Fear the reaper, p.15
Fear the Reaper, page 15
But it left him standing alone at a crossroads.
Did he stay on the lonely road, or reach for Lilith and Tabby? He knew what he wanted but carving his place at Lilith’s side was going to be challenging. At least on the whole territory thing. Asking her to walk away from her position wasn’t an option and would be beyond stupid and selfish, no matter what Math and Havoc insinuated. So, he needed to figure that shit out, which meant a serious conversation with Lilith needed to happen soon.
As for the dad thing, well, the kid was easy to love so he was all over that. Besides, if he did the exact opposite of his sperm donor, he should be on the right track. Plus, he didn’t have a doubt that Lilith would make damn sure he didn’t fall down on the job.
He combed his fingers through her hair and enjoyed the way the wild curls wrapped around his fingers as if reluctant to let him go. Not that he wanted her to.
What would he have without her?
The answer was easy, not a hell of a lot, and if he dared to share his thoughts, what would she say?
His gut clenched because the sad truth was, he didn’t know. Hell, if he was honest with himself, he was afraid she would shut his ass down, which was a very real possibility. She had him tied in knots, always had and probably always would, but since he relished jumping through her hoops, he didn’t mind—much.
He bunched her hair in his fist and dropped a kiss to the top of her head. He prayed something of what she once felt for him still existed, because there was no walking away this time.
The soft stroke of Lilith’s fingers as she traced his map of scars and ink stilled and brought him out of his spinning thoughts. She shifted in his hold until she could fold her arms on his chest. With her chin resting on her hands, she met his gaze.
Even in the dimness he couldn’t miss the way her gaze searched his face or the way her body began to tighten against his. “What’s wrong?” she asked.
He carefully untangled his hand from her hair and smoothed out the strands. Since he planned to start as he meant to go on there was no point in lying. “What isn’t?”
Wariness flashed in her eyes, but her voice stayed level, all emotion squeezed out of it. “Having regrets already?”
What the fuck?
Why her question surprised him, he didn’t know, but it did. Knowing actions spoke louder than words, he hauled her up his chest and took her mouth in an unforgiving kiss. When her nails dug into his chest and the need for air became critical, he lifted his head, cradling her face in his hands and glared at her. “Does that feel like I’m regretting shit?”
Her long lashes lifted and revealed dark jade depths. She cupped his jaw as her gaze drifted moodily over his face. “Tell me.”
It didn’t take much to fall back into old patterns. No matter how deep into his own head he got, talking things through with her always brought him clarity. Thing was, he wasn’t sure he was ready to dive into the deeper end of things between them, so instead he focused on the most pressing issue. “Since Michael’s not great about sharing, I’m trying to wrap my head around how the Cartels fit in. Why’s he working with them?”
She brushed an absent caress against his lower lip with her thumb, but he could see her mind working. “You think the Cartels are part of this mess, because…”
“Bounty’s out of Phoenix,” he supplied as she trailed off. When she simply raised a brow and stayed silent, he lowered his chin. “You don’t agree?”
A small sigh escaped. “I don’t have enough information to make that determination.”
“Neither do I, but I’ve got to follow my gut.” He tucked a strand behind her ear. “Play it out with me.”
Her lips quirked, but she went along. “Fine, let’s say that Michael made a deal with the Cartels—they give him what he wants, he’ll ensure they get what they want.”
Reaper wasn’t so sure that was the right direction, but he asked, so now he followed. “No way Michael would give up territory.”
“Who says he’s the one giving anything up?” Her voice was edged with dry amusement, but she didn’t wait for his response before adding, “What if he promised them territories held by others? Or maybe a clear shot to run the routes to the Northland border?”
Reaper failed to stifle his snort of disbelief.
She frowned. “What?”
“The Cartels aren’t stupid, so if Michael was arrogant enough to promise a clean run for their drugs and flesh, no way in hell they’d believe it.” He shook his head. “Promising the land, yeah, that I could see.”
