He’s offering me more than he did last night when we watched the sunset. I’m nervous but excited. This is nothing, though. I slept in his arms all night last night. This is minor in comparison, but I’m not half asleep like last time and I’m far more aware of something shifting between us. At least it feels like something is shifting. But I thought that once before, and he told me I was wrong through his actions, two separate times.

  I lay down next to him with his arm cradling my neck and his hand making lazy circles on my arm. I want to turn into him. I want to lay my head on his chest and listen to his heartbeat while he rubs my back but I can’t. The memory of the first time we kissed, on this very beach, in this exact location reminds me that I’m not sure what I’ll get with Tucker.

  I’m nowhere near Tucker’s league and it’s stupid to think I could compete. This is the Tucker I know.

  A phone call comes through on his phone. Then another. Then another.

  Phone calls.

  Text messages.

  Usually he has his phone in his pocket or face down wherever he lays it but this time, it’s face up as it fell out of his pocket onto the towel between us.

  Hannah from the bar calling…

  He quickly grabs the phone, silences it, and pushes it into the pocket on the opposite side of his body.

  “So, what movie do you want to watch tonight,” he asks.

  I don’t respond.

  “Your pick. Whatever you want. One of those crappy movies you picked out. I’ll pop the corn and I won’t make a single joke about the film.”

  I can feel him tense up around me as the silence drags on. Frankly, I don’t know what to say. How stupid was I to think I was more than a body to warm his bed and to hold while he had real women waiting for him back at college.

  Tears prick at the corners of my eyes. Pure frustration with myself for letting this happen again. Am I truly that desperate for Tucker’s affection that I keep giving in when I know I shouldn’t.

  “Actually, I’m a little tired from today. I think I’m just going to go to bed,” I say as I lean up to a sitting position.

  The sunset isn’t completely over but this moment is. I’m no longer in the mood to be wrapped up in this towel with Tucker anymore. He isn’t mine and never will be.

  That single phone call reminds me of whom I’m lying next to, a college hot shot football player who is on TV every Saturday night with no limit of female attention.

  Do I even want what he’s available for giving someone? A casual hookup.

  I don’t think I can be with Tucker one night and then know he’s with someone else the next. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of it.

  I’d given him an opening the night he came to my house unannounced, and he’d rejected my suggestion to take me upstairs. It was pretty clear that he didn’t want me.

  “Are you being serious? Is this about the phone call?” he asks, tensing.

  Yes.

  “No, it’s just time to call it a night.”

  He rises to his elbows. “I don’t even remember what she looks like. It was probably months ago…maybe longer. I swear I’ve never talked to her since. She probably butt dialed me.”

  Right, sure.

  Not a drunk booty call.

  As if any of that would make it better.

  I shrug. “You and I lead different lives. I don’t need the details,” I say as I head back to the house.

  I feel foolish enough to look like a child who just dropped their ice cream cone on the asphalt. I have no reason to feel jealous of someone else and their time with him. He doesn’t belong to me and he never will.

  “Wait. Stop.” He reaches up and grabs my wrist. “None of this has anything to do with us.”

  “You’re right. None of this has anything to do with us because there is no us.” I smile and hope that it doesn’t look as fake as it is. “We’re friends. We always have been, and we always will be. After this weekend, you are going back to college and I’m staying in Chicago. You have your life and I have mine,” I say as a roll my wrist gently out of his fingers and take steps to distance myself from him as I walk back to the house. “Call who you want. Text who you want. I don’t need an explanation.” I shrug then turn to walk back to the house.

  I walk slowly back to the house. I don’t stomp off in a huff or make things seem as emotionally charged as I feel. I said too much as it is and I don’t need him to pity me more than he probably does.

  An hour goes by while I’m still in the house alone. He doesn’t follow me in. Not that I expected him to. He’s probably on the phone with ‘Hannah from the bar’.

  I get ready for bed and slide into the covers of my comfy down comforter.

