Lady preacher, p.16
Lady Preacher, page 16
The ride back to Charlotte was quiet. All Shante could think about was being seen in that dress with Max. She wished she had let Max ride home with Gary. She wondered how much Sister Turner had seen, how long she had been there. She hoped she hadn’t seen them kissing or feeding each other. She knew she had seen them dancing. If she hadn’t, she probably wouldn’t have said anything. She considered calling Tank before a new round of rumors started. She didn’t know what to do. She felt like crying.
“Let’s take a drive along the lake,” Max suggested. “No, I’d better go home. It’s getting late.”
“Tay, you can’t let that woman get you down. What can she say about you? She was in the same place.”
“She was in the same place with her husband. Besides, I’ve got to take Camille shopping tomorrow, and didn’t Gary say you guys were meeting in the morning?”
“It’s not even eleven. We have another hour before your curfew,” Max said, trying to make her laugh. His attempt fell flat. She didn’t feel like laughing. All she could think about was the church meeting. First, it was Deacon Curry; now it’s Sister Turner. She dreaded thinking about what could come next. The one day she’d decided she wanted to feel like a woman instead of a minister all the time was ruined by running into a board member. She asked God why she couldn’t have any fun and be a woman just one day. She was tired, drained. She sat silently staring out the window as Max drove her car down the highway toward Charlotte.
* * *
Shante paced the floor of her bedroom, praying. “God, I repent of my sins. I knew it was against my better judgment to buy that dress, and the way I acted at the restaurant was not a good image of a woman of God. Forgive me.”
She couldn’t sleep. She had a deep feeling of dread. “God, I always try to walk righteous and holy in your sight. I got carried away today. I cracked under pressure. Please forgive me.”
She sat on the edge of the bed and continued to pray. She tried to lie down. She was still restless. She tried turning on the television, hoping that a preacher on Christian television would provide some comfort. However, she didn’t seem to understand anything the TV ministers were saying. She wondered what to do next. She picked up the phone and called Gwen.
“Hello,” Gwen said sleepily.
“Gwen, this is Shante.”
“Shante, is there anything wrong?” Shante imagined her sitting up in the bed.
“Who is it?” she heard Ron whisper.
“It’s Shante.”
“Shante? Is there anything wrong? It’s two in the morning,” Ron said.
“Tay, what’s wrong?” Gwen asked.
She told Gwen all that had happened that day, about Tank and about the auditor. She especially told her about the dress. She began to cry so hard she could barely catch her breath.
“Was the dress really that hot?”
“A fire truck followed us to the restaurant. We were having such a good time. Why did that lady have to be there? It ruined everything.”
“Tay, why are you so afraid of people seeing you and Max? You guys are good together.”
“You know how people talk.”
“I’d talk about you, too, if I saw you kissing in public.”
“Bad judgment. It was plain ol’ bad judgment. I thought I had my act together. I thought I could control lust. Here it is, back again.”
“You love Max, don’t you? Admit it.”
“Max and I are friends.”
“Tell me something, Tay. Have you ever thought about how Max feels about all this? You know he’s crazy about you, and you’re playing him.”
“Playing him? I’m not playing him.”
“Yes, you are, Shante. Have you ever thought about how he feels when he has to sneak around to see you?” “Sneak around? We don’t sneak around.”
“Where did you go last First Friday?”
“We went out of town.”
“And the time before that?” She didn’t allow Shante to answer. “And the time before that? Do you see a pattern here?”
“Max and I love our adventures. It gives us a time to relax and be ourselves, you know, let go a little.”
“Like today. Did you let go today, Shante? I’m sure Max sees it differently.”
“What do you mean? Did he say something to Ron?”
“No, I’m just saying. That man loves you, and if you don’t want him, you need to let him go. Why does everything have to be a big secret with you? Why are you always hiding?”
