Lady preacher, p.22
Lady Preacher, page 22
Patrice continued crying. Shante went over to her and hugged her. She allowed Patrice to cry for several minutes. After Patrice calmed down, Shante returned to her seat.
“Now what?”
“Now you love your husband. Now you love your children.”
“What should I do?”
“You go on living. Instead of going to clubs or casinos, you’ll find a number of things to do together as a family and a couple. These things will only build you and your family up. Find a good church to go to together. I know someone here in Atlanta I can recommend, but you don’t have to go where I send you. Your husband has a church now. Go with him. Spend some time with him studying your Bible. You’ll find it will relax you and strengthen your marriage.”
“You think so?”
“I know so. In my opinion, Christian men are so romantic, sexy, and passionate.”
“Like Max?” Patrice asked.
“Yes, like Max,” Shante said shyly. “Have you talked to Shawn since he got saved?”
“Not really. I didn’t know what to say.”
“Then it’s time to talk to him. I’ll tell you what. We can get ready and go to the spa. We both could use it.
We’ll get the whole treatment—facial, nails, massage, sauna, the works—my treat. Then you can pay your husband a visit on the job. I’m sure he hasn’t seen you in those shoes and a coat in a long time. He’ll welcome the visit, and it’ll open the door for you to talk. After the spa, I’ll go home. You two don’t need me around while you get reacquainted. Besides, it’s time for me to go back to Charlotte and face my own issues.”
“I’m so glad you came here, Shante. I love you.”
“I love you, too. If you need anything, let me know, okay?”
“Okay.”
“All right then, let’s go. Before we get to the spa, can we stop and get something to eat? I’m starving.”
“I see you’re getting back to your old self. I’m glad. Come on, let’s go.”
Chapter 24
Shante drove into the parking lot of her church and prayed for strength to go inside. She didn’t know what to expect; didn’t know how people would respond to her when she walked into the building. Feeling stronger after her prayer, she squared her shoulders and went inside.
“Pastor, you’re back!” Gail exclaimed, jumping from her desk and hugging Shante. “They told me you probably wouldn’t be back this week. I didn’t hear from you, and you didn’t answer my calls. I heard what happened. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know things were going to turn out this way. I’m so sorry.” She began to cry.
“Why are you crying? No one saw this coming. Everything is going to work out, you’ll see. Now dry your tears.”
“But, Pastor, you don’t understand. I really didn’t want anything to happen to you, and I’ve been praying for you so much.”
“Thank you, Gail. I appreciate your praying for me. I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on. Do I have any messages?”
Gail handed Shante the stack of pink message slips on her desk. “Here are the ones that came in this morning. Deacon Curry came by and picked up your other messages.”
“Why did he do that?”
“He said he was in charge of the administration now. He asked for all the messages you had received. He said he needed them for his report.”
“Did I have any personal calls?”
“I don’t think so. But the copies of all messages are here in my book. You can take it with you into your office to check your calls.”
“Thank you. How is the Thanksgiving food drive going? Do you have an updated report from Sister Moss?”
“Not yet, but it looks like it is going well. The storage room down the hall is filling up, and soon we’re going to have to store donations in the conference room.”
“I’ll go in there after lunch and start sorting the items. Are we getting grocery cards?”
“Yeah, here they are. So far we have more than a thousand dollars in twenty-dollar gift cards. We’ll be able to help a lot of families this year.”
“Praise God. Looks like our drive will be successful this year. If you need me for anything, I’ll be in my office.”
Shante went into her office and closed the door. It felt good to be there, but it looked as if someone had moved things around. She buzzed Gail on the intercom. “Gail, has anyone been in my office?”
“Deacon Curry and Sister Turner. They had the door closed; I don’t know what they did.”
Shante became angry when she heard that. Now some of her personal items were missing. Her first impulse was to call them and tell them off. Instead, she prayed to God for direction. Looking around, she saw that a statue of a mother and child the Women’s Auxiliary had given her was missing from the bookcase. Some of her books were also missing. She called Gail into the office and began doing an inventory of all the missing items, including personal ones. She asked Gail to draft a letter to the board listing everything missing. Gail went to her desk and began drafting the letter. It occurred to Shante that she should contact Gary before sending the letter out.
“Gary, this is Shante. Can you talk now?”
“Hey, Tay. Sure, what’s up?”
“I’m back at work.”
“You’re back at work? Max said you were in Atlanta.” “I was. Now I’m back at work. I have a problem here.”
“Another problem?”
“Yeah, someone has gone through my office and several items have been removed. Some of them are personal, including a statue that was given to me and some books signed by the authors.”
“Did you make a list of the missing items?”
“Yes. Gail is typing it up now, and she is also drafting a letter to the board.”
“No, don’t do that. I’ll take care of that. Are you planning to stay there all day?”
“Yes. I was going to return some phone calls and then sort through the donations for the Thanksgiving food drive.”
“Have Gail help you with that. We have to make sure you’re covered in case some of the stuff comes up missing. E-mail me the list of items missing from your office. I’ll have Angela draft a letter to the board. Also, make sure you make a detailed list of the donations.”
