The second wives club, p.20
The Second Wives Club, page 20
some people don’t hear you
until you scream
“You’re what? Are you sure it’s safe?” Fiona was toweling the back of her neck after a strenuous yoga session in which she’d contorted herself like a novelty balloon at a children’s party.
“Safe as houses,” said Susan, stepping out of her sweatpants and grabbing her jeans out of the locker. “I’m not that stupid.”
Fiona raised her eyebrows. “Hmmm. But cycling in Vietnam? Isn’t that bandit country?”
Susan laughed. “The war ended more than three decades ago, dear. It’s a beautiful, peaceful country now with white sandy beaches and glorious weather.”
“Is it?” Fiona still looked doubtful. “But even so, you won’t actually be enjoying the nice bits of it, you’ll be cycling up and down steep inclines with an extremely sore arse. You’re mad.”
“No, I’m not mad, I’m charitable. It’s all for a good cause. You should try it sometime.”
“Whoa!” Fiona raised a hand up. “You can’t say I don’t do my bit for charity.”
“Fiona!” Susan made an exasperated face. “You get invited to posh parties by Julia, wear nice dresses, and stuff your face with yummy food at various venues around London. Hardly a charity bike ride, is it?”
Combing her hair back and tying it into an unkempt ponytail, Fiona poked out her tongue. “A check is a check. The charity doesn’t care if it’s come from me and Julia having a great time or from you chafing your buttocks on some wafer-thin saddle.”
“That’s probably true.” Susan giggled. “Have you got time for a coffee?”
Fiona nodded, and they wandered upstairs to the health club’s small café bar to order two nonfat lattes.
“Of course, I’m not doing it solely because I want to raise money for charity,” said Susan as they sat down at a table overlooking a squash court. She handed over a leaflet about the bike ride.
“Oh?” Fiona studied it incredulously.
“No, I think it’ll be good for me.”
“In what way?” Fiona took a sip of her coffee and winced as it burned her lip. “I mean, it’s not like you’ve even done much cycling before.”
Susan licked at the sweet froth gathered around the rim of her cup. “I know. It’s probably an early midlife crisis thing, but I also think it will do some good for me to be away from Nick for a little while.”
“What?” Fiona looked shocked. “You didn’t tell me you’d been having problems.”
“We’re not, as such. I just feel a bit…well, taken for granted, I suppose.”
“In what way?”
Susan felt the beginnings of tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. She hadn’t expected to cry, she just couldn’t help herself now that she was actually voicing her concerns to someone else.
“I just feel really small at the moment.” She sniffed. “I don’t know why, I just do.”
Fiona leaned across the table and grabbed her hand tightly. “Darling, you’re not small. You’re the biggest person I know, especially in heart…”
“And bottom…” Susan smiled, dabbing her nose with a paper napkin.
“And humor. You see? You can even find something to laugh about when you’re upset.”
Susan had composed herself now. “Yes, I can laugh here, sitting with you. But at home I sometimes feel like I blend into the wallpaper.”
Fiona made a scoffing noise. “Nonsense. You mean everything to Ellie.”
“Yes, I know that. But what about Nick? What do I mean to him?” Susan shrugged. “I know he loves me in his own way, but sometimes I wonder if he even knows I’m a real person.” She stared over the balcony, looking down at the squash players but not really seeing them. “I got together with Nick in spite of his difficult situation because I loved him and thought we could overcome anything. But lately I’ve been wondering whether he’s only with me for…,” she stopped, uncomfortable with what she was about to say, “…for convenience.”
Fiona put her cup down with such force that the latte spilled over the sides. “Get that out of your mind right now, lady,” she said sternly. “That’s utter nonsense and you know it.”
“Sweet of you to say so.” Susan smiled sadly. “But I’d be an idiot not to really ask myself this question given our situation. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there seems to be something missing between us. I just don’t feel loved by Nick, if that makes any sense.”
“How’s your sex life?”
Susan balked slightly at Fiona’s directness. “Um, well, we do have one, if that’s what you mean.”