“I’m not hiding. You know how people talk. When I was dating Troy, everything was fine until church folk found out about it. Then we started having problems. He started listening to everything people were telling him about me simply because they were his members. There were all kinds of rumors and lies. Remember the lie that I was pregnant? Oh, yeah, don’t forget Kevin, the devil in disguise. Why can’t church folk mind their own business and stick to the work of the kingdom and worship?”
“Tay, I don’t know about all that, but I do know God is trying to bring you out of something. You need to seek His face. It would be a shame for you to give up Max because of something somebody is saying about you, whether true or untrue. Look, Ron’s up. I’d better go back to bed. He doesn’t like me sitting up all night talking on the phone. I’m going to pray for you before I hang up.”
Gwen began to pray. Shante closed her eyes and listened to Gwen’s words. Initially, she thought it was a good idea to call her. She was beginning to think she shouldn’t have talked to Gwen at all.
“God, forgive me. I won’t do it again,” Shante prayed.
She thought about what Gwen had said, but she didn’t feel as if she was playing Max. Yet, she knew their relationship could not continue as it had been—nor could she let him go. She was in too deep. Her feelings were greater than just friendship for him. She couldn’t talk to Gwen or Camille about how she felt; they would expect too much.
“God, help me. What should I do? Speak to me, God.” She flipped through the television channels again. An old vampire movie caught her attention and she became deeply engrossed in it. When it ended, she could feel the chain and the cross around her neck. It felt like it was choking her. She took it off and wept bitterly because she knew how it felt to appear alive but feel really dead on the inside.
Chapter 19
The Earle Street Family Life Center’s auditorium was packed for its grand opening. Extra chairs had been brought in, and some of the people had to watch the program on large digital television screens in an overflow area. Max and other program speakers sat on the stage. He rose to open the program.
“Truly God is blessing the Earle Street Baptist Church family,” Max said.
“Amen,” the congregation responded.
“This could have been a day of sadness, but God . . .” “But God,” the congregation answered.
“I know I have thanked you guys before, but I want to share my testimony with all the visitors we have here today.
A few weeks ago, I was in Greensboro at a hearing, and was called to the judge’s chambers and was told a car hit my youngest son, Joshua. I was put in a police car and driven back to Charlotte,” Max stated. He continued his testimony, holding up the two pieces of Joshua’s helmet to the audience, who gasped when they saw it. He called Joshua to the stage to show the people he was healed.
Josh was sitting next to Shante on the front row alongside his brothers. He jumped up and ran to the stage to join his dad. “This is my son Josh. The enemy had it out for him. But God . . .”
“But God,” the crowd repeated.
“They tell me that the man who hit him was only nineteen years old, and he was drunk when he came up on the sidewalk. I want you to know, not a day goes by that I don’t pray for God to protect my sons. After their mother was killed in a car accident, I knew I had to cover them with a special prayer of protection each and every day. I pray for all my sons daily. I hug them and call good things into their lives. This is living proof that God answers prayer.”
“Say it, Pastor. That’s right,” a few members of the crowd yelled.
As Max continued his testimony, walking back and forth on the stage, ministers surrounded him and shouted their support. He began telling the congregation about the goodness of God and then he leaped into the air. People were on their feet. Shante felt like leaping, too. Max began dancing in the spirit. As she watched Max dance, a thought entered her mind; there was nothing sexier than a man praising God. She shook off the thought and tried to become involved in the worship.
However, as the service progressed, she began to think about their relationship. She cared about Max and did not want to let him go. Frankly, she enjoyed sitting in the first lady seat with his sons. Today, she didn’t care if anyone noticed she wasn’t sitting with the other ministers. She was there to support her ministry friend, she would tell anyone who asked. Yet, she wondered why she could not break free from her self-imposed bondage and allow herself to openly be in a relationship with Max. She wanted it, but something was holding her back. She asked God to show her what it was.
* * *
Two weeks after the family life center opened, life appeared to be returning to normal. Max won the liability case in Greensboro and was now a very rich man. He was looking through a file when Gary walked into his office.
