Beautifully damaged boxs.., p.61
Beautifully Damaged Boxset, page 61
“River?”
I slumped in the seat, my fingers fidgeting in my lap. “I wasn’t sure I could go back, and I was scared to tell you.”
Holden’s jaw clenched, the muscle in his face popping. “You can’t do that. River, you have to be a hundred percent honest with me. I was already worried about that. If it were me, I’m not sure I could return to the scene of the crime. I had to see the place you were kidnapped from every single day, and it was fucking torture. Maybe 4 Play burning to the ground was a blessing in disguise.”
I sniffled and wiped my nose with the back of my arm and stared at my dirty jeans. I hadn’t had a fresh change of clothes since my last visit to Dr. Austin a few days ago. “Returning to the club hadn’t crossed my mind until now. I’ve stayed in a cell or … in a hole beneath a guard’s house. Every fucked-up minute, I was in survival mode.” My fingers balled into fists. “I can’t do this right now,” I whispered and turned away from him, the images assaulting my brain, stealing my breath away. How the hell would I deal with everything now that I was safe again? I never thought this day would happen, so I’d shoved all the pain and anger down, using it for protection and to keep myself alive.
I peeked at Holden. Tears glistened on his cheeks. “I never meant to put you in danger.”
Sadness tingled in my stomach, and I took his hand in mine. “I know. You’re going to have to forgive yourself.”
“So are you. Ditching Zayne … it was a normal reaction after the pregnancy test.”
A part of me realized that he was right, but my poor decision had landed me in a training compound, ready to be sold to some sick asshole overseas. Bile swam up to my throat. I swallowed, forcing my stomach to behave. “Maybe, but it was a reaction that cost me dearly. It cost all of us so much, Holden.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes. “Where are we going to stay?” I nodded to Reid in the front seat.
“Chance’s place. You and I will take Chance’s room and Reid can have one of the guest rooms. We’ll get things worked out.”
I frowned, my mind spinning faster than a weathervane in a tornado. “Where’s Chance? For that matter, can I see everyone tomorrow? And how in the hell did our home and club catch on fire?”
“I’ll tell you about the club later. Chance and Brynn are in Portland on business for a while.”
“Business?” What the fuck had happened while I was gone?
“Yeah, hopefully they’ll be back soon. Jace is at Chance’s waiting for us.” His attention fell to his lap, then back to me. “River, you have my word, I’ll tell you everything tomorrow, but for tonight, I need to just hold you. Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” I whispered, grateful I didn’t have to blow his world wide-open with the truth about his family yet.
***
Half an hour later, Zayne pulled into the driveway of a tan house with black trim. I hadn’t ever seen Chance’s place before. Even through the darkness, I could see the abundance of leafy trees. The home was nestled toward the back of the property, allowing for privacy.
We all climbed out of the car. My muscles were screaming at me. The cell had been cramped, and the trip home had been long. I was definitely ready to walk around and try to eat something.
I rounded the vehicle, slid my arm through Holden’s, and took Reid’s hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.
Holden glanced at Reid, his gaze traveling down to our interlocked fingers. He gave Reid a tight-lipped smile. “This is where my friend Chance lives. We’re going to stay here for a few days. Make yourself at home. If you want to shower, then I’ll give you shorts and a T-shirt to change into. Hell, I probably have some boxer briefs that are still in the package that you can have. After the fire, Brynn went shopping for me.” Holden cringed, then quickly masked his expression.
“I guess I hadn’t considered clothes. The … work always supplied mine.” Reid fidgeted, obviously feeling awkward with the conversation.
Holden patted him on the back. “Not anymore.”
I loved Holden’s big heart. Even if he and Reid weren’t related, I suspected he would help him get on his feet. But I had so many questions. If they were brothers, how? How could Catherine not tell Holden? Had she given up Reid when she was young? Was Tim not his dad? I realized all of this would come up in conversation after the DNA test, but I was as stunned as Holden. Not to mention it was a little bit unnerving with how similar they looked.
