Tiny fractures, p.53
Tiny Fractures, page 53
I sigh deeply, feeling like I’m finally coming up for air after weeks and weeks under water. I part my lips to allow his tongue access, which he immediately takes advantage of and deepens the kiss. I’ve waited so long for this, and my pulse quickens as I push myself against him, feeling his heart hammer in his chest. His hands find my waist and he slowly glides them downward, first to my hips, then to my butt as he urges me even closer. I can already feel him swell, pressing between my legs, so I slowly grind my hips against him, causing him to groan against my lips.
“God, Cat, I’ve missed you so much,” Ronan says, his voice quiet and husky.
Heat and need rush to my core and my hands wander to the bottom of his hoodie, pushing it up so my fingers can feel the bare skin of his stomach just above his jeans. He follows my lead, his hands sliding underneath my shirt and up my back, leaving a tingly trail where his fingers touch my skin. His right hand rests on my back while his left moves around my ribs to my front. His thumb first outlines the bottom of my bra, then glides over the lacy fabric, grazing my nipple.
A delicious jolt of electricity zaps from my nipple all the way down to my core and between my legs. “Ran,” I moan. “I don’t think…” I trail off as his mouth leaves mine, kissing my jawline and then my neck. My head falls to the side, exposing myself to him, wanting more of him as my hips grind against him again. I can feel him rock-hard underneath me, his manhood straining against his jeans.
God, we’re both getting way too worked up right now and there are people in the house. I just know we’re going to get walked in on any second now, so I force myself to stop and push back a little.
Ronan blinks at me, his eyes hooded and glossy with want, his breathing shallow. My hands are still on his stomach, touching his exposed skin.
“I don’t think this is a good time. Shane and your dad are just right over there,” I say, trying to catch my breath. There’s a mix of disappointment and frustration in my voice, and I know he feels the same.
“You’re probably right.” With a mischievous glint in his eyes, he glides his thumb slowly across my hard nipple once more before retrieving his hands from under my shirt. I giggle, kissing him softly. “Just hold on a second before you get off my lap,” he says. “I need a minute.”
I giggle again; I can still very much feel his erection between my legs and I wish we were alone, wish I could feel all of him right now.
“I love you,” I say between kisses.
He hugs me against him tightly. “I love you, too.”
The happiness that surges through me whenever Ronan says he loves me is indescribable. I had been so afraid that I would never get the chance to tell him how I really felt about him, would never hear him say he loved me. But not only did he wake up, he also made sure to tell me he loves me and has felt that way for a while. It didn’t require much of me to reply with the same three words because, much like him, I knew I had loved him for weeks by then. I was only ever waiting for the right moment to tell him.
“Here,” I say, and move my hands around the back of my neck, undoing the clasp of his necklace. “I think you should have this back.” I place the thin chain in his left hand.
“Thank you for keeping this safe for me,” he says, his voice low, contemplative as he puts his necklace around his neck.
Frank, Shane, and Steve walk into the living room then, and I slide off Ronan’s lap, but not without purposely grinding my hips against his groin one more time as payback. Everyone is oblivious, but Ronan grins at me. God, I hope we get the chance to be alone very soon.
But we don’t, at least not tonight. A few minutes later, Zack, Vada, Summer, and Tori show up, laden with food and drinks, and we end up hanging out in the living room, spread out across the couches, armchair, and the floor while we watch some random movie. We eat, with the exception of Ronan, whose appetite has still not returned. Even though he’s wearing that dark-green hoodie today, I can tell his clothes are looser than they were six weeks ago. I’m snuggled up against him on the couch, his right arm draped over my shoulder as I lean against his chest, always aware of his injuries, always careful not to hurt him. I feel him fall asleep after a while, and I don’t move, not wanting to wake him.
Shane puts on another movie, and we all enjoy each other’s company, relishing the fact that we’re all together, all in one piece. Sort of.
Saturday, October 9th
Cat
My phone rings at ten the next morning, and I smile when I see Ronan’s name on my screen.
