Collective identity, p.12
Collective Identity, page 12
part #4 of Commitment Series
“Damned backward southerners! I may be a good-for-nothing Yankee, but in my wildest dreams, I would never treat a person like that,” Jo sputtered. "I just wish I could have met your uncle before he died. I would have taken great pleasure in turning him from a bass to a soprano.”
Alex looked at Jo with intense love in her eyes, a love born of fifty years together.
“Josie, darlin', you would not have survived in the south. I can't imagine you allowing any man to dampen that Wycliffe spirit of yours. But then, they don't know you as I do. As tough as you’d like to believe you are, you are just a pile of mush inside. I wish I had known you back then, Josie. You would have protected me. You wouldn’t have allowed them to take my child,” Alex said with conviction.
Josie narrowed her eyes at Alex. “You’re damned right I wouldn’t! But that’s beside the point Al. You don’t really know that they took your child from you. She could have been stillborn just like they said she was,” Jo pointed out.
“I don't know, Josie. Seeing Billie today caused a terrible rush of memories to return. Land sakes alive! No wonder I fainted. Oh, my goodness, she could be me forty-five years ago! Josie, what if she is somehow related to me? How else would you explain it? Her resemblance is too much of a coincidence," Alex tried to reason.
Josie stopped pacing and looked at Alexandra. “Alex, sweetheart, even I have to admit that Billie's resemblance to you is too strong to deny, but Billie is adopted. She doesn’t even know who her mother really is. Considering her age, if she’s related to you at all, she’d have to be your granddaughter. How in hell are we supposed to verify anything if she doesn’t even know who her mother is?” Jo exclaimed.
Long moments of silence followed. As much as Jo hated to admit it…as much as she wanted to bury the memories and avoid any more heartache for this woman whom she loved more than life itself, she had to agree with Alex. The physical resemblance was indeed too much to deny, and part of her was as convinced as Alex was that somehow Billie was kin.
Finally, Jo climbed back into bed and opened her arms to Alex. "What do you want to do, Al?" she asked.
Alex lay back down and returned to her head to its previous position on Josephine's shoulder. "I need to tell her, Josie. If there's a chance...," Alex replied haltingly, allowing the rest of the sentence to remain unspoken.
Jo was silent for a few more minutes. She could feel the slight shudders emanating from Alex as emotion threatened to overcome her. Alex was right. If there was a chance that she and Billie were from the same bloodline, she had a right to know. They both had the right to know.
Finally, Jo nodded her head up and down. "Okay, Al. We'll tell her." She kissed Alex gently. "Sleep now, sweetheart."
“I love you, Josie, with all my heart. Thank you, my love,” Alex whispered.
“I love you too,” Jo replied.
Jo immediately felt Alex relax in her arms and within moments she drifted off.
It was several more hours before Jo finally succumbed to fatigue and joined Alex in sleep.
* * *
"Well, what did you think of them?" Cat asked.
"I think they're cute," replied Billie.
"Cute?" Cat questioned. "I've never heard them described quite that way before."
Billie was lying face down on the bed with Cat sitting on her low back, her legs straddling Billie's waist.
Billie looked back at Cat. "God, Cat!" she moaned. "You have exactly two hours to stop that."
Cat chuckled at the almost orgasmic look on Billie's face in reaction to the massage. "You, my love, give too much away," Cat warned her.
Billie's eyebrows arched on her forehead. "What do you mean?"
"What do I mean?" Cat repeated the question as she applied a little more depth and pressure to the massage.
Billie dropped her head onto the pillow and moaned loudly.
"That is what I mean?" Cat said. "You are way too easy."
"Busted!"
"Busted indeed!" Cat replied before adding, "So, really, what did you think of them?"
Billie shifted her weight and rolled onto her back, then pulled Cat into an embrace. "I liked them, Cat. I liked them a lot. I will say, however, that my resemblance to Alex is kind of scary. I mean, I can see how you might look like Jo, but, Cat, why Alex and I?"
