Secret desire, p.7
Secret Desire, page 7
Matt was at the bar with a couple of other guys who looked like students. He was sipping a beer, and I scanned the room for an empty table. I didn’t want to have a confrontation here tonight. I made my way across the dim room and found a small booth, slipping inside and out of Matt’s line of sight. I could still see him if I leaned over, but I told myself that I was here for a drink, not to spy on my ex. It would serve me well to move on and maybe meet someone that I could date out in the open. I got appreciative looks from men and women regularly, both the ones I could date as well as students. I’d never touch a student ever again.
The waitress came over and smiled at me. She asked what she could get me, making sure that she thrust her fake tits forward as I fought the urge to roll my eyes. I told her that a beer would be great, and an order of their bacon cheese fries. I’d run a few extra miles in the morning for those things since they were so damn good. She nodded and gave me a lingering gaze before walking away, and I glanced over at Matt. He was leaning back against the bar and talking animatedly with a guy who seemed to hang on to his every word. I didn’t think that it was the same guy that I saw him with before, shaking my head as I concluded that many thought he was as hot as I did. I lost out, and he was young enough to date around before settling down with someone special.
My beer was placed on the table, and I thanked the waitress absently before taking a sip. A song played loudly through the room, and I smiled as I thought back to the night, I met Matt for the first time. It was playing that night, and I lost myself in the memory for a moment. Several televisions featured various sports and a pool table was in the corner. It was a low-key bar that would generally make me relax and forget life for a moment.
Tonight, I had to fight the urge to stare at Matt like a fucking stalker. I started eating the fries when they came and leaned back against the cushion as I attempted to free my brain from my racing thoughts. I thought about my class and moved to the holidays again, holding my family close to my heart with the idea. I tried to forget that I imagined bringing Matt with me at some point and watching as my family got to know him. Mom would never judge the fact that he was younger if she never knew he was a former student of mine. I knew that they would love him.
I took a long drink from my glass and swallowed it eagerly. I needed the alcohol to numb me enough to not think so hard about this. It wasn’t too long that I ordered another, playing a game on my phone as I nursed it. This wasn’t relaxing, and I decided to leave when I finished this drink. I’d already lost interest in the food and pushed it away to lean forward on my elbows.
I was taking the last sip when I realized I had to piss badly. I looked over to the bar to see Matt still there with more people, trying to decide if I could slip by unseen. There might even be an exit back there I could use.
I dropped a bill on the table and stood, finding the waitress as I pointed to the money. She nodded and walked forward as I turned to head toward the bathroom, walking through the crowd to the dimly lit hallway. I breathed a sigh of relief as I found the door and slipped inside, closing myself inside of a stall. I did my business and left when I was dressed again, using the sink to wash my hands quickly. It was empty in here, and I pushed the door open slowly to enter the hallway again, crashing into a hard body. I reached out to steady myself and caught the scent that I missed and craved, holding onto his arms as I gazed into Matt’s eyes.
I stayed there, and he looked like he was going to push me away before he moved against the wall across from the door. Matt wasn’t trying to get away from me, and I followed as we cleared the door for other customers, stepping cautiously toward him. He stared at me the entire time, and I leaned my head against him, tempted to kiss him.
“You’re following me,” Matt murmured as I smiled faintly.
“No. I wasn’t doing that before or now. I think that this might be fate.” I smiled as he chuckled, sliding one hand into his hair. “I’m not sorry that we’re here together.”
He leaned his face up, and I felt his breath on my face. “We shouldn’t be this close.”
“There are no rules now.” I knew that it was brave to mention the fact that he wasn’t in my class any longer since it was a rift between us.
“I’m still a student,” Matt murmured as I brushed my lips against his. He gasped as I pressed closer, needing a taste of him. “Fuck it. Let’s get out of here.”
I wasted no time in moving us to the back entrance where we hit the street to rush to my place. I wasn’t going to question this and hurried along as he followed. I hoped that Matt didn’t come to his senses and stop this, but he grabbed my hand as we walked toward my complex.
I turned to go to my door, unlocking it before pulling him inside. I slammed Matt’s body against the door as it closed, and our lips met in a desperate kiss. I felt the need that surged through my body since the night we met as he slid his arms around me to pull me closer.
Matt pushed me across the room, and I fell onto the couch as he hovered over me. He kissed me again, running a hand over my chest and unbuttoning my pants with a quick flick of his hand. I moaned and arched into him as he slipped a hand down my pants to touch the tip of my cock, groaning his name.
Chapter Fourteen
Matt
What the hell was I thinking? I was done with Peter and separating myself from him altogether. A couple beers and feeling him against me, and I was acting like a horny teenager around him. I touched his smooth shaft as he moaned, rocking into my hand.
I wanted to strip Peter and fuck my feelings for him out, taking control of the situation. I wanted him to feel the way I had since we ended and kissed him harder. I wanted to feel him inside of me.