Her head tilted. “Why are you so certain the only thing the Cartels would demand from him is land?”
“It’s been, what, twelve years since the Border Wars actually ended?” He blew out a breath. “That fucked up fiasco was all about territory. When the dust settled, the Cartels were far from satisfied with the concessions given.”
“They weren’t the only ones screwed over in the deal, you know.” She worried her bottom lip and studied his face. When she braced, so did he. “Not to pick at a sore spot, but Michael isn’t the only bastard out there.”
“Not blind, babe.” Obsessed with taking Michael down, yeah, but not blind to the array of threats that roamed through the remnants of civilization. When he lost her gaze, he knew she was debating whether or not to let this line go. Not wanting to lose the slim chance he might still have with her, he met her halfway. “Lil.” He waited until he got her attention. “Share what’s bothering you.” When she continued to watch him warily, he bent as much as he could. “Give me a chance.”
She lifted her chin and set her jaw set as she took him at his word. “Have you considered what will happen if Michael’s eliminated?”
His arms tightened before he could check the movement. When she stiffened in his arms, he knew she hadn’t missed his defensive reaction.
Her voice was low and tight. “You and I both know how dangerous a power vacuum can be.”
She had a point, but it did shit-all to stop old resentments from crowding in. He tried to temper his resentment and heed the logical point she made. “So what? We let him continue to get away with his shit?”
When poorly concealed ire flashed in her eyes, he figured he failed to check his reaction enough. “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
She pushed against his hold, but he didn’t relent. If he let her sit up, no way would he be able to keep his mind on their conversation. It was hard enough keeping his mouth in check, much less other, more obviously obnoxious body parts.
She finally subsided but continued to pin him in place with her glare. “I’m all about shutting Michael down. I just want to ensure when it’s all said and done, me and mine don’t get buried in the blowback.”
He knew who she was really worried about, so he had no problem making her a promise. One he had every intention of keeping since it was quickly becoming a key motivator. “We’ll keep Tabby safe.”
Deep in the jade depths a spark of relief lit, and her lashes swept down as her lips quirked with a gentle curve. Her spine softened as she met his gaze once more. “That mean you have a plan? Or are we hitting Phoenix, diving in, and hoping for the best?” She tapped his chest with a warning finger. “Because I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think that’s the best plan.”
Her unexpected concession was laced with wry amusement and loosened the tight knot of old doubts. There was a measure of satisfaction in knowing this time when he faced Michael, it wouldn’t be a solo endeavor. He traced her fading smile. “First thing, we need to find out whose pockets are behind the bounty.”
Lines marred her forehead. “Not sure it really matters who’s the money man. Either way, you’re being hunted.”
He touched the tip of her nose and then shifted his position to sit up against the wall. “True, but knowing who’s paying for it, gives me something to work with.”
She moved with him, sitting up, and thankfully bringing the sheet up to tuck it in place under her arms. “Why? You think you can make a deal with the Cartels?” Whatever she saw on his face replaced any lingering amusement with disbelief. “Are you insane? You can’t trust them.”
“And we can trust Michael or Greer?”
The hand not holding the sheet fisted in her lap. “Reaper—”
“Lilith.” He waited in silent demand for her attention. When he got it, he continued, “I want this entire thing finished. One way or the other.”
Her throat worked as she swallowed, and darkness invaded her eyes, leaving her face a carefully composed mask. “You still have a death wish.”
“No, I don’t.” He bent his leg until his knee tented the sheet, then braced one arm on it. He reached with the other and covered the fist in her lap, his thumb brushing over the white knuckles. “I want it done so I can have a future.”
She searched his face, her mask firmly in place. “Why? What’s changed?”
“Fucking everything.” His hand tightened over hers. He needed her to hear what he was saying. To believe him. “You gave me a daughter, Lilith.”
