Charlies planet, p.19
Charlie's Planet, page 19
part #5 of Bob and Nikki Series
“Do you have control of the whole thing, or just the door?”
“We have control of the saucer, Boss. What are you thinking?”
“I’m thinking somebody who went to that much trouble to keep the door secure would have a backup of some kind, in case the door was breached.”
Fred asked, “What should we do, Bob?”
“We need to get this cable hooked up to the autodoc, before the core loses too much power. I’m not sure how to do that without putting one of us at risk.”
I felt a bump against my leg. Thinking it was Snitz, I reached down to give him pets. I felt metal instead. When I looked down, Velma said, “Hiya, Boss.”
“Hi, Velma. Do you need something?”
“I think I can plug that cable in for you. I’m probably light enough that I won’t set off a weight trigger, and I’m too low for light beams.”
“If you’re sure you want to try.”
“Jinkies! I’d love to help, Boss.”
I gave her the end of the cable, and gently kept the loose cable from dragging across the floor. She got it plugged in, and I gently lowered it. Then I plugged in the other end. Velma said, “What now, Boss?”
“Can you climb the unit?”
“Sure, Boss.” She climbed up to the control panel. I said, “Did it switch to auxiliary power when you plugged it in?”
“Nope. I’ll switch it manually.” She switched it. “Okay, it’s taking power from the ship. What next?”
“Send a picture of the control panel to my watch, please.”
I got her feed up on my projector. She looked to be in good shape. I talked Velma through starting the wake up sequence, and then I asked her to come back outside. “Phonelia, could you come here, please?”
“Yes, Bob?”
“Stand here and watch her wake up. No need of her waking up to a bunch of men staring at her.”
The rest of us retreated out of the line of sight. Phonelia said, “Easy, there. You’ve been asleep for quite a while. Let yourself wake up.”
An unfamiliar voice asked, “Who are you, and where have you put my ship?”
She must have hit a nerve. Phonelia said, “I am Phonelia Rottum, and we just plucked your tender ass, saucer and all, off a mountain ledge. A little gratitude wouldn’t hurt a thing, Missy.”
“You can’t be Phonelia Rottum. She’s been lost for hundreds of years.”
“I can, and I am. My friend Bob Wilson found me, same fella that led the mission to get you down off the mountain.”
“But, I don’t want to come down off the mountain. Those things, they’re so big, and so primitive. They’re not people, are they?”
I spoke up. “Good enough people for most of us, but not human, no.”
“Who was that?”
“Bob Wilson, Ma’am.”
“Why did you come to rescue me, Mr. Wilson?”
“Your power core was giving out. Soon the autodoc would have failed.”
“And how is it you are in the business of rescuing people, Mr. Wilson?”
“Chance, mostly. Why don’t you get dressed and come on out, so we can talk about this over a cup of coffee?”
“What is coffee?”
Phonelia answered, “Wonderful stuff. Just about the best export Earth has to offer.”
“Earth? That primitive mudball! Don’t they still ride animals?”
Phonelia replied, “They’ve come a long way since you’ve been in that box, Dearie. That’s where Bob is from.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”
“No problem. Cover up your naughty bits and come out.”
“Why don’t you come in after me?”
“Two reasons. First, my wife frowns on me wrestling with naked women other than her. Second, as much security as you had on your door, we’re betting you’ve got some backup system that would zap me as soon as I stepped through the door.”
“You’re really more worried about what your wife thinks?”
“She knows where I sleep.”
“But why not worry about the security system?”
“I’ve got a crew of smart people out here backing me up. One of them would figure out how to defeat it, and drag me out.”
“You trust your people that much?”
“They trust me. It goes both ways.”
“How did you wake me up, then?”
“Very small, very brave robot, named Velma took care of that for us.”
Nikki came over the intercom. “Listen, lady, you need to do like my husband asks. We have other things to do today, besides coddle you. Get your buns covered and in motion, or I’m coming back there after you. He doesn’t care about me wrestling with naked women. Knowing him, he’ll make popcorn and sell tickets.”
Phonelia said, “Nikki seems to have gotten her attention. She’s coming out.”
I asked the intercom, “Do we have a name on this fine specimen yet?”
“Ship is registered to Rangus Slongum, but her ID chip reads Phillus Slongum, who shows up as Rangus’ daughter.”
“Went joyriding in Dad’s saucer and never made it back? Naughty, naughty.”
“That’s how the records read, anyway.”
“Can Ruth pilot us into the next saucer? I think you and Phonelia need to interview Phillus.”
“Sure thing, Cave-man.”
“Tell me they don’t have bats here.”
“I’ll tell you whatever you want to hear, but I don’t know if they do or not.”
“Well, fellas, when you signed up with me, you knew you were gonna be in the deep shit. We’re headed to guanoland.”
The ramp came down, and Ruth turned on the loading lights. All I could see was a vast lump of guano. I looked at Taz. He said, “On it, Boss.” He stood there concentrating for a few seconds, then mumbled, “Easy meat.” The saucer raised up slightly, and tipped a little back toward the cave. He managed to activate the dirt repellers one panel at a time, as he rotated the saucer. Once he had the majority of it off, he said, “Give me some room, gents, I don’t have a lot longer before the core starts to overheat.”
