Secret desire, p.9
Secret Desire, page 9
I looked at him in surprise.
“I guess I never told you that. I have one; a trust fund. It’s enough for school and even after.” Peter laughed and leaned in to kiss me.
“We’re just going for our dreams. I used to think that was a perfect thing and chose to teach. I didn’t have to make a lot of money, and I could just enjoy it.” He brushed his lips against mine again. “Plans can change at any time, I guess.”
“What are you saying?” I whispered as we stared at each other.
“I’m willing to sacrifice for you.” We both jumped as my phone rang, and I blinked before looking at the coffee table. It was lighting up with a phone call, and I narrowed my eyes. It was Jake calling to ask where I was. He probably wanted to try to hook up.
“Do you need to get that?”
“No,” I replied as I looked at him. “They’re just drunk.”
“Do you want to go to meet them?” Peter sounded miserable, and I shook my head.
“No. I told you I want to be here with you.” I moved close to him and stroked his hair back. “Peter. I’m falling for you. I tried not to, but I can’t help it.”
“Fuck. I didn’t plan for this, Matt. I never thought I’d see you again.” Peter kissed me hard and pushed me down to the cushion. We got lost in the kiss, and he reached a hand down my shorts to grip me as I gasped. He started stroking me, and I bucked against him, feeling the ache in my groin.
“I’m going to make you cum, Matt. Then I’m going to fuck you.” He did both, and we fell asleep together, damp and satisfied.
We woke up, and I made him breakfast for a change. He made coffee and drank it as he watched me, and I could feel the difference in the air.
“I want us to be serious, Matt. I want it to be just us.”
“Me, too.” I stared at him as I stirred the eggs. I glanced down to make sure they didn’t burn and turned the stove off. “I’ve never wanted that before now.”
“I did once.” I plated the food and joined Peter at the table. “I was serious about someone years ago, and he cheated on me.”
I swallowed the lump in my throat, all too aware of the reason seeing me at the bar upset him now. He thought it was history repeating itself and that was fair.
“I pulled away from people and went to college to live a fun life. Everything was casual and about fun. It was living in the moment. I had more bar nights with guys then.” I blushed, remembering how we met.
“I’m sure meeting me was a great reminder of that. I’m the same guy you were in college now. At least, I was.” I shrugged and chewed a piece of bacon slowly.
“You were different. You had the air of just another college student looking for a good time, but there was something more complex underneath the surface. I was attracted to that the first night, but it seemed like it wasn’t meant to be,” he chuckled. “Then there was that second night, and I thought that maybe this could be something. What a fucking reality it was when I saw you in that class.” Peter shook his head.
“I almost shit myself that morning. I couldn’t believe it. We didn’t even talk about our lives those two nights. It’s crazy.” I laughed, and he joined me. “In a college town, it makes sense to ask these things.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t thinking of the future. I was just out trying to establish myself in a new town, and I met you.” Our eyes locked and I reached for my coffee with a shaking hand. “You changed things for me, Matt.”
“I wanted to stay away from you, but there was just something there. A connection? I’m not sure. I knew when we met in class that things should end, but I couldn’t. It broke me when you walked away from me, and though I know why that happened, it still hurts. I haven’t missed anyone like that before.” I blinked and let the pain wash over me again. If we ended this time, it would be so much worse. “I’m scared I’m going to go through it all over again.”
“I am, too.” Peter took a bite of his eggs and stared through a window as he thought deeply for a moment. “Can you wait for me? I’m going to try and get another job and do right by you. I love spending time with you here, but I want to go out. I want to see Portland with you.”
“I can.” I nodded, and he smiled weakly at me.
“Can you commit to me?” Peter pressed me, and I nodded. I couldn’t possibly want another man now that I met him.
“I think I did that a while ago,” I admitted as he searched my face. “I’ll tell you that I slept with someone on our break, but it wasn’t serious. It didn’t come close to filling the void that was missing you.” I saw the pain cross his face and reached over to take his hand. “I’m still a college student, Peter. My feelings for you scared the shit out of me, and I tried to deal with that the best way I knew how to. I’m here now, and I want you.”
“I can accept that.” He nodded. My phone chimed, and I glanced across the room, assuming it was my sister. I didn’t think my friends would be conscious enough to ask me what happened. “Need to get that?”
“I think it’s probably my sister.” He raised a brow, and I smiled. “I’m a twin. I’m a big brother. I share an apartment with Dahlia, my sister.”
“Brunette?” Peter asked, and I nodded slowly. “I think I’ve seen you with her. I wasn’t sure just what she was to you. I saw that you were close but wasn’t sure why.”
“Did you think I was lying to you about my lack of attraction to women?” I cracked a smile, and he laughed.
“Maybe. I sometimes wondered who and what you were going home to, and now I know.” He took a long drink of his coffee. “Does she know about me?”
“My adoring sister is also protective. She yells at me a lot for my careless living, so telling her about my affair with a professor is just a bad idea.” I smiled apologetically at him. “She’d be happy in theory that I was with someone but not in such a forbidden situation. She’s guessed as much already, and nights like this don’t help my case too much.”