  I grab my phone and google the hotel my parents are staying in Maui. If they come back from vacation with a new hotel purchase, I might as well get a feel for redesign. It’s the best way to get my mind off Tucker and the words we exchanged tonight.

  A few minutes later a knock comes to my door.

  “Yes?”

  Why is he even bothering at this point?

  The door opens and Tucker leans up against the door jam. He looks defeated.

  I know the feeling.

  “Can I come in?” he asks softly.

  “Sure.” I shrug, showing little interest either way.

  “Can we talk?”

  I’d rather not.

  “If you want to,” I say as I gesture to the pink chair sitting in the corner of the room.

  He ignores my seating suggestion and sits down on the bed sideway, facing me. There’s no hiding from him now.

  The proximity isn’t going to help one bit.

  “I’m not exactly great at putting feelings into words. I have a hard enough time deciphering them for myself,” he says as his eyes are emotionless, staring at the headboard I’m currently using to hold myself upright.

  “I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say to that?”

  Because it’s not an explanation. Seems more like an excuse.

  He nods.

  “I know I shouldn’t want you Lexi. I know this could cause issues with your family – with your brother.” He sighs deep, his thick chest expanding and contracting. “…but I can’t fucking stop.”

  My surprise is evident from the goosebumps covering my skin like a thick blanket. This is not what I thought he had come up here to say. My heart is thumping wildly.

  “What are you saying?”

  He wants me?

  But he shouldn’t?

  I want to cry, I want to scream. I want to hit him for making me want him. I want him to hold me and soothe the ache in my heart for him.

  Every second is more confusing than the last.

  He reaches for me. His thumb slides along the side of my neck. His fingers slipping into my hair. Tingles erupt everywhere he touches me.

  “You’re the only thing I want Lexi. No one else matters anymore.”

  His lip descends on me and his body moves at a better angle to push me against the head board as he takes control of my mouth.

  His kiss increases in pressure and I’m so delirious for a taste of his him, I almost tell him as much. He must have read my mind because he dips his tongue in to taste me and I hum with approval.

  He slips his arm around my back and pulls me away from the headboard, adjusting me to lay back on the bed. He lays on top of me, nestling his hips between my thighs. The weight of a man his size warms me in every place that matters. The dominant way he’s controlling this situation has me wanting to beg for more. I know kissing won’t satisfy the urges I have for him.

  His hands start to slowly wonder up the side of my body. When they reach my anxiously waiting breasts, his palm moves in as he softly squeezes. I moan into his kiss. I sound desperate. I sound like I’m going to be in physical pain if he doesn’t keep touching me. And I will be.

  He knows it.

  “Tell me what you want, Lexi. I don’t want to cross a line you’re not ready for,” he says, waiting for my reply, but I’m too scared to draw a line that means he won’t cross and I’m too nervous to give him free reign.

  When I don’t answer, he helps me along. “How about if I do this?” His sweet lips, with his two-day scruff, make a sexy move down my neck as he sucks on my collar bone. A moan slips past my lips involuntarily.

  “Fuck, Lexi. That sound is going to kill me.”

  I giggle and wrap my fingers in his hair as his mouth assaults my chest.

  “Is this, ok?” he asks as his hand starts to trail underneath my shirt.

  I nod, biting my lip, trying to hold back the insane pressure of Tucker’s body laying against my sensitive clit. His zipper acting like a striker against a flint fire starter in the place I need him most. He’s going to light me ablaze at any moment.

  “I’m going to have a hell of a time going slow if you bite your lip like that. You don’t know how many nights I laid awake next door imagining sneaking into your room to do this. Years, Lexi. Fucking torture.”

  His words make me feel sexy, and beautiful, and wanted.

  Years? He’s wanted me for years?

  It’s so hard to imagine him wanting me for so long. But then again, I’ve wanted him too.

  “To do what?” I ask.

