Collective identity, p.13
Collective Identity, page 13
part #4 of Commitment Series
Alex paced anxiously. "He was a good looking man. He was always pleasant. I used to stay and watch him groom the horses after a ride. I guess I was lonely, and he seemed so attentive, so friendly," she tried to explain.
Alex took a sip of her iced tea before continuing. "Here I was, twenty-three years old and unmarried, which was unheard of in those days for a woman in her twenties. If a woman of that age was still unmarried, society assumed there was something wrong with her. Anyway, there I was, unmarried, and still under my family's control. Hell, Daddy had given up on marryin’ me off years earlier. He couldn't understand why I wasn't interested in all the young men he brought home. I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I preferred women. I don't know how he would have reacted. I wish now I had told him. We lost him about a year before the rape. Maybe if he was still alive, things might have been different," Alex mused sadly.
"Anyway, I came home from a ride one day, and there he was. We were alone. He kept eyeing me funny while he was grooming my horse...askin' me all kind of questions about what I liked and didn't like in a man. He was so bold to ask me if I fancied him. I didn't want to lie, so I told him I liked him well enough, but not as a beau. He kinda became angry with me over that and told me he was gonna prove what a big man he was... prove to me that he could make me feel good."
Cat's knuckles were white as she clenched tightly to Billie's hand while Alex spoke.
"I fought him the best I could," Alex continued, "but he was really a big man and he easily overpowered me. He dragged me into the nearest stall and had his way with me. When it was over, he packed his gear and left. I did the best I could to pull myself together, then snuck into my room through the back stairway...you know, the one that leads from the kitchen to the bedrooms on the second story," she said to those who were familiar with the mansion she and Jo lived in.
"Anyway, I cleaned myself up and kept my mouth shut about what happened. I guess I was too ashamed to say anything. I spent the next week or so hoping and hoping that everything would be all right, but two weeks later, I woke up sick to my stomach and knew in my heart of hearts that I was with child. Of course, in my Uncle's eyes, I was nothing but a wanton whore. I tried to tell him the stable hand raped me, but he blamed it all on me...saying it wouldn't have happened if I hadn't flirted with the man."
Alex stopped short to look at Jo. "Josie, I didn't flirt with him. I promise I didn't. I was just tryin' to be pleasant," she insisted.
Jo squeezed Alex's. "I believe you, Al. I believe you," she replied.
"So two months after it happened, I was shipped off to Aunt Edna's house for the duration of the pregnancy. Seven months later, I gave birth to a baby girl that the doctor said was dead," Alex finished, looking down at the clasped hands in her lap as a deafening hush fell over the crowd.
"So, what does all of this have to do with me being your granddaughter, Alex?” Billie asked, breaking the uneasy silence.
"I don't know that it does, Billie," Alex replied, "but the resemblance is too strong to ignore. I can't help but think that you are my daughter's child," she said.
"But Grams, you said your daughter was stillborn," observed Cat.
"That's what I was told, darlin', but keep in mind that I never saw her. Birthin' was a horrible experience for me. I had a very hard time with it. The doctor had me under a heavy dose of laudanum near the end. I was pretty much out of it," Alex explained in a choked voice.
"Nona," Ida said. "Why would they tell you she was stillborn if she wasn't?"
"Sweetheart, ya gotta remember where I come from. South Carolina in the nineteen fifties was ruled by a southern aristocratic patriarchal mentality. My uncle had taken over control of the estate, including me. He was a ruthless man with definite ideas about a woman's place in the home and in society. We were very rich and influential in the community. In those days, a reputation was far more important than family," Alex explained.
Jo became very agitated at this point, pacing back and forth. "Damned southerners," she mumbled under her breath. It was obvious what she thought of Alex's treatment at the hands of the aristocracy.
Alex reached a hand out to stop Jo's trek back and forth across the floor. "Josie, darlin', please stop pacin'. You're makin' me nervous," Alex said.
