Fear the reaper, p.7
Fear the Reaper, page 7
She pushed off the railing and moved to his side. “With who?”
He walked to the door and flashed her an enigmatic smile. “Come with me and find out.”
She stilled as she recognized the anticipatory light in his eyes from all the times she witnessed it, just before he did something stupid. She frowned. “Am I there as a partner or backup?”
His smile shifted to a full-fledged mischievous grin. “You were always good at multi-tasking, babe.” He strolled inside and threw over his shoulder, “We’ll leave after breakfast.”
“Dammit, Reaper.”
He ignored her and disappeared inside.
Since she couldn’t trust him not to get dead, it seemed she was taking a field trip tomorrow. “Well, shit.”
Nine
Someone was watching him. Reaper lifted the arm he used to block the morning sunlight and cracked open heavy lids only to come face-to-face with Tabby. She perched on the arm of the couch near his feet like some weird wild child gargoyle. He blinked a couple of times bringing her dark green eyes, in a strangely intense face, into focus and he found he couldn’t look away from the questions that swam in her unsettling gaze. Their staring contest played out for a few tense moments before she broke it. “So, you’re my dad.”
Right, guess they were having this conversation now.
“Yep.” Reaper stretched, dug his feet into the couch and pushed up until he sat against the other arm. A yawn stretched his jaw, and he rubbed a hand over his face, hoping his brain would kick into gear without the jumpstart of caffeine. He dropped a foot to the floor and twisted to nab the leather tie from the coffee table. He pulled his hair out of his face and tied it off.
Tabby slid down the couch’s arm to the cushion, drew up her legs, and rested her folded arms on her knees, then set her chin on top. Throughout her entire move she watched him watch her. “We have matching points.”
He aimed a puzzled look her way not quite following the kid’s thought.
Reading him, she straightened and pulled back her sleep knotted hair, then indicated her widow’s peak. “See?”
He grinned at the barely hidden pride and defiance in her tone and rubbed a finger over his V-shaped hairline. “Guess we do.”
Tabby’s gaze faltered and color rushed under her cheeks. She wrapped her arms around her legs and frowned at her knees, her finger rubbing her over her knuckle.
Reaper gently nudged her leg with his bare foot and regain her attention. When she looked up, he deliberately looked down to her hands and her nervous tell, then back up. “We share that too.”
She looked to her hands and stilled her anxious movement. Her long dark lashes fluttered for a few seconds and a frown marred her forehead, but eventually she lifted her gaze to his. Her “Yeah,” was soft as something big worked behind her eyes.
At her uncertain tone a dull ache settled in his chest. He didn’t need to be a mind reader to guess at her thoughts. If their positions had been reversed, he’d have a shit ton of difficult questions with no idea where to start. He might be the adult now but even he wasn’t sure how to navigate this, so he started with, “Tabby, if you want to know, just ask me.”
The poor kid couldn’t hide her emotions if she tried. Anger, hope, fear, it was all there in her face. He was unsurprised when determination finally won out and figured if she could find the courage to ask, he’d find the same to answer.
Her chin lifted, and her voice carried the typical weight of youthful doubt, as if she expected the adults around her to sugar coat things. “About anything?”
“Anything.” He laid his arm along the back of the couch, bent his one leg so his knee rested against the couch, and use his other foot to press against the floor until his spine settled into the corner. As comfortable as he could get considering the circumstances, he met her guarded gaze and tried to reassure her. “I promise I’ll be as honest as I can.”
His daughter—would he ever get use to that? —nibbled her lower lip as she studied the now open space between them and then took her time repositioning until she was sitting tailor fashion on the end of the couch, facing him. She mirrored her mother’s backbone and took him at his word. “Mom said you didn’t know.”
Her statement carried a mix of accusation and pleading as if she didn’t want to doubt her mom but couldn’t help but do so. Since he hadn’t had a chance to ask Lilith about her conversation with Tabby he was on shaky ground. He wondered how deep to take things only to remember Lilith’s warning from last night about playing it straight. He could do that, so he locked down his reactions and kept his voice and face level and calm. “I didn’t.”