“Good morning, sweet boy,” I say, stretching in bed. I had been lounging around, scrolling through my phone for a few minutes and hadn’t actually gotten out of bed yet.
“Hey baby.” He sounds tired, like he didn’t sleep well.
“How are you feeling?” I ask, sitting up in bed.
“Fine,” he says, though I don’t believe him.
I knit my brows together. “You sound really tired. Bad night?”
“Yeah, kind of. It’s just a little weird being home. But I’m fine,” he adds quickly.
I get up and walk out of my room and into the bathroom, where I turn on the shower.
“What are you doing?” he asks. I bet he can hear the water running in the background.
I decide to play along. “I’m about to get out of these itchy clothes of mine and stand naked under the shower, getting all wet and soapy.”
“Is that so?” he asks, his voice low, husky.
“Uh-huh,” I say. “What are you going to do about it?”
“Nothing I can do at the moment, but I will get to see you later today, right?”
“That’s the plan,” I say, excitement bubbling in my chest with the knowledge that I will get to spend some quality time with him. “Did Steve talk to you? We were thinking about heading to the beach, but I’m not sure you’ll be able to get around.”
“I’ll be fine as long as I stay out of the sand. Just hang out on the deck with me,” he says, then adds, “or maybe in one of the bedrooms. I’m desperate to get you alone.”
Heat rushes through me as I imagine his hands all over me. “I like that idea,” I say. “I’m so glad you’re home.” A deep sigh escapes me.
He doesn’t respond right away. “Baby, I’m so sorry for all the shit you and everyone had to go through these last few weeks. I didn’t want any of you to be pulled into this darkness. I know it’s been hard on everyone. I’m sorry.”
I can’t believe he’s actually apologizing to us for what his mother did to him. That’s how brainwashed he was by his mother; she managed to make him believe that everything that happened was his fault.
“Listen to me, sweet boy: none of this is your fault. Of course we worried about you, because we love you. I love you,” I say with as much sincerity in my voice as I can possibly muster. I need him to hear it, need him to understand that he’s not to blame for what happened to him, just like he needed me to understand that the wounds Adam inflicted on me weren’t my fault. It’s funny how Ronan recognized the abuse and the fault fallacy in my situation, but he’s unable to see it through his own trauma.
There’s silence on his end, and I really don’t want him to go down a dark path right now.
“Alright, well if you don’t mind I’m going to get naked now, so I’ll need to let you go,” I say, my voice teasing again.
He chuckles. “Or you could also just give me a video call and let me watch you take a shower. I wouldn’t mind seeing you… soap yourself up.”
For a second, I consider this option. “I didn’t take you for a Peeping Tom,” I say, stripping off my pajama bottoms.
“Only when it comes to you,” he says, his voice gravelly. “I can’t keep my eyes off you.”
I blush. I’m so in love with him, it’s overwhelming sometimes. “Well, I might just need another shower this evening. You know, that beach sand gets everywhere.”
“You’re killing me, baby,” he chuckles.
“That’s not good. I want you to stay very much alive for a very, very long time,” I laugh.
“Then you’re going to have to stop teasing me so much.”
“As if you don’t tease me.”
He laughs again. “Good point. Let’s just agree to not tease each other. At least not until we see each other in a few hours and I can actually do something about it.”
“And what are you going to do about it then, Ran?” I keep edging him on because I’m getting worked up thinking about spending some alone time with him later today.
“Oh, I can think of a few things.” I can hear the need in his voice now.
“Even with your knee?”
He lets out a raspy chuckle that sends electricity straight between my legs. “I’ll figure it out. Where there’s a will, there’s a way.”
Well, I have no doubt now that the next few hours are going to feel way too long.
Luckily, Vada drops by an hour later and convinces me to go on a quick shopping trip to pick up some warmer clothes now that it’s fall and steadily getting colder outside. We talk about Halloween, and Vada throws out the idea of planning a Halloween party at Shane’s beach house, of course. I like the idea, especially since this will be my first Halloween here in New York, with my friends, with Ronan. I feel so light having him home, like the opportunities are endless, and I tell her so while we’re standing in line to pay for a pair of jeans for Vada and two sweaters for me.