“What if you explained that we meant something to one another? I’d like to meet her and talk to her about this.” Peter suggested as I widened my eyes at him.
“I don’t know. I think I’ll have to tell her something about staying here with you. I don’t want her to think I’m sleeping around.” I looked at him and imagined enjoying dinner with both.
In some ways, I wanted it more than anything. I knew they’d get along, and Dahlia would be happy for me. However, there was another part of me that knew she would worry.
“I’ll think about it. Between her and my mom, they worry a lot. I’d rather not go into our history if you know what I mean.”
“I get that. I haven’t told my family. They suspect something, but I haven’t confirmed anything,” Peter smiled, and I sensed that he adored his family.
“You’re close?”
“Very. It’s just my mom and sister now. Dad left, and the grandparents died. It’s the three of us against the world.” He gazed at me, and I smiled.
“I have another sister, who is twelve. We have my mom’s parents still and one of his. We’re small but close. I have a couple aunts and uncles, but they live across the country and have kids and shit. I think my dad’s sister doesn’t approve of me. She’s religious.” I shrugged, but it hurt. They were ten years apart but close growing up. I knew that he wanted it to be that way, but he chose me.
“That’s tough.” The look in his eyes was full of sympathy, even if his words were brief.
“I’m not going to hide from people like that.” My dad never asked me to and nor did my mom.
“I like that about you.” We smiled as our eyes locked. “What are you doing today?”
“Tonight, I’m taking my sister to dinner and a movie. She went through something like your past relationship, and her walls are high. She doesn’t go out. She just studies. I want her to have some fun, so I promised her a night out.”
Peter smiled understandingly, and I grinned back. “I’ll talk to her about this when I can form the words. It’s hard. You know?”
“I do.”
We finished the meal and washed dishes before taking a long, hot shower together. I dressed, and he walked me to the door, kissing me sweetly as we clung to each other. I pulled away reluctantly and pushed his hair back.
“I’ll call you later.”
“Take care.” Peter kissed me again, and I walked down to my car with a dazed smile on my face. I sent Dahlia a text telling her I was on my way home and even stopped to get her a coffee from her favorite place. I needed to butter her up if I was going to break the news about Peter to her.
“There you are,” Dahlia said as I stepped inside to hand over her coffee. “Another friend?” She sniffed the opening to the cup and raised a brow at me. “Cinnamon and chocolate. What did you do wrong?”
“Me? I have no idea what you mean.” I pressed my hand to my chest, and she rolled her eyes.
“Are you going to tell me where you’ve been?” Dahlia asked once she settled on the couch. “You look happy again. I think more than before. Tell me why Matt. I feel like you’re pushing me away.”
“Shit,” I cursed as I sat beside her. “I haven’t been pushing, but I also haven’t been completely honest.” I looked at her, seeing the scared expression in her eyes. “I have been seeing someone casually. It started like all the other guys, but it meant more from day one.” I licked my lips and took a deep breath.
“Who is he?” Dahlia demanded as I closed my eyes to regain my focus.
“I didn’t know who he was when we met the first time, just that he was slightly older. Please understand that, sis. We’d only seen each other twice before I saw him at school.”
“School?” she asked as I nodded.
“He was the sub in my design class.” The words hit her like a ton of bricks as she let her mouth fall open. “I realized it when we ran into each other on campus. We didn’t know.”
“Did it end after that?” Dahlia asked as I nibbled on my lower lip.
“For a while, it did. We knew it was wrong, but then we saw each other one night. We couldn’t resist it anymore and started seeing each other again. It was on the sly, and we don’t leave his place.” I saw the horror on her face and tilted my head at her.
“He could lose his job, and you can get kicked out of school, Matt. What were you thinking?” The worry I was used to increased and I tried to think of how to explain this. “That’s the class you dropped. Is that why?”
“Yes but let me explain. We split up for a while since he thought I was seeing someone else. It was a misunderstanding, and he ended up taking over the class for real at that time. I couldn’t handle it and ran away. I can retake it, Dal. I really can.” She set her coffee down and rested her head in her hands. I thought she was going to hyperventilate, and I moved closer to slide an arm around her shoulder. “Breathe, sis. He is going to try to find another job somewhere else so we can do this right.”
“He’s going to move away for you?” Dahlia asked as she lifted her head to stare at me. “How is that even going to work?”
“Dahlia, I have no idea. We’re just trying to figure this out.” I assured her. “I just needed to be honest about this with you, but I still want to go out tonight. I want you to relax and let me spoil you.” She raised her eyes to meet my gaze. “Can we manage that?”
“Yes. I’ll get over this by then. Please be careful, Matt. This sounds dangerous.” I didn’t tell her that we were falling for each other. That would be down the line and if she met him, it would be obvious.
“I will. I have no idea what will happen, but we’re not stressing it,” I lied. “Where do you want to go to eat?”
We discussed dinner and the movie, and I gave her full control. I loved my sister and wanted her to relax for a few hours. I was never selfish with her apart from my lies about Peter. I couldn’t tell her the truth yet. I took a nap before we left, dressing in black slacks and a new green Henley to ward off the cold. Dahlia wore thick black leggings and a sweater, and she smiled when she saw me.