The front door of Chance’s house flew open. Jace stared directly at me, then barreled down the stairs. He practically knocked Holden out of the way and wrapped me up in a warm embrace.
“River,” he whispered. He clung to me, and I hugged him hard.
“Hey, it’s really, really good to see you again,” I said, basking in the sweet welcome.
He pulled away and wiped the moisture from his cheeks. “Are you hungry? I can make a mean grilled cheese.” He grinned, eyeing Holden for a moment. Jace’s smile faltered as his attention landed on Reid.
“Son of a fucking bitch.” Jace’s brows shot up to his hairline, and he rubbed the corner of his mouth with his thumb.
“Uh, Jace … this is Reid. He was with me … at the, uh, place we were held,” I finally said.
Jace shook Reid’s hand. “I’m sure you’ve heard you and Holden look like twins, right?”
“Yeah, a few times. I’m starting to get used to everyone’s reaction.” Reid skeptically assessed Jace.
“Jace, Chance, Brynn, and I are all best friends,” Holden explained. “Let’s get inside and we can talk more there.”
Holden slid his arm around my waist as we climbed the steps to the porch. The setup was adorable, with white furniture and red cushions. I could definitely sit out here and drink my coffee in the morning. It would be nice to walk around and remind my brain that I wasn’t at the compound anymore.
Chance’s entryway and open floor plan reminded me a little of the penthouse. I’d loved helping Holden with the layout and interior design, but I hadn’t seen our new home fully furnished. I hadn’t had time to get attached to it, so I wasn’t sure if I would miss it or not.
A mocha-colored loveseat and couch occupied the living room, and a black rug covered the floor between them. A whitewashed brick fireplace was the focal point on the far wall. A large Samsung flat-screen television was mounted to the left. Tan, full-length blackout curtains hung over the windows. I immediately felt comfortable. I hoped Reid did, too.
Reid stopped walking once the door was closed. “The only reason I know that’s a flat screen television is because of the house I worked at. It was decked out with expensive furniture, televisions, bars, and all of the amenities. But this … this looks like …” He glanced at me. “Like it’s safe.”
I released Holden’s hand and grabbed Reid in a huge hug. “It’s going to take us a while to realize it, but yeah, we’re safe here. We also have Zayne outside. He’ll take care of us. He’s an excellent bodyguard.” I dropped my arms and looked over at Holden. “Will you give us a tour?” I didn’t miss the pain in Holden’s features. I assumed he was recalling the day I was taken, but I wasn’t sure.
“Of course.” He pressed a gentle kiss to my forehead, then showed us around. It wasn’t large, but it was perfect for a single guy and his friends.
Jace was in the kitchen, unloading ingredients from the stainless-steel fridge onto the black and white marble countertop. “Breakfast anyone? I mean, granted, it’s almost three a.m. but it’s still morning.”
“I could eat,” Reid said behind me.
“I’ll try. I might keep it light, though. I haven’t felt well today,” I explained.
“Do you want to take a shower while he’s cooking?” Holden asked me.
I looked at my dirty clothes. “I don’t have anything to wear. Can I borrow a T-shirt?”
“You don’t have to ask, babe. We’ll get you both some clothes tomorrow. Let’s see what we have here for tonight.” Holden rubbed my back, and I leaned into his soothing touch.
I reached out and placed my palm on Reid’s arm. “Are you okay while I shower?”
He gave me a lopsided grin exactly like Holden’s. It was unnerving as hell. “I think I can take Jace if he messes with me.”
“Dude, you have no idea who you’re dealing with.” Jace puffed up his chest and stuck his ass out, strutting around the kitchen.
We all laughed at how ridiculous he looked, but we all needed his humor right now.
“I’m good, I promise. Go get cleaned up,” Reid said.
“Okay. See you in a bit.” I walked to the master bedroom, Holden right behind me.
He shut the door and locked it. We were finally alone. In two long strides, Holden closed the gap between us and pulled me to him. We stood there, embracing in silence as his body began to shake. An anguished cry reached my ears, the pain evident in Holden’s strangled sobs. How was I supposed to give him comfort and support when I was a total fucking mess myself?