“Max, this is a new case that came in yesterday. Will you take a look at it for me? I think we need to send this somewhere else.”
“I’ll take a look at it. Are you busy?”
“No, man. What’s up?”
“Close the door.”
“Sounds serious. What is it?”
“Take a look at this.” Max took a box from his desk drawer and handed it to his partner. When Gary opened it and saw a diamond ring, his eyes bulged. “It’s for Shante.” “I’d better close this up; the glare is going to blind me.” “Nice, isn’t it? Five carats.”
“I can see how you spent the money we won on that case in Greensboro. Don’t show that to my wife. She may get ideas.”
“I think it’s time. I’m going to ask her to marry me.” “Are you sure?”
“I’m sure. I’ve been praying about it. I even talked to Bishop about it. Our relationship is on a whole different level now. I would have thought nothing good could have come out of Josh getting hit by that car, but it seems like God used that to bring us closer together. We’ve been seeing each other almost every day. I really think it’s time. I’ve got it all planned. Josh gets his cast off tomorrow, and we’re going to celebrate with the boys.”
“You’re going to propose to her in front of the boys?”
“Sort of. I have it all planned out. She’ll be surprised.”
“I’m sure she will. Congratulations. I’m happy for you.
She’s a good woman,” Gary said, shaking Max’s hand. “Yeah, she’s a good woman, and I’m going to marry her.”
“Good luck to you, man. Let me know how everything works out,” Gary said.
“Everything will work out.” Max returned the box to his desk and went back to his files.
* * *
Shante’s next appointment was late, so she decided to catch up on her reading. However, she was soon interrupted by Tank tapping on her partly opened door.
“Hello, Tank, it’s good to see you. I didn’t expect you to come in today.”
“We need to talk, Pastor.”
Shante sighed. Every time Tank showed up lately, it was to bring bad news. Today, he didn’t look too happy; he looked troubled.
“Shante, I told you I was on your side. I have confidence in you. You’ve been a good pastor for this church, but something has come up.”
“What is it, Tank?”
“The preliminary report came back from the auditor. Everything is not what it should be. The board wants to meet with you soon to discuss the findings. The auditor hasn’t completed the entire report. He contacted us early because of some problems he found.”
“What kind of problems?”
“The budget is not adding up correctly. I can’t really go into details. Pastor, I thought I asked you to keep yourself clean. I thought I could trust you.” Tank began walking around the room.
“Tank, what do you mean? I’m watching everything I do, say, wear, preach—everything. I did mess up that one time with Max in Greensboro when I ran into Sister Turner, but I told you about that. It was an innocent dinner. Nothing else happened. I know Sister Turner tried to make it look like more, but we only had dinner. I knew she would, that’s why I told you. What else is wrong?”
“Shante, the board’s going to meet with you soon. This is very serious. I trusted you. I’ve been defending you on everything. I hope you didn’t let me down.”
“What are you saying? Is there something wrong with the books? You know there are safeguards in place. I haven’t even asked the church for money since the last meeting. I haven’t used the credit card. If I need anything, I pay for it myself. I don’t understand.”
“I can’t tell you everything, Shante. Let’s just hope the final report will show that everything is clear. I wanted to give you the heads-up on what’s going on. I wish I could tell you more. You’re our pastor and you should know what’s going on, because in the end, you’ll be held responsible. I’ve been advised not to discuss this with you. I’m not supposed to be here saying this, but I’ve been praying, praying hard. This is serious. God, help us,” Tank said, trying hard not to cry. She could hear him sniffle even though his back was turned, and he was pretending to be admiring a statue on her bookshelf.
“Thank you for coming to me, Tank. I value your friendship. You have always helped me and advised me. I want you to know I appreciate your support. I want you to believe me. I haven’t done anything wrong. Whatever is going on, I’m sure I’ll be cleared and it’ll turn out to be just a mistake. Let’s not get all upset. In the end, everything will work out, you’ll see.”
