Ashes ashes the complete.., p.94
Ashes, Ashes: The Complete Series, page 94
We have to go. We can’t wait.
I paced to the window of the little trailer and stared up at the sky, waiting for dawn.
Now, a pale yellow sun hung in a hazy white sky. My backpack bulged with cans of protein powder as I stepped out of Bobsie’s bedroom, leaving Elise still asleep in the concave of the mattress. I heard water running and saw the pile of Katie’s dirty clothes in the floor and realized she must be in the single small bathroom next door.
I rubbed my belly and closed my eyes.
Please be okay, little one. Please hang on, just a little while longer. I’m going to get us to the camp, even if I have to go alone—
I stepped into the hallway, closing the door behind me. Liam, Jax and Nester stood there, whispering in low voices, their faces serious.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, but I already knew.
“I’m guessing it’s some kind of relapse,” Nester said. “This isn’t good.”
“Is it contagious?” I knew from the way they all looked at me that those were the wrong words for the moment, but touched the high mound of the baby bump gently and the irritation in their faces relaxed a little.
“Probably,” Jax said quietly and Nester nodded.
Leave. Now. Don’t wait. Leave them all if you have to. Just go... Go now—
“Then you have to move her. It’s not fair to Bobsie and the others. One of the other trailers—”
Nester sighed. “I really don’t think that matters much now. We’ve all been exposed to her. It’s too late.”
“Not for me,” I said, hefting the pack higher on my shoulder.
“What do you mean?” Liam’s voice rose in confusion.
“I mean, I’m going on. Today. Right now, actually.”
He stared at me. “But didn’t you hear what we said? Amaranth is sick.” His eyes narrowed. “Weren’t you the one who said ‘all of us or none of us’—”
“That was then. This is now. I’m going.”
“But you heard what Bobsie said. That the soldiers would come back—”
“They’ll come back a lot sooner if someone goes to get them. Tells them we’re here.” I shoved past them into the living room where Bobsie dozed on the couch, his pink lips half open.
“Amy, this is crazy—”
“What’s ‘crazy’ about it?” I snapped. “Jax, your arm is broken. Marty’s ankle is swollen the size of a football. Amaranth is sick and she isn’t going to get any better—none of you are— unless we get help. And in case you need to be reminded, I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant and I’m not—”
“Having this baby by the side of the road,” Liam interrupted in exasperation. “I know. But you can’t go alone—”
“Then come with me. Don’t you guys get it? This is a safe place. But we have no idea when the good guys will show back up—or when those Militia guys might. There’s food, but if we’re all here drinking it, it’ll run out quick. I say, leave the weak ones here. The injured and the sick. The strong go for help and…”
“She’s right,” Nester said when Liam just blinked at me. “You and Amy and Katie. Maybe Elise, if she wants to. I’ll stay with the sick ones. I’m not much good, either. I can’t see for shit—”
“I should stay with Marty.” Katie appeared from the hallway. Her hair was wet and she wore another of Bobsie’s mother’s long skirts. “I don’t feel right about leaving him—”
“No,” Marty limped out of the kitchen toward us holding another shake in his hands. “You should go on. Amy will get there, I know she will,” he jerked his head in a nod of respect that made me feel like my grandfather was beside me, acknowledging a job well done. I swallowed hard, and dropped my head in return.
“We’ll be okay until you bring back help. Besides…” Marty continued, shifting his weight on the crutches. “If things go bad with our baby, she might be glad of another girl,” he murmured as a flush of embarrassment lit his cheeks. He swung his eyes toward Nester. “You too, Nest,” he continued. “‘Cause… you’re the one who might be able to deliver a baby, if comes to that—”
“It’s not going to come to that,” I said firmly. “I’ve told you. I’m not—”
“Having this baby on the road,” Jax interrupted. “We know. But I think Nester should go, too. There’s nothing else you can do here, man,” he added, laying his good hand on the other boy’s shoulder. “We don’t have any drugs. We just… we just have to hope she’s strong enough to beat it back again…” he sighed. “Yeah, go with them. There’s nothing else any of us can do for Amaranth. Nothing but wait and pray—”
“Then I’ll stay, too,” Liam said. His lip quivered, but I wasn’t sure if it was Amaranth or his own anxieties that moved him. “I’m slow, too. And Amy’s the one with the all the shooting trophies, so—”
“Well, not really,” I said. “I kinda lied about that. I entered the competitions, but I never won anything. I just said that because… well, I guess I just wanted you guys to think I was good at it.”