“I’ll be sure to do that. Thanks, Gary.”
“All right. I’ll talk to you later.”
Shante asked Gail for the list of missing items and told her to delete the draft letter to the board. She then began reviewing her phone messages. She returned a call from Pastor Kay and was invited to lunch at the pastor’s office. Because she was casually dressed, she at first declined. But Pastor Kay persuaded her to come, anyway. Although she wasn’t too keen on socializing for now, she did feel getting back into her regular routine would help keep her focused.
Shante returned a few other calls and then returned to thinking about the missing items. People were accusing her of stealing, and then she herself falls victim to theft. She remembered Tank telling her it would be okay to leave things in her office. Apparently, it wasn’t, and whoever the thief was had a key to the building and access to the security codes. But she gave Deacon Curry and Sister Turner the benefit of the doubt. She would not stoop to their level and accuse them of anything. She would wait until Gary completed his investigation. She hoped that would be soon; she didn’t know how much more she could take.
“Well, hello, Pastor Dogan,” Pastor Kay greeted Shante with a smile. “Come on in and have a seat.”
Shante looked around the spacious, beautifully decorated room. She thought Pastor Kay was a classy woman, as shown by her office decor. Everything in the office said woman. Flowers were everywhere. A large bay window had decorative pillows around its base. African-American paintings were neatly placed on the walls. A small formal dining area next to a sitting area had been set up for a meal.
Pastor Kay came from behind her desk and hugged Shante and then led her to a large sofa in the sitting area. “I hope you don’t mind, but I took the liberty of ordering us lunch. You said you liked the Reuben sandwiches from Tasties Sandwich Shoppe, so I ordered you one with a salad and sweet tea. Is that fine?”
“Yes, that’s fine.”
“Can we talk while we wait for lunch to arrive?”
Although Shante knew Pastor Kay only casually, she felt they had a connection, being females in the ministry. Pastor Kay was relaxed and friendly, and spoke to her as though they were old friends.
“Of course. What do I need to know about the conference?”
“No, I don’t want to talk about the conference. I want to talk about you.”
“Me? What about me?”
“I heard they sat you down at your church. Is that true?”
“I guess everybody knows by now. News travels fast in the church world,” Shante said quietly, embarrassed to have to acknowledge that she had been suspended. “You don’t want me to preach at your conference, do you? Well, thank you for telling me in person. Most people just called and left a message.”
“Don’t jump to conclusions. I want you to preach now more that ever.”
“You do?” Shante asked, smiling. She never imagined she would be allowed to preach at any church while on suspension.
“Yes, I do. I know God is doing something in your life and your ministry. I know the anointing is really on you now to bring forth the Word. I want you to preach two sessions—if that’s okay with you.”
“Really? Well, sure, I’ll be happy to do that.”
Shante couldn’t help smiling, thrilled that Pastor Kay supported her ministry. She could hardly believe God was blessing her this way. She had begun to think everyone in Charlotte was against her. And here someone was asking her to preach at her church.
“How are you getting along? I know something like this can be hard on you. I know how I felt when I was sat down.”
“You were sat down?”
“Yes, I went through what you’re going through now, only I was an associate minister. Everything happened so fast. Some old preacher, a friend of my pastor, tried to hit on me. I rejected his passes, and the next thing I knew I was in a board meeting. People were sitting there calling me a lesbian and presenting all kinds of false evidence against me.”
“That’s awful.” Pastor Kay’s openness surprised Shante. She hadn’t expected to hear her talking about this, having thought their lunch conversation would be about the conference. She was intrigued and wanted to know more about the pastor’s situation and how she had handled it.
“It certainly is. We’re supposed to lead holy lives, but when you try, it’s used against you. I was sitting there wondering why I had to be a lesbian just because I was trying to live holy. It didn’t make any sense. To make matters worse, they spread that word more than they did the gospel. To this day, there are people who still believe that lie. There is nothing I can do about it,” Pastor Kay said resignedly.
“What a shame. How did you handle it?”
“It wasn’t easy. I prayed a lot. I felt so alone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I promised myself that I would not stand by and allow anyone else to go through something like that. Not on my watch. But you know the worst part about it all?”
“What’s that?”
“It almost kept me from being in a true relationship. I started watching everything I did. I tried to make sure I was super feminine. I wouldn’t wear those clergy collars, because I felt they made me look masculine. This got me in trouble with the church, as they required their ministers, male and female, to wear them. I would avoid any man who tried to begin a relationship with me. One guy who heard the rumor asked me to do a threesome with him and another woman. God, some of these men are shameless. Let’s pray for them. Anyway, I avoided relationships at all costs. I tried to walk in the most holy way I could.”
“Didn’t you finally get married?”
“Yes, and I’m so blessed. When I met Don, there was something about him that I was drawn to. He had the most beautiful eyes, and he smelled so good. He had this wonderful laugh. The best part was that he was saved. He was so anointed, and when the spirit hit him, my God, he was so sexy.”