  He kneels up, “To do this.” He grabs the bottom of my T-shirt and waits for me to approve.

  I nod in response and Tucker’s million-watt smile spreads across his face and its now in full effect. Damn him.

  He pulls my shirt slowly up over my head when my shirt snags on my earing and he gives a little tug, unaware of what is causing the snag.

  “Ouch! Wait. My earing.”

  “Is it stuck?” he asks with concern.

  He pushes up to his knees and bends over me to look closer in an attempt to help find the issue and set me free. I can’t see anything as my shirt is completely covering my face. My hands attempt to aid in the rescue but before I can get too involved, Tucker frees me, and he lifts the shirt the rest of the way over my head. I’m grateful to still be wearing a sports bra or this would have been a much more humiliating experience with Tucker staring at my breasts while I was completely incapacitated by a thin layer of clothing.

  Tucker is still on his knees, staring down at me. “You, ok?”

  “Yeah. Seems like there’s always something attempting to get in the way. Maybe the universe is trying to tell us something,” I tease.

  His face turns furiously serious with my words. “God, I hope not. And if it is, I’m tired of listening.”

  He bends down carefully, his body hovering over me as he kisses me again. This time so gently, as if I’m the most precious thing in the world. But I want the pressure. I’m desperate for his firm way of handling me.

  My hands reach up for his shirt. He knows the score. A shirt for a shirt.

  The climate changes.

  We’re not feverishly grabbing at each other with heavy breathing. That moment has passed since the snagging incident. It’s traded for something so much more profound. The slow and sensual way we’re watching one another react to each touch.

  He takes my non-verbal request and pulls his shirt over his head. The way he does it sends warm approval that wets my panties. He can see it in my eyes. He’s uncovered a treasure trove of my own fantasies as his beautiful chest, abs, and the most perfect “V” I’ve ever seen are on full display. I want nothing more than to lick each one of them while he lies on his back. Giving me permission to map every curve of his chest with my tongue.

  He slowly lays his body back over me. Nudging his huge erection against me first as the rest of his body follows suit. He watches me as I watch his body make connection on mine. I can’t hold back the whimper when sight and touch meet one another.

  His hand glides softly over the soft fabric of my sports bra. My nipple hardening for him.

  “Can I take this off?”

  “Yes…please.”

  He swallows hard to me begging. He likes it when I beg.

  He pulls down slowly on the tab of the zipper on the front. Each click on the zipper teeth giving way, echoing in the room. He’s not looking down at the breasts almost uncovered for him to devour. Instead, our eyes are locked until the last moment when my bra gives way to my large heavy breasts busting out for freedom. The coolness of no longer being covered glides over my chest and I shiver. I’m exposed now.

  He looks down finally and growls. The vibration of his deep throat frustration causes more sensations to flood my nervous system.

  “Fuck, you’re perfect,” he says as he leans his head down and pulls my nipple in his mouth and sucks, swirling his hot, wet tongue over me.

  I arch into him and I can feel him smile at my reaction. He didn’t ask this time, he took, and I’ve never felt more owned in my life. Tucker owns me in this moment and there’s nothing I want more.

  I can barely stand it as Tucker switches back and forth between breasts. My body is building and the spot between my legs where we’re connected is throbbing with so much need. I’m not sure how much I can take.

  “Tucker,” I moan.

  “Tell me what you want, Lexi. I swear to God, I’ll give you anything you ask for.”

  “I need you.”

  “I know you do, baby. Where do you need me?”

  His hand glides up my thigh and settles between my legs. He begins to rub my clit over my shorts I’m still wearing. I gasp to the way my body starts pulsating at his touch.

  “Here?” he asks , leaning in to whisper in my ear. “I want to hear you. Tell me, Lexi.”

  “Please Tucker…Please!”

  My body is desperate for him. He pushes back up to his knees again and watches my breasts as they bounce to his forceful pull on my tight shorts. “Damn, did you paint these on?” he jokes.

