Tough guy, p.15
Tough Guy, page 15
I’d never made love to a man before, not really. Fucked? Yes. Had sex with? Absolutely, but to have a man feel good to me, tend to me, and attune to my body was something I’d lacked. I wasn’t sure if I desperately wanted it, or feared it. Everything in Bennet’s kiss told me I was going to find out, and when he pulled me inside with him and closed the door behind us, I knew there was no turning back.
There was a time in my life when standing naked in front of someone felt impossible. A time when the act of undressing was private and filled with anxiety. The unwrapping of myself, even if physical, had been criticized or shamed by the onlooker who should have been enjoying it. Instead, he'd picked me apart. When Bennet walked me back to his bedroom, saying nothing along the way, I knew I’d be naked in minutes, and I worried whether I could do it without being weird.
He closed the door behind us, and I gave him a strange look. It was just the two of us in the apartment.
“The dog,” he muttered, rolling his eyes.
“Oh,” I stifled a laugh. I’d never had a pet before and I wasn’t sure of the boundaries for privacy with non-human animals in the house.
I took in the surrounding room, surprised at the sophistication of it. Neutral color palettes, an antique dresser and sitting chair similar to the ones in Daphne’s room, a large bed that looked to be made with reclaimed wood, a bright, decorative throw on top of the white quilt set—this looked like a grown-up’s bedroom. I don’t know why that surprised me. Bennet was a grown-up, a few years older than me, but I’d never had a room with drapes that matched the throw. I’d never even had a throw, which just seemed like a fancy blanket, anyway.
“Lou.” Bennet stepped back and sat on the bed, watching. “Can I just look at you for a minute?”
I swallowed and nodded, unsure of what to do with myself when he was staring at me. His eyes roamed over my body and the heat in my core grew with every passing glance, as if it were his hands on me. It was unnerving, but while my head went through every scenario in which Bennet didn’t like what he saw, my body knew different. It longed for him, ached to be with him, and held me steady when my head wasn’t sure what to do with it.
“You’re so beautiful, Lou,” he whispered. “Strong. Sexy. I’m almost afraid to touch you.” He chuckled quietly, leaning back on his elbows. “I want to, believe me, I do, but I’m a little scared about it.” His honesty surprised me.
“You are?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m scared, too,” I admitted.
Bennet nodded like he was thinking it over. “We don’t have to do anything.” I believed him when he said it. “I’m happy to just look at you standing in my room, pretty as a peach, letting me take you in for everything you are.” He looked embarrassed for a moment, maybe at the vulnerability of it all. “Not that I don’t think of touching you. I do. A lot.”
I clasped my hands over my face, blushing a deep red. “Really?” I peeked through the cracks of my fingers.
He exhaled loudly. “Really. It’s a little embarrassing.” He smiled through it, but I had no doubt he was sincere when he said it embarrassed him.
“That’s not embarrassing. It’s sweet,” I said softly. “I like that you think of touching me.”
“Do you now?” Bennet asked, a half-smile on his lips.
Jesus, yes. I do. I very much do.
The words felt unavailable, but I managed a nod.
The crimson in my cheeks hadn’t lessened any, but I tried to ignore it and hoped Bennet didn’t notice. There was no way he didn’t, but the way he looked at me made me feel admired, regardless. His eyes stayed locked on mine, and I didn’t let his look go. As hard as that was. The brown of his eyes caught the light from the bedside lamp, a golden hue to the brown that swirled together like my favorite bourbon. I had a sudden memory of those eyes hovering above me. In my dreams, maybe.
“Do you want me to touch you, Lou?”
My breath hitched, and I wasn’t sure I could pull in a full breath. I swallowed and nodded again. Bennet beckoned me with his finger, not breaking his eyes from mine. I nearly whimpered as I took a few steps to him, stopping and standing between his legs when I got to his bed. He raised himself off his elbows, sitting up tall. He sat, not touching me. The absence of his hands made my knees nearly collapse in on themselves. Every muscle in my body tensed in anticipation, but his touch still didn’t come.
“Bennet,” I whispered, desperation in my voice.