We backed out of the way, and he sat it down in the other docking clamp. I started the ramp up, and got on the intercom. “Ruth, we’re loaded up. Could you take us home, please?”
“To the village, Boss?”
“Yes, please. Sorry I confused you.”
“Taz is right. It is fun to mess with you.”
Soon enough, the ramp came down again. I asked Taz, “Is it cooled enough to fly out?”
“I think so, Boss. Don’t you want to get up there and set an eye?”
“No, Taz, I can’t say that I do.”
He unhooked the clamp, and flew the saucer over out of the way. “That’s all, folks. We need to fix that cooling system before we move it again.” He turned and boosted Fred up to hook the crane up to Phillus’ saucer again. Then Will ran it out and parked it. Taz and Fred went out and unhooked it. Taz talked Fred through using the solvent to pop the hook, and then gave him a ride back to ground level. He came back to me. “You want me to pop the door on that other one, Boss?”
“Might as well get it over with. Give me a scan while you’re at it.”
Taz concentrated for a second, “Wow, Boss, this is weird.”
“How do you mean, weird?”
“This ship was rented to Rangus Slongum, not too long after his daughter went missing, and never returned. Wouldn’t want to see his late fees. The guy in the box inside reads as Rangus.”
“This is one family reunion I wish I didn’t have to go to.”
“It’s nice to be a bot. Nobody expects you to deal with emotional crap.”
“Hmm, other duties as assigned, Counselor Taz.”
“No, Boss, please. I’ll be good.”
“Gotcha, you pneumatic Numbnuts!”
“Good one, Boss. You really had me worried.”
“Let’s go see about Rangus.”
The ‘doc said he was all clear to wake up, and that he had no implants, or any other reason to believe he might be stunner resistant. I hit the wake up button, backed up, and drew my stunner. I didn’t expect him to be in a good mood. I wasn’t surprised. “Where am I? Who woke me up? What’s going on?”
“You’re in the saucer you rented and didn’t get back home with. I’m Bob Wilson. We just collected you from under about a ton of bat crap, we thought maybe you were ready to wake up.”
“I was looking for my daughter.”
“Yeah, we know. Phillus is in the other ship. I see now where she gets her sterling disposition. Cover that up, nobody wants to see that.” I found his clothes, where they had fallen when Taz tipped the saucer to clean the guano off. “Get dressed, and I’ll take you to see Phillus.”
He got dressed, and said, “Hey, what’s that bot doing?
I looked where he was pointing. “Looks to be running a diagnostic, to see what we need to do to get you back in the black.”
“But you didn’t order it.”
“Limiter laws don’t apply here. We’re not in Galactic jurisdiction.”
I was suddenly thankful for all those courses Dingus made me take. It was like he was moving in slow motion as he tried to draw a stunner. He was on his way to the floor before he ever cleared leather. I picked up his weapon, and pocketed it. I put mine away, and slung him over my shoulder. Morning Flower’s clumsiness must be catching, I bumped him on a few things getting out of the saucer. I grabbed some zip ties out of a locker on my way to the galley. Nikki and Phonelia were still trying to get a straight story out of Phillus. I dumped her Dad in one of the chairs, and tied him up. Phillus asked, “Is he dead?”
I replied, “Yes. Yes, he is. I always tie people up after I kill them. I’m just strange that way.”
Her eyes got big. Nikki said, “Of course he isn’t dead, you ninny. Bob wouldn’t waste perfectly good zip ties on a corpse.”
“He’s gonna be trouble. He tried to pull a stunner on me after he saw Taz didn’t have a limiter.”
Phillus asked, “Stunner?”
I pulled it out and showed it to them. Nikki said “Caveman, pull the power pack on that thing.” I did.
She said, “That’s not a stunner. That’s a highly illegal lethal beam weapon. Only good for a couple of shots, but those two will do you up a treat.”
“Remind me to thank Dingus for making me take those tactical courses.”
Nikki said, “Speed is life.”
“On the nose, Space Cadet.” I saw movement out of the corner of my eye, and drew. Phillus had one of those nasty little things, too. I stunned her before she could bring it to bear. I turned to Nikki. “What is it, with your family, and being hard heads?”
“Like you have room to talk.”
Phonelia said, “I can’t wait to see your kids.”
I handed her some zip ties. “Just for that, you can tie her up.”
Nikki said, “What now, Caveman?”
“I’m thinking we keep their nasty playthings, and send them home. If we get the Patrol into this, they’ll have to say where the offenses took place, and everyone will know where this place is.”
“Do you really expect them to keep their mouths shut?”
“No, but the only other plan I have is shoot, shovel, and shut up. I’m not willing to kill these folks just to keep this place secret. Call it a character flaw, I guess.”
“What got him stirred up in the first place?”
“He seems to have strong opinions about bots without limiters. He saw Taz working on his saucer without being ordered, and just went ape.”
