In the shadow of truth s.., p.25
In the Shadow of Truth: (Shadow Series Book 3), page 25
She looked up at Jenny, whose face was etched with foreboding.
“It jammed.”
Jenny closed her eyes. “God. The aversion to automatics.”
Discarding her worthless firearm, Kathryn tried to pry O’Brien’s gun from his dead hand, but it was too late. The soldiers poured into the room, and she was met with a rifle butt to the head. Captured.
Kathryn bowed her head and rubbed her forehead. The rest of her life was defined by her inaction. “I should have died that day. Maybe I did.”
* * *
Jenny wasn’t going to pretend she shared Kathryn’s regret about the jammed automatic. She couldn’t imagine a life without her, and though she would never voice it, selfish tendencies were not exclusively Kathryn’s.
“Seems to me it was the day you decided to live,” she countered tentatively.
“It was the wrong decision. I knew what the protocol was. You know it too. I failed in my duty because I was too selfish to do the right thing.”
“You were scared. Anyone would be. My God—”
“There’s a difference between scared and irresponsible!”
Jenny threw her hand in the air. It was clear Kathryn expected recrimination, but Jenny had none to give. She was irritated by how Kathryn clung so desperately to her guilt-ridden path when, clearly, so many things had led to the tragedy. If only Juliette hadn’t betrayed her. If only the gun hadn’t jammed. If only Smitty hadn’t led those men to attempt a rescue.
That Kathryn would rather have died than have to live with her past reflexively stung, but it spoke volumes about her implacable grief.
Jenny knew she couldn’t lift Kathryn’s burden any more than she could change the past, but like a change in light alters the appearance of the landscape, so might a change in perspective.
“In the end, you did the right thing. You protected the code.”
Anger flashed in bloodshot blue eyes. “At what cost? Those men lost their lives because of me!” She pointed over Jenny’s shoulder. “Look at them!”
Jenny gave a halfhearted glance behind her, but she purposely didn’t absorb the images. The true weight of Kathryn’s guilt was already choking her like phantom hands around her throat. She swallowed hard. This was no time to falter.
Kathryn went on with her tirade, taking responsibility for things only a mind reader could have prevented, and Jenny had heard enough. Kathryn’s anger was fueled by her ever-present guilt, and Jenny understood that, but the woman was only human, and while what happened was horrific, she wasn’t going to let Kathryn sink even deeper into the mire of self-pity.
“Stop it, Kathryn. If you let this destroy your life, they win.”
“I’ve got news for you. They already have.”
“If they have, it’s because you’ve let them.”
Kathryn looked like she’d been stabbed in the back. “Go to hell, Jenny. You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about!”
“There’s no room in hell, Kat. They put up the no vacancy sign when you took up residence there.”
Both women stared at each other, their hearts racing with the unexpected confrontation. Jenny was poised to defend herself and kept her guard up to deflect any spear thrown in the heat of the moment, but she saw Kathryn’s anger quickly dissipate with a tension-breaking sigh. “I’m sorry. That was an ugly thing to say.” She held out her hand. “Please forgive me. I just … I try every day not to let them win.”
Jenny readily accepted her hand and sealed the apology with a soft kiss on her knuckles. “I know. I’m sorry I said that.”
Kathryn exhaled and looked around the room. Jenny wondered what she was thinking. “Why did you let me in here?”
“Maybe I wanted you to convince me it wasn’t my fault.”
Jenny didn’t think it was her fault, but in the end, it didn’t matter what she thought. “I can’t give you that peace.”
Kathryn nodded. “I know.”
Jenny pulled her into her arms and hoped she knew she’d always be there for her.
Kathryn was awakened by the shrill ring of her telephone. Her heart pounded as she untangled herself from Jenny’s protective embrace and lunged for the black handset before she was even conscious of moving. Phone calls in the middle of the night were never good news.
“Kat!” a man’s voice boomed over the line. Wherever he was, it was noisy, and the shouting could almost be excused as a necessity. She turned on the light and squinted at the small carriage clock on her nightstand. It was four a.m.