His lips curled slightly, and he reached one hand for the bottom of my shorts, tracing a finger over the fringe of my jean cutoffs. “Say it, Lou.”
I didn’t think I could. My breath stilled at the light touch of his fingertips near my skin and the burning in my core that spread through my body, alight with fire for the man in front of me. The first man whose touch I wanted with desperation and a force that felt stronger than the ache of my desire.
“Touch me, Bennet,” I pleaded, nearly groaning as his finger ran along the top of my thigh.
Fuck, the look on his face when I said it made me nearly melt. The longing in his eyes, the desire that followed close behind—it was everything. He wanted me, and there was no concession to it, no compromise, no demand. This was a choice, or so he wanted me to believe, but he was wrong. This was a need. I needed him.
I leaned closer, swaying as his palm flattened against my thigh, running along my skin and up the back of my leg, hiking to the bottom of my ass. I closed my eyes and dropped my head back, a quiet moan escaping my throat.
He sounded like he was going to break. “Where do you want me to touch you?”
Fuck.
“Everywhere.”
“Jesus, Lou,” he growled, standing up. In one smooth motion, he grabbed the back of my neck, pulling my face to his and taking my mouth deep. I moaned again, dropping against him without reservation, desperate to fill all the space between us. I wanted nothing to separate us, and I began fumbling with my t-shirt, trying to slip my arm out of the sleeve without pulling away. My elbow caught, and we both began laughing.
“Let me help you,” Bennet offered as our laughter quieted.
I nodded sheepishly. “I told you it’s been a while.”
He smiled, the kind that held in his eyes, and said nothing as he gently gripped the base of my shirt and tugged it up and over my head. His smile dropped. “Woman, you don’t ever wear a bra, do you?”
I blushed, though I didn’t sense this dissatisfied him. My breasts were small enough that the support wasn’t a must.
He ran his palm along the underside of my breast, cupping it gently before running the flat of his fingers over my nipple, changing breasts to the other side. “Lou,” he mumbled. “Please don’t start wearing one.” He took a nipple in his mouth, licking and sucking it into a stiff pink point.
I nodded and mumbled something unintelligible as I felt the waves of his tongue move over me, lavishing licks and gentle bites, sending goosebumps along my flesh. One hand ran along my back, pulling me to him as he took more of my breast into his mouth. My hands ran through his hair, tugging as each wave of pleasure moved with his tongue on my skin, following as he dropped to his knees in front of me. When his mouth kissed along my torso, down to the top of my shorts, I pushed my hips into him. He looked up at me, his mouth still on my skin, and everything in me buckled.
Reaching down, I unbuttoned the top of my shorts. Taking a deep breath, I pushed them down and moved away from him, stepping out of my panties one leg at a time until I was fully naked. I fought every instinct to bring my hands to cover my body, standing tall instead. Bennet exhaled and shook his head slightly, rising again to meet me.
“Jesus, Lou. You are more than my mind could have given you credit for.” He reached his hand to cup my face. “How did I get so lucky to have you up here with me, naked as a jaybird?” His hands fell from my face, tracing along my neck, down my shoulders, along my arms, and stopping at my waist. He wrapped his hand around my hip and pulled me into him.
“Seems unfair, no?” I whispered, reaching for his shirt and helping him pull it over his head. While I’d felt the strength of his body underneath his shirt, it did not prepare me for the reality of his beauty when fully revealed to me. The cut of his muscles started at the tops of his shoulders and worked down the v-cut of his abs. My breath felt stuck in my chest. “Fuck, Bennet,” I mumbled. “You don’t lounge around much, do you?”
He laughed and put his hand over the top of mine, which moved greedily along every dip and crest of his cut body. I frowned, coming to a scar just to the left of his bellybutton. “What’s this?” I asked, tracing my finger over a space no bigger than a quarter. I noticed a second one, just a couple of inches below it. “And this?”
“Just an old injury, that’s all,” Bennet mumbled, guiding my hand away.
“There’s another up here.” I pointed to his shoulder. “What kind of injury causes scars like that?”
