Safe at first, p.28
Safe at First, page 28
I talked to my mom about once a day. She was still hiding out in the hotel under a fake name, refusing to leave until she figured out what she was going to do. I could tell that her resolve was weakening with each day that passed. I thought she felt trapped and knew that she couldn’t live in a hotel forever. It wasn’t realistic. DD would eventually find her, if he hadn’t already. At some point, she would have to check out and face her future head-on. I thought the idea terrified her. She’d been living a certain way for so long that she’d grown used to it.
I tried not to be mad at her, but it was hard. I knew that if she went back to DD, I’d have to cut her out of my life, too, and the thought alone gutted me. Sunny kept telling me to have a little faith in her and give her time, but the truth was, I didn’t have faith in her to do the right thing even if I wanted to. I just ... didn’t.
When we walked back into her parents’ house, we let the dogs off their leashes, and the other six jumped up, wanting a turn.
“Being a dog walker’s a full-time job,” I said as I hooked another dog up to the leash I was still holding.
“You guys don’t have to walk them all,” her mom said as she rounded the corner, hands on her hips. “I’m making you an assortment of mushy foods, Mac. I found a blog online!” She sounded so excited, and it made me smile. Which still hurt too.
Was my face ever going to stop aching with every movement?
“We’ll be right back. These are the last two,” Sunny said as we turned around to head right back out the way we’d just come in, the necklace I’d given her reflecting the sunlight. It looked so beautiful.
I held Sunny’s free hand as we walked our dogs with the other hands.
“I know I said you shouldn’t go back yet, but I only meant the baseball house,” Sunny started to say, and I wasn’t sure what she meant.
“What?” I asked, hoping she’d clarify.
“We can go back and stay at my apartment. I just didn’t think you should see anyone while your face is still”—she waved a hand toward my face—“you know.”
“No. Tell me, babe,” I teased. “What’s my face like?”
She stuck her tongue out but didn’t answer.
“So, you’re ready to leave?” I asked, surprised but happy. I didn’t think she’d want to leave.
“Hell yes, I’m ready.” She laughed. “I love my parents, but I also love my privacy with you.”
Privacy sounded nice.
“I’m ready whenever you are. It’s up to you,” I said, and I felt sort of relieved. Which made me feel like a dick. All her parents had done was be incredible to me, and here I was, dying to get away from it all.
We ended up leaving that night after dinner. Sunny’s mom sent us home with Tupperware filled with various soft foods for me, and Sunny promised to bake me cookies and let me eat the dough.
When we stopped at the grocery store, I got everything I needed for a week’s worth of protein shakes and so many eggs that Sunny suggested we buy a chicken instead.
Little smart-ass.
Then, we went to her apartment and spent the next five days in between the bedroom and the kitchen. Eating, fucking, and hiding out from the world. I finally felt like myself enough to remind my girl just how much I constantly craved her. I buried myself in her, making love and fucking her until she begged me to stop. Her body was spent, her legs were sore, and just when she thought she couldn’t possibly take me again, I dived between her legs and ate her out instead. She pulled at my hair and told me how good it was and how much she loved me, wearing nothing, except the yellow necklace I’d bought her.
The day before practice started, I packed up some of my stuff, and she dropped me off at the baseball house with a kiss and a smile. I loved my girl, but I needed my boys now.
This is it.
Do or die.
Now or never.
Shit or get off the pot.
Thank God my face had finally healed. Not a single discolored bruise remained, and I was able to eat solid foods again, so I wouldn’t have to answer any questions from my roommates. When I walked through the front door, the guys practically tripped over themselves, trying to get to me at once.
“Dude, we missed you,” Colin said with a big bear hug.
“Missed you guys too,” I said even though I really hadn’t technically missed them, but I did like being around them.
“Ready to get this season started?” Dayton asked, and I nodded before tossing my bag toward my bedroom door.
“Beyond. You ready, Transfer?” I gave a nod in Matt’s direction.
He grinned. “I just want it to start already.”
“Careful what you wish for,” Colin said with a grimace. “You’ll be hating practice and workouts soon enough.”
“What do you mean?” Matt suddenly looked nervous.
I clapped his shoulder. “We practice hard. Our weight sessions are brutal. Coach makes us run with tape over our mouths, so we can learn to breathe right,” I said, and Matt looked like he might pass out. It made me laugh. “We get pushed to the brink. But that’s why we’re the best.”
Fall practices were one thing, but now that we were in season, it was a different set of rules altogether. Weights at six a.m. sharp, even on travel days, unless it conflicted with our flight. Practices daily, except on game days. Batting cages after field work. Games four to five times a week. Not to mention, any travel and games away from home. It was a brutal load to carry when you tacked classes on top of it all.
But it was all worth it. Just for the chance to go pro after it was all said and done.
“You’ll be okay, dude,” Colin said, and I realized that I’d just freaked Matt out.
“Hey, it’s fine. You got this. If Coach Jackson didn’t think you could handle it, you wouldn’t still be here,” I said, hoping it would make him feel better.