A barely there wince was followed by the flash of something painful as her gaze slid away and her chin dipped. “It can’t be that simple. Not after everything.” Her accusation was low and hard to hear, but he caught it.
His previous behavior warranted her wariness, especially since it was him who chose to walk away. No matter how many times or ways he said it, it would take time for her to believe in his sincerity. He caught her chin with the tip of his finger and nudged it up until her eyes met his. “It is, babe.”
She pulled back with an angry jerk, and drew her legs up, adding a few more inches between them. “No, it’s not.”
He wrapped his hand around one sheet-covered ankle, not wanting her to pull further away. “Yeah, it is.”
She nailed him with another glare and ran an agitated hand through her hair. “Say you manage to take out Michael, or whoever’s behind this. You think you’re being hunted now? What do you think will happen then?” She didn’t wait for his response, but kept going, determined to lay it out in no uncertain terms. “For fuck’s sake, Reaper!” Exasperation and worry made her voice sharp. “Michael commands a hell of a military force, with or without Greer, they’ll be gunning for you. All of them.” She pounded her knee with a fist. “Not to mention you take on one Cartel family, you provoke them all. How long do you think you can outrun them? You’ll never be safe, no matter how many of us are on your side, we’ll all be targets. With the position I hold, there’s no way for me to avoid the fall out and they’ll target Tabby to get to me.”
For the first time he saw it, her bone deep fear, a mother’s fear for her child, heard it when she asked, “How do I keep her safe?”
The depth of emotion fueling her agonized whisper hurt to hear. He couldn’t not touch her, to reassure her in some way that she wasn’t in this alone. Not now. He caught the back of her neck in a gentle hold and squeezed carefully, attempting to still her anxious movements. He held her gaze and let her see he meant what he said. “We do this smart, so that won’t happen.”
Her laugh was bitter. “We? There is no we.”
Since arguing would get him nowhere he wanted to go, he decided to make sure his point got made. Using his hold, he dragged her close and nipped her lower lip in punishment.
A feminine hiss of fury escaped as she drew back and soothed the ache with her fingers. “What? Outside of fucking me, you want nothing to do with me.”
With a frustrated growl he silenced her painful words in a kiss. They were skating too close to hurtful past truths, truths he wanted to dispel. Their tongues met in a wild clash as their volatile emotions added a rough edge to their shared hunger. Yet as her taste sank deep and he took her to her back, he knew his actions were just adding proof to her accusation.
What simmered between them went beyond lust, and he needed to convince her he wanted something deeper, something lasting. With that thought in mind, he forced his libido back from the edge they teetered on. He cradled her head between his hands and gentled his kiss. To get her to listen to him would require the unexpected.
He raised his head and stared into her flushed face, his thumbs brushing over her damp lips. “I was wrong.”
Her fingers dug into his shoulders, and she gave him a long, slow blink. “What?”
His gut tightened and he gave her what he would never give another. “I was wrong.”
Her restless movements stilled, and she studied him. Bit by bit she reassembled the familiar mask she wore to face the world. It hurt to see her do it, because he now understood, it was the mask she used to keep herself safe.
“I’ll ask again.” Her voice was carefully neutral. “What’s changed? I’m still the Rocky Mountain Queen and you’re still a Vulture.”
It shouldn’t surprise him that she would demand they tackle this sooner than he wanted. Now, more than ever, Lilith had a shit ton at stake. But then, so did he. Except this time, it was his turn to take the risk. “Nothing lasts forever, babe.”
Trapped in his hold, she took her only option to avoid his eyes and dropped her gaze.
Not about to let her get away with that, he caught her chin and forced her to meet his gaze. “Tell me you’re happy doing what you do.”
Guilt shadowed her eyes.
He ruthlessly quashed a spark of fledgling hope and took another step to establish their connection. “Only going to ask once, and, Lilith—” he waited until he had her focus, “—I’m fucking begging you, be honest, yeah?” He held his breath as he waited for her slow nod. Once it came, he asked, “If you could, would you walk away?”