His admission earned him a nod, as if Tabby used it to confirm her mom was on the up and up. In her lap, her finger rubbed over her knuckle again, and she visibly took a big breath. “Are you mad?” It came out in a rush, and Reaper’s confusion must have been obvious because she added, “That you have a kid?”
As hard as she tried, she couldn’t conceal her anxiety and her simple question scraped over his battered heart. In that moment, it hit him hard that this conversation would be critical in how the two of them moved forward. “I wasn’t mad, more like stunned.” When she frowned, he was quick to clarify, “In a good way.” Figuring their Q&A session should go both ways, he asked, “How about you?”
Confusion replaced the frown, and she angled her head. “What about me?”
Reaper pointed to himself with his thumb. “This what you expected for a dad?”
Her grin was small and so was the teasing glint in her eye, but she didn’t balk at his question. “You’re taller than I expected.”
His chuckle was quiet.
Her amusement faded and was replaced by a hint of worry. “Actually, I thought—” Her eyes dropped to her lap and color once again flooded her cheeks.
Reaper did his best to lead her through what appeared to be treacherous territory. “Thought, what?”
She didn’t look up as her finger went back and forth over her knuckle, her voice low and reluctant, her shoulders hunched. “I thought maybe Math was my dad or something.”
Her admission stung like a bitch and reignited that green-eyed streak he was beginning to detest. He struggled to formulate a response that wouldn’t make him sound like a self-centered punk when she proved a kid’s mind was more convoluted than any adult’s.
“Thing was, I knew Mom hadn’t told my father,” she snuck a look at him before correcting herself, “you, about me.” She stopped again and bit her lip.
He stayed quiet, giving her a chance to say what she needed to say.
Her shoulder’s straightened and she finally lifted her eyes to his. “Mom explained it was her choice, not yours, because she knew you were leaving. But she got this look whenever Math showed up, and he was always nice to me, like, I don’t know, as if I mattered to him.” Her shoulders rose and fell in an awkward shrug. “So, it made me wonder if it was Math. Then after…” Her voice broke and her hands fisted in her lap as the skin around her eyes tightened.
He was rocked by the sudden urge to gather her close, but he held back, knowing it wouldn’t be accepted, not yet. It hurt, deep where the wounds would never show, to witness her struggle. He held her gaze, silently offering his support the only way she would allow as she fought her demons.
She swallowed hard and her voice was tight. “I met you, and you and Math look really alike.” She gave another uncomfortable shrug. “Mom got all tense and weird whenever your name was said. Then watching you two at Pebble Creek, it made me wonder.” She turned away and admitted, “I started kind of hoping it was you.” She shot him another quick look from under her lashes and waited for his reaction.
Okay, shit ton of things to unpack there.
His mind spun, and he kept his face still, not wanting to give her an excuse to clam up on him while he worked through her revelations. The kid was scarily intuitive.
On some strange level he was pleased at Lilith’s unsettled reaction around him. Especially since she managed to knock his ass off balance all the damn time. Then there was his reluctant gratefulness that Math had ensured this child knew she was important. He hated owing anyone anything, but in this, his younger brother had incurred a deep debt. Add in the curious melting sensation that Tabby’s barely disguised hope in her last statement struck, and Reaper knew without a doubt that his life was forever tangled with this little girl.
The barrage of unfamiliar emotions left his throat tight. He coughed to clear it and his voice was gruff as he started to unravel what his daughter bravely shared. He decided it was easiest to start at the beginning. “Your mom and I met during the Border Wars. Do you know about those?”
Tabby nodded. “Yeah, we learned all about it last year.”
He doubted school covered “all about” a years-long territorial dispute, but he was curious what it entailed. “Yeah?”