“Who is this?”
“Tommy!”
Jenny lifted her head with a furrowed brow, squinting against the light and the intrusion.
Kathryn put her hand over the receiver. “Tommy Wallace.”
“I heard,” Jenny groaned under her breath and then mouthed, What time is it?
Kathryn held up four fingers, eliciting an eye roll and another groan.
“We’re in L.A.! We’re a hit!” the trumpeter gleefully shouted, causing Kathryn to back the receiver away from her ear. “Aw, baby, it was swell,” he went on. “I wish you could have been here! You hear that?” The background noise and music got louder, and she could almost see him holding the handset up to the room. “That’s all for us! They love us out here, and I love them! And I love you for setting this in motion for me. We’re a hit!” he repeated, his voice peaking to a boyish squeak.
Kathryn laughed. “Of course you are. Was there ever any doubt?”
“You gave me the brass ones to go for broke, gal, and I’ll love you forever for it! Woo!” he yelped in delight. “Three encores, and it’s all your fault!”
Kathryn laughed and rubbed her eyes, her groggy voice warm and low as it stirred the early morning calm. “That’s great, man.”
Jenny was delighted to see Kathryn smiling and laughing, despite the hour. It had been an emotional night for her, and while there was no breakdown like at the club, there were unchecked tears as she stood before the photos of the fallen and, for the first time, honored the men instead of just mourning their fates.
“You should be here, Kat!” Tommy beamed, oblivious. “This is the town for you. This is where the action is.”
“Hey, T?”
“Yo.”
“Do you know what time it is here?”
She sensed Tommy glancing at his watch.
“Aw, nuts,” he drew out through his laughter. “Time difference. I forgot. Sorry! And tell that gorgeous little blonde flopped over your thigh that I’m sorry too.”
Jenny raised her head. “Flopped?” She leaned closer to the phone. “I’ll have you know, that gorgeous little blonde is deliciously draped over that thigh, thank you very much. Salaciously slung,” she went on. “Nefariously naked—”
Kathryn playfully put her hand over the receiver and whispered, “Nefariously?”
Jenny looked her straight in the eyes and deadpanned. “It’s four in the morning.”
Tommy’s laughter escaped through the tinny handset speaker.
“I’m sorry, doll!” he yelled to Jenny.
“Congratulations, Tommy,” she yelled back. She settled her head back onto Kathryn’s shoulder with a grin, content to be one of the gang.
“Hey, Kat!”
“Right here, man,” Kathryn said, wincing at the volume.
“Oh, sorry. Listen, angel.” His voice took on a more serious tone and the background noise fell away. “Thank you. Really. You saved my life. I needed this.”
“You were born to make music, Tommy.”
“So were you. You sure I can’t—”
“No, but thank you. I’m flattered.”
Tommy laughed. “Don’t be flattered, just accept.”
It suddenly got noisy again.
“Nuts. The boys just came to drag me back out there.”
“Blow them away, man, blow them away.”
“I love you, lady! I mean it!”
“Love you too, Tommy. Be—” The line disconnected. “Careful.” Kathryn looked at the handset and shook her head with a chuckle.
As she hung up the phone and turned out the light, she felt a sublime sense of accomplishment. Tommy had made it. He had worked hard to make his dream come true, and though their goals were different, the satisfaction was the same. She settled back into Jenny’s loving arms and drifted off into contented slumber. She had made it too.
Chapter Twenty-One
Kathryn crossed the stage at The Grotto and leaned over the piano to point to a troubling measure on the sheet music. She made a suggestion, and the band leader agreed, penciling in the changes. She had just straightened for the run through when the swinging front double doors of the club caught her eye.
Jenny emerged with a wave, followed by Smitty. Kathryn raised her chin and smiled to the pair as she prepared to add her vocals to the reworked passage. They’d been at it all afternoon, and Jenny’s smiling face was just what she needed.
She woke up mid-morning to that smiling face, only to learn Jenny had been watching her sleep for hours. When asked what she had been thinking, Jenny simply replied, “How I love you more and more every day.”