They all looked at me blankly for a second, and then Liam laughed. “You’re a funny girl, Amy.”
Hot shame flushed my ears pink, but I smoothed my hair behind them and glared at him. “The point is: I want you to come. It’s not right to make your mom wait another day for you. She’s waited long enough.”
He frowned and I knew he was thinking of the things he’d have to tell her if she really was there, waiting for him in Mobile. But all he said was, “Yeah. Okay.” His eyes strayed to Jax and Marty. “Are you sure you guys will be okay?”
The words lied. He’d said “you guys” but it was pretty clear that he was asking about her. Amaranth.
“I’ll take care of her,” Jax said, nodding confidently. “We’re going to lay low and be quiet. No one will even know we’re here until you guys come back with the Calvary.”
Liam tried to smile, but I could read the pain of Jax’s dismissal in his face. If Jax hadn’t been injured, I would have slapped him right then, just because of the look on Liam’s face. And then, as a double punishment, I’d have made him come with us—and walk beside me the entire way.
“Okay, it’s decided. Let’s hit it,” Nester said, taking my backpack out of my hands and sliding it onto his shoulders. He stretched out his hand and twined my fingers into his. His hand was warm and rough and surprisingly strong.
“Don’t look like that,” he said gruffly. “I know you don’t need any help, but I do. The world’s a big blurry blob to me. I need you to make sure I don’t fall over anything, okay?”
I shook my head. “I know what you’re doing, Nester. I’m not stupid—”
“No, you’re pregnant,” he muttered, then smiled. “It’s okay, Amy. I swear. It’s okay.”
The sun hid behind a sea of white clouds as we left the trailer park for the road.
“There’s a state park not far from here. We can follow the river. It’ll be safer than the road…and we know the good guys have boats and the bad ones don’t.”
We walked. The sun had climbed from the horizon steadily upward, beating down on us as if had to make up for all the months of gray in one morning. I was sweating when we finally reached the entrance to the state park. The sign had broken but the arrow pointing to a wide gravel trail still stood. The picture of a boat above squiggly lines let us know we were headed in the right direction.
I heard the rushing sound of the water long before I saw the river lying brown and listless in front of us.
“This isn’t going to be easy,” Liam said when we reached the bank. “It’s going to be hard to tell what’s marsh and what’s solid ground.”
I understood: except for the concrete slope of the boat landing, the shore was a flat tangle of reeds and swamp that slowly merged into a red-brown sludge. Beyond it, the river moved so slowly it looked like dry land. Here in there, a dark and twisted tree rose out of the muck throwing its branches out in frenzied escape.
“Think there are gators in the water?” Katie asked.
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Liam said grimly. “Snakes, too.”
“Then we stay out of it.” Nester slipped his arm around me and I wasn’t sure if that was because he didn’t like the idea of walking through a swamp or because he thought I might fall. “Keep the river in sight, but don’t get too close.”
“Are you sure this is a better idea than sticking to the road? I mean, I like Bobsie and everything but he admits his whole world is that trailer. He doesn’t know anything much beyond his couch and his bed. If we stay on the road, maybe we’ll see the searchers. Maybe they’ll pick us up and we won’t have to walk—”
“And maybe they’ll be Militia. We can’t tell the difference. Bobsie said the real soldiers have boats, so…” Liam angled off the concrete of the boat landing, taking four or five tentative steps toward the dead brown reeds. On the last step, his foot sank deep, wetting the leg of his jeans halfway to the knee. He shook it loose and loped back to us. “I don’t like it, but it’s probably the lesser of the two evils.” He looked around. “At least the trees are some cover,” he sighed. “If we can’t run, at least we might be able to hide.” His eyes met mine. “Are you up for this?”