Jo stopped and looked impatiently at Alex before stomping over to the lawn chair and sitting down again.
“When my uncle found out I was with child, he beat me senseless then accused me of all kinda sinful deeds and bringin’ shame on the family. It wasn’t long after that I was shipped out of state to my aunt’s house to wait out the pregnancy.” Alex stopped to take another sip from her iced tea. It was then that she noticed how hard Jo was working to hold back angry tears.
She walked toward her partner of fifty years and took her hand. She kissed it gently and looked into Jo’s eyes. “Josie, it was a long time ago. All but the pain of losing my daughter has been forgotten. Please don’t dwell on what’s passed us by. Instead, look at the wonderful possibilities that lie ahead. Okay, darlin’?” she asked.
Jo took a deep breath and held back the hateful words she had reserved for Alex’s kin. Instead, she forced a smile onto her face and nodded her head in agreement with Alex’s plea.
Alex mouthed a silent thank you to her partner, then continued to pace.
"Anyway, I never saw her when she was born. I never even heard her cry. All I remember is hearin' the doctor say that she was born with the cord around her neck. My family's reputation was very important to them. It would not be inconceivable to eliminate a source of embarrassment by giving the child away," Alex finished.
Billie stood up and approached Alex, stopping directly in front of her. Billie held Alex's gaze for long moments, the audience of three holding their breaths around them.
Finally, Billie reached up and touched the side of Alex's face. "Where did you live at the time, Alex?"
"In Charleston, South Carolina, but...," Alex started to say.
"Thank you," Billie said before turning to Cat. "Cat, I'm going to Charleston as soon as I can book a flight. I'm sure to find a birth record there and a certificate of death for this child, if one exists. I'm going to look for my mother."
Alex took Billie's hand. "Not without me," she said.
Chapter 13
"How long have you suspected that your daughter may still be alive?" Billie asked Alex as they sat side by side on the flight into Charleston, South Carolina.
Alex contemplated the question for a moment before answering. "In my heart, I guess I've always wondered," Alex admitted, "When she was born, I was under strict orders from my uncle not to tell a living soul about the birth, lest shame be brought down on the family name. For two years my uncle set out to brainwash me, convincing himself, and nearly convincing me that the pregnancy never even happened. But I knew. I knew the pain and humiliation of being raped. I knew the pain of believing my child had died. I managed to push it to the back of my mind, but I never forgot it. Then, when I turned twenty-five, my inheritance was awarded and I regained control of my life. I banished my uncle from my home, and refused to acknowledge him until his death several years later.
"Unfortunately, the damage he had done was irreversible. My daughter was gone. Whether she was dead or not, I was not sure. But she was indeed gone, and I had resolved to start my life anew and put the pain of losing her behind me. I have managed to successfully hold that pain at bay for fifty years, Billie. That is until I met you. I don't believe it is possible for you to look so much like me without some biological reason," she explained.
Billie held her gaze for a moment longer before looking away. She leaned her head back against the seat cushion.
"What are you thinking, Billie?" Alex asked as she watched a parade of emotions march across Billie's face.
Billie's eyes held Alex's gaze for several seconds before looking down at her hands clasped in her lap. "I'm thinking that I'm scared shitless, Alex. I'm thinking that I'm angry as hell that the people who raised me lied to me for more than thirty years. I'm thinking that I don't need another complication in my life," Billie replied before pausing to reflect, and seeing the forlorn look on Alex's face.
Billie took Alex's hand in hers, placing it palm down inside her own. She entwined their fingers and closed her fist, grasping the aged hand firmly.
Alex, whose eyes had been glued to their entwined hands, looked into Billie's face as Billie squeezed her hand.
"Alex," Billie said, "I am also thinking that I am very excited at the prospect of learning just who I am and where I came from, and if that origin starts with you, I am thinking that I couldn't have come from a more perfect place," Billie finished.
Alex smiled and closed her fingers around Billie's. "I truly hope that is the case, Billie," she replied.