But then he bent over at the waist and had his hands on his knees while he breathed in and out. I shot the other two guys a look, and they both shrugged.
“What do you mean?” Matt asked and looked up at me, still bent over.
“He would have cut you in the fall,” I answered like he was an idiot because that was exactly what would have happened.
Coach Jackson never fucked around. If you weren’t cut out for Fullton State Baseball, he wouldn’t waste your time or his. Players had been dropped from the program during fall before—good players too. And none of us ever knew about it until it was too late and the guys were long gone.
“So, I’m good then?” Matt righted himself.
“You’re still here, aren’t you?” Colin said. “Now, stop freaking out and pull it together. You can’t act like this tomorrow,” he warned, and Matt nodded, but I could tell that he was nervous.
“I almost forgot.” I snapped and walked back over to my bag, unzipped it, and pulled out a container. “Sunny baked for us.”
Before I even had the words out, all three of them were surrounding me, trying to pull the box out of my hand. I almost dropped it to the floor, but I knew Sunny would kill me if she found out.
“Give them to me!” That was Dayton. He sounded like an animal.
It made me fucking laugh, so I let go, and Dayton looked around the room, thrusting his fist in the air like he was victorious in battle. Peeling open the lid, he pulled out two cookies and handed the container to Colin next. Matt whined but waited his turn.
“You have the best girlfriend,” Colin said as he inhaled one of her creations.
“I know.” I smirked, knowing that there was a whole other box of cookies in my bag, just for me.
The next morning, my alarm woke me up at five thirty on the dot. I tossed the covers off my body and stepped into the shower, turning it on cold. It was fucking miserable, but the cold water had been proven to wake up your senses, improve circulation, increase your metabolism, and help your body heal quicker. I always felt more alive and awake after a freezing shower.
All four of us met in the living room, each of us grabbing a banana as we headed out the door. The semester wasn’t starting for a couple more weeks, but for us, this was day one of the season. My last season. Dayton’s last season.
When we walked into the weight room, Coach was waiting with a list of workouts he had broken down by player and position. We checked the pages for our names and went to our respective areas to start training.
Two full hours later, I was drenched in sweat and exhausted. I grabbed a protein bar and a protein shake from the fridge. If I downed it all too fast, I’d puke, so I nibbled at the bar first before inhaling the rest of it.
Coach told us to meet him at the field at one. We were free to go until then. The four of us piled back into Dayton’s car and headed home to crash. I sent Sunny a text, telling her I loved her and that I’d call her later, and then I passed out with my phone in my hand, still sweaty and gross.
Practice that day was a little rough, to be honest. We had kinks to work out with the new starters. They were still learning Coach’s signals and our hand calls even though they should have had them memorized by now. We looked like a team who had just come off a ten-month vacation and not touched a ball the entire time. Coach Jackson looked like his head might explode.
Thankfully, I had my shit together and only got yelled at once. When Coach split us into teams so we could play against each other, I was excited to hear him tell me that I was batting leadoff. When I stepped up to the plate to face Dayton, we both grinned at each other and tried not to laugh. Coach Carter told Dayton to strike me out, and Coach Jackson told me to knock his head off.
It was surreal but probably not unlike playing pro ball when you faced off against people who were your friends off the field. You both wanted to win the “battle at the plate.” I knew that Dayton wanted to get me out, just like he knew I wanted to hit the shit out of the ball.
So, when the first pitch curved at the last second for a strike, I shook my head as I stepped out of the batter’s box and gave him a look. He’d been working on that pitch during the entire off-season, so I should have known it would be the first one he threw. Stepping back in, I crouched into position, the weight of the bat feeling nice against my shoulder. Dayton pulled his arm back, and I lifted the bat from my shoulder right as the ball made its way toward me, my eyes locked on. I swung, and the bat made contact with the ball, flying into left field with a bounce. I made it to first easily, my team cheering wildly.
I’d won that round.
But there would be a lot more.
Senior Season
Mac
The season was in full swing, and Fullton State was having an okay year. We weren’t as good as we had been last year, but that was to be expected when you lost a third of your team. Those who had been drafted or graduated left a lot of positions to be filled.
Guys you expected to step up and kick ass sometimes disappointed you and couldn’t pull through. Or if they were killing it in the field, their hitting wasn’t as strong. It was tough, finding players who were great at both—playing defense and offense.
Sunny came to all my home games. There was nothing like glancing up in the stands and seeing her silver hair swishing around as she smiled and cheered for me. That girl made me feel so loved. And fucking invincible. Like I could do anything as long as she was by my side. I missed her like crazy whenever we left for our away games, but she was the perfect fucking girlfriend—supportive and understanding.
Her parents even came to some of my games, which was awesome. Her mom never brought any of the dogs though, which was the exact opposite of awesome. They made me feel like family. I appreciated that and never took it for granted.
Personally, I’d been having a killer season. My numbers had never been better.
Coach Jackson even pulled me aside after the game to let me know that someone was asking about me.
“A scout?” I clarified.