“For your sake, I hope it does.” Tank moved toward the door, trying not to let her see the tears that had begun to flow.
“Tank, before you leave, come here.” She walked around her desk and hugged him. They joined hands and prayed. “Everything will be all right, you’ll see. This is another attack of the enemy, and we know how to fight it. This is God’s battle, not ours. It’ll be fine.”
“For your sake—for all our sakes—I hope you’re right, Pastor.”
“I know I am. Now try not to worry about it. I’m sure whatever is going on is just a mistake. It’ll all be cleared up soon. Let me know when the board wants to meet with me.”
Tank nodded and walked out the door. She felt like crying. She questioned what was going on now. She had felt in her spirit not to use church money for any of her expenses. Knowing Deacon Curry and Sister Turner had it in for her, she had been careful not to give them any ammunition.
Shante sensed something was not right with the auditor. She tried to figure out what it could be, but could think of nothing. She decided to not allow it to ruin her day or take up too much time. She had work to do. Yet, she could not shake the feeling something was wrong. Shante tried hard to return to her work. The phone rang, and when Gail didn’t pick up, Shante assumed she was in the ladies’ room and answered the phone.
“Hey, Tay.”
“Max, why are you calling on this phone? You should use my cell.” His voice relaxed her; she looked forward to hearing it. She turned her chair so her back was to the door.
“I was thinking about you. I tried to call your cell but you have it turned off.”
She checked her cellphone. “The battery is dead again. I need to plug it into the charger. Well, how’s your day going?”
“Better since I’m talking to you. How’s your day?”
She wanted to tell him what was going on. However, she didn’t want to bother him with her troubles. She wanted him to be encouraged. The next day was a big one. If Joshua’s arm was healed, his cast would be taken off, and they had planned a surprise for him. “Same old stuff. My appointment didn’t show up this morning.” She rocked back and forth in her chair.
“Are you busy this afternoon?”
“I don’t have anything planned. We both have Bible study this evening.”
“Do you have anything planned for lunch?”
“No.”
“Would you like to take a long lunch?”
“Sure.” She was ready to get out of the office. She wondered where they were going.
“I’ll meet you at your house in thirty minutes. Is that fine?”
“I’ll see you there.” She got up and went to the outer office. Gail was not at her desk. She looked in the break room, counseling room, and the sanctuary. No Gail. She went into the ladies’ room and could hear Gail’s voice coming from one of the stalls. She knew the conversation. Gail was having a nothing phone call. Shante thought she would leave her alone. She left her a note and headed home. She was looking forward to seeing Max. She needed a hug.
Shante and Max sat on the chairs at the large kitchen island discussing the surprise he had planned for Joshua. They had finished eating a lunch of Chinese food and put away the containers when Max began massaging Shante’s shoulders. “Are you trying to get something started?” she asked.
“Hopefully.”
She closed her eyes and enjoyed every stroke of his hands, thinking how nice it was to be with him. Her breathing deepened as she felt his lips softly kissing her on the back of her neck. She reached back and stroked his head as he gingerly worked on her neck and shoulders. Spinning her around on the stool, he continued on the front with Shante giving in to every kiss. She felt his hands slowly go down her back and brace her buttocks. She wanted to pull back, but couldn’t. He lifted her body up onto the granite countertop of the island and stood between her legs, passionately kissing her. She felt the hardness of her nipples as they pressed against his chest.
She wanted to stop herself but couldn’t. Fornication was against everything she believed in, everything she represented, but this was different. It wasn’t mere lust; it was love. She wanted to express it. How could she without crossing the line? She was never a tease. However, she wanted to feel his hard body against hers. She reasoned she could touch his body without allowing him to enter hers. So, she pulled his neatly tucked in shirt out of his pants, slipped her hands underneath and slowly moved her hand up and down his muscular back. Suddenly he stopped and backed away.