It was a good question. A part of me just wanted to go back to Bobsie and the others and wait in the hope that help would arrive. But when I looked down at myself and saw my belly standing up away from my body like I’d been inflated and I thought of the tiny person in there I knew I couldn’t stay still.
“Has he moved lately?” Katie asked gently.
I shook my head.
“Maybe he’s out of room?” Nester grazed his fingertips along the flowery cardigan.
“I’m a little more than seven months,” I told him, swatting his hand away. “There must be room if there’s two more months to go.”
”Really? How much bigger are you going to get?”
I shrugged and started moving, tugging him along beside me. Katie shot a hopeful glance at Liam, but he was frowning at the murky water and never even looked in her direction.
We struggled along the water’s edge. When the path got too wet, we retreated from it, sometimes finding ourselves back on a road. But other times, we skirted the edges of private homes. At the widest places, we saw palatial mansions with their own docks stretching through the reeds out into the water. At the narrowest spots, where the opposite shore seemed close enough to touch, the houses were little more than shacks mounted on stilts , their ramshackle porches only a few feet from the silt-y black water. Most looked like they’d been abandoned forever, but as we past one of them, we saw an ancient man sitting on a battered porch of haphazardly placed planks. At first I thought he was dead: he didn’t move a muscle as we hurried past him. It wasn’t until he spoke that I realized he was alive.
“Get off my prop’ty, Nigger.” He spat the words like a snake’s hiss.
Nester stiffened, stumbling for just a moment under the electric shock of the hatred before squaring his shoulders and continuing on.
“Really, dude?” Liam muttered. “The human race has got bigger problems than skin color now. I guess he didn’t get the memo.”
Nester didn’t reply. I wanted to say something— to offer one the stories my grandfather told about the Internment camps or something, anything to erase the old man—but in the end, I didn’t say anything out of fear I’d make it worse. Katie slipped into the space on the other side of him and laid her light brown hand on his darker brown one, squeezing gently. An odd feeling of jealousy coursed through me before I could stop it.
We spent an uncomfortable night under the shelter of a cypress tree thick with Spanish moss. Every time the wind blew it felt like something was crawling on me. There probably was. The air felt warmer and more humid, but every time we mistook our distance and stepped into water, it was icy cold.
We walked. The hours stretched into days, but it didn’t seem like we’d gone very far at all. All the good-feelings we’d had when we left Bobsie’s evaporated and for long stretches we were silent, each of us lost in his or her own personal misery. My impatience walked with me step by step. A heavy discomfort made me hold onto myself like I was pressing the baby back inside.
I’m not having this baby by the side of the road. I’m not. I’m not.
But something was wrong…something else. I could feel it, even though my back hurt the same as it always had. I just hoped we’d find the soldiers from the Survivor’s Camp before the worst happened.
“Think we should go back to the road?” Katie spoke the words I was thinking.
“Bobsie said—”
“I know,” she grumbled. “But we been walkin’ and walkin’ in all this mud and muck and we ain’t seen no one on the river. At least the road would be smooth.”
“And shorter,” I managed. It was getting harder to breathe and not just because I was tired. The baby’s chin, or his fist or foot was lodged against my rib, squeezing my lungs. It felt like he was doing a full body stretch in there—arms wide and feet splayed—and there just wasn’t enough room for it. “I—I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”
“Maybe we could figure out where we are,” Nester added. “There are no signs close to the water like this.”