Coach rolled his eyes so hard that I thought they might stay in the back of his head. “Who the fuck else would ask about you, Davies? My mom?”
“I’m just excited, Coach,” I explained, hoping he wouldn’t think less of me.
“Take your excitement somewhere else. I just wanted you to know.” He sent me away with a flick of his wrist.
When I walked out of the locker room and made my way up the stairs, Sunny was waiting for me with a smile, like always.
“Coach said a scout was asking about me,” I said, unable to keep that information to myself for a second longer.
“Well, it’s about time,” she said, pressing her lips against mine before we started walking toward the parking lot.
I couldn’t have agreed more.
I honestly didn’t know what else to do to get their attention. I couldn’t have been playing any better. My first base was solid, and my hitting was consistent. I had the least amount of strikeouts on the team. And the most walks. My fucking eye was impeccable at the plate. But I had zero home runs, and I knew that was working against me. The fact was, I wasn’t a power hitter. I never had been, and most likely, I never would be. I just wasn’t that type of hitter.
“I talked to your mom today,” Sunny said.
I stopped walking for a second to give her a surprised look. “You did?” I asked. “What’d she say?”
Sunny and my mom had started talking recently after they exchanged numbers. My mom was in the process of filing for divorce and leaving DD. I was happy for her, but I couldn’t shake the worry that lived in the back of my mind because of it. I’d never forget the way he’d snapped on me at Christmas. If he did it once, he was capable of doing it again. Even if it wasn’t his normal MO. I just wanted my mom away from him already, but I should be thankful she’d found the strength to leave in the first place. I knew it was hard for her.
I still hadn’t talked to him. And he never reached out to me to apologize. Not that it would matter. I was done with him for good. But there was a part of me that wanted him to be sorry.
“She wants to come out for a series,” Sunny said.
I pressed my lips together and reared my head back in shock. “Wow. A whole series?”
“Yeah. Do you care when she comes? I’ll just plan it with her and figure out all the details. Unless you don’t want me to,” she offered.
I was relieved by the idea of her handling all of that.
“That would actually be really helpful. I don’t have the time to deal with that right now.”
“I figured,” she said with a smile, her necklace bouncing against her chest as she walked. “She and I will get it all planned out, and then I’ll let you know.”
We reached her car, and I grabbed her by the back of the neck, pulling her to me. “Thank you. I really appreciate it.”
“I can’t wait to meet her!” she practically shouted.
I wanted to tell her to lower her expectations. That my mom wasn’t like hers.
“She might be drinking,” I mentioned because I wasn’t sure if her trying to stop had stuck or not. Sometimes, when I talked to her, she sounded okay, but other times, her words slurred.
“She’s sober. She told me.” Sunny smiled again as she unlocked her car and slid inside.
“Why do you know more about my mom than I do?” I teased.
“ ’Cause we text every day.”
“Every day?” My eyes grew wide, and Sunny laughed as the engine roared to life.
“No, but I text her during your games and send her pics. So, it feels like every day.”
I hadn’t realized that they communicated that often. Sunny sent my mom pictures of me playing baseball? It was all too surreal. But better late than never, I guessed.
Baseball Sucks
Sunny
I didn’t know everything there was to know about baseball, but I understood it well enough to know that Mac was having a phenomenal season. He started every single game at first base and was batting leadoff, which meant that he hit first in the order.
He’d had only three errors at first base the whole season so far. And after Coach had told him that there was a scout asking about him, it was all Mac had needed to hear to stay in a positive headspace. Every night after his game, he was so happy and excited about how he’d played. There was nothing like seeing him feel good about himself when he was on that field.
I went to every single home game. There were about two million fifty-five thousand of them, but I was always there, in the stands with the other girlfriends, cheering on our boys.
It was amazing when his mom came out for a big weekend series and stayed at the hotel on campus. Mac played incredible, and she looked like she’d had no idea that he was that good. Maybe she hadn’t. It was nice to meet her in person after all I’d heard. She looked healthy and was officially two-months sober. My parents had wanted to come down and meet her, too, but I’d forced them to give Mac some time alone with his mom, and they’d begrudgingly understood.
I thought it was for the best. When Mac said the light was coming back into her eyes, I knew that my sweet, broken boy was finally healing.
“This is so much fun,” his mom said from our seats behind home plate.
Mac had gotten us a pair of reserved seats for the weekend, so we weren’t sitting in the student section.
I looked at his mom as she wiped the tears away. “What’s the matter?”
“I missed out on this for so long. I could have been watching him play for years,” she said, clearly regretting all the time that she’d lost.
“At least you’re here now,” I said, hoping to ease some of her guilt.
“He doesn’t hate me, does he?” she whispered toward me, her eyes filled with regret and pain that her only son might not like her.
“No.” I placed my hand on her arm. “He doesn’t hate you. Your husband, on the other hand,” I started to say as her mouth twisted into a snarl.
“Ex-husband,” she clarified. “And I feel like I owe you an apology,” she said, and I swallowed hard.
“Me? Why would you owe me an apology?” I asked, wondering where she was heading.