Bennet leaned in, nuzzling his face into my neck and nibbling just below my ear.
“Oh god,” I moaned, pressing into him.
“We can talk later,” he mumbled, moving along my neck. “Unless you want to talk now instead?” His mouth was lower, licking my collarbone and dropping to find my breasts again. I licked my lips, looking down at his dark hair as he moved along my body.
“Later is fine,” I agreed hastily. Bennet chuckled, grabbing my hand and pulling me down onto the bed with him. Our mouths collided in the most delicious reunion, apart for too long, and as desperate as my body was to melt into his, being together like this brought my heart joy.
Joy.
It wasn’t a feeling I could recall having with a man before. Not with my first lover, not within my marriage, not on any day when physical connection was found. I smiled through the kisses, my entire body alight with more than simple wanting. It was easy to want someone. I could ignore a want, but go without a need for long and your world caves in on itself. It had buried me under rubble, unable to dig myself out. One disaster, one rockslide after another.
“Hey,” Bennet said softly, “Where’d you go?” His hand ran along my hair, caressing his fingers through it, careful not to catch one of the many tangles from the effects of the evening’s storm.
I smiled. “I’m right here.”
His eyes fixed on me, serious, but kind. “Now you are. Are you okay? Is this too fast?” He was concerned, but more than that, he was perceptive. It caught me off guard.
“I’m okay,” I said honestly.
Bennet kissed me softly, his lips a light flutter over mine. “Tough Guy, you don’t have to be so tough with me, you know that?”
I know.
Saying nothing, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and brought him to me, my mouth taking his with anything but softness now. He groaned as I pushed him onto his back, laying him flat, and reached to undo his pants. I wanted to be naked with him, and when he worked his jeans and boxers off, I straddled him, enjoying the feel of his body beneath mine.
“Make love to me, Bennet.”
He flipped me onto my back, hovering over me with those bourbon eyes. Smooth, rich, overwhelming. I was fine. Safe.
I love you.
I wanted to say it, but I bit it back. It was crazy, right? Too soon, too much. Too… everything. He was too everything, and when he finally slid into me, I closed my eyes and let myself feel it all.
Twelve
Bennet
Despite the heat of her body, I shivered. Being naked with Lou, lying together with our bodies pressed, was a mixing of sensations I’d long forgotten could exist. The ache to touch, to release, yet the longing for the ache to last forever. The fever of two bodies on fire, yet the cold sweat of need.
The smoothness of her skin, the small beads of sweat as I ran my hands along it, the goosebumps beneath my fingertips—fuck if it wasn’t overwhelming. The line of her shoulders, the dip to her waist, the curve of her hips and the trail of her long legs spread to bring me between them. My heart may very well explode out of my chest.
Lou lay beneath me, her eyes on mine with a look of expectation. When I first brought her to my bed, that look held something else. Fear, maybe. She was scared. Whatever her life before me, there was something that took her away from me when intimacy was floating between us, but she’d grounded herself now, coming back to me and anchoring in place with desire.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” I asked, all of my willpower keeping my body outside of hers. I didn’t want this if she wasn’t fully with me. This thing with Lou, I didn’t want a little of her. I wanted it all, and Jesus if that didn’t scare me.
She bit her lip and nodded. I groaned, nearly collapsing on her as I shook my head. “You–you can’t do that to me, Lou. That lip,” I said with a laugh. I felt the vibrations of her body beneath me as she laughed, too.
“Everyone needs a superpower,” she said with a smile.
Jesus. I loved that even pained with need and desire she made me laugh.
Lou reached between us, finding me and stroking with a firm hand. “This is nice,” she cooed. She began rocking her hips, finding the connection to mine and rubbing herself against me.
“Not yet,” I mumbled, kissing her lips quickly before running down her neck, stopping briefly at her breasts, tugging one nipple between my teeth to the sweet gasp on her lips.
“That feels good,” she mumbled, lifting her hips reflexively. I brought one hand up to roll her nipple between my thumb and index finger, but let my mouth trail along her body, stopping at the small tuft of hair where her thighs came together. I used my free hand to spread her, burying my tongue. She gasped, louder this time, her back lifting off the bed.