  But lust is still coated all over his face at the site of me half naked.

  “For the love of God, get them off!”

  “Jesus…my girl is impatient.” He smirks.

  My heart just about bursts at the words “my girl”. I want to pull him down on top of me and kiss him within an inch of our lives but he’s still on a mission and I need him to finish… so I can finish.

  “Just get them off me, Tucker. I need you.”

  “Not as much as I need you.”

  At the same second, he successfully pulls off my shorts. He looks stunned into silence to find my black lacy cheekies on underneath.

  “Shit.”

  He runs a hand up my thigh slowly.

  “If I knew that’s what you had on underneath these the whole day, we wouldn’t have left the house at all.”

  I laugh at his response. Getting a reaction out of Tucker Evans can’t be easy. I feel a bit powerful in this moment.

  He reaches out, his long, capable, and experienced fingers feeling my arousal. There’s no hiding how bad I want him. There’s no denying how I react to him. What he does to my body is unlike anyone else.

  He adds pressure to his touch. The rough edges of the lace rubbing against my clit, have my nerve endings firing.

  Instinctively my eyes flutter closed as I moan.

  “You like that Lex?” his voice coated in sex.

  “Yes, don’t stop. I’m …I’m…”

  He bends over me, one hand holding up his weight over my shoulder, and one doing incredible things between my legs.

  “You gonna come on my hand, baby?”

  I can only nod, my eye fluttering closed as he swirls his two fingers against my clit, leaving sparks in their tracks. I moan out his name and I’m rewarded as he bends down and whispers in my ear.

  “You’re the sexiest thing I’ve ever felt.”

  Then he shifts my panties to the side and rubs a finger through my wetness, once, then twice, then he gently pushes one finger inside of me.

  “Oh God, Tucker!”

  I whimper out as I grasp for his wrist above my shoulder to anchor me from squirming out of control.

  He adds a second finger, and my body is no match for what his fingers are capable of. I won’t make it more than another few seconds. My free hand finds his chest and my fingers dig into him, trying to get a hold of this man.

  “Open your eyes beautiful girl. I want you to watch me make you come. You’ll never forget who gave this to you.”

  And that’s all it takes to send my body into spasms. Every inch of my body tingling uncontrollably. The most explosive orgasm I’ve ever had in my short sexual life experience. I had heard Tucker had skills, but the rumors don’t do it justice.

  He waits a minute for my breath to regulate and then leans down and kisses me tenderly. He rolls off of me and onto his side.

  “I’ll be back.”

  He sits up on my bed.

  “Wait, what? Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to rinse off before bed.”

  I grab his arm before he can make his escape. My heart is racing again but for a whole different reason.

  “You’re seriously leaving — now?”

  Is he really going to do that to me and then return to his room like he did to so many other girls before me? Did I fall for a classic Tucker move?

  The thing is, I always thought Tucker was straightforward with woman about what he wanted. He hasn’t come here to make amends. He told me two years ago he didn’t do relationships, but I thought we were on the same page. I thought I was more than just a cheap casual hookup, like what he’s used to. I thought I was different. I wonder how many girls in Tucker’s wake thought the same. I’ll venture to bet it was several.

  I let go of his arm and the silence stretches on uncomfortably. I’m not going to beg him. I made my mistake this time. Mine to bear alone. I know better.

  I lay back down as I pull the covers over my, mostly, naked body. The aftereffects of the best orgasm of my life, gone without any trace as I sober up quicker than I expected after being rejected, again.

  “Shit, Lex. Whatever you’re thinking, it’s wrong.”

  He reads my expression — I’m not hiding it. He crawls back up to the headboard and wraps both of his large arms around me.

  “I wanted to make tonight about you. I wanted to apologize for being an ass to you and make sure you know, you’re everything to me. But…” he sighs. “…I’m not a strong man, and there is no way I can sleep with you in my lap again tonight without taking care of ‘business’.”

 

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