“Take your pants off.” My voice was rough as I told Peter what to do, and he looked at me with wild eyes. I moved up, and he slipped his jeans off, baring me to him as I took in his massive cock. I stroked it greedily and told him to stand in front of me. Peter gulped and moved into position, staring down at me as I took him into my mouth. There was a taste that Peter had that I’d never experienced before after a lot of cocks. It was more than the musky flavor of his essence, and I sucked him in eagerly, needing all of him.
“Fuck, Matt. Feels so good.” He gripped my hair, and I moaned at the pleasure of the pain as he pulled at it. I moved harder, taking him easily into the back of my throat as I grunted.
Peter groaned as I took him deeper with every jerk of his hips and he cried out as he shot deep into my mouth and down my throat. I swallowed eagerly and dropped back to suck in my breath. Peter moved beside me, and I breathed him in, realizing how much I missed him. My cock was throbbing, and I felt him slide his hand over me, touching the heated skin as I let out a sigh.
“God.” I moved my hips up, and he freed me from the constraint of my jeans. “I need to fuck you, Peter.”
“Let’s go to my room,” Peter said.
I blinked at Peter as he stood and reached his hand out. He pulled me up, and we headed back, stripping before we moved together on the mattress. “Fuck me the way you want me to fuck you.”
“Jesus.” I watched as he moved in for a kiss before positioning himself on his hands and knees. I knew where he kept the lube and condoms and reached for them, dropping the tube in my hurry. I managed to grab it again and stoked myself with some of the slick fluid as well as working it over his tight hole. I slid a finger in, and he pressed back. I teased him with a few strokes and an added finger before I couldn’t take it anymore.
I gripped his hips and drove myself inside of him. Peter cried out as I buried myself, but I knew he could take it. I knew what he liked. I took him hard and fast, feeling him push back into me. This was the best feeling in the world for me. I tried to push that thought out of my mind and make this hot sex and nothing more.
I came with a low growl, filling Peter as he fell forward. I assumed that he was hard again and looked as I moved beside him. He was softly erect, and I grinned as I curled up. There was so much that I wanted to say to him, but I didn’t know how. We weren’t all in with this again. I just assumed that he wanted this night. We would always have good chemistry together, and it was like a fucking wildfire tonight between us.
Peter moved to his side and gazed locked in the light from his bedside lamp. His eyes were full of emotion, and I sensed that he was holding something back as well. “I want to keep doing this.”
“You chose the job,” I replied as I looked up at the ceiling.
“I had to make a decision fast, Matt. I’ve worked hard to get a teaching job, and this fell into my lap. I was going to figure out the rest until I saw you with that guy.” His voice was bitter, and I turned my head to stare at him.
“What guy?”
“Come on. Have you slept around so much that you don’t remember?” Peter scowled as I tried to think.
“What are you talking about?” I pressed as his eyes darkened.
“I was walking by the bar and saw you kissing someone. It was a while back when we were talking about being something.” Peter shrugged, and I searched my memory.
Kissing a guy at a bar? “Do you mean in a bar or outside of one?” My mind was racing, and Peter shrugged a shoulder.
“Out front.”
The night where David followed me came to mind, and I played it back through my head. “Shit. How much of that did you see?”
“The kiss. What do you mean?” Peter asked as he narrowed his eyes at me.
“It ended almost as soon as it started. He did that, Peter. I pushed him away. It was just someone who wanted to hook up again.” I reached out to touch his face as pain crossed over his forehead. “You didn’t see me do that.”
“No. I thought you were fucking around. I thought you didn’t want me anymore.” Peter sounded shell shocked. “The job came up, and I thought we were done. I took it.”
“You took it, and I left the class,” I murmured as he shot a curious look at me.
“Why did you leave? You need it for your degree.”
“I couldn’t see you every day. We ended so abruptly, and I didn’t know why. You getting the job was like salt in a fucking wound. I had to get out of there, and I can take it next semester. I have a great GPA apart from that.” I moved to my back and closed my eyes wearily. We couldn’t go back and change anything.
“Fuck.” Peter sat up and rested his head in his hands. “I can. I’ll finish this semester and look for jobs at other campuses. I can make this right.”
“How? We still wouldn’t be here together,” I pointed out as he sighed.
“I don’t want you to leave,” Peter said slowly, reaching over to cover my waist with one arm. “I need to see you, Matt.”
“I don’t know if we can or should.” I tried to reason with myself, and he kissed my neck. “That feels good.”
“It does. It feels like the best thing in the world.” His mouth moved over my skin, and I closed my eyes and leaned into him. “Please work with me on this. I didn’t know you pushed him away. I thought you were sleeping with someone else. I need you, Matt.” Peter sounded sad, and I met his mouth with my own. “Stay here with me tonight.”
“Okay.” I slipped an arm around him and pulled him to me as we locked together in a deep kiss. We ended up having sex again, and I fell asleep in his arms with a smile on my face.
We woke up in the morning and had sex again. Peter offered to cook me breakfast, and I agreed after making him decide to shower with me. I knew that this was wrong, but I only thought about ways to drag this morning out. We made bacon and eggs and chatted lightly over the meal, both of us avoiding the obvious situation we jumped back into last night. Neither of us had any place to be this morning, and I sensed that we were both lingering over another cup of coffee.