Billie nodded before a grin spread across her face.
"What 'cha smilin' about?" Alex asked.
Billie chuckled. "I was just realizing how complicated Cat's and my family trees will become if you and I turn out to be related!" she explained.
"Indeed!" Alex commented. "Caitlain wasn't happy about stayin' home, was she?" Alex asked.
Billie glanced at Alex, and then down at her hands. "No, she wasn't, but she has a busy schedule at the hospital this week, and she couldn't find a replacement for the surgeries she is scheduled to anesthetize. But, she and Jo will be joining us in a few days. I'm glad Jo agreed to stay and fly out with her this weekend."
"You love her very much, don't you?" Alex asked.
"With all my heart, Alex. She is my life," Billie explained.
Alex nodded in understanding. "As Josie is mine. We are lucky ladies indeed."
A moment later, the stewardess' voice announced that they were about to make their final approach into Charleston, followed by the standard safety instructions. Ten minutes later, the wheels of the 737 jet touched down on the runway of the Charleston International Airport.
Thirty minutes after that, Billie and Alex were in a taxi, on their way to Alex's ancestral home on the outskirts of Charleston.
* * *
Billie sat quietly, scanning the countryside on the ride from the airport. Broad fields of tobacco plants could be seen lining the main highway on either side. The taxi suddenly took a turn and drove through an open wrought iron gate, supported by brick pillars. On both sides of the drive, were perfectly aligned cottonwood, magnolia and cypress trees, all standing sentry to the well-traveled road that led to the stately plantation at the end of the drive.
If Billie closed her eyes, she could imagine how this may have looked one hundred fifty years earlier, with well-kept fields of cotton and tobacco plants growing abundantly across the landscape while slaves carefully tended the crops. Thinking back to how Alex had described life on the plantation just fifty years earlier, she wondered to herself how she would have accepted the second class status allotted to women in those days. Having been born two generations after Alex into an era when equal rights for women was in full swing, she found it difficult to fathom how someone as independent as Alex Spirakis could have allowed her life to be dominated by men. She found herself grateful that her arrival on earth came at a time when her worth as a person was not allowed to be disputed.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" Alex remarked as she noticed Billie's fascination with the plantation.
"Yes, it is," Billie agreed. "Is it still a functional plantation?" she asked.
"Parts of it are. My daddy never believed in allowing the land to be fallow, so Josie and I open it to the neighboring communities to cultivate it for their own use. The only stipulation is that twenty-five percent of the yield must be donated to needy folks in the area. Those efforts are organized by the local food shelf in Charleston," she explained.
Billie was in awe of this remarkable woman and the generosity she and Jo so freely allotted to their neighbors. "That is very kind and generous of you, Alex," she remarked.
Alex covered Billie's hand with her own. "It's the least we can do, dear. Two old women have no need to hoard so much when those around us have so little. And besides, our community has been nothing short of remarkable when it comes to my relationship with Josie," she explained.
"They know?" Billie asked.
"I'm not really sure if they do or not. I assume they do. Josie and I have never come right out and declared the nature of our relationship, but then, no one has ever asked. All I know is that we have been quite happy here for fifty years, and if the community knows, no one seems to care. Oh look, there's the house," Alex pointed out as they rounded the last bend in the drive.
Billie gasped as the house came into view. "Holy shit!" she exclaimed.
Alex laughed. "Now you sound like Josie," she said.
Billie turned to Alex, mouth wide open in awe.
"Close your mouth, dear. The bugs will nest in there if you're not careful," Alex said.
"Don't tell me you actually live here!" Billie exclaimed.
"Why of course we do," replied Alex.
"Holy shit!" Billie exclaimed again.
The mansion was huge, sporting a three-story center section, roof-high pillars lining the front entrance, and a two-story wing on each side. Spanish moss clung to the brick walls, while yellow jasmine flowers lay in dense, symmetrically arranged beds along the entire facade of the estate. Fierce looking stone gargoyles guarded the gables that protruded from the roofline at periodic intervals across the main part of the house. A circular garden lay directly in front of the house and a cobblestone path led around the periphery, to meet at the carport sheltering the main entrance at the front of the mansion.