"I don't know, Billie. But you're right, it is kind of scary. I thought their reaction to meeting you was funny, though," Cat replied.
Billie laughed at the memory. "Yeah, it was kind of funny. Alex acted like a typical southern belle...all delicate and fragile, and Jo ...well, Jo was quite brash. Does she always swear like a sailor?" Billie asked.
"Grandma Jo has been known to turn the air blue on occasion. Much too frequently for Grams' tastes of course. She is quite a character!" Cat explained.
"She's quite a flirt. She either pinched or felt up my butt three times during the evening!" Billie said, a chuckle belying her tone of mock indignity.
"Can't say that I blame her, love."
Billie tilted Cat's chin up to her. "So, is that where your inherited your lusty nature, wife?"
Cat wiggled her eyebrows up and down and nodded her head vigorously.
Billie pulled Cat over on top of her. "Remind me to thank her," she said before claiming her lips once more.
* * *
Cat, Billie and the kids returned bright and early to Doc and Ida's the next morning to take the entire family out to brunch. As usual, Jo was dressed in mannish trousers and a button-down shirt, complete with a bandana tied around her neck and an Australian outback hat propped on her head. Alex, on the other hand, graced her tall slim form with a simple dress belted at the waist, with a wide turndown collar which met at a “V” modestly above her cleavage. Atop her head was a wide-brimmed sun hat, covering her traditionally coifed hair.
All through brunch, Billie took extra caution to keep her distance from Jo to avoid potentially embarrassing encounters that she might have a hard time explaining in public. As it turned out, Billie's precautions were unnecessary, as both Jo and Alex seemed preoccupied.
After brunch, the kids conned Billie into playing a game of football with them in the backyard. Surprisingly, Jo asked to join in. Soon, Alex and Cat were standing on the back deck, watching two grown women playing football against three children.
"No wonder I'm gray!" Alex commented as the children tackled Jo to the ground, two yards short of her goal. "That woman thinks she's still in her twenties!"
Cat looked over at Alex and smiled. She grabbed her grandmother's hand and brought it to her heart. "It's this," Cat indicated by sweeping her hand across the scene in the back yard, "and your active lifestyle that keeps both of you so young, Grams. She's having fun. Don't give her too hard a time when they're finished, okay?" Cat said.
"Okay, I won't," Alex said. "I'll wait until tomorrow mornin’ when she can't get out of bed!" she added wickedly.
Finally, the game was over, the children conquering the adults. Cat and Alex stepped off the deck into the yard to meet their respective mates as the children ran into the house looking for something to drink. Jo and Billie walked arm in arm toward their wives, very proud of themselves for even making it through the game.
"I'd give you a victory kiss, but seeing as you lost...," Cat teased.
"I'll take that kiss anyway!" Billie said as she grabbed Cat and dipped her backward placing a wet sloppy kiss on her mouth.
Jo and Alex looked on with knowing smiles, both women reminiscing about times gone by, when they would have done the same thing. Just then, Jo looked up at Alex, "What the hell," she said then proceeded to dip Alex backward for a kiss.
Alex was very flustered when Jo finally released her. "For goodness sake, Josephine Wycliffe! Must you behave so wantonly all the time?" she scolded.
Jo backhanded Alex on the butt as she walked to the porch swing. "Ah, get over it, Al. You liked it, and you know it. After all, I'm only 'wanton' you," she stated, and evil grin plastered on her face as she sat down.
Alex fussed with a few strands of loose hair as she stammered, "Well...well, yes, I did, but that's beside the point."
"What is the point Al? That even after fifty years together, I still find you sexy and irresistible? That I spend several hours a day fantasizing about making love to you?" Jo said causing Alex to blush to the roots of her hair. She knew she was baiting Alex, but the southerner was so much fun to pick on, and after all, she did mean every word of it.
"Oh, my goodness, Josie! How can you talk like that in front of the youngsters?" she said, as she felt a flush rising once again into her face.
"That's a pretty shade a pink, Al," Jo commented. "I'm sure Cat and Billie don't mind that I still find you attractive. In fact, I'll bet they could show us a thing or two," Jo teased.