“I know a lot of people get uptight about the subject, but I never heard of anybody getting that wound about it.”
“Maybe your Grandpa would know more about it. They’re more from his time.”
“Worth a shot. Let’s comm him.”
“Morning, Dingus.”
“I suppose it is. What do I need to dig you out of now?”
“We already did the digging. Truly monumental guano pile, it was.”
“You’ve got a castaway from my time period, and you want me to talk sense into them?”
“Hopefully. Both of them pulled lethal weapons on me. The Father seems to have a serious problem with bots that don’t have limiters. Not sure what the daughter’s problem is.”
“You have names for these fine specimens?”
“Rangus and Phillus Slongum, is what their chips read.”
“You found Rangus? Any chance you could throw him back?”
“I’d like to, but we are trying to patch up the differences between the Slongums and the Rottums.”
“He was one of the slime balls who got the limiter laws passed. His nanny bot kept him from beating Phillus, once.”
“That explains it, I suppose. How would I go about keeping these two from revealing the location of this planet, when they get back to civilization?”
“I don’t know, right off the top of my head.”
Rangus began to rouse up. “Dingus, Rangus is waking up, you mind talking to him?”
“Yes, very much, but it needs to be done, I suppose.”
Rangus was struggling against his bonds. I said, “Settle down, you’re not going anywhere.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, you criminal!”
“I told you once, we’re outside Galactic jurisdiction. Your silly law doesn’t apply here. You want to settle down and talk about it, or should I just put you back where I found you?”
“You have no right to hold me like this!”
“I have every right, Sweetcheeks. You tried to shoot me with this nasty little fella.” I held up his weapon. “Attempted murder, that’s still a crime, even in your civilization, right?”
“Murder? I caught you red-handed in the commission of a crime.”
“You wanna try, Dingus? I haven’t got the patience for this lump of guano.”
“Rangus, this is your cousin Dingolus. You need to listen. Bob is trying to be nice to you. You’re lucky his wife wasn’t in the room when you pulled that beamer, you’d be dead and buried by now.”
“Dingolus? I don’t think so. He was lost before I was.”
“Bob there found me. Just like he found you. Bob wants to fix your saucer and send you home, but you’re doing your dead-level best to make him kill you instead. You got your silly law passed in the Confederation. Why don’t you just go back there and be happy?”
“Bots are a threat! They can’t be allowed to run loose!”
I spoke up again. “They are only a threat to losers like you who don’t treat them as beings with rights. You’re bound and determined to spread your nonsense everywhere humans and bots live together, aren’t you?”
“Of course! The bot threat must be stopped.”
I pulled my stunner and shot him. “I just stunned him, Dingus, I’m putting him back where I found him.”
“Don’t do that. Give him a nighty-night, and send him towards a Patrol base on your way back. Better yet, a Guide base. Wipe his saucer’s navigation of the coordinates of that planet, and let him try to get someone to believe what he has to say.”
“He knows our names, Dingus. That’s going to make him sound credible.”
“Not if you get your new buddy, the Major, to spread a story that he woke up with a bad case of freezer burn, and shouldn’t be believed.”
“I like the way you think. You’ve been wanting to take this guy down for a long time, haven’t you?”
“You have no idea. Until you found the feud, I thought he was the one who had me marooned.”
“You want me to let him wake up and truth cap him about it?”
“That might be best, now that you mention it.”
“Okay. I’m going to give him a nighty-night until we get through figuring out what’s up with Phillus.”
Nikki handed me one, and I put him out. Phillus had begun to stir. Nikki said, “Wakey, wakey, there Lucy. You got some ‘splainin’ to do.” Phonelia brought a truth cap and put it on her. She said, “What’s my Father doing here?”
The machine red-lighted. The three of us exchanged confused looks. Finally, Phonelia asked, “This man is your Father?”
“Yes.” Red light. I asked Dingus. “Did you know Phillus isn’t Rangus’ daughter?”
“I did not. Oh no! It was just the one time, it couldn’t be!”
Phillus said, “Excuse me, who is speaking?”
Nikki said, “Dingolus Slongum.”
Phillus said, “Hi Dad.” Green light.
I said, “She believes it, Dingus.”
“So do I. I was with her Mother once. She never told me the baby was mine. I swear, I never knew.”
Phillus answered, “Mom wanted it that way. Rangus couldn’t have children, but he wouldn’t go in the autodoc and get it fixed. She seduced you to get the baby she wanted. That was why Rangus hated me so much. That’s why he went nuts when Julie, my nanny, stepped between us. When Mom told me all this, I ran away in Rangus’ saucer, but it broke down and I was stuck on this planet.”
I said, “Dingus, that all got a green light. Not even a flicker.”
Dingus replied, “I’m sorry, young lady. I seem to be about the worst Father around. I even let down the Son I knew about, much less leaving you in that terrible situation.”
“As I said, my Mother went to a great deal of effort to make sure you never found out. I wanted to come find you, but you were already lost by the time Mother told me about you.” Green light.