“I know what you mean,” Shante said, thinking about Max. Pastor Kay was talking about herself, but it was as though she was peering into Shante’s life and seeing the essence of her soul.
“He knew I wouldn’t go out with him, since I was being so cautious, so he would conveniently show up at various functions—like singles night at the church. I almost threw him away out of fear of what people thought. Then one night—skate night—we began talking, and the rest is history. I didn’t care what people thought. It was the best decision I made during that time. Yes, people talked. Yes, they made up stories, but something inside me told me this man was part of my destiny.”
“You could be talking about me and Max, but I really don’t have the time to be in a relationship with anyone now.”
“I heard about you and Reverend Patrick. So it’s true? He’s a good catch. I can see why the two of you are attracted to each other.” She smiled. “I don’t have the time.” She shook her head and laughed. “I’ve used that excuse numerous times. I even used it with Don. Luckily, he didn’t listen to me—or I didn’t listen to myself. You know, we make the time for what we want to make time for, even relationships.”
“You’re right.”
“How are you and Reverend Patrick doing with all this going on?”
“I have no contact with him.”
“That’s too bad. Was it because of all the talk?” “That was part of it.”
“What was the other part? You were too busy?” “Sort of.”
“Shante I’m sorry, may I call you Shante?”
“Sure.”
“Shante, you can’t allow talk to keep you from love. I saw your reaction when I said Reverend Patrick’s name. You love him. I can tell even though I haven’t seen you two together. Just the mention of his name makes you light up. May I ask you what the problem is? Am I being too personal? If so, tell me and I’ll end this conversation.”
“It is personal, but my spirit is telling me to talk to you, to trust you.” Shante felt she needed to trust Pastor Kay. She had to talk with someone about her problems and share everything she was feeling. Although she was trying to act confident, she was anything but. She couldn’t continue holding things in and using nervous energy to cook and clean around her house, the church, and almost everywhere she went. She had to find another way of solving her problems.
“You can trust me. I’ve gone through what you are going through now. It’s hard. I know it is. Don’t shut everybody off. Find someone you can talk to. It doesn’t have to be me. It can be someone you can trust. Don’t hold it all in. Be honest with yourself and whomever you talk to. If you love him, don’t deny it. Support that feeling.”
“You don’t understand. There’s a lot involved.” “Like what?”
“Well, Max is a single parent with three boys.” “Aren’t you a single parent?”
“My daughter is an adult and living in another city on her own. He has three little boys, ages five, eight, and twelve.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“You don’t know the release of having a grown child. It’s like, now for the first time I can do what I really want, eat what I want, go where I want without having to account for my time, money, or love. I’m not responsible for anyone but myself. Yes, my daughter is in college and yes, she still depends on me, but it is not like when she was at home. It’s so different now.”
“You’re afraid of giving up your independence?”
“I like being alone right now. It’s been a long time since I’ve been alone—not lonely, just alone. I can sit at home in peace and quiet. I can watch TV, listen to music, or enjoy the quiet. I can pray so much better. I can study without interruption. It’s wonderful.”
“Do you think things will change if you and Reverend Patrick got together?”
“Sure they will. He has three young boys. There will be lots of activity around the house. It will be Camille times four. Each one, including Max, will be demanding my attention. There will be sports, and I don’t like sports. There will be other school events like plays, recitals, parties. And I won’t even mention all the youth activities in the church.”
“Are you doing them now?”
“Not as much. I did spend a lot of time with them. Now I have to sneak and see them. Max doesn’t know someone has been bringing them to see me. We still have activities together, but not as much. Maybe I should stop. Max doesn’t want me involved in their lives now. I don’t want to lose my boys. I love them so much.”
“Your boys?”
“You know, Max’s sons. I love them. I’ve known them all from the day they were born. I’m their godmother. I don’t want to lose them; I don’t think I could handle that.”
“Are you using the boys?”
“Using them? How?” She adjusted her position on the sofa. An uneasy feeling came over her. She had never thought she was using the boys to stay close to Max. She loved the boys, and she wanted to be with them.
“To stay close to Reverend Patrick.”
“I don’t see Max and I rarely talk to him. I’m not using them; I wouldn’t do that. He used them. I wouldn’t do that.”
“How did he use them?”
“He used them to try to get me to marry him. I felt so pressured when he asked with the boys nearby. They wanted me to move in right away. It was a terrible scene,” Shante sighed.
“Can you tell me that you don’t love him?”
“No, I think I do. I think about him all the time. Sometimes when I’m trying to fall asleep, I can smell him, and he’s not even with me. The thought of his scent relaxes me, and I can fall asleep. Does that sound strange?”
“No, it doesn’t. I’ve felt that way about Don myself. It was one way I knew I was in love with him.”
A knock at the door was followed by her secretary coming in with food, which she placed on the table and left. Pastor Kay then continued her probing. “I hear everything you’re saying. Are you happy? I’ve been where you are now. One day I had to decide if I wanted to be alone or if I wanted to be happy. You have to make the same decision. Do you want to be alone or to be happy?”