“Yes, but is it exciting?”
“If you mean does he jump off the bed in a superhero outfit, then, no, but it’s not totally dull either. My main problem is that deep down, there’s a part of me that just can’t ever fully believe that I’m what he really wants. Maybe it’s the Caitlin thing, or maybe it’s just the way our romantic relationship started, with me as Ellie’s caretaker first and Nick’s romantic partner second.” She let out a sigh. “Besides, it’s difficult to have a spontaneous sex life when you have children; they’re invariably in your bed or wandering into the room.”
Fiona nodded. “I know. That’s why we’ve put a lock on our door. I can’t relax otherwise!”
“Do you think you’ll have any more?” Susan looked wistful.
“What, sex or children?”
“Ha ha.”
Fiona pursed her lips. “Probably. Although David is keener than I am at the moment.”
“Great, isn’t it? David wants a baby and you’re not sure, I want a baby and Nick doesn’t.”
“Ah. You didn’t tell me that.” Fiona’s eyes widened. “That probably explains why you’re feeling a bit vulnerable at the moment.”
Susan nodded and told her the full extent of the late-night conversation with Nick. “I just felt like he trampled over what I wanted, as if I didn’t matter,” she explained miserably. “So I figured that ten days away doing something completely different from my ordinary, dull life might do me a world of good.”
“And make Nick appreciate you more in your absence?”
“Precisely!”
Fiona pondered everything Susan had said for a few moments. “I think it’s a fabulous idea. Have you told him yet?”
Susan grimaced. “Yes. It went over like a lead balloon. He did this real guilt trip with me about how Ellie had already lost one mother and now I was abandoning her too.”
“It’s only ten days,” Fiona reassured her. “Hardly a lifetime. Besides, what he really means is that he doesn’t know how he’ll cope without you. You see? He does love you.”
“But not in the way I want him to,” Susan reiterated firmly. “I want to be loved outside the parameters of being Ellie’s surrogate mummy.” She paused. “I just feel we’ve become a bit like brother and sister, if you know what I mean?”
“I do.” Fiona nodded. “That’s what Julia reckons happened between James and Deborah. Not that Nick is going to leave you,” she backtracked hastily.
“Oh, I don’t worry about that anyway,” Susan said. “There’s much more chance of me leaving him.”
“You’re not thinking about it, are you?” Fiona was shocked.
“Not seriously, no, but obviously the thought has crossed my mind, just hypothetically, in an ‘I wonder what would happen if…’ kind of way. And that’s what scares me most, truth be told. I don’t want to leave, but if I did—even if I knew that’s what was best for me—I don’t know how I ever could.”
“Sorry, I’m not with you…”
“I’ve taken on so much in becoming Ellie’s shiny new mummy, dug myself in so deep with this child who isn’t even mine…how could I ever leave? It could destroy her. It’s not like a normal situation where the woman usually takes the children with her. Ellie’s not mine, she’d stay with Nick. I wouldn’t have any sort of legal rights. So it would mean I was leaving her too, and I couldn’t do that.”
“Honey, it sounds like you’ve thought about this really deeply.” Fiona looked perplexed.
“No, no, it’s not like that. Seriously,” Susan replied in earnest. “But I figured that if I know that I would never leave for Ellie’s sake, then Nick probably knows it too. And that’s why, as I see it, he has a tendency to take me for granted.”
Fiona closed one eye and pointed her finger at her. “Gotcha.”
“So the bike ride has two purposes really,” Susan continued. “First, it will give me some time to myself, some space to get my head around a few things and what I really want out of my life. What I can sacrifice and what I can’t. And second, it will hopefully make Nick appreciate me a bit more.”
“In which case…,” Fiona raised her mug in the air as a toast, “…it all makes perfect sense, and I support you wholeheartedly. Although I think I would personally prefer to make the same point while spending two weeks at a spa in the Caribbean. But if a bike ride’s what you want to do…”
“Thanks.” Susan smiled gratefully.