She was warm in my mouth, her lips smooth, and fuck if the taste of her didn’t drive me wild. My tongue worked her clit while I brought a finger into her, causing her to jerk and press her thighs tightly against my head. Licking and sucking, feeling the vibrations of her moans through her my hand on her stomach—it was heady, and I wished I had an extra hand to touch myself, too. But Jesus, I wasn't going to let this woman go.
When the muscles in her core tightened, her thighs shaking, and the movement of her hips matched the pace of my tongue, I knew she was on the verge of her climax. My fingers pumped faster, and my mouth sucked harder.
“Bennet,” she moaned, her hand threading through my hair, pushing my head harder against her. “More pressure. I’m going to…” Her voice hitched, and she whimpered, the quake beginning within her, her pussy contracting against my fingers inside of her. She exhaled heavily through her nose as the last wave of contractions passed. “Jesus, oh Jesus.” She sighed, her arm collapsing over her head as her body relaxed. I left my hand on her, feeling the remnants of her climax as her body settled.
With her hand still in my hair, she grasped and pulled me up. I could only follow, kissing in a path back to her mouth. She brought her kiss deeply to me, her tongue moving wildly as her hips picked up pace again. “I want you,” she gasped, “I want to feel you, Bennet.” She snaked her hand between us again, stroking me.
I pulled away from her, afraid I was going to come if she didn’t stop touching me. This evening hadn’t exactly been one I planned. The condoms in my nightstand were well past the use-by date, but when I explained it to Lou, she didn’t laugh. She did smile though, her lips curled in a playful approval. I think she liked that I hadn’t been with anyone in a long time, much in the way I liked that about her. Like it made it special that we’d chosen one another.
“I have an IUD and I haven’t been with anyone in over three years. I was tested after my last,” she said softly. “Do with that information as you see fit. I trust you, Bennet, and I’m fine with dusty old condoms or not.”
It wasn’t the birth control or permission to be with her without barriers between us that made me stir. It was her admission of trust. That felt far more intimate than anything else she was offering me.
I’d been tested plenty of times in the Army during physicals, and Annie was a virgin before we got together, so I wasn’t worried about myself, but I didn’t worry about Lou either. She trusted me, and I trusted her.
I pressed against her entrance, my heart jumping as I slid forward in one languid thrust. Lou gasped, her fingers digging into my back with a force of pleasure.
“Go even slower,” she whispered.
I pulled out and slid back in little by little until I was comfortably in her. The feeling of being wrapped inside of her was both intoxicating and excruciating. I wanted desperately to pick up my pace, to run into her full speed and as enthusiastically as my cock demanded, but this wasn’t about me, and I wanted to be with her as long as I could, anyway.
She gripped my back tighter, wrapping her legs around me, locking her feet at the ankles, and pulling me closer. “Now go faster,” she encouraged, her hips rising to give me a deeper angle. I gave a small grunt, picking up pace and feeling the undeniable comfort of her.
She exhaled, letting go of my back and dropping her arms to grasp my forearms as she anchored herself on the bed. The slap of my body on hers nearly made me come, but I clenched my jaw and slowed us down. I reached between us, finding her clit and rubbing her as I moved slowly this time, the rhythm of my hand contrasting with the slowness of my cock. She moaned, her stomach tightening in a now familiar way that told me she was close.
Before she could come, I wrapped my arms around her and rolled onto my back, not pulling out of her as she lifted on top of me, straddling my body.
Lou looked down at me, her eyes hazy from pleasure. She didn’t stop her hips, rocking now in lazy circles as she dropped her hands to my stomach. “You–you feel so good,” she gasped. “Fuck. In me and out. Your body is insane.” Her hands trailed along my skin, seeking nothing and everything at the same time. I watched her pick herself up and lower herself along my cock repeatedly, feeling my orgasm building.
“Keep doing that,” I encouraged. She moaned, bringing one hand to her breast and cupping it. “Touch yourself for me,” I pleaded.