“I don’t know,” Liam said. He leaned against a mangrove. “We have to be close to a town or a pier or something. There were towns up and down this river before there were cars—”
“A hundred years ago,” Nester said. He didn’t sound argumentative, just hot and exhausted and defeated. The palms of his hands were scraped and raw, cut by the vines and trees from the many times he’d tripped and fallen. There was Spanish moss in his hair and I might have complained about how badly he smelled… if I could have been sure it was him and not me.
“Yeah, well, it is a hundred years ago,” Liam said, pushing himself off the tree. “I don’t like changing the plan like this, not until I’m sure the plan’s a fail. Nester, you and Amy stay here. Katie, you’re with me. We’ll scout ahead a bit and —”
A spasm of pain unlike anything I’d experienced before bit into me, bending me in half. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t see, couldn’t fight it. My friends voices echoed around in my brain but the words were meaningless. All I heard was an agonizing moan that I didn’t realize was coming from me until it was done.
When I came back to myself, I was sitting on the ground with my back against the tree, covered in a cold sweat. Katie, Nester and Liam circled me their eyes wearing the uniform of panic.
“What-what happened? What’s the matter with me?” I panted.
Nester wound his fingers in mine. “Look, I know it’s early and I know this isn’t the way you wanted it to be, but—”
“No! No!” I cried, shaking my head. I yanked my hand out of his and cycled my feet against the muddy ground, trying to get up. “I am not. I am not having this baby now or here! I am not! Help me up! Help me up—”
Liam stretched out his hand and I grabbed it, glaring at Nester until he extended his. I came to my feet belly first, and struck off away from them.
“The road should be this somewhere up this way, right?” I said over my shoulder.
“Yes, but—”
“Then we’re going this way. The road is faster. And I’m running out of time.”
We struggled away from the river’s edge. The marshy swamps gave way little by little to broad flat brown terrain. A little country road made sliver slash through the landscape then disappeared into the setting sun.
I’d had a few more contractions—if that’s what they were—but none as strong as that first one. Still, the feeling of urgency made me push myself in spite of the cramp under my ribcage and steady throbbing thrumming at my tailbone.
“It’s getting dark,” Katie said when we’d be following the road for a while.
I kept walking, holding the bottom of my belly with both hands. The boys didn’t respond either and so we walked until another spike of pain doubled me over, dropping me to my knees.
“I’m okay,” I panted. My hair was wet with sweat and the lingering shockwaves of intense pain were still echoing through me, but I made myself stand up and shrug away the boys supporting arms. “It’s gone. We need to keep going—”
And then I felt it: the road vibrating under my feet. We froze, unsure of whether to wait or run as we turned to stare into the darkness behind us.
Glowing balls of light appeared in the distance, bouncing in time to the shaking ground. It was too dark to see how many, but I didn’t have to have a visual to know it was the armed horsemen, apparently making a late night ride.
“Come on,” Liam hissed in my ear, taking me by the arm. “We need to get off the road before they see us—”
“Far enough so their torches won’t pick us up—”
“This way,” Katie added, bounding back in the direction of the swamp. “After they pass we can try for the trees again—”
I nodded my agreement and turned myself to move in the direction she pointed. But I never made it— none of us did.
The contraction sliced at me with a violence that erased everything but itself from my consciousness. The danger of our position, the approach of the pounding hooves, and the safety of my friends—all of it vanished under a screaming wave of agony. I felt like I was being ripped in half and I shrieked, sagging to the ground.
“Go! Go!” I hissed at the others, shuddering as I tried to recover myself. “Please. Just leave me. Go!”
Nester tried to lift me, but it was impossible now that I was on the ground, a dead weight. As another contraction grabbed at me, shaking thought out of my brain and another scream from my lips, I heard him murmuring something I didn’t have the focus to understand. But I understood his chest against my back and neck, supportive and steady.
The horses were near now and I could the voices of the riders as they spotted us.
“There! In the road!”
Liam pulled the pistol. There were only two rounds in it, but he stood in front of us and locked his stance as the convoy of men and women and beasts stamped and snorted to a stop in front of us.