I finally pushed my chair back and began to stand up. “Matt, wait. I meant what I said last night about trying to make this work.”
“What about your job?” I asked as I stood still, clinging to the chair.
“I’ll find something else. I’ll start applying as soon as this class is over. I promise you that.” Peter’s eyes were deep and sincere, and I nibbled on my lip.
“You’re at a great school. Where else would you go?” I pressed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “Do you want to leave Portland?”
“I like it here, but I want you more than I want any of this.” Peter waved his hand around as I watched. “Believe me, Matt. I don’t want you out of my life again.”
“I can try.” I blinked and tried to sort through my thoughts. I thought that I was doing better, but now that I had Peter’s taste on my lips, I admitted that I was wrong. “We can’t be seen at school together. We need to do it as we did before, staying here.”
“I agree. Things will change, Matt. We’ll be together in the way that you deserve.” Peter stepped forward to pull me into his arms, and I returned it, feeling the emotions surge through me.
I left the apartment quietly and headed down the street to my apartment. I wasn’t sure what to tell my friends about last night. If we were seen at all, it was in the shadows, and Peter was just another guy. I thought about my sister and her way of seeing through me. What would I tell her? I could feel the warmth of my reunion running through my veins, and it was sure to show on my face.
I stopped for another coffee to kill some time, sitting against the window as I watched the clouds cross the sky. My phone vibrated in my pocket, and I retrieved it, looking at the screen to see my sister’s beautiful smile.
“Fuck.” I watched as it stopped ringing and knew that she would text me, so I should figure out what to tell her.
Matt: Hey, sis. I’m just grabbing some coffee. I stayed with a friend last night, but everything is cool.
Dahlia: Okay. Call me next time! I was worried.
Matt: I know. I’m sorry. See you soon.
I set the phone down and sipped my coffee again. My stomach was hurting as it always did when I had too much, but I ignored it. I did that a lot, also. I assumed that the anxiety might follow and sighed as I weighed my options.
I knew that I couldn’t avoid my apartment for too long. I stood and forced a smile to my face as I left, practicing for when I got home. I wanted to finish a project and get some studying in even as Peter’s face filled my mind. I loved the way he spoke to me today and the intensity of his eyes. I loved the sounds he made when we were together.
I walked into the apartment with a bag of food from Dahlia’s favorite restaurant. She was writing in a notebook and glanced up before smiling at the bag in my hand. “How did you know I was craving those noodles?”
“You always are.” I teased her as I walked into the kitchen. I wasn’t starving since I had breakfast, but I could eat enough to make her think that I wasn’t enjoying breakfast with my teacher. Wait, Peter was my former teacher. She still couldn’t know anything. “I’ll bring you some. Do you want anything to drink?”
“I think there’s still some hot water in the kettle. Can you bring me some tea?” Dahlia called out, and I agreed.
I made her a bowl and poured some fresh tea, bringing it to her before returning to the kitchen. I got a smaller container for myself and grabbed some water to enjoy with it.
“What are you working on?” I asked as I glanced at her.
“Where were you?” My sister asked as I raised a brow at her. “You look different. You look like you did before when you were happier.”
“I was just out with friends. The usual. We had a few drinks and crashed at one of the apartments nearby.” I took a bite of the savory noodles to pause the conversation, and she tilted her head at me.
“That’s it?” Dahlia looked like she was sad, and I thoughtfully chewed as she took a sip of her tea. “I guess I hoped you were with that guy again. It was short, but you seemed at peace.”
“I’m fine, sis. I keep telling you that.” I assured her as she gazed at me. “I’ll act like I’m forty a little closer to the actual age. Okay?”
She nodded and took a bite of her noodles before looking at the television where one of her favorite movies played. It was something that she could play in the background while she did anything else, but tonight, she was watching intently. I knew something was off, but I focused on my small lunch and grabbed some books to study from my backpack. I considered going to my room, but I wanted things to seem normal and took a seat on the long couch a few feet away.
I pretended to read the words on the pages but thought about Peter. I thought about us being apart and last night being together. It was clear what I preferred, but what about if things went wrong? I turned a page to make it look like I was working, but my mind was racing. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and jumped, hoping it was Peter.
Dahlia watched as I took my phone from my pocket to check the screen. It was Peter, and he asked about having dinner the following night. I agreed and told him I’d be there at the planned time before tucking the phone into the couch cushions. It was best to act natural.
We ate leftovers for dinner, and I told her to sleep well around nine that night. I wanted to at least text Peter before going to sleep since the hours apart felt so long. I considered ending things before they started again, but my message was sent before I could even consider the thought. We sent a few messages back and forth before he called me, and we had incredible phone sex. I was quiet and contained the mess, but it was hot as hell.
I went to the bathroom to clean up before sliding under the covers. I did have classes tomorrow and needed to be alert, so I closed my eyes and forced my mind to clear.
If I was doing this, I needed to focus on every part of my life. My college education was a sure thing, but Peter wasn’t. No man was.