“That reminds me,” she says, and her tone takes on a serious note. “When I talked to Stevie this morning he said Ran had a horrible night.”
I raise my eyebrows at her. “He sounded tired when he called me, and he told me he didn’t sleep well, but said he was fine.”
She pulls a face. “Stevie said Ran had some horrible nightmares last night that he couldn’t wake up from. It happened like three or four times. Think drenched in sweat, tossing and turning, like night terrors that you can’t wake up from.”
“Ran didn’t say anything like that,” I say, my good mood wiped away, replaced by concern and a little bit of hurt that he didn’t feel he could tell me about his dreams. But I remember what my mom has been telling me about trauma and people’s ability to work through it or talk about it. I know Ronan will need time, and I can’t push him into anything. All I can do is be patient and be there for him. I’ll just be present, tell him I love him, show him he’s safe with me.
“He hasn’t talked about it with Stevie this morning, either. Stevie said Ran refused to engage with his dad about it, too, and only said that he’s been having these nightmares for weeks now. His dad is apparently really worried about the whole thing. Stevie said his dad called Ran’s therapist and, I guess, they’re going to keep an eye on it,” she continues as we pay and walk out of the store.
“I wish there was something I could do to help him,” I say. “It just feels like he’s all alone in this.”
“I know what you mean, but we’re doing what we can, Kitty Cat. All you can do is be there for him. You can’t undo the past, but we can all help him get through this.”
When she drops me back at home, Vada and I agree that she’ll pick me up a little while later to head to the beach.
“Bring your swimsuit, Kitty Cat,” Vada says.
“It’s October! I’m not going in the ocean,” I protest, incredulous that she would even suggest this nonsense.
She laughs. “For the hot tub, silly!”
***
Vada picks me up in the afternoon to head to Shane’s. It’s cold today, and everyone is hanging out inside the house. I spot Ronan immediately when I walk in. He’s standing by the kitchen counter, resting on his crutches. He’s wearing black jeans and a black hoodie, and he looks hot as hell in all black. I admire him for a few seconds, relishing the fact that he is mine and I am his, while he chats with Shane with a smile on his face. I’m so relieved to have him home. There was a huge, gaping hole in our midst with him gone. There’s still a slight bruise under his left eye, and the scars haven’t begun to fade yet, but all that doesn’t take away from his perfect features. If anything, it makes him even more gorgeous.
I wave to the others as I leave Vada’s side and make my way over to Ronan, whose eyes meet mine.
“Hey baby,” he says, moving his left crutch to the other side so he can wrap his arm around my waist and pull me in for a deep kiss.
I taste the tequila on his tongue and pull back, eyeing him. “You’re drinking?” I ask, a bit surprised. I’m not totally sure he’s recovered enough to drink, and I wonder how the alcohol might interact with the pain medication he still takes.
He just shrugs.
“He’s had a few already,” Shane chimes in, giving me an apologetic look.
I turn my attention back to Ronan. He doesn’t look intoxicated, but I decide to keep a close eye on him nonetheless.
“Don’t worry so much about me, baby. I’m fine,” Ronan assures me. “And I figured since I’m not really supposed to be here right now, I might as well make the most of it.”
I don’t really understand what he means by that, but I don’t have a chance to ask him about it. My concerns evaporate when Ronan’s hand on my low back pulls me close to his body and he kisses me again, urging me to part my lips. When I do, he slips his tongue deep into my mouth. My breath hitches, and a moan involuntarily escapes me as my knees buckle. Ronan’s right hand snaps to the counter, steadying himself as his left hand on my back holds me up. I loop my arms tightly around his neck and pull myself closer to him, crashing my chest against his, eliciting a groan from Ronan. I need to be better about being gentle while he recovers from his injuries.