“So much so that I will sponsor you generously in your quest to raise money for…,” she frowned, “…what are you raising money for? A pied-à-terre vacation home in Tuscany?”
“No, it is not!” Susan laughed. “It’s for Breakthrough, the breast cancer charity.”
“Good for you. When she gets older, Ellie will be really proud of you for doing it.”
“Do you think so? Trouble is, she’s only six right now, and she’s probably not going to understand why I’m disappearing for ten days.”
“Then it’s up to her father to make sure she’s kept busy and doesn’t suffer,” said Fiona swiftly. She looked at Susan curiously. “Don’t hate me for asking this, but do you think you feel the same way about Ellie as you would your own child?”
The question took Susan by surprise. “Um…yes, I think so. Without actually having a child of my own, it’s difficult to say, but I can say that I love Ellie beyond anything I ever could have imagined. I can honestly say I would give up my own life to save hers.”
“Wow.” Fiona raised her eyebrows. “That certainly says it all. I’d like to think that I would do that for Jake, but if push came to shove, I’m not sure whether I would. I’d do it for Lily in a heartbeat, though.”
Susan looked at her watch. “That also reminds me that I should get going if I want to be home to give her a kiss before bedtime.” She scooted back her chair and stood up.
“Thanks so much for the coffee, and most of all, thanks for backing me on this.” She held the leaflet in the air. “It means a lot.”
“No problem, sweetie. I just hope that getting a sore arse proves worthwhile and that you cure that other pain in the butt at home.” Fiona grinned.
Susan smiled back. “Oh, he’s not a pain in the butt.” She sighed. “He’s just a little misguided at times. I do love him, you know.”
“I know you do. But I think they all need a reminder from time to time of how much they’d miss us if we weren’t around.” Fiona idly placed a finger on her chin. “In fact, I might even go away myself.”
Susan’s face lit up. “Come with me!” she exclaimed.
“Hmmm, let’s see now. Er…no!” Fiona laughed and looked at her as though she’d completely lost her marbles. “If you were going to the spa, then I’d be right there alongside you. But Vietnam on a tandem? Let’s just say there’s more chance of Carson Kressley finding the right woman.”
“Oh well.” Susan looked mildly disappointed. “Just a thought. I’d better head off if I want to make it back before Ellie goes to sleep. Speak soon.” She blew Fiona a kiss across the table and hurried out of the café.
Susan headed down the stairs to the ground floor, oblivious to those she passed along the way. Her mind was on other things, mainly the conversation she’d just had and whether or not her planned trip was going to make any difference to life at home. She hoped so. As she rummaged in her bag, her fingers encircled a lipstick, a pack of gum, and then the unpaid parking ticket she’d meant to mail in last week. Everything but her car keys.
“Damn it!” she cursed, knowing she was already pushing it to get home in time. Even though she was home every other night of the week, Susan felt guilty if she didn’t make it back for a good-night kiss on yoga night too. She reached the parking lot and stood blinking into the darkness while fumbling in the pockets of her jacket, still trying to locate the elusive keys.
“Aha!” She finally pulled them from the depths of her left pocket and dangled them in the air triumphantly. Now all I have to do, she thought, is find the bloody car.
Then she remembered. “Duh!”
She headed toward the entrance to the lot. Having arrived late for the yoga session, she had found the parking lot already filled with the Volvos and SUVs of those infinitely more organized than her. So she’d had to park in a nearby side street. Mindful of an expectant Ellie, she broke into a jog, passing row after row of cars with her purse jostling against her side as she reached the exit. I know, she thought, I’ll call Nick and tell him to have her wait up a few extra minutes. Now where’s that mobile phone?
The traffic was heavy on the road she had to cross, so she stopped at the edge of the curb and waited for the light to turn red. Stooping down, she placed her bag on the sidewalk and rummaged again, this time seeking her sleek and tiny Motorola phone.
Head down, engrossed in her task, she didn’t see the boy on the badly lit bicycle coming along the road…didn’t see the rider wobble precariously and fall off…and didn’t see the car behind swerve to avoid him.