At his skeptical question she rolled her eyes and proceeded to elaborate. “The five Cartel families wanted to redraw the southern borders, but the Territories and Free People weren’t down with that. After years of fighting, the Territories and the Free People came up with the Southland Agreement which granted Lost Angels, Phoenix, El Paso, and San Antonio to the Cartels. If anyone violates the Agreement, the Free People can deny them water rights.”
Her bare bones recital was a simplified version of the messy shit that painted years in blood, but for this discussion, it worked. “Right.” He rubbed his chin. “During the wars, your mom and I worked together and became friends, then more than friends.”
Considering Tabby was alive and breathing, he figured that explanation was safe to use. Especially when she wrinkled her nose with the typical disdain of youth.
His momentary amusement faded, and he took them further into the weeds. “I led an infiltration unit.”
“Like Mom’s?” Her question proved she was far more aware of what was happening around her than most kids. Probably because she was Lilith’s daughter.
“Close,” he said. “Mine specialized in urban warfare, your mom’s was in reconnaissance.”
“Spying.” There was a hint of pride in her voice.
It made his lips twitch. “Yeah, spying.” Although he knew he had to address this next bit it was going to be a bitch. “Thing was, your mom found out about you right after I lost my unit.”
Compassion softened Tabby’s face. “All of them?”
Her quiet question snuck under his scars and Reaper could only nod.
“What happened?” she asked in a near whisper, as if afraid her saying it too loud would breathe life into the ghosts swirling around him.
Memories rushed him, shooting his vow to stay emotionally neutral to hell. He endured the painful surge of nightmares and bit out, “I trusted the wrong person.”
“That sucks.”
Her heartfelt sentiment hit Reaper deep and left his voice gruff. “Yeah, it does.” He dragged in a big breath, then blew it out. “I was fuckin’ pissed.” Catching his verbal slip, he winced. “Sorry.”
She waved it off with a roll of her eyes. “I’ve heard worse, trust me.”
Right, moving on then. “I wasn’t in a position where your mom felt she could share about you.” He braced, met Tabby’s gaze, and shared the harsh truth he learned last night. “She made the right decision.”
Tears pooled in Tabby’s eyes and seeing them made him feel like shit, but he promised not to lie to her, no matter how difficult. God knew he didn’t want to admit this next part, but in this he was the adult. Time to reap what he sowed.
“Back then, I wasn’t—I couldn’t—” He dropped his head, rubbed hand over the back of his neck, and blew out a hard, frustrated breath, as he searched for the words that refused to come. He lifted his head, met her gaze, and difficult though it was, made the harsh admission, “Your mom was right not to say anything. I couldn’t be a good dad, not then.”
A tear spilled over and slid down her cheek as she looked away.
Unable to stop himself, he reached out, brushed the tear away, and dropped his hand to her knee. He gave her a gentle squeeze and waited until she looked at him. “Your mom loves you, and when she loves, she’s very protective.” It was truth he always understood, no matter what went down between him and Lilith.
Tabby fought back the tears and a mutinous look settled on her face. “What about you?”
Not understanding, he frowned and asked, “What about me?”
Her chin notched up and a combative glint lit her eyes. “Well, she had to love you to get me, right?”
Out of the mouth of babes…
He gave a slow blink at a question he never expected to field, and managed a hesitant nod, thinking that response couldn’t get him into trouble.
“So, what about protecting you?”
Obviously, trouble was determined to find him. “Me?”
She nodded.
In that moment, confronted with his too perceptive child, he decided he would rather face down a strung-out Raider. Naked.
How to explain the emotional melee he shared with her mother? Especially when he rarely managed to navigate it unscathed? He thought how Lilith shared her reasons for choosing between him or her daughter and he carefully chose his answer. “Sometimes the best way to protect those you love, is to let them go.”
She studied him, obviously thinking it over. Eventually her lip curled, and she gave a snort that was downright cute. “Is that like that saying, ‘If you love something set it free, if it comes back, it’s yours’?”