Kathryn pulled her into her arms and made love to her until their responsibilities beckoned them to get on with their day.
When rehearsal was over, Kathryn sauntered over to the bar and greeted Smitty with a peck on the cheek. She offered Jenny a warm smile and a brief squeeze of her hand. Just the sight of her sent her body humming with arousal, and she had to fight against the urge to take her in her arms again, to feel her body pressed against hers, to taste her lips and surrender to the sensual return of her touch. Fighting against all that, she merely grinned instead and said, “Hi, you.”
She hoped Jenny had a clear calendar for the afternoon, because in about thirty seconds, she was going to spirit the woman away to her dressing room and show her a proper greeting, where clothes would definitely be optional.
* * *
“Hi yourself,” Jenny replied, trying to hide her disappointment. She realized they were in a very public place—Kathryn’s workplace, no less—but after their incredible morning, how could Kathryn be so aloof? Even Smitty rated a peck on the cheek.
“What’s your afternoon look like?” Kathryn asked casually.
“Well, I—” Smitty began before an elbow to his ribs silenced him.
Kathryn addressed Jenny with a smoldering look. “You.”
That was encouraging. “I’m free for the rest of—”
The swinging double doors caught Kathryn’s eye again, and suddenly she was no longer paying attention to Jenny’s answer. She was looking past her shoulder at a broad shouldered man in an Army Air Force uniform, silhouetted against the bright light from outside.
“Oh, my God,” she exhaled in delighted wonder.
The soldier slid his hat from atop his head and put his hands on his hips, surveying the room like Superman, on top of the world.
“Well, I’ll be,” Smitty muttered.
Jenny wished someone would tell her what was going on.
“Luc,” Kathryn whispered as she rushed to the entrance.
Jenny looked closer, and sure enough, it was Dominic’s incredibly handsome son, scooping Kathryn off her feet and into his arms, where she kissed him on the lips and held tightly to his neck, as they spun around until he gently placed her feet on the ground.
“God, it’s so good to see you,” Kathryn beamed, cupping his face in her hands. “Are you okay?” She stepped back and looked him up and down for an injury that might have sent him home. “Does your dad know you’re here?”
He gave a glance toward the empty office. “No, I wanted to surprise him.”
“I think he’s downstairs.”
“Say, is that her?” Luc asked, motioning over Kathryn’s shoulder.
She couldn’t hide her proud grin and took his hand, eager to introduce them. “Come on.”
* * *
Jenny straightened as the pair arrived, securing the odd mood Kathryn’s enthusiastic greeting had wrought.
“Luc.” She offered her hand with a sweet smile. “I’ve heard so—”
She was swept off her feet into a gentle bear hug, and it seemed the gregarious man had no intention of letting her go.
“You’ve made her so happy,” he whispered in her ear. “Thank you so much.”
Jenny returned the hug, instantly charmed. “It’s my pleasure, believe me.”
Luc chuckled and set her down. “I can imagine,” he said with a wink.
He turned to the bar and held out his hand. “Smitty.”
“Welcome home, Luc.”
“Thanks. I’ve only a few days, but there’s nowhere I’d rather be.” He smiled at Kathryn, who continued to beam in his presence.
Jenny noticed the greeting between the two men was strained and imagined she and Smitty were silently sharing custody of a strange little creature called jealousy. It was ridiculous, she knew, but she had never seen Kathryn so effervescent. On the one hand, it was a sight to behold—Kathryn’s laughter, her broad smile, the light in her eyes—but on the other hand, it was at the sight of Luc, not her, and as much as it pained her to admit, it took her by surprise and offended her, as if she had exclusive rights to the woman’s happiness.
Kathryn put her hand on Luc’s chest. “Let’s go find your dad.”
Everyone smiled and nodded. Kathryn offered a parting grin at Jenny before gleefully taking the soldier’s arm and heading for the wine cellar.
“I’m so happy to see you,” Jenny could hear her saying as she curled her hand around his bulging bicep.