The only warning she got was the shriek of tires as the car spun out of control and, two seconds after she looked up, hit her with full force.
wake-up call
Fiona came out of the bathroom stall smiling to herself. A charity bike ride indeed. Susan was so full of surprises.
Running her hands under the cold tap, she checked her reflection. She wasn’t wearing a scrap of makeup, and her face was still slightly red from the exertion of yoga. Still, it beat jogging. She’d tried it once, and by the time she found out she didn’t like it, it was a long walk home.
Drying her hands, Fiona studied the “laughter” lines on either side of her eyes. I must stop finding everything so damned funny, she thought ruefully. To make matters worse, the overhead lighting accentuated the imperfections.
But she wasn’t unduly bothered. She knew she scrubbed up well when she wanted to, and her relationship with David was secure enough that, unlike Julia, she didn’t feel the need to rush home and get made up before her husband clapped eyes on her. Julia always said it wasn’t insecurity, it was self-respect, something she did to make herself feel better. But Fiona wasn’t so sure.
Walking out into the parking lot, she shivered slightly and zipped her hooded sweatshirt. It was a summer’s evening, but it was a slightly chilly one, and it was starting to get dark. She’d been fortunate enough to drive in just as another car was leaving, so her little Ford Fiesta was squeezed into a prime space right near the health-club door. She smiled affectionately as she approached it. Julia may laugh, she thought, but I love my little “Fifi.”
Just as she was climbing in, she heard the screech of tires in the distance, followed by a sickening thud and, a few seconds later, the sound of car horns as, presumably, other drivers became caught up in the ensuing chaos.
Everyone’s in such a rush these days, she thought to herself. And now it sounds like some poor sod has had his car bashed in by some impatient fool. Edging her way out of the space, she drove slowly toward the exit, where several other cars were in front of her, attempting to pull out into the road. But the traffic was gridlocked.
People had started getting out of their cars, craning their necks to see what was causing the disruption. One man had walked to the top of the road and was now returning to report his findings to the others stuck in the jam.
Fiona sat in her car for a couple of minutes, checking her mobile phone for messages, then making a quick call home to say she was stuck in traffic. David said he would try to keep Lily up until she returned.
Eventually, she climbed out of her car and wandered up to the one in front, tapping on the window. It was a woman she recognized from yoga.
“Hi there. Any idea what all this is about?” Fiona jerked her head toward the traffic.
“Apparently, there’s been an accident. A car came off the road and hit some woman.” She stopped talking a moment and pointed at a man farther up who was standing by the exit looking off down the road. “That guy reckons she came out of here because she’s wearing workout clothes.”
“Really?” Fiona felt slightly nauseous. Had Susan changed out of her workout clothes? She couldn’t remember. She had sat opposite her for a good twenty minutes and she couldn’t bloody remember what she was wearing.
She walked out of the parking lot and headed toward the road junction, where a small crowd had now gathered. She walked slowly at first, speeding up as the adrenaline of fear started to kick in.
A car had clearly mounted the pavement, its front end smashed in, one side sitting higher than the other. Judging by the proximity of the assembled gawkers, she assumed someone was lying in front of the car.
Then she saw it. Susan’s distinctive brown Zara handbag lying abandoned on the pavement. Distinctive because Fiona had bought it for her the previous Christmas. “Oh, my God!” she blurted out, picking it up and elbowing her way through the onlookers.
Susan was lying unconscious, a small, dark pool of blood forming under the back of her head, her arms splayed out to her sides. Her right leg was trapped under the wheel, her shin an unrecognizable mess of flesh and bone.
Fiona turned her head to one side and threw up, splashing her legs and sneakers. “Is she dead?” she choked. “She’s my friend,” she added by way of explanation to the man kneeling at Susan’s side.
His face was etched with concern. “I don’t think so, but she’s in critical condition. What’s her name?”
“Susan.” Shaking, Fiona stooped down next to him.
Instinctively, he put an arm out toward her. “Don’t move her head. Her neck might be broken.”