“You look lovely.” I kissed her cheek as Dahlia giggled. She had some makeup on and looked excited about tonight.
“You clean up pretty well yourself.”
We grabbed our coats and walked out to my car, heading to the little bistro that she loved so much. They served American and European food and had great wine, so I bought her a large glass. I sipped the water so I could drive us later.
We talked about school and graduation. She was going to start writing books when she was finished and get a job teaching or something part-time. I knew that Mom wanted us both to move back home and how close she and Dahlia were with each other. I couldn’t imagine not living in the same city as my sister, but Peter was a factor in that now.
When the fuck did a man become part of my future?
I considered the idea of him moving back to California, but his family was here. They were tight. This was going to get complicated. We enjoyed a long, leisurely dinner and then headed to the movies to see the new horror film that was out. Dahlia loved those, and a lot of her writing was on the dark side. She only let me read it and told Mom that she was going to focus on happy things. Our mother was a positive person despite worrying about her family. I bought us a huge popcorn and sodas to honor our usual tradition, and we shared it in the new style of reclining seats that theaters offered.
The movie scared Dahlia with the many jump scares, and I laughed at her as we walked to the car. “Are you going to be able to sleep tonight?”
“Are you going to stay at home?” she asked, and I considered the question.
“Yeah. Of course.” I replied as I opened her door for her and walked around to my side. Could Peter stay the night? I knew we couldn’t get as loud as we were at his place, but the idea of the three of us eating together and just talking sounded great. I always stayed away from my place, and I was beginning to resent that. I didn’t even like leaving Dahlia home alone even if we did live in a secure complex.
“You could invite him over, I suppose. I know you guys can’t go out, but it’s something different.” I glanced at her at the stoplight, and she shrugged with a smile. “I just don’t want to hear weird noises from your room.”
“I have some class, Dahlia.” We never discussed my sex life in detail, and I’d never subject her to the sounds of it.
“Are you sure?” I could tell that she was in a good mood and enjoyed it as we drove home. We walked into the apartment and set the popcorn down on the counter. Dahlia told me that she was going to take a bath and hugged me before disappearing down the hall.
Chapter Seventeen
Peter
I was reading over some tests when my phone rang. Glancing at the screen, I smiled when I saw that it was Matt.
“How was dinner?” I asked as I pushed the papers away. Matt told me about the evening and that he told his sister about us. I was pleasantly surprised and hopeful for us. We chatted for a while and didn’t end the call with phone sex as usual. There was something more to us that night, and I went to bed with a smile on my face.
I got through the rest of the week by thinking about the upcoming weekend with Matt. We planned to cook dinner at his apartment at his sister’s request. I was a bit nervous about the whole idea, but if she were asking, I’d do it.
I bought a good bottle of wine and wore slacks and a Henley that matched my eyes. I used my phone to get me to their apartment and glanced around the parking lot to see who was around. Living in a college town, I was sure that some students lived in this complex. I didn’t see anybody and got out, hurrying to the door with the bottle in a gift bag. I knocked and waited for someone to answer.
The massive white door swung open, and a girl peered out at me. She resembled Matt close up, and I grinned, realizing that I was unnecessarily jealous of his sister.
“You must be Dahlia,” I said as I extended my hand to her.
“I am. You have to be Peter.” She wrinkled her nose and gestured me to come inside, closing the door behind me. She hugged me and I looked over my shoulder to see Matt leaning against the wall as he watched us. I handed her the wine when she pulled away, and Dahlia beamed at me as she looked in the bag.
“This is my favorite wine.” She turned to look at Matt, and he stuck his tongue out at her. “I’m guessing someone told you that.”
“Maybe,” I chuckled and stepped forward to hug Matt. “How are you?”
“I’m great. It’s good to have you here.” He gazed into my eyes as we parted, and I could see the joy in the deep irises. Dahlia bounced into the kitchen to open the wine, and I looked over the meal.
“Baked salmon, couscous and steamed veggies. Dahlia made a cheesecake for dessert.”
“It smells amazing.” I looked behind me, and he nodded at me.
“Go ahead and look around. You’ve never had the chance to have a peek at my life before now. Enjoy.” Matt smiled, and I stared at him for a moment before wandering into the living room lit by dim lamps and candles. I made my way to the stone mantel and looked at the pictures that were scattered over the surface, smiling at the evident love in his family. His sister looked a lot like his mom while the twins resembled their father.
I sensed someone behind me and turned to see Dahlia setting the table. She smiled in my direction. “Your family looks close.”
“We are. I miss them so much, but Matt always tells me it is a quick flight to visit. That’s just hard with school.” She finished up and looked me over for a moment. “We saw you when we were out to eat, didn’t we?”
I thought back and laughed, nodding at her. “Yeah. I remember that.”
“He didn’t tell me who you were. I could tell he thought you were hot.” I didn’t remember her looking over at me, but I didn’t stare at him the entire time. “Wait a second. I went home after that. I’ll bet you hooked up.”
“We left each other outside of the restaurant.” I considered what to say after that. “We were sorting through things then. I didn’t target Matt in any way, Dahlia. It was already too late by then, but we tried to fight it.”