Taken aback, he wondered where the hell she picked that old saying up from. Before he could get sidetracked, he refocused. “Something like it, I guess.”
“That’s stupid,” she muttered. “I mean,” she waved a hand to emphasize her disgust, “if someone loves you, or you love someone, why would you leave?”
Despite her brave face, there was an underlying note of insecurity and blame in her comment. He consciously gentled his voice and shared, “Because sometimes love isn’t enough.”
Confusion clouded Tabby’s eyes, and he decided it was too early to get into the complexities of that conversation, so he redirected their conversation. “What happened, happened. Can’t change it.”
She crossed her arms over her chest and a stubborn light bloomed worrying him that she was about to argue her point, but instead she gave a reluctant, “Fine.” Her gaze narrowed and pinned him in place. “So, when whatever it is that’s happening is done, are you going to leave?”
God, she was a tough little bugger.
Her questions echoed what he asked himself, but the problem was, he still didn’t have an answer. At least not one that would give her the reassurance she was looking for. Instead, he gave her something else to hold him to. “How about you ask me again when we finish dealing with what’s happening first?”
She worried her bottom lip and reluctantly accepted his offer. “Deal.”
Since he didn’t want to give her time to change her mind, he pushed out of the couch, turned, and held out a hand for her. “Okay, before you continue your interrogation, how about breakfast?”
Her nod was enthusiastic as she grabbed his hand and let him pull her up. Then he and his daughter hit the kitchen to scrounge up food.
Ten
Together Reaper and Tabby gathered and mixed the ingredients for pancakes. Tabby set up the griddle and when he took over cooking, she took a seat at the counter. For a minute or so, quiet reigned as he set the coffee to brew, then went back to the batter and flipped pancakes. When they were done, he set a small stack in front of her.
She pulled the plate close and reached for the dish holding the butter. “Reaper?”
“Yeah?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
“Blue.”
She grinned. “Mine too.”
With that her curiosity floodgates opened, and Tabby peppered him with head spinning questions, whatever reticence she had taking a hike. He sipped his coffee and did his best to keep up.
Could she call Math uncle now? That’s up to Math, so she should ask him.
Where did he live? No place in particular, mainly on the road.
Could she go with him on one of his trips? That’s a question for your mom.
Could she ride on his bike? That one was easy—yes.
The questions kept coming until Charity and Mercy stumbled in and homed in on the coffee first, food second. By the time Lilith showed, Tabby had wound down and was sitting as close to Reaper as she could without being in his lap as they both finished up their breakfast.
Lilith stopped short in the entryway to the kitchen, her eyes widening, but she covered her shock fast, and moved forward, offering her daughter a smile. “Morning, baby.”
“Mom!” Tabby jumped from her seat and hit Lilith hard enough to rock her.
With the kid’s enthusiastic greeting, Reaper’s concern about how things stood between mom and daughter eased. Lilith cupped her little girl’s cheek, her witchy face softening under a depth of emotion he never thought he would witness. The image of the two and the emotion it invoked wrapped around his scarred heart and found purchase, leaving him unsettled.
When Lilith looked up, her familiar mask was firmly in place. Breakfast was had with sporadic conversations as people stumbled in, caffeinated, then left to get ready for the day.
Reaper was repacking his bag when he noticed Lilith pull Charity aside for a quiet conversation. From his spot by the couch, he couldn’t hear what was said, but it was obvious when the conversation went wired.
Charity’s normally relaxed movements took on an intense edge that did nothing to ruffle the merciless stillness that Lilith emanated. Curious about their exchange but not wanting to trigger an argument first thing in the morning, he kept his questions for later. And there would be a later, he promised himself, because something was definitely up.
It wasn’t long before everyone filtered back into the kitchen and dining room. Finished with his packing, Reaper went into the kitchen while Lilith sent Tabby off to her room to get dressed. After topping off his coffee, he turned to find Lilith waiting for her turn. He moved out of her way, faced the group at the table, and leaned back against the counter.