“I’m so glad you’re here,” he said against my hair.
“Me, too.” We clung to each other as a mix of relief and fear swirled around us. If we’d survived for this long, we could find a way to get through this as well.
“Shit. I’m sorry, baby.” Holden released me.
I reached up and wiped his tears. “Don’t apologize. I can’t imagine how terrified you were.”
“Every time I thought I wouldn’t see you again, I swore to myself I would. There was no way I would ever give up on you.” He tucked my hair behind my ear, then pressed his lips against mine.
I sighed, content with his touch. I broke our kiss and offered him a weary smile. “I need to get cleaned up. I might feel slightly human afterward.”
“Of course. I’ll look for something you can wear while you’re getting washed up.” He ran his fingers through his hair, then crossed the room to the closet. “Maybe Brynn left a few things here. She did that if we were out late. Then she didn’t have to worry about packing a bag every night. She had some of her clothes at Jace’s and my mom’s place as well.”
Catherine. Shit. I was concerned about Holden dealing with his family secrets, but Catherine knew about her other son, if Reid was his brother. I wanted to know why she hadn’t told Holden, though.
“That would be great. We’re the same size, so anything should work.” I made my way to the ensuite bathroom, noting the counters and cabinets matched the kitchen.
A large square shower big enough for two was in the corner of the room. I seriously contemplated inviting Holden in, but I desperately needed to clean up. Plus, as much as I wanted to, I wasn’t ready to be with him yet, and when we showered together, it always led to sex. I noted the jetted tub and wondered if Holden would want one in the new house.
Leaving the door cracked, I removed my clothes and turned on the water, allowing it to warm while I relieved myself. My fingers lingered on the soft toilet paper, a luxury I hadn’t had in the cell. Soft and gentle weren’t words I would ever connect to the compound.
Once I finished and flushed the toilet, I stuck my hand beneath the spray, testing it. The temperature was perfect. Realizing I needed a towel, I rummaged through the cabinet and grabbed a plush white one. After placing it on the countertop, I stepped in and pulled the glass door closed. I hadn’t had a real shower since the one Becky-Michelle had accompanied me to.
The mere idea of her kicked my pulse into high gear. Had the FBI found her? Had they found Kassandra and Opal? Barrett? At this point I had no information at all.
Attempting to control my fear, I moved beneath the hot water and allowed it to stream over my body. Then, tilting my face up, I closed my eyes and inhaled the steam. I was home. I was safe. Holden was in the next room, waiting for me. Anxiety coursed through me as flashes of the last several weeks bombarded me. Images of the hole, living in complete darkness for days at a time, squatting in the corner to pee … I shook my head as though it might clear the fog from my overwhelmed brain.
Opening my eyes, I stared at my feet, but I didn’t see the tan tiles in the shower. It was dark, with only a tiny crack of light peeking through above me. I smelled fresh soil. The dirt walls started to close in on me, and I held my arms out, attempting to make them stop. Oh, God. Oh, God. I’d been dreaming this entire time. Had someone drugged me? I was still in the fucking hole. My head buzzed with my churning emotions as terror ripped through me. Memories swirled faster, blacker, thicker. They clawed at me until I bled.
“No! No!” I banged on the dirt walls, screaming for someone to let me out as I choked on my sobs. I wasn’t free at all. Anthony had turned on us, and now Reid and I were separated. The idea that I was locked underground again sent a scream tearing through me. I knew I couldn’t make it through that twice.
Chapter Fifteen
“River!”
I jerked away as the door opened above, and light spilled into the hole. Barrett descended the ladder into the pit and leered at me. “Don’t!” I shrieked. “Don’t you dare fucking touch me, Barrett!” My legs wobbled as I attempted to steady myself. I would have to fight off this motherfucker again.
“Babe, it’s Holden. River, listen to my voice. You’re home with me. We’re at Chance’s. Reid is in the kitchen with Jace.” Holden reached out to me, then hesitated.