As the taxi pulled under the carport, a middle-aged gentleman met them at the car. He greeted Alex graciously.
"It's good to have you back, Miss Alexandra," he said. "You should have called. I would have been happy to meet you at the airport."
A sudden movement from the taxi drew his attention to Billie as she exited the car. He stood and stared in disbelief. He looked back and forth between Billie and Alex, his eyes bulging, mouth agape.
Seeing the man's surprise, Alex smiled and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Chet, this is Billie Charland, my granddaughter," she announced, a little uneasy about how Billie would accept the moniker. "Billie, this is Chet, a trusted employee and very good friend."
Chet smiled broadly. "A man would be a fool not to see the family resemblance, Miss," he said. "Welcome to SpireCliffe Acres, Miss Billie. I'm sure you'll enjoy your stay here," he said as he shook her hand warmly.
Billie thanked the man for her welcome then looked at Alex. "SpireCliffe?" she questioned, eyebrows raised into her hairline.
Alex locked arms with Billie as she led her toward the front entrance. Chet collected their luggage and saw to the taxi. "It was Josie's idea. It's named for Spirakis/Wycliffe. We changed it after I insisted we add her name to the deed. You see dear, I wanted to make sure that Ida inherited the estate when we are gone, and since this backward nation of ours doesn't allow our kind to marry in every state, it was the only way we could legally guarantee Ida's inheritance, especially considering Josie is Ida's biological mother," she explained.
The interior of the house was even more magnificent than the outside, with tall ceilings, winding staircases, marble floors and valuable art decorating the walls. The main foyer alone was nearly as large as the entire first floor of Billie's house. Alex gave Billie the grand tour of the main level.
Billie's favorite room was the library, with leather-paneled walls, a large oak desk, and oak bookshelves lining every wall. There was every title imaginable contained on those shelves, from dusty old history books, to current novels by Danielle Steele and Steven King. This room was obviously designed for a man's tastes; however, touches of Josephine Wycliffe could be seen here and there, including an old worn fedora hanging on a coatrack near the entrance.
As they ascended to the second story, Alex encouraged Billie to choose one of the many bedrooms as her own for the duration of this, and future stays at SpireCliffe Acres.
Alex stood in the doorway of Billie's room as she watched the younger woman flop herself down on the bed. "I'm gonna raid the kitchen and fetch a sandwich or somethin'. Are you hungry?" she asked.
Billie sat up as her stomach took that opportunity to make its presence known. She grinned. "Lead the way!"
* * *
"Do you always eat like this?" Billie asked as she watched the Alex down a thick ham and cheese sandwich. Her appetite reminded her of Cat. Thinking of Cat, she felt a pang of homesickness wash over her.
"I've always had a healthy appetite. It becomes habit after so many years," Alex explained. "At SpireCliffe, if you aren't even the least bit hungry, it is wise not to venture near the kitchen because if you do, Maggie will insist on feeding you a full course meal. If I've learned anything over the past thirty years of eating Maggie's cooking, it's not to cross the woman. You eat what she puts in front of you, or there's hell to pay! It's easier just to eat it, hungry or not!"
Alex chuckled as she spoke affectionately of the long-term employee who ran her kitchen. "Like I said, it's become habit after so many years. I'm just happy that my metabolism can handle it."
Billie abruptly changed the subject. "Alex, do you mind if I call Cat and the kids?"
"Of course not, darlin'. This is your home when you're here, okay? I want you to be comfortable in it," Alex explained. "Do whatever you would do if you were home."
Billie thanked her as she rose to her feet and planted a kiss on Alex's cheek before heading into the library to call her wife. "Be right back," she said.
* * *
"Hello?"
"Jen?" Billie asked.
"Hi, Billie," Jen quipped. "How was your flight?"