I vaguely notice Shane mumbling something under his breath as he leaves the kitchen to give us some privacy and joins the others in the living room.
Ronan’s lips are hot on mine, and I feel as though my whole body is on fire. He continues to devour me, our tongues entwined, his hand on my back, while I hold onto him tightly, not ever wanting to let him go. His lips leave my mouth, kissing my jawline, my neck, before his head dips down and he kisses my collarbone as I let my head fall back. That sensitive spot between my thighs is already beginning to pulse, aching with need for him.
“I want you so badly,” Ronan groans against my skin, inhaling sharply, and a shiver travels through my whole body. I can feel the sexual tension between us, the need pooling deep in my core. I want him just as badly; the memories of our one night together are fresh in my mind as if it happened only yesterday.
Just then, Vada comes bounding into the kitchen. “Oh, hey lovebirds,” she chirps.
Ronan groans, lifting his head. “I’m starting to think you’ve made it your personal mission to find the worst possible timing for joining us.”
Vada laughs. “Gotta keep you kids innocent, right?” She pokes Ronan’s biceps as she passes him on her way to the fridge, where she grabs a can of soda. “We’re hopping into the hot tub. You guys coming?” she asks, opening the can with a click and a hiss.
“Umm…” I look at Ronan, and he raises his eyebrows, leaving the decision up to me. “I guess so.” I can tell Ronan was hoping for a different answer, but I smile at him. “I’m going to go put on my swimsuit,” I say, and wink at him.
“Yay!” Vada exclaims. “I’ll see you in the hot tub.” She leaves the kitchen and walks out onto the deck where the others are already in their swimsuits, ready to take a dip in the warm, bubbling water.
“Are you coming, too?” I ask Ronan, who has replaced his crutches and is getting ready to limp out of the kitchen.
“I’m not sure I should yet,” he says. “But don’t worry, I’ll still enjoy myself admiring you in your swimsuit.” And now it’s his turn to wink at me as I grin at him.
I walk into one of the spare bedrooms and lock the door behind me. I take my light-blue two-piece swimsuit out of my bag and strip down, replacing my bra and panties with the simple bikini bottoms and top, which I tie in the back. I stuff my clothes into my bag, leaving it at the foot of the bed, and unlock the door to walk to the deck and get in the hot tub.
I open the door and jump backwards. Ronan’s standing right in front of me, his hand up like he was about to knock.
He chuckles when he sees me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare the shit out of you,” he says, but then his eyes darken as he takes in my barely dressed body. “God, baby,” he says, his voice ragged. “You are absolutely perfect.”
He takes a step toward me, reaches his left hand around my lower back, and pulls me in toward him with his crutches still supporting him. He crashes his lips against mine. My arms encircle him and I open my mouth eagerly, letting him taste me, tasting him in return.
He urges me backwards until the back of my knees bump against the soft bed.
“Hold on,” Ronan breathes, and breaks the contact with me to lean back, push the door shut, and lock it. My heart is kicking in my chest in anticipation of his body on mine, and he doesn’t disappoint. His hands are back on me in less than a second, as are his lips. There’s a desperate urgency in the way he touches me, like it’s this or death for him. He kisses me, nipping my bottom lip, then leaving hot trails on my jawline. He kisses and licks as he works his way down to my neck, then my collarbone, where he grazes his teeth against my sensitive skin. It’s instinctive, animalistic maybe, and so arousing. I feel my desire for him between my thighs, feel it soaking into my bikini bottoms as my body readies itself to receive him.
My fingers hook the belt loops of Ronan’s jeans, and I eagerly pull him toward me so I can feel his hips against mine. I slide both my hands underneath his hoodie, under his shirt, and hungrily feel his bare skin. His abs are taut under my fingers and I take my time touching him, outlining his muscles, feeling him, traveling up to his chest as Ronan continues to tease my skin. He drops his crutches, taking all weight off his injured leg, to let his warm hands roam my naked back until, finally, with two quick pulls, he undoes the strings on my swimsuit top, which falls off me and to the floor.