Now it was Cat and Billie's turn to blush as they looked everywhere but at the grandmothers.
"Josie, you stop that right now. Look, now you've got them a'blushing. My word," Alex scolded again as Jo grinned from ear to ear.
Alex needed to put some distance between herself and Jo. All this kissing and talk of fantasies were making her warm and fidgety. She turned to Cat. "Caitlain, honey, would you like to help your old grandma fetch some iced tea for our football heroes here?"
Cat smiled and nodded her head. She winked at Billie and followed Alex into the house.
Billie sat down on the swing next to Jo. She bumped shoulders with her. "You are a wicked woman, Jo. Do you realize the state you have Alex in right about now?" she grinned.
Jo grinned back. "Ohhhhh, yeah!" she said then fell silent, as though she had just remembered something sullen.
Noting the mood change, Billie reached out for Jo's hand. She enveloped it between her own and placed them in her lap. "Jo, is everything all right?"
* * *
In the kitchen, Alex set about retrieving four iced tea glasses from Ida's cupboard. She looked at Cat. "Sugar, you might wanna go ask your Mom and Dad if they want some. I think they're in the living room with those beautiful children of yours."
Cat went to run her errand as Alex placed her hands on the counter top and tried desperately to compose herself. Jo teasing Billie and Cat brought back memories of how she used to make Ida blush whenever she brought a beau home. Thoughts of Ida, led to thoughts of the child she had lost.
It's time, Alexandra. It's time they knew, she told herself, regaining control as Cat returned to the kitchen.
"They already have some tea, Grams," Cat said as she approached. Noting the forlorn look on Alex’s face, Cat reached out and touched her arm. "Grams, are you feeling all right?" she asked.
* * *
Billie narrowed her eyes at Jo. "Okay, spill it," she said. Getting no response, she tried another approach "Look, Jo. You haven't made a pass at me all morning, so either I've grown a third eye in the middle of my forehead, or something is wrong. Now what is it?" she demanded.
Billie's comment was made just as Cat and Alex stepped within hearing range onto the deck.
Jo looked up at Alex and smiled, then nodded her head sideways at Billie. "Well, Alex, she's got your spirit, doesn't she?" she said.
Cat narrowed her eyes at her grandmothers, shifting her gaze between the two women. "Now what was that supposed to mean?" she asked.
"Oh, my!" Alex said, quickly putting the two glasses of iced tea down before she spilled them.
Billie quickly jumped up from the swing.
"Now don't you go do that vapors thing again, Alex," she said as she guided the older woman to the swing beside Jo. She handed Alex an iced tea. "Here, drink this."
She handed the other glass to Jo then took hers from Cat. Billie leaned her backside against the railing and faced the elderly ladies. She reached her free arm out to Cat, who went willingly to her.
"Now," Billie said. "There's been a tension in the air ever since we went to brunch this morning. Jo, you just haven't been yourself, and Alex, it's obvious you're preoccupied. Now something is going on here, and I...no, we want to know what it is," she finished, looking at Cat for affirmation.
Alex looked at Jo, looking for support.
"She's right, Al. I guess it's time," Jo said.
Alex sighed deeply while nodding her head. "Caitlain, darlin', please go fetch your mother. She needs to hear this too."
Part II
On Solid Ground
Chapter 12
Billie paced back and forth behind the porch swing for several long moments as Cat and Ida sat there, legs crossed at the ankles, hands folded in their laps. Alex and Jo were sitting opposite them in twin Adirondack lawn chairs. Doc stood near the steps, leaning against the baluster.
Alex looked nervously at the tableau of women before her.
"Nona, what is it?" Ida asked, obviously feeling her mother's distress.
Jo reached out for Alex's hand, and grasped it tightly for moral support.
Billie ceased pacing and stopped directly behind Cat and Ida. She spread her hands out along the length of the swing. Based on the tension, she instinctively knew what they were about to say would turn all of their worlds upside down.