She shook her head and chastised herself for being so childish. She wanted Kathryn to be happy, and obviously Luc held a special place in her heart. She could see why. She’d only just met the man, but already his engaging presence had drawn her in.
Jenny turned on her bar stool toward Smitty, who was pouring a whisky, with a chaser of envy.
He cut his eyes to her. “Amazing together, aren’t they?”
“They’re good friends.”
“Yeah.” Smitty lifted his glass and toasted their backs. “Good friends.”
Jenny watched him down the whisky with disdain.
“What does that mean?”
Smitty must have recognized the turmoil in her eyes and kept his thoughts to himself.
“Nothing, kid. They’re good friends is all.”
He poured another drink, and Jenny looked at him sideways.
“Bit early for that, isn’t it?”
Smitty chuckled, dismissing her holier-than-thou posturing. He pulled a bottle of scotch from under the bar and held it up. “Drink?”
She stared blankly at him and then slowly smiled at her reluctant partner in misery. “Please.”
Kathryn still had a smile on her face as she drove home from the impromptu welcome home party. The look on Dominic’s face when he saw his son for the first time in over a year—
“Luciano!” he gasped, and promptly dropped a bottle of expensive wine at his feet.
“Papa,” Luc said grinning, as he held out his arms and the two men embraced.
Kathryn left them to their reunion and was honored when she and Jenny were included in the family get together after her show. Smitty was invited but made his excuses, which wasn’t surprising. The two men merely tolerated each other out of respect for their mutual love for her.
Jenny and Luc got along well, which pleased Kathryn to no end. She sensed a little apprehension on Jenny’s part at first, but Luc could melt a glacier with his smile alone, and Jenny wasn’t nearly that tough a sell. The two of them were laughing and joking in no time, and Kathryn tendered her appreciation by holding her hand under the table all through dinner.
“So, how did you two meet?” Jenny had asked with genuine curiosity.
The mood turned serious and the table went silent.
Luc wiped his mouth with his napkin and gazed upon Kathryn with adoration. “She swooped down on me like an angel out of the darkness and saved my life.”
“Honestly, Luc,” Kathryn disagreed, as she leaned back in her seat to escape his misinterpretation of the truth. “You practically landed in my lap. What else could I do?”
Luc raised a challenging brow. “Did you save my life?”
Kathryn crossed her arms, unable to deny it.
“Like I said—” He turned to Jenny, the only one at the table who didn’t know the story. “We met in London in ’40. It was—”
“Wait a minute,” Kathryn interrupted. She leaned over and put her arm around his shoulder. “Ask him what he was doing in London.”
“What were you doing in London?” Jenny dutifully inquired.
Luc smirked at Kathryn. “I was getting pissed in a pub.”
She punched him playfully in the arm for downplaying the reason. “This darling boy was so anxious to get into the war that he dropped out of Cambridge and joined the RAF.”
Dominic made a grunting sound at his son’s decision, but he couldn’t hide the pride in his eyes.
Jenny raised her brow, impressed.
“Anyway,” Luc drew out, dismissing his short stint in service to the King. “It was the beginning of the Blitz. The air raid sirens started screaming, so off to the Tube I go—the Underground, you know?”
Jenny nodded.
“I had just exited the lift down to the platform stairway when boom!” He snapped his fingers. “Lights out.”
A German bomb had made a direct hit on the station. The explosion funneled down the elevator shaft like a train unleashed from hell, pulling the walls down in its wake.
“I woke up in the dark, cradled in someone’s arms. I felt like my head had been split in half.” He looked back to Kathryn. “She saved my life.”
Kathryn lowered her eyes. The truth was a little less noble. If she allowed herself, she could still remember the ringing in her ears, the taste of the gritty slurry of airborne debris in her mouth, and the acrid smell of smoke and explosives poisoning her lungs. She wasn’t a hero, and she wasn’t brave. She was trapped in unnerving blackness with a bleeding stranger, and the whole world had evaporated around her. She was terrified and on the verge of hysterics. If she could have escaped from the man thrown on top of her as she hit the bottom of the stairs, she would have, but she was pinned down by his dead weight, and she couldn’t move.
