my middle finger up at her. Her bark of laughter can be heard as the door closes behind me.
He walks me down to the computer lab and opens the door. The dark doesn’t scare me as much anymore. I think it’s because I know he isn’t going to take advantage of me. After all, we’ve had plenty of chances but he’s never pushed me.
He closes the door. “You needed to see...” His lips cut off my words, moving slowly and smoothly against mine. He pulls me against him and I wrap my arms around his neck. He turns us around, pushing me up against the wall, his body resting against mine. He breaks the kiss and gently kisses across my chin to my neck.
“What were you thinking earlier?” he says, while placing kisses on my neck. Shivers shoot down my body all the way to my toes.
My brain isn't functioning. “What?” I murmur as he kisses the hollow of my throat.
“What. Were. You. Thinking. About. Earlier.” he punctuated as he gave me nips and kisses in between each word. Electricity soared through my veins. My fuzzy brain won't let go. “Well?”
“I...I...” I say as he places a gentle kiss on my forehead.
“You. What?” he whispers. I think he’s going to kiss me again. I close my eyes and prepare but nothing ever comes. I open one eye and he’s standing there smiling at me. He steps back and I feel his warmth leave me. I want his body against mine again. “I asked you a question.”
I shake my head and try to remember. He asked me something. Then I blush as I remember what I’d been thinking earlier.
“There’s that blush,” he says as he chuckles.
I gulp and swallow hard. Can I tell him? I see his smiling eyes and know I can. Trying to be bold, I walk up to him, tracing my finger down his muscular chest. His Adam's apple bobs up and down. “I was thinking,” I swirl my finger down farther, tracing around his pecs. “About how hot you look.” Running my hand down his abs tracing the indentations there. “When you are sweaty.” I rest my hands on his hips. Pushing my body against his, I feel his arms go around me as his lips hastily press against mine.
He lifts me up and I wrap my legs around his hips. He places me gently on the edge of a desk. His kisses become fiercer as he licks and nips at me. My tongue meets his and he moans into my mouth. He pulls away quickly. His breath is short.
“You make me lose control, Brin,” Caleb says with a smile.
“We wouldn't want that to happen.”
“At least not here.” I look around and am instantly sobered.
“No. At least not here,” I agree.
He smirks and nuzzles my neck. I shiver. “Well, I guess we should get back to the dorms.”
I nod and he steps back from me. I jump down from the desk and he grabs my hand. At the back door to my dorm, he turns and places a sweet kiss on my lips. “I'll see you in the morning.”
“In the morning,” I echo.
One sweeter kiss and he turns. I watch him walk down the hall. I turn and am immediately ambushed by the other girls, chattering around me and asking me questions. They make kissy faces as we sit in the common area of the dormitory. I laugh hard at their antics, enjoying the evening. Pretty soon. the whistle blows for lights out.
Madore stands in the doorway with her pillow and blanket. I smile but shake my head even though I’m still having the dreams. The dreams don't seem as scary now because this is the only time I get to see my parents. It makes me feel like they are here with me and I feel a little less alone.
Chapter 24
Classes start the next day and I’m swept up in a whirlwind. Students race around me as I try to make my way to each class. Voices constantly surround me in the hallways. A sea of gray, purple and green collide in the hallways and classrooms. I bolt from class to class trying to absorb as much information as I can. I have Military History (yay?) which is followed by Technology 101. The class is a basic overview of the technologies developed in Project Lightning. It seems interesting, but most of the technology is fairly basic. I find I’ve got Computer Programming 6 with third year students on my schedule because apparently I’m too advanced for the lower level classes. It is odd to be with a group of students that are two years away from graduation when I am barely starting but I muddle through the best I can.
My last course of the day is Human Psychology. It’s fascinating knowing most of the behavioral studies we have are from over one hundred years ago. In our first class, I learned that B.F Skinner, John B. Watson, and Ivan Pavlov were all instrumental in developing the theories behind behaviorism. Although there were some more recent behaviorists, the founding fathers were truly interesting to me. Particularly I liked the theories of B.F. Skinner. His theory of operant conditioning where a person who is rewarded will more than likely repeat that action than if he is punished makes me evaluate how I used to avoid the subject of my parents because it upset my aunt and uncle. I was “punished” when I mentioned my parents and therefore didn’t want to repeat that action again.
The full days combined with morning physical training leaves me exhausted. Each night, I drag myself back to my room and collapse on my bed. The only time Caleb and I see each other is morning PT and on the weekends. It’s disappointing, since for the last few weeks we spent so much time together. I miss him.
On Friday, we are let out of classes early to prepare for visiting day on Saturday. Tomorrow, I finally get to see my family after two months. I’m sure Maddy has grown. A part of me is happy to be seeing them, but another part is conflicted. It’s going to feel good to see people who love me, because I never doubted that. Even for a minute. However, if my dreams are true, they have been lying to me since I was eight. Would I be able to handle that?