I grabbed the sides of my head, my body trembling uncontrollably. “Don’t touch me.” I backed away as much as I could, but the space beneath his house was small, and there wasn’t anywhere I could go.
“Look at me. River, you need to look at me. It’s Holden.”
My mind was playing horrible tricks on me. Barrett’s face blurred, then Holden was in front of me, then Barrett again. Once Anthony had turned on us, they must have drugged me because I swore that I heard Holden talking to me. The image of the shower flickered in and out of my vision. The tiles came into view, as did Holden. But I still didn’t trust what I was seeing.
“Holden?” I raised my head, my tears mixing with the water.
“It’s me.” He reached out. “I swear, it’s me, baby.”
I glanced around, once again in Chance’s shower. The love of my life had jumped in with his clothes on, horror written all over his features.
My body trembled as I reached out to him, images of Reid and I holding hands flickering through my exhausted brain. I hesitated, still unclear where I really was, and which one was a horrible flashback.
“Can I touch you?” Holden remained rooted in place.
Our eyes locked, and I nodded.
He took my hands, and we stood motionless, staring at each other. The slurp of the water circling down the drain confirmed where I was. “Can I—I want to stay with you if you need me to. I’ll keep my clothes on … we don’t need to do anything. That’s not why I’m here. Let me help, babe.” Holden’s chest heaved with his words. “Maybe I can wash your hair and just talk to you?”
Could I trust my own mind to understand that I was really with Holden? Or had I split inside myself, unable to manage what had happened at the compound?
Tentatively, I stepped out of the spray and moved a cautious inch toward him. “Okay,” I said softly. I fought the urge to cover myself, but Holden had seen me naked plenty of times. He also wasn’t leering or trying to hurt me.
Holden’s wet shirt molded to his skin, revealing his muscular chest and washboard abs. I wanted to reach out and touch him, but I was too afraid that he would disappear like he had in my dreams. I desperately needed him to be real right now.
Holden reached for the blue bottle of shampoo and gently smiled at me. “Do you want to know what happened with the club?”
“Yeah.” I turned around so he could lather my long strands. My nerves had settled down some.
Holden worked the shampoo into my hair and massaged my scalp as he talked. “I met Tim for breakfast to see if he had any information about you. He didn’t, but he offered to ask around to see if he could learn anything. While I was talking to Tim, Zayne put a tracker and a recording device in his car. Later, we heard Tim trying to negotiate with your kidnapper. He’s a piece of shit, but he honestly tried to bring you home.”
“What? Do you know why?” My voice cracked, rising in pitch. What the fuck? Tim was the last person on earth I thought would fight for me.
“My best guess is that he knew I would never stop looking for you. Plus, once I found out who took you, I think it would be obvious that he was connected to those monsters somehow. He didn’t want to take the fall along with them.”
“It’s always about him. Tim doesn’t care about anyone else. Not even his kids.” Sadness clouded Holden’s features. “I’m sorry, Holden. I shouldn’t have said that.”
“Why not? It’s the truth.”
I tilted my head back, the sensation of Holden’s hands in my hair comforting me. “Zayne’s fucking smart. I probably wouldn’t have thought to do that.”
“I agree. We’ve gotten to know each other pretty well.” Holden ran his sudsy fingers through my strands, then touched the back of my neck. An uncontrollable shiver coursed through my body. The fact that Holden was fully clothed helped. It was clear he was here because he loved me, not to hurt me.
“Can I rub your shoulders?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I gathered my long brown hair and draped it over the front of my shoulder, allowing him better access. I needed Holden to touch me. I needed him to replace the horrible experiences with Barrett. How far we could go was the question. Apparently, I had more triggers than with Dan.
“Tim actually provided a video of him boarding his flight from Monte Carlo. And we were right, he and Logan are business partners. Have been for a long time. We suspect that Logan stays at the trailer park in Montana as his cover. It most likely keeps the FBI from breathing down his neck, because the man definitely has money.”
“They’re both such pieces of shit.” Fresh hatred pumped through my veins for Logan and Tim.