He gave her credit, she didn’t baulk, but her tongue peeked out to nervously touch her bottom lip. “It’s not that simple.” Her voice was strained and husky as her mask crumbled. “I have to think about Tabby, and what will keep her safe.”
Now that she was really listening to him, he needed her to hear his question, really hear it and believe that Tabby’s safety was just as important to him as it was to her. “If walking away meant our girl would be safe, would you leave it all behind?” He waited for her answer, tension coiling through him.
“In a heartbeat.”
With three, simple, heartfelt words she blew his years of assumptions to pieces and left him struggling with an unfamiliar sense of elation. He dropped his forehead to hers but couldn’t miss the mixture of defiance and guilt coloring her face. God only knew the cost of her admission. As he had no intention of making her regret sharing the truth with him, he took another leap, knowing what it would reveal. “Could you be happy living like that?”
They were so close his lips brushed hers and all he could see were her eyes, and the struggle she fought was reflected in their depths. He swore his heart stopped when she finally gave a slow nod.
He closed his eyes as something tight loosened in his chest and the last of the dread unknotted in his gut. Beyond words, he gave her a chaste kiss, his emotions spilling into the gentle touch. He carefully released his hold and rolled to his back to lie next to her. Unexpected pressure built behind his eyes and stung his nose as the impact of her gift hit. He threw a hand over his eyes and breathed through the realization she’d given him the one thing he could hold onto as he fought for the future he wanted to share with her, hope.
The mattress rocked, and then Lilith’s weight settled on his chest. “What about you?”
Not quite ready to endure her all-too perceptive gaze, he curled his free arm around her waist and held her close. “What about me?”
A warm puff of air emerged on her soft sigh. “If you had to, could you walk away from the Vultures and be happy?”
Insecurity lurked under her question, and because she deserved the same bravery she gave him, he lifted his arm to face her. A thin braid half hidden by a thick curl that trailed down her face and tickled his chest caught his attention. He tucked the soft strand behind her ear. “Nothing lasts forever.” He met her gaze. “In case you haven’t noticed, things are changing. The others, they’re all finding their place. However this plays out, things will never be as they were.”
She frowned. “That’s not an answer.”
Yeah, he remembered this too. Her stubborn refusal to accept vague answers. His lips quirked. “It’s the best I can give you right now. Once things are finished, ask me again.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You going to be there to ask?”
He took that because she had the right to ask. “Yeah, babe, I’ll be here.”
For once she didn’t snap back. He endured her study, wishing he knew what she was looking for, so he could give it to her. Unfortunately, he was going to have to dig deep for patience, because the only thing that would convince her he had no intention of bailing was to stick to her side. Eventually, she would have to admit he wasn’t going anywhere.
Right?
No one answered.
Nineteen
As massive haboob chased the four riders as they hit old ravine of the Salt River and bypassed the casino. Although the sandstorm loomed a good half hour out, dust was already mixing with the heat turning the afternoon into a hellish haze. Mercy led the way as they breached the old city limits and navigated through half-buried rusted car skeletons and toppled metal poles that once held traffic lights.
Their surroundings appeared deserted until they worked their way further in. Finally, signs of life emerged`. Residents hustled inside and pulled metal covers into place in preparation for the incoming sandstorm. Reaper played chicken with those intent on finding shelter and narrowly avoided a mangy looking mutt that darted across the street.
Their passage garnered a few head turns, but hidden under head scarves, goggles, and filtration masks being identified wasn’t a worry, they were just another anonymous group making their way through the late afternoon in Phoenix.
At one point they got stuck behind a lumbering caravan, and it took a combination of luck and skill to skirt around the bulky travelers without running anyone down. Finally, Mercy turned into a cluster of sand-pitted buildings that sprawled along an old freeway in a layout that Reaper recognized as an old shopping mall.