I realize I’m walking in the garden and don't know how I got there. I must’ve been deep in thought. The garden is soothing and calming. I feel myself relax almost instantly as I smell a yellow lily. Its scent surrounds me and I sigh heavily.
“That was a deep sigh,” a low voice says from behind me. I turn quickly and meet the eyes of the one man I’ve been avoiding. Colonel Barnum. Jumping to attention, I salute sharply and he salutes back. “At ease, soldier.”
I relax slightly as he circles me, gently picking at some of the flowers. The air around me feels cold. His presence makes me shiver as I watch him move from the corner of my eye. “Tomorrow is visiting day.”
“Yes, sir. It is,” I say confidently.
“Are you excited to see your family?” he questions as he pulls another bloom to his nose.
“Of course I am, sir.”
He doesn't say anything. Pursing his lips, he taps his finger against his mouth. Another cold shiver blasts through me. The air is full of friction. Tension grows as he continues to stalk around me. No speaking. Just walking. He finally breaks the silence. “You remember our conversation from a few weeks ago?”
“Yes, sir?” I say.
“Your aunt and uncle were never told of your parents running away. We never told them how they died. It would be advisable if you avoid this subject while meeting with them.” His tone makes it clear this isn’t a suggestion. It’s an order.
My heart freezes. As my heart begins to race, I feel a sticky sweat creep over my body. He doesn't want me to talk about my parents with my aunt and uncle. He doesn't want them to know anything. A part of me wants to talk about them just to spite him. However, when I see his intense stare, I know I have to agree to stay quiet.
I nod. “I understand, sir.” My body strung tight. My stomach flipping wildly as I feel the tightness in my chest grow and expand. A trickle of sweat runs down my neck and into my collar.
“I hope you do, because the consequence of disobeying a direct superior's orders would be...severe.”
I swallow loudly. I had heard from Kayla that she had a classmate last year that created a computer virus that almost wiped the entire Project Lightning database. Apparently this girl had been warned before but she didn’t listen. Security had placed her in handcuffs and escorted her to a bus. But it wasn’t the bus that went to the city. A red bus. She was almost certain that bus was the Hades workcamp bus. I repeat. “I understand sir.”
“Good.” He walks in front of me and I salute him. He salutes back and stalks off through the garden. My shoulders slump forward and I feel exhausted. My chest is tight and I fight to breathe. I reach out to stop myself but I can't and collapse on the ground. My head is pounding and my heart’s racing. I feel the blackness creep inside as I lose all thought of the world around me.
I gasp out loud as I wake. I hear a beeping sound increasing as I take loud breaths, feeling as if I can't get enough air. White surrounds me and I whip my head back and forth. I hear a voice calling to me through the fog. Hands hold me down as I struggle against my captors. A feeling of helplessness pervades my body.
A voice calls to me again and this time I hear it. Caleb. “Shhh. Brinna. Calm down, honey. You are going to hurt yourself.”
The beeping begins to decrease as the brightness leaves my eyes. Hazel eyes come into focus as I feel the struggle leave my body. Hands disappear from my body and I feel the breath return. “Deep breaths honey. In and out,” I feel a sense of safety pervade my soul.
The rest of the room comes into focus and I see machines around me. I focus on Caleb. His hand is in mine as he strokes it gently. A smile breaks out on his handsome face as he gazes deeply into his eyes. “There you are, Brin.”
I smile back and grasp his hand tightly. “Where am I?” I croak and motion for a drink. Motion in my peripheral lets me know we aren’t alone.
“In medical, honey. You were found collapsed in the garden.” I furrow my brows trying to remember why I was in the garden. “Do you remember what happened?”
I try to remember, but all I can see is a set of black eyes boring into mine. Again they seem very familiar like I have seen them before. But I can’t place them. Thoughts fly through my mind as I try to figure out how I got here. My memory returns suddenly and I’m flooded with images. “Colonel Barnum,” I whisper.
“Colonel Barnum?” Caleb asks. “What happened?”
“I went to the garden to think. I was excited to see my family but nervous because of, well, you know.” A cup is placed in my hand and I take an eager sip.
“Slowly, sweetheart,” he cautions and I slow down.
“I was smelling the lilies when Colonel Barnum came.” I shiver as I think about the icky feeling that came over me when he arrived. Caleb grips my hand tighter and pulls the blanket around my shoulders. I smile at him and his warm smile beams back. “He warned me not to talk to my aunt and uncle about our conversation.”
He rubs his chin and taps his lips with his finger. “Did he say why?”
I shrug. “I guess they were never told about what happened with my parents and he wouldn't want that to get out.”
Caleb frowns deeply. His brows draw together forming a line between them. I can see his mind processing this information. “So what happened next? Did he do something to you?”