Finally, she lost patience waiting for Alex to speak. "Look, my gut is in knots here. I don't know what's going on, but I have the feeling I'm not going to like it. Please, just get it over with."
Jo rose from her seat and approached Billie. She shook her finger in Billie's face. "You, young lady, had better learn a little patience. Have some respect for this woman here," she said, pointing to Alex. "You'll regret it if you don't," she finished.
Billie stared angrily at Jo. She looked ready to rip Jo's head off, before Alex rose to her feet and stepped in between them.
"Josie, please. Let me handle this," Alex said.
Jo looked at Alex. "Al, I won't let anyone disrespect you, regardless of who they are."
"And just who am I?" Billie asked angrily, taking another step toward Jo.
"Billie, honey, please sit down. There's no reason to be angry," Cat reasoned. This was definitely not how she envisioned her grandparents and wife getting along.
"No, Cat. Let her answer." Billie repeated her last question. "Just who am I, Jo?"
"You are my granddaughter, Billie. At least I think you are," Alex replied, followed by gasps from both Ida and Cat.
Billie snapped her head around to look at Alex. "What did you say?" she asked incredulously.
Cat rose from the swing and grasped Billie's arm. "Grams, what are you saying?"
Alex turned her back on the group and walked a few paces away. She turned to face them once again. "Please, sit down. It's a long story. One that is long overdue."
One by one they sat… Billie and Cat on the porch swing, Ida and Jo in the lawn chairs. Doc remained standing where he was, watching the scene with keen interest.
Alex remained standing, positioned at the head of the tableau. She stood there for long moments, unable to find a way to start the discussion. Billie was becoming more impatient with each minute that passed, regardless of Cat's efforts to quell the flames brewing within her.
Seeing Billie's escalating mood, Jo rose from her chair and approached Alex. She cupped Alex's face between her palms and pulled her down for a kiss.
"Do you want me to tell them, Al?" Jo asked.
Alex smiled as a lone tear ran down her cheek. "No. I'll do it. I love you for asking, though," she replied.
"Well, I'm right here if you need me," she said. She took Alex's hand in her own and held it tightly.
"Thank you," she said before looking up at the others gathered before her. "Ah, this is very hard to talk about. The implications are almost unimaginable. It was more than fifty years ago, but the pain is still as fresh as the day it happened," she began.
Jo squeezed her hand slightly for moral support.
Doc, Cat, Billie and Ida looked at her expectantly.
"Fifty-five years ago, I gave birth to a baby girl. She was taken away from me immediately. I was told that she was stillborn. I never heard her cry. I never saw her. The doctor said she was born dead," Alex tried to explain. "They never even let me see her," she repeated, the tears starting to flow.
Ida’s eyes grew as large as saucers. She joined Doc at the railing and huddled under the protective shelter of his arm around her shoulder as she steeled herself for the rest of Alex’s tale.
Cat’s grip on Billie’s hand tightened as she felt her wife stiffen with anxiety at the announcement.
Jo wrapped her arm around Alex's waist. "Al, you don't have to do this," Jo said. "Let me."
"No, Josie. I do need to do this," Alex said insistently.
Alex looked at her audience and saw how each woman had sought her own sense of solace at the news… Ida with Doc, and Cat with Billie. Tears were clearly visible in Cat and Ida’s eyes; however, a cold mask had been pulled down over Billie’s features as she sat there on the swing… her right leg crossed over her left, her left elbow resting on the arm of the swing, her chin resting on her fist, and her right hand held firmly in Cat’s grasp. She was staring at the floor next to the swing, her brow drawn into a frown.
Ida spoke up. "Nona, how..."
"How did I come to be in the family way?" Alex asked for her daughter. Ida just nodded.
Alex played with the hem of her jacket for a moment before looking into her daughter's face. "I was raped by one of the stable hands after coming home from a ride, Ida."
At the mention of rape, Billie’s head snapped up and swung around to look at Cat, who was obviously recalling memories of her own horrific ordeals. Uncrossing her legs, she leaned in toward Cat and pulled the woman close, urging her to rest her head on her shoulder.